Thanks to the Hip and Knee doctor for editing assistance.

Okay! Okay! I know that it is the oldest, most contrived situation imaginable, but it did happen. I wish that I could tell you in some sophisticated or unusual way that I discovered that my wife was cheating on me, but I can't. It happened like an old cliché from a bad story.

I work for an auto parts manufacturer. I make brakes. Somebody has to do it and I am one of the lucky ones. From four to midnight everyday, five days a week, for eight hours, I operate one of the most archaic machines you have ever seen. I get to wear eye protectors, earplugs, steel-toed shoes and a denim apron. I meet my quota ever day, and if I am lucky, I get a bonus at the end of the year.

I have a nice little three-bedroom home, a pretty wife, and two sons, both in grade school. After twelve years of marriage things were looking good, until today.

We have five stations that put the shoes together. They all run off of compressed air. In eight years we have had no problems with the equipment. Today, halfway through the shift, the compressed air system froze up. The air used to operate all our machines has to be perfectly dry. It is filtered and dehydrated by automatic equipment that never fails: well almost never. Tonight the dehydrator system failed to vent the collected moisture. I am not a scientist, so all I know is that when moisture and high-pressure air get together there is freezing, and everything comes to a complete halt.

Rather than have us sit around, they just sent the whole crew home, without pay of course. I guess you could say my whole life was ruined by high humidity.

When I opened the bedroom door, all I saw was a large, hairy, back, bouncing up and down on my wife, Marcie. Of course I instinctively turned on the overhead light when I realized Marcie wasn't sleeping.

"God damn it, Danny. What the hell are you doing home?"

I was expecting her to be scared, apologetic and ashamed, but all I got was a pissed off bitch.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Oh don't be such a jerk. You know perfectly well what is going on. I am sorry you had to see it, but if you had come home when you were supposed to it never would have happened."

"He never would have been here, or I never would have seen him?"

The hairy back had turned over and was now glaring at me with a smirk on his face. Marcie pulled the covers up in a half-assed attempt at modesty.

My big mistake was grabbing the guy. When he came off the bed, he was a lot bigger than when he was lying down. For my foolish enthusiasm, I was rewarded with two very, very hard blows to the ribs. I never got to lay a punch on him and I was on the floor, trying like hell to catch my breath. I am not sure, but I think I got a smash to the side of the head about that time, which put me out.

Somehow or other, I found myself in the hospital emergency room, getting my ribs bandaged by some sort of medical technician. Marcie was sitting on the chair beside the examination table with a disgusted look on her face. The technician finished and left the room.

"Marcie, who the hell was that guy and what was he doing in our house?"

"His name is Tony. He is a friend of mine and I invited him to the house."

"You were screwing him. You were screwing him in our bed. Our kids were just down the hall sleeping."

"Yes, I know. If you hadn't made such a commotion, they never would have woken up. I had to get my sister to watch them so I could bring you down here."

"What the hell was he doing there?"

"How many times are you going to ask the same question? We were having sex. We were fornicating. Is that so difficult to understand?"

"Is this a regular thing or was this the only time?"

"Tony and I have been getting together for about six months now. We were trying to keep it a secret from you. We don't normally come to the house though, but I couldn't get a sitter."

"Is it over now?"

"No it is not over. Danny, you are a good father and a good husband, but Tony is great in bed. I don't see any reason for us to end it just because it is out in the open. I promise you that we will not get together at the house any more. It is not fair to you or the kids."

"I am sorry Marcie. That is not acceptable. It stops now."

"Danny, if you try to stop my relationship with Tony in any way, I can guarantee that you will regret it. You just got the shit beat out of you and Tony didn't even raise a sweat. I can assure you that it will happen again. If you do or say anything, everybody we know will find out that your wife is screwing another man and you are too much of a wimp to stop it. All our friends and neighbors will find out first. I will see to it that your family knows all about what a pathetic loser you are. The guys that you work with will start to call you a cuckold. Think twice Danny. Your life will be hell. I bet even your sons will be embarrassed by you."

"Don't you care what anybody thinks of you? You would make yourself look like a slut just to put me down?"

"I will if I have to, but I am betting that you won't take that chance. Tony thinks you are a wimp and I think he is right. You are going to have to learn to live with it Danny-Boy."

"Who the hell is this guy anyhow? Where does he work?"

"He doesn't work, Danny. He owns Continental Classics, the luxury car emporium on Lancaster Pike. You know, the place you always wanted to go into but never did."

"That's it?"

"Danny, he is richer than you are, he is smarter than you are, and he is better in bed than you are. It also appears, that he is stronger and better with his fists than you are."

"Why don't you just marry him, if he is so damn great?"

"That's why I keep you around darling. Tony doesn't like kids, and I have no intention of giving mine up so I can be with him. You get to play househusband and daddy, while Tony gets all the loving. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"I am supposed to like this arrangement?"

"You have no choice. You either live with it or the whole world will find out what a loser you are. By the way, I am moving all your things into the guest room. I don't think it is necessary for us to share the bed any more, since the cat is out of the bag."

I watched as Marcie got up to leave. I was sort of glad to see her go. "Just curious darling, but who took care of the kids when you were out with Tony?"

"Karen usually watched them, but once in a while I dropped them off at your parents house. Oh, by the way, Karen is the one who introduced me to Tony."

I made a mental note to thank Karen as Marcie left the room.

They released me the next morning. Marcie wasn't there. I had a choice of calling someone or taking a taxi: the taxi won.

The kids were in school and Marcie was not at home. All of my clothing and personal items were piled on the guest bed. I am sure that Todd and Terry would have questions about the arrangements. I was going to let Marcie explain it. It took less than an hour to get my new living quarters in order. All sorts of ideas were running through my head in the meantime. There was no way in hell this was going to play out as Marcie planned it.

The first thing I did was go to the basement and dig out my old phone recorder. It would only work on the landline phone, but I had no other option. Marcie used her cell phone for almost all her calls. It only took twenty minutes to hook it up and hide it behind some old paint cans. It was a first step.

I was feeling like shit, but I was good enough to go back to work. They gave me a few pains pills, but I wasn't nuts about taking them and then operating machinery. I grabbed a couple of heavy duty Tylenols instead. One thing Marcie had grossly miscalculated was my relationship with the guys who I worked with.

I told them everything that happened the previous evening. They all had ideas: some good and some bad. It felt good to know that friends would be there for you when you needed them. We had an eight hour shift ready to start and each of us was going to spend it thinking up ways to make things right.

We broke for supper in the middle of the shift.

"Okay. Did anybody come up with an idea?"

Glenn was the first to speak up. "I don't have an idea, but I do have a cousin who works for the son-of-a-bitch. He does all the detailing of the vehicles. From what I understand, he hates Demarco. If you need any information about the business, the buildings, or the work shifts, he can help you."

"That will definitely be a help Glenn. Anybody else?"

"Danny, I got two shotguns and two pistols. You are welcome to any of them. None of them are registered, so there is no worry there."

Thanks Barry, but that's sounds a little bit more drastic than I was hoping for."

"Well hell, you don't even want to here my idea then."

There was a little laughter at Freddy's remark.

"Tell us Freddy. Come on tell us."

"I thought we could tie him to a tree with his legs spread out and build a bonfire, Indian style between his legs."

Everybody loved Freddy's idea, but it got voted down unanimously. Kyle was the only one that hadn't offered anything, so we all just looked at him while we ate our lunches.

"What? Don't look at me like that. Yeah, I got an idea, but it is sort of flaky."

"Spill it Kyle."

"I remember reading somewhere about a prison in Arizona that dressed all of the pedophiles and child molesters in pink jump suits. It was supposed to be humiliating. I know this Tony guy isn't a child molester, but something like that would embarrassed the hell out of him."

"You mean put a pink jump suit on him? Wouldn't he just take it off?

"I was thinking that if you could get in there, tie him up, and then spray paint him all over with pink paint that might do the trick."

"But, he would know who did it."

"You have to make him unconscious first, and then leave him tied to the chair until they find him."

"How? Do we do it with drugs, or hit him over the head? What do you have in mind?"

"I can get a taser. All you have to do is sneak up and zap him."

"You make that sound easier than it probably is. How do we get him when he is alone, and how do we get close enough without him knowing?"

"I don't have all the answers. I just thought it was an idea."

The buzzer rang, and it was back to another four hours on the machines. My quota for the night was down, so the other guys chipped in to even it up.

Marcie was in bed when I got home. At least she was keeping her word about not bringing the asshole into the house.

I didn't have any clue as to what I would do. Most of the stuff the guys and I talked about were like high school pranks. I might as well put a flaming bag of dog poop on his doorstep. I needed some real revenge.

It was noon when I got up. The kids were at school and I could hear Marcie moving around in the house. I grabbed a quick shower, shaved, and started out the door.

"Good morning husband. Don't you have a kiss for your wife?"

She was standing by the kitchen sink with her hand on her hip and a smirk on her face. I just turned and walked out the door. Her smart-assed remark did not deserve an answer. I needed some lunch and some private time.

I spent the rest of the afternoon killing time. I was trying to figure out what I could do to my wife's sex buddy, without bringing too much havoc upon myself. I had to finish work tonight and start getting prepared. I decided to stop taking any meals at home. It was about the only time I got to spend with the boys, but I just couldn't force myself to eat Marcie's cooking any more. Before I knew it, it was time for work.

Things were pretty normal until supper break.

"Danny, I got the taser in the car. I don't know if you can use it for anything, but at least you can have it for self protection." Kyle seemed proud of himself. "Don't forget to pick it up, before you go home."

"Did you ever use the damn thing?"

"No. We can try it out. Who wants to volunteer?"

The only response was a chorus of groans around the table. Nobody had any new ideas, but they all were willing to support anything I came up with. I felt better knowing that I had a few friends.

Things were normal at the house when I got home. It would be a short night for me. Working the graveyard shift sort of screws up your sleeping habits, especially on the weekends.

I was up earlier than normal. Todd and Terry jumped at the chance to spend sometime at Chucky Cheese. Marcie didn't seem to mind at all, especially when I told her we would be out all day.

"Danny. I am going to need you to take a few vacation days the week after next. Tony's friend Wally is coming in from Detroit, and we are going to be taking a three night, four day cruise down to Cancun. If you can't do it could you see if your parents can?"

"Let me get this straight, you are going to take a sea cruise with two guys? That sounds a little sleazy, even for you."

"Don't be crude, Danny, it doesn't fit you. Wally will be rooming with Karen. They are old friends for a couple of years."

"Oh. Well golly gee, I guess that makes it all right then." I tried my best to be sarcastic. I definitely would be thanking Karen later.

Of course, I got started on the day way too early. In order to kill some time before Chucky's opened we went to the Hobby Lobby near the house. The boys were big enough to put together most of the plastic models that lined the shelves. The end results were not anything to brag about, but they had a lot of fun. I left them to explore the hundreds of boxes and wandered around amazing myself at all the crap that was available for creative housewives to buy. I guess if Marcie had been into crafts she wouldn't have brought home that hairy gorilla. It was too late now.

My eyes lit up when I discovered rows and rows of designer paint in spray cans. There they were: six beautiful cans of pink paint in aerosol cans. They didn't have as much paint in them as the ones at Lowe's or Home Depot, but they were pink. It was the only place I saw paint that color, in a spray can. Of course, I took this as a sign and bought all six cans. Todd ended up with a monster truck kit and Terry opted for the tugboat. I didn't even know they made plastic tugboat models.

Before we left, I also picked up a package of ten large plastic cable wraps. They were about eighteen inches long and looked like they would do the job. By that time Chucky Cheese was ready for business. The kids killed about four hours and two pizzas before they burned out. We picked up a pack of cheap bread and went to Pendora Park. The ducks ate it all in the first ten minutes, but we stuck around for another couple hours, before heading for my parent's house.

Mom and Dad were happy to have us for supper and the evening. Todd and Terry spent most of the night in front of the television, and I took advantage of the time to brief Dad on the situation with Marcie. I realized that I was actually telling people about what was going on before Marcie could. She was threatening to do what I was doing myself. Hell, that almost made her threat worthless. Dad promised that they would be there to take care of the boys no matter what happened. That would make things a lot easier to carry out. I didn't want the boys hurt by the situation.

About nine o'clock, I called Marcie to let her know we would be staying at my parent's house for the night. I got the machine.

After a big breakfast at IHOP, we arrived home to find Marcie still in bed. I immediately fired up the lawn mower and started in the back, by the bedrooms. Todd and Terry were anxious to start on their models even though it was a beautiful day outside. I let them go. I decided to make a full day of the lawn work. There was edging and pruning to be done. Things didn't go as fast as normal because I found myself stopping to chat a lot. I had a perfectly good pair of hedge clippers, but decided to borrow a set from Mike Fielding across the street. His wife, Mary, was one of the biggest gossips in the neighborhood. I explained to Mike that there might be some unfamiliar cars parked by the house, because Marcie would be entertaining some male friends. Everything should be Okay unless they get drunk and rowdy. If that happens, just call the police. It was hard for me to control things, since I worked nights.

Larry Finley was on the board of directors at the local church. I borrowed a spark plug wrench from him and apologized for Marcie's recent wild behavior. Of course he wanted to know what I meant. Larry was a bigger gossip than Mary Fielding. Ten minutes later, he had enough fodder to last a month.

I didn't break for lunch and finished work about four in the afternoon. After a quick shower I went to Rosie's Cantina and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu. I am not sure what it was, but it sure was good. I spent the rest of the evening with my brother Dave, and his family. Dad had already told him what was going on. I spent the night on his couch.

My wife had a great plan. She was going to force me into obedience by threatening to expose me as a cuckold. If I refused to condone and support her infidelity, she would make my life miserable. It was an interesting idea, but it sure had a lot of holes in it. In less than a week, I had already told everybody what was going on. That sort of negated her threat. I was also able to make her look more like a slut then she had ever imagined. I don't think she ever anticipated any backlash.

I stopped by the house the next afternoon to change for work and a fuming Marcie was waiting for me.

"What the hell have you been telling the neighbors? Karen said that you told everyone that I was running a whore house here at night."

"Oh bullshit. That is not true Marcie. I simply explained to them that you might be entertaining men while I was at work, and that they shouldn't get excited about it."

"Well that's not how it is going around. Whom else have you been talking to?"

"Everybody. I figured I would tell them before you did. It seemed easier that way. I didn't say anything to your parents or your sisters. You should probably do that before they hear the rumors."

"Damn it Danny. You are making me look like a slut."

"Well, that's only fair. You were going to make me look like a cuckold."

"Bastard."

"I am sorry, Darling, but I have to get to work."

I got to spend a little time with the boys before leaving. The hardest part was not getting the quality time that I wanted with them.

Glenn had the best news of the night. Continental Classics closed down at nine o'clock on Thursday night, so that Tony could personally make out all the paychecks for Friday. He hated to be disturbed while doing the payroll, so even the cleaning crew was gone.

Kyle took a few minutes and showed me how to use the taser. Nobody would volunteer to test it. The plan was coming together. If I got caught, and I fully expected to, I would be looking at some jail time. I didn't give a shit. Tony Demarco had to be humiliated. If I got arrested, I would make sure that all the newspapers and TV stations got the complete story. Any publicity like that would crush him, or at least piss him off so bad that he did something dumb.

For the next few days, I went home only to sleep, shower, and change clothes. I hadn't eaten a meal at home since that first day. Finally, Thursday arrived. I arranged for my truck to have a dead battery, so Kyle picked me up.

The floor supervisor never really bothered the brake guys too much. As long as we met our quotas and the quality was good they left us alone. One thing that would work to my advantage was the OSHA requirements for the job. Between the apron, gloves and welding goggles, we all pretty much looked alike. At eight thirty, I slipped out the back door. The guys would be taking turns working my station. One of they're posts would, of course, be vacant, but no one really cared. Toilet breaks were routine and never controlled. The main thing was to give the illusion that I never left.

I walked into the employee's door at Continental Classics and headed straight for the bathroom. At about nine o'clock somebody made a quick check before turning out the lights. Ten minutes later, I put on some latex gloves and walked out of the toilet into a semi-dark office area. His desk overlooked the showroom area, so his back was to the door. It looked like it was going to be easier that I expected. He had a computer in front of him, but he was pecking away on an old adding machine with paper tape. He never heard me approach.

I hit Tony with the taser right on the back of his neck. His body jerked upright, and I thought he was going to turn around, so I let him have it again. This time he gave a few twitches and then relaxed. Perfect.

I put two plastic cable wraps on each leg and two on each arm. I brought an old necktie along, to use as a blindfold. He was being very cooperative. I wheeled his chair over to the glass window by the showroom. He would be in perfect view when his people showed up for work in the morning. It was a pretty pink color, but I had to use a lot more than I anticipated. The paint was being absorbed into his clothing as fast I sprayed it on. It took at least three coats on any one area to show up like I wanted it to. I had just enough paint, but barely. He looked pretty in pink.

After I finished, I carefully packed everything back up. I had expected Tony to wake up while I was decorating him, but he never budged. I had also planned to remove the necktie blindfold before leaving. I checked my watch several times. I was well within the timeframe I had laid out, but I still wanted Tony awake before I left. Five minutes later, I was starting to worry. I tried to feel for a pulse with no success. Maybe I couldn't feel it because of the latex gloves. I took a glove off and tried again. There was still no pulse. I tried to find a pulse on his neck, like I saw them do on TV. I still couldn't find anything. I removed the blindfold and then touched his eyeball with a pencil tip. He didn't blink. There was no kind of reflex.

Well, needless to say, I started to panic. I did have the presence of mind to put the latex glove back on and wipe everything that I might have touched. I put the necktie in my pocket and then cut off all the plastic ties. You could see the marks that the pink paint left when I removed them. It looked odd. The white skin under the necktie made him look like a pink raccoon. I took another minute to make sure I didn't overlook anything and then left for work.

I dropped all the crap that I had with me, including the taser, into a storm sewer on the way back to the shop. Ten minutes later I was back making brake shoes. Nobody noticed that I was absent. As soon as the shift was over, I told the guys what happened. They were all accessories, so I was pretty sure nobody would say anything. Freddy was very impressed. None of them seemed worried. Kyle drove me home and we both made a mental note of the time that he dropped me off.

I didn't get to sleep as long as I usually did. At about ten o'clock, Marcie came barging into my room.

"What the hell did you do? What did you do, you little bastard?"

Of course, I just rolled over and gave her a perplexed look. "What the heck are you talking about, woman?"

"Tony's dead. Karen called and said they found him in his office this morning, dead. I believe that you had something to do with it and I will see to it that you pay, you bastard."

That was the second time she called me a bastard in five minutes. It was pretty clear that I was not going to be getting any more sleep, so I stumbled out of bed and hit the john. I was in no hurry to face the wicked witch of the East, so I took a long hot shower and a slow shave. I even put on a little aftershave, just to aggravate my loving wife.

I never made it to the coffee pot. A tall black man was standing in the living room talking to Marcie. His hair was cut very close and he had on a dark suit. The bitch had called the cops. There was no doubt about it. I shook my head and walked into the kitchen, to get my first cup of the day.

Marcie had a sarcastic little smirk on her face, as I sat down in my favorite recliner. My uninvited guest sat when I did.

"Mister Mercer, my name is Detective Darnell Greene, with an 'e'. I am here concerning the death of Anthony Demarco last night. Your wife indicated that you and Mister Demarco had a disagreement last week, and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?"

"Sure. I have no objections, but not here."

"What do you mean?"

"If you want to talk, lets do it in your office, not in my home. Is that Okay with you?" I couldn't help but notice the frown that came across Marcie's face. I was pretty sure that she had expected to be included in the discussion.

"My car or yours, Mister Mercer?"

"I have a few other things I need to do, so I'll meet you there. Any special office?"

"Second floor rear. Room 206. Just turn right when you get off the elevator. I'll see you shortly."

Marcie was fuming as I put on my shoes. I never got to finish the coffee, so I just dumped it in the sink. I turned and smiled as I walked out of the door. "I guess you are going to get what you wanted, sweetheart."

"What are you talking about? What the hell do you mean, Danny?"

Ten minutes later at I was sitting with Detective Greene on the second floor in the municipal building.

For the next hour, Detective Greene asked all the right questions and I had all the right answers. He was trying to be discreet about the affair without ignoring it, or rubbing it in my face. Of course, I had to admit that I had a motive, but that I never got a chance to do anything about it. It was a serious situation, but I tried my best to be congenial without being a smart ass. I think he appreciated the fact that I made his job easier, even thought I didn't have an answer for him.

The most interesting part of the discussion was finding out that Tony died from some sort of heart problem. He had a pacemaker installed a couple of years ago, and I guess it didn't mix too well with the taser. Of course, they knew about the taser from the marks on his neck. I felt bad that Tony died, and yet I was also glad.

Detective Greene gave me the usual 'don't leave town' speech, and said he would get back with me, after verifying my alibi. Wow, I never thought I would need an alibi for anything. It was sort of exciting. We parted on good terms. I got the feeling that Darnell Greene was on my side. It made me feel warm all over.

I grabbed a bite to eat and watched the TV news. There was a segment about the death of a local businessman. It mentioned that there were no know relatives in the area.

I emptied the bank accounts and then took the time to have a nice breakfast. There were things to be done at home. Marcie was not there when I got back. It took me thirty minutes to move all of my things back into the master bedroom and all of Marcie things into the guest room. The guest room had one small closet and one dresser. I piled everything on the bed, for her to put away. I checked the telephone recorder in the basement and there was nothing significant on it. I gathered up all of the banking and insurance records as well as other important papers. I was glad that I had Marcie's Volvo in my name. That would make things easier. Everything went into a folder under the front seat of my truck. I called work and took two weeks vacation.

A few hours later, my loving wife showed up. She seemed surprised to find me at home. It was time to get things in order again. I smiled as I led her to the guest room.

"What the hell is this? Who the hell do you think you are?'

Her reply was a big smile.

"Answer me, damn it. What is going on?"

"Marcie, I will be staying in the master bedroom from now on. You can have the guest room. I suggest that you start putting your clothing away. Anything that is not in the closet or the dresser by suppertime will be disposed of. Any questions?"

"I can't get my stuff in that little closet and I have no intention of staying in that room anyhow. What the hell do you mean, 'disposed of'?"

"If you can't get it in the closet or the dresser, you don't need it."

"This is not going to happen, Danny. I don't know what kind of game you think you are playing, but it will not work. You are dead meat."

"I suggest that you start putting things in order. If you have any more questions, I'll check back later."

"Bastard." That was the third time today she called me a bastard. I must be doing something right.

While Marcie was busy in the guest room, I dumped her purse on the kitchen table. I took my time collecting everything that I wanted. I got her cell phone first, and then her car keys. From her wallet, I got her driver's license and all the credit cards, debit cards, and money. I put back everything that was left.

I got her car title out of the pick-up, and then drove the Volvo across town to a friend of mine who had a car lot. I sold it to him outright, at a good price, with the agreement that he would wholesale it out of town. Even with the payoff, I got a few thousand dollars in my pocket.