Chapter 19: Dawn's Story

DAWN

AUGUST 17, 2002, SUMMER BREAK

My heart was already racing well before I saw the house. It felt like ages since I'd last seen Ben and Adrienne and Brooke and everyone else, even though this was actually the shortest wait to see them after a summer camp since they'd moved to Orange County.

Then my heart nearly stopped when I saw the family van parked in the three-car driveway behind a cherry red Mustang and Dayna's Impala. They were already here.

Ben was already here.

There was so much I wanted to tell him. There were so many feelings I wanted to share with him. I loved him beyond anything I'd ever felt or would ever feel for anyone else. He was my destiny, and I knew deep in my heart that we would be together when it mattered most.

I loved him so much that I was willing to wait for him. I wanted him to be happy, and that meant not interfering in his relationship with Adrienne. It hurt. It really, really hurt to not be with him. But I had faith that we would find each other again.

Dad parked our van on the street since the driveway was full. DJ popped the door even before we came to a complete stop, and she made a beeline into the house. I took a moment to calm myself, then more sedately stepped out, walked down the sidewalk, and headed up the steps onto the front porch. My luggage could wait for later. Right now, I HAD to see him.

I froze when I saw him. I mean, I was expecting to see him, but it was still a shock when I finally did. Every time I saw him again, I was amazed at how much he'd grown up in the past few years. Ben had always been a cute kid. Good bone structure, kind eyes, strong jaw. But he'd been short, even shorter than me, up until he showed up that summer camp when I turned sixteen. Now he was a 6'0" tall hunk of man meat, handsome and well-built. The boy attracted girls like he was made of chocolate. And he had a casual confidence that oozed out of his pores every time he moved.

And there he was. Ben was coming out of a bedroom, dusting off his hands and chuckling about something he and Adrienne were talking about. I wanted to run up and tell him that he meant the world to me. I wanted to tell him to leave Adrienne because only I could ever make him truly happy. I wanted to tell him that we belonged together.

But I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn't. Someday; but not right now.

Giving myself something else to focus on, I turned to Ben's right. "Adrienne, hey!" I stepped forward with open arms.

Slightly surprised, the blonde bombshell nevertheless welcomed me with a hug. "Dawn! How was your summer?"

"August has been kind of a drag, actually. After the incredible highs of camp, it's always ... I dunno ... kind of a letdown, you know?"

Adrienne smiled. "Yeah. I won't miss the bugs, but I missed hanging out with you, DJ, and Felicia."

I rolled my eyes, thinking of all the wonderful things Ben and Adrienne must have been doing without me. "Missed ... You can't have been too bored having Ben all to yourself for a few weeks."

Adrienne snorted. "To myself? Yeah, right. Brooke was always around, for one. And then a bunch of Ben's girls all had to have one last farewell before going away: Heather, Candy, Allie, Helene. Believe me, we've been busy," she laughed.

I arched an eyebrow. If Ben were mine, I'd want to keep him by my side as much as possible, not have him running around with other girls and leaving me alone to pine after him. "You don't mind all that? I dunno. If I was still his girlfriend, I don't think I could let him out quite that much."

Adrienne shrugged and then grinned evilly. "Nah. As long as I get to join in. Think you had fun with Felicia?" Adrienne chuckled. "This one girl, Helene? We played her like a piano. Seriously, do-re-mi and the girl goes unconscious from too much pleasure. She wasn't even into girls until we got a hold of her. But up until two days ago she practically had her face in my crotch 24/7."

Ahhh ... That made more sense. Sharing Ben was completely different from letting him go off alone. And I started giggling at the thought of sharing him with Adrienne. She really was stunningly gorgeous. "Speaking of faces in your crotch..."

The gorgeous girl in question grinned, running her eyes up and down my body with obvious interest. "Later. I promise," she replied with an extra husk in her voice.

I nodded and then finally turned to Ben. The little interlude with Adrienne had calmed me down, but the nerves came back to me as I stopped a foot away and tried to smile. A month after parting at camp, my feelings for him hadn't changed one bit. I was madly in love with him. I wanted us to be together ... forever. And I wanted to marry him. But I couldn't have him; not right now. I wouldn't do that to Adrienne. "Hey..." I began.

"Hey, you." I could feel the war going on behind Ben's eyes. He loved me. He really and truly loved me. But he was also IN love with Adrienne and wouldn't abandon her.

My mind was racing again with all the jumbled thoughts and emotions that had paralyzed me before. But thankfully, Ben decided for the both of us what to do as he stepped forward, wrapping me up in the warmest hug imaginable. I sagged into his embrace and smiled, patting his back while he stroked my spine. And in a warm voice that sent tingles all over my body, he softly murmured, "It's good to see you."

"You, too," I sighed before pulling myself back, an arm's length away with my hands still on his shoulders. Our eyes met and our very souls reconnected. And with that knowledge, a sense of peace fell over me. I smiled and said, "We're finally here. And now we'll never have to be apart again."

The new house had to have walls that were made of tissue paper. I was used to home, which while not 100% soundproofed, still muffled things well enough that you couldn't hear someone fucking in another room unless you were listening very hard for the sounds. When I'd wanted to rub myself listening to Dayna or DJ entertaining a guest, I could. But when I'd wanted to do something else, any stray noises just faded into the background.

This Berkeley house was NOT like that at all. Ben and Adrienne were fucking up a storm and every moan, whimper, and passionate groan filtered out of their bedroom and through what seemed to be a hollow door. If the whole house was like this, either the five of us would have to confine our lovemaking to the late hours when no one was around, or we'd just have to accept that we were being broadcast to our friends and whoever else happened to be visiting. Knowing how horny we all got, I was expecting the latter.

I wanted to join them. Adrienne had certainly made reference to faces in crotches. And of course, I was simply DYING to feel Ben ... MY Ben ... deep inside me, filling me in ways that only he could ever do.

But I couldn't. Ben and I couldn't have sex anymore. I had a boyfriend now, and I'd promised Ryan that I wouldn't. No sex. No intimate touches. Not even kissing. And besides ... it would HURT too much. I would be intimate with Ben, and yet, not WITH him. I just wouldn't be able to handle it.

And so ... aching deep inside ... I leaned against the wall and listened to them.

A few minutes later, Adrienne screamed in orgasm. I also heard what sounded like open-palmed spanks to her asscheeks along with the accelerated pounding of the mattress on the bed frame. And then I heard Ben's grunt of relief as he was no doubt spewing gob after gob of cock cream deep into Adrienne's body.

I gave them a minute, trying to calm my own rapid heart rate. And then I opened the door and slipped inside. The still-naked couple glanced over at me and smiled while I turned to them with a smile of my own.

"I knew you'd come," Adrienne beamed. Then she spread her legs, planting her feet on top of the mattress. "Come get your Ben fix!"

We'd agreed on this back at camp. I wouldn't be able to do anything directly to Ben, but I could still do this. He was my drug; I was addicted to him. And I already knew there would be many more days like this when I could suck his cum out of Adrienne's pussy, tasting his unique flavor and fantasizing about getting it directly from the source. I quickly crossed the room and sank to my knees between Adrienne's spread legs. Without the slightest delay, I rammed my tongue into the gorgeous blonde's slit and began slurping noisily, tasting the mingled orgasmic cream of the both of them. And I moaned happily, feeling like I was tasting the most heavenly dessert imaginable.

"No, Ben. Don't." Adrienne's voice rang out above me.

Though I couldn't see him, I felt Ben's presence behind me. I arched my back and thrust out my ass, beckoning him to undress me just enough to shove that beautiful cock into my welcoming body. I wanted him. I WANTED to fuck him.

"You can't, remember?" Adrienne said softly. I wasn't sure if she was talking to him or me.

The tears started rolling down my eyes as I realized that I could quite literally taste my Ben, but nothing more. I couldn't be with him, no matter how much we might want it. Not right now at least. I clung to the "not now" part, dreaming of "later".

And then I felt Ben's lips against the back of my neck as he brushed my hair to the side. He kissed me with a tenderness that melted my insides. These kisses were our most intimate of platonic gestures, and the touch of his lips felt so pure and wonderful.

But I wanted more. Right here, right now, I was willing to throw all my rationalizations away. They made sense when Ben and I were 500 miles apart; but here, in the same bedroom, it just couldn't work. I couldn't be this close to him and NOT want to be with him.

I didn't love Ryan. I loved BEN. I didn't care if I fucked up his relationship with Adrienne, as much as I liked her as a friend. I wanted MY BEN. And as I felt him pull his lips away from my neck, I pulled my head out of Adrienne's crotch and turned around, getting to my feet.

"Ben!" I reached for him, my jaw covered in honey and spunk. My eyes pleaded for him to seize me, ravish me, and never let me go.

"It's okay," Ben gestured for me to stop with both hands. He smiled at his girlfriend adoringly, clearly in love with her. In love with HER. Not ME. And I felt my heart cracking as I saw the expression on his face.

"Go ahead and get reacquainted with each other," Ben continued. "I'll be outside."

I blinked several times, feeling sadder than I had in my whole life. How could he reject me?

But a few seconds later my rational brain caught up with me. Ben was right. This was what we had decided on. This was best for the both of us. There would be time for us later, when we both grew up. We would be together again, when BEN became the man I knew he could be. It wasn't our time just yet, and I didn't want to ruin our future for a few fleeting moments of lust today. It hurt, but I could wait for him. So I nodded in understanding.

"But Ben," Adrienne sat up, a frown on her face. "Don't you want to watch?"

Ben sighed and bit his lip. I saw the same pain I felt reflected in his eyes. "I would", he said. "You know I would. But I can't; it would just be too hard." And then with all the same anguish I felt inside etched across his face, he grabbed a pair of shorts and left.

I looked at the closed bedroom door for a few seconds before I felt Adrienne's fingers softly caressing my cheek. "He loves you. You know he does."

I nodded.

Adrienne smiled beautifully before sighing and saying, "I'll give him back to you someday; I promise."

I turned to look at her, arching an eyebrow.

"I love him," she continued. "I love him with all my heart. But I'm not the kind of girl to marry him and give him kids and all that jazz. I need him, Dawn. I love him and I need him. I know it's not fair that I'm keeping the two of you apart, but God help me, I need him."

I bit my lower lip, remembering the pain of that first week at summer camp and not sure how to feel right now about this girl who had stolen my soulmate. I didn't blame her. A lot of things, including my own decisions, had led all three of us to this point. But it still hurt.

Adrienne stroked my cheek again, giving me a hopeful smile. "Still ... Maybe when I'm a stronger person, maybe when I don't NEED him so much, I'll give him back to you."

Still biting my lip, I looked at the gorgeous girl with a simultaneously hopeful and scared expression.

She just cupped my cheek, her hazel eyes twinkling, and stated, "You're destined to be together. And someday, all your dreams will come true. I'll just keep him out of trouble until that day comes, okay?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. Then Adrienne pulled my face to hers and planted the softest, sweetest kiss on my lips. Our tongues intertwined for a few moments and then a little sigh of pleasure escaped my mouth.

Adrienne smiled and stroked my back lovingly. "Come on. Let's get reacquainted and celebrate our friendship in a sea of bliss."

AUGUST 18, 2002, SUMMER BREAK

There was an awkward moment at breakfast. I'd made pancakes and eggs for everyone, but the eggs were all eaten by the time Ben and Adrienne made it to the table. It was their fault they were late. I'd heard Ben grunting from what sounded like a morning blowjob.

In any case, I was perfectly happy to make more eggs. I was already cooking and I knew just how to make them the way Ben liked. But Adrienne had insisted that she take over, giving me a 'Hey, I'm his girlfriend' look. We'd shared a moment yesterday, coming to the understanding that she'd give him back to me eventually. But for now, Adrienne was still the outsider to our group and a little protective of her position.

Throughout breakfast, Ben looked like he wanted to talk to me. And when the time came to head out and give Adrienne a tour of the campus, Ben changed the plans and had Dayna and Brandi escort Adrienne so that he and I could talk. I felt myself starting to get tense the very second he suggested it.

And so Ben and I ended up on the couch together, leaning sideways against the backrest while looking at each other nervously. Ben actually looked more nervous than me, which made me smile as I watched him trying to organize his thoughts. At the same time, he looked like he wanted to just seize my head and shove his tongue down my throat.

I wanted him to. And I was contemplating starting a volcanic kiss myself, damn the consequences, when he abruptly asked, "How was your date with Ryan last night?"

I blinked a few times, surprised by his question. It had been my first date with Ryan since seeing Ben again, and the whole evening had been a little awkward. Ryan had gone so far as to ask if I'd fucked Ben already, and he didn't believe me when I told him I hadn't. It took a half-hour to convince him otherwise, and even then he seemed skeptical throughout the rest of the night. We didn't even have sex, and I came back to Berkeley unfucked and unsure that I ever really wanted to again with Ryan. My whole relationship with my boyfriend felt different now that Ben was here, and I just couldn't relax.

But I didn't tell Ben all that. How do you talk to an ex-boyfriend about your problems with a current boyfriend? I just replied some stuff about Ryan dealing with a new school, just like us. Ben asked about some of my other friends as well and I reminded him that Gwen and Robin were attending Cal as well.

Still, eventually the conversation worked back to me and Ryan, and I finally told him, "When it came right down to it, I just couldn't."

"Why not?"

We edged around the issue until I finally admitted, "Because ... I knew you were here."

"Dawn..." Ben looked sad for me.

"I just couldn't. Not while you're in the same zip code, Ben."

"He's your boyfriend," Ben said gently.

"YOU should be my boyfriend," I whimpered, looking at him sadly. "That's the way things were supposed to be."

"So what do you want?" Ben sighed helplessly. "You break up with Ryan and I break up with Adrienne and we fall in love and get married and pop out a few kids?"

'YES, ' I wanted to exclaim, but didn't. I wanted it desperately, but it would never happen. I turned and pushed my forehead into my palm. "Doesn't matter. You're not going to break up with Adrienne."

"No, I'm not," he stated firmly, staying loyal to his girlfriend.

Seeing his devotion, I sighed and thought about my boyfriend as well. As much as I loved Ben, I appreciated Ryan. He'd been a great boyfriend, always attentive and caring. And he'd been HERE for me when Ben wasn't. I guess my expression changed because Ben looked at me sharply and breathed, "And you don't want to break up with Ryan, either."

He was right. I didn't. I wanted them both. I wanted the love of my life, my destiny. But I wanted the big, strong man who'd held me in his arms so many times, who had comforted me and loved me and been around for me this past year. Why couldn't I have both? "Am I a bad person?" I whimpered. "When you're around, I want you so badly. And when you're not around and it's just Ryan, I feel so much for him."

I shuddered in agony. Ben reached forward and bear-hugged me, surrounding me with strength and warmth. "It's okay, Dawn. You're not a bad person. That's just being human."

My breath came in heaving gasps. I was shaking and sobbing in Ben's arms, wracked with guilt. "I'm sorry, Ben. I know I should only want you! I'm sorry..."

"No, shhh ... You have nothing to be ashamed about. I understand."

"But I'm supposed to be with you."

"Life doesn't always happen the way it's 'supposed' to."

I sobbed, not understanding my life and the way things were unfolding. Wasn't it supposed to be easier than this? Wasn't everything supposed to magically make sense when Ben and I could be together in one place again?

My breathing eventually slowed, and then without moving my face away from Ben's chest, I exhaled forlornly. "I knew it. I always knew it. At camp, I even said things would be this way. But I guess it didn't really hit me until just now."

He just patted my back.

"Here we are, at Cal, the way we always said we would be," I sighed. "Only you and I aren't the way I'd thought we would be."

"I never thought things would turn out this way either, if it's any consolation," he replied softly.

I pulled away and looked up into Ben's handsome face, searching his eyes. He would have the answers. He would think clearly for us and tell me what to do. He was my Ben. I had faith in him. "What do I have to do?"

He brushed my hair back against my scalp. I LOVED it when he did that. Looking strong and serious, he asked, "Dawn, are you my friend?"

"Yes, Ben. Forever."

"Can you be just my friend? Not my girlfriend?"

My eyes tightened but I set my lips in a determined line. "I'll be whatever I have to be."

"But can you really just be my friend?"

"I have to. I need you in my life, Ben. It physically hurts when you're nearby but I can't be around you. I was in absolute AGONY that first week of camp."

"But I'm in love with Adrienne."

I thought about what Adrienne had told me before, about loving him and keeping him busy until our time had come. I smiled, relieved at knowing she would give him back to me someday. "Then I'll wait for you."

He puckered his lips and I quivered at the thought of him kissing me. My heart raced for a second, then calmed when he kissed my forehead tenderly. "I'll always love you, Dawn. Never forget that."

"I won't."

"You have to do something for me, Dawn."

"Anything, Ben." Anything, anytime, anywhere. I LOVED him.

Ben took a deep breath. "You have to not be IN love with me."

I sighed, a long, long exhalation filled with mourning and resignation. "I know."

But knowing was one thing. DOING, on the other hand, would be a lot tougher.

AUGUST 19, 2002, SUMMER BREAK

The introductions went well. Ben looked surprisingly relaxed, smug even. I wondered if Adrienne had given him a little therapy to calm him down for this. However he managed it, his sense of calm did wonders to settle Ryan down a bit as well. My boyfriend was still edgy, but at least he was under control.

So Ben introduced Adrienne and I introduced Ryan. We chatted about personal history and the usual over a couple of beers. I had to admit I was quite proud that Ryan kept his eyes on Adrienne's face for the entire time. Even I had a hard time not ogling her fantastic tits every time I saw them.

Things got a little tense when the boys hashed out me having sex with Ben at camp, and then me having sex with Ryan last Thanksgiving. But Ben started calming things down as he explained that we would now just be friends.

"She still loves you," Ryan said stiffly.

"And I'll always love her," Ben replied. "But Dawn's my best friend, not my lover anymore. That's a boundary we won't cross, I promise you. I'm IN love with Adrienne, here."

Ryan was skeptical. So Ben finally put everything up front and in the open. "You once told me that if I let her go, you wouldn't give her back," Ben said. "Here we are. The choice is yours."

My eyebrows shot up. I didn't remember them having THAT conversation before.

Ryan took a deep breath and replied, "No. It's not."

The room went silent and you could cut the tension in the air with a dull spoon it was so thick. Ryan took a deep breath, then turned and held both of my hands in his while staring me dead in the eyes. I felt instantly nervous and under a very, very powerful microscope. "Dawn, the choice is yours," my boyfriend stated. "I love you. I know you're not in love with me, but I know you care about me and I still see the potential in 'us'. But I don't want to be trapped in a relationship if you don't really want to be with me."

My chest suddenly felt constricted, as if I couldn't breathe. My jaw was tense and my eyes clicked back and forth staring into Ryan's penetrating gaze.

"So Ben's right there, Dawn," Ryan said softly. "For the first time in a long while, you're looking at the both of us at the same time. It's no longer a choice between a live me and a phantom soul mate 500-miles away. I need to know: Do you want to be with me?"

I didn't look at Ben. We'd made our own choices together, and I was afraid that if I looked at him now I would change my mind. I had to do this quickly, before I second-guessed myself, so I took one deep breath, squeezed Ryan's hands, and said firmly, "Yes. I do."

I watched my boyfriend's eyes light up at my words. Hurriedly, he jerked on my hands and grabbed my head, planting his lips on mine and sealing us together in a passionate kiss. All of Ryan's desperate love and fear poured out at the same time as he lost himself in me. It felt good.

It felt REALLY good.

He wasn't my Ben; but it felt really good to be loved by someone. And now all my old arousal was back.

I hadn't gotten laid in a LONG time. Yeah, I'd had sex with Adrienne a couple of days ago, but I hadn't had anything nice and hard and throbbing deep inside me in far too long. Ben and I wouldn't work out just yet, but I had a big, strong boyfriend who loved me and made me feel so good. I wasn't IN love just yet, but Ryan made me happy and I knew I cared a great deal about him. Plus, he was damn good in bed.

My skin was flushed as I stared at this gorgeous hunk of a man: 6'2", muscles on top of muscles, square-jawed, and with beautiful, crystal clear blue eyes. He was my boyfriend. He was all MINE. There were no doubts about that. There were no other girls to compete with. Ryan adored me and only me. And I felt a pleasurable tingle racing up my spine as I fondly remembered all the wonderful times we'd already spent together.

I was gonna get FUCKED. No more hesitations. Ben and I had made our choices. So panting with arousal, I turned to Ben and Adrienne. "Uh, I think I'm going to go drive Ryan home now, okay?"

Ben chuckled and nodded. Adrienne chirped, "Have fun you two."

I stood up and pulled my boyfriend with me. Ryan at least had the sense of politeness to stop and turn back, saying, "It was nice to meet you, Adrienne. Ben, see you later."

And then I couldn't wait any longer. Giggling, I practically dragged Ryan out the door.

AUGUST 23, 2002, SUMMER BREAK

Mmm ... I loved my life. My boyfriend had fucked my brains out every which way every day since Monday, and I still had a house full of gorgeous women to play with. Don't get me wrong, I love men and I love cock; but there's something so sensual about another woman's touch, especially a woman who knows me so well.

I had two such women already working with me. Brandi was fully naked and lying flat on her back. An equally naked Dayna was straddling her best friend's face and oriented to lean down and fondle Brandi's upright tits. And I was happily tonguing away at Brandi's bare-shaven pussy. Not only was Brandi a dear friend and an excellent lover, but I got an extra naughty thrill knowing she was Ben's big sister. Somehow, that knowledge made her taste even sweeter.

"Ohhh, eat me, Dawn," Brandi cooed, pulling her mouth away from her best friend's snatch for a few seconds. "Dayna, I think that girl's even better than you!"

"Ha!" Dayna giggled and then shoved her cunt back into Brandi's face. I looked up to see my big sister winking at me while she tweaked the brunette's nipples. "Well, we'll have to do a comparison, won't we? After Dawn's finished with you, I'll take a turn and we'll see which Evans girl is the best rug-muncher in the family."

I picked my head up, my jaw coated with feminine nectar, and added, "Then we'll have to drive you down to get reacquainted with DJ, just to make sure."

"Hey, for all you know, our mom could be the best pussy-licker," Dayna drawled.

"Eww! Dayna!" I squealed.

And then they arrived. Ben and Adrienne finally came in to their bedroom, where the three of us roommates were already having sex. Adrienne giggled something about a plan and then raced toward us, already stripping out of her own clothes. The busty blonde bombshell practically tackled Dayna off of Brandi's face and rolled her over to do their own thing. Any further discussion of an Evans-family competition was forgotten.

Now, all my attention was on where Ben was and what he was doing.

Freed of her oral obligations, Brandi set to guiding my head between her thighs. I heard Ben moving around behind me and for a moment, fantasized about him thrusting his cock into my dripping wet snatch. Already, I was feeling even more turned on knowing he could see my naked body, glistening with sweat. I even wondered if my pussy lips were flowering open for him, giving him quite the view from my back side.

And then I felt him kiss the back of my neck. Ben kissed me with a soft tenderness that let me know he was there, and that while he might have wanted to plunge himself inside me, he wouldn't. We were still intimately connected, but ... platonic.

Instead, he moved around the bed next to Brandi's head. The beautiful Junior with dark hair and blonde highlights turned her face to eagerly suck her brother's dick. I moaned and felt a fresh surge of arousal watching the siblings' incestuous blowjob, and I smiled at Ben before resuming my cunnilingus on his sister. Our eyes stayed locked together, though, sharing a quiet moment as we double- teamed Brandi between us.

That set the tone for the rest of the night. Ben and I never touched each other again. But in a way, we still made love through the girls between us.

We started with me sitting back against the headboard, Brandi on all fours eating me out while Ben shafted his sister's cunt from behind. I felt like I was on fire, staring intensely at Ben, cramming Brandi's face a little harder against my crotch while I imagined it was MY cunt Ben was slamming into over and over and over again. "Fuck me..." I mouthed. "Fuck me..."

Harder and harder Ben pounded Brandi, his ab muscles clenching and his pelvis jarring his sister's body with each rhythmic impact. "Oh, fuck," Ben grunted, nearing his orgasm. And then with a final lunge he slammed forward and began spewing his load into... me...

I closed my eyes as I lolled my head back and moaned in orgasm. "Fuuuuuuck..." I imagined I could feel each spurt of cum ... Ben's cum ... jetting into my body. Perhaps Ben was imagining it too.

But the reality was: I couldn't feel it. I couldn't even taste it. Part of our new agreement to keep things platonic was that I wouldn't even seek out his cum, not out of Adrienne's pussy or anyone else's. To taste his cum would be "sexual contact"; and if I was really going to commit to my relationship with Ryan, I couldn't let myself do that anymore.

Instead, it was Adrienne who returned, promptly rolled Brandi over, and then dived her face between Brandi's legs to slurp out all of Ben's jism. That left Ben and I just staring at each other, recovering from our orgasms, thinking of what could have been.