Chapter 10

As Harry drove home to East Whisty that evening there was no doubt in his mind that Tig fulfilled every one of the conditions he had outlined to her. She was beautiful, even now in his eyes, but he realised she would become more so as she matured. He suspected she would be a replica of Deborah although she would have her own gorgeous blond hair. As far as the mental, emotional and ethical side of things went they dovetailed with his. To top it off she did things that made his heart lurch such as the smile that shone like the sun. He enjoyed being with her. He existed without her. He loved her. It was as simple as that.

The trouble was he still did not know her 'dark secret'. He was convinced she could not carry any blame or guilt but he could not take things further emotionally or physically until he knew what the problem was and how to react to it. The latter might need some outside advice.

Annette's thoughts were similar but were leading her in a different direction. She was definitely attracted to his warmth, consideration and gentleness. She enjoyed his company. He was knowledgeable and shared so many of her interests. His sense of humour was always bubbling under the surface of even the most serious of discussions. She liked him very much and admitted to herself that she had missed him during the last term and was missing him even more when they were not together during the holidays. She was grateful that he had not tried to kiss her or anything. Dancing cheek to cheek with him last Christmas had meant nothing. It had been a convenient way of filling in gaps in the conversation more than anything else. The kiss she had given him at Slimbridge was one she would have given any friend who had given her such a sweet and thoughtful present. She did not want to get involved in anything lovey-dovey. It would be too intimate and might end up 'down there'. She would never be able to let anyone 'down there'. It was polluted. She broke down in floods of tears.

That was how Deborah found her. She had noticed how pensive Tig had been when she and Harry came in and her goodbye to him had been uncharacteristically quiet. She had been in her room for two hours which was again quite unlike her unless there was homework to be done which there was not.

Annette did not even hear her knock so Deborah peered round the door. Annette was lying face down on her bed with her face buried in the pillow and her shoulders shaking. Deborah could hear the muffled sobs.

She sat down on the bed and put her arm round Annette's shoulders.

"What's the matter, darling?" she asked softly.

Annette shook her head.

"Wouldn't it help to talk about it?"

Annette shook her head again.

"Have you had a bust up with Harry?"

Annette shook her head violently. "No!" she wailed into the pillow. She suddenly turned her head to Deborah her eyes full of pain that her tears could not hide. "But I've got to have one."

Deborah's heart sank. She knew the answer before she asked the question. "Why?" she asked gently.

"Because I'm falling in love and I'm dirty and I'd make him dirty and that would be TOTALLY UNLOVING." She shouted the last two words. "So I've got to give him up," she added in a whisper and buried her face in the pillow again to renewed howls of anguish and punching it in fury.

Deborah realised she would never get through to her in this state so said nothing but just soothingly stroked her hair. After five minutes she said, "Supper in twenty minutes; are you going to come down?"

A shake of the head.

"Would you like me to bring it up?"

Another shake.

"I'll leave some on the side for you and you can pop it in the microwave if you want it later."

A nod.

Deborah kissed her head and went back downstairs.

"I need a drink," she said to Richard. "We've got a problem."

Richard said nothing but went to pour them each a drink. He handed Deborah hers and then sat down again and waited expectantly. They both took a sip. She sighed.

"I ought to have seen it coming," she said.

"What, darling?"

"Tig's falling in love with Harry but she considers herself dirty and must therefore give him up. She's absolutely beside herself. She may cry herself to sleep or I may have to give her something to knock her out if she's still distraught when we go to bed."

"What can we do for her?"

"I don't know. I can try talking to her tomorrow but I don't know if that will do any good. At least she's got over not touching herself but I don't think she'd dream of letting anyone else. I think a gynae exam would send her over the edge. I ought to have thought of it a lot earlier but there must be something like Alcoholics Anonymous to help victims of sexual abuse. I'll ring the surgery tomorrow and find out. It's going to be too late for poor Harry though, I'm afraid."

"Don't start beating yourself up, darling. In every other respect she's doing so well. She's come out of her shell. She's making friends. She's doing well at school. There was no reason for you to think she might have this hang up. I'll bet you there are lots of teenagers who've been abused who are in a much worse psychological state than her. You've done wonders for her."

Deborah smiled gratefully. "So have you, my darling, and so have all your side of the family."

"What about Liz? Do you think she might have any bright ideas?"

"I doubt but I'll give her a ring after supper."

"Don't get all worked up about Harry either. He's a nice boy but they're both too young for a serious love affair yet."

"Don't be too sure. They're mentally and, apart from this one hang up, emotionally way ahead of their years."

"True. Rather bad luck in a way. Presumably she doesn't want supper."