Chapter 8: Carmine

Now the dye was cast. I had made my decision and I had no choice but to follow through since I did want to see Ruben again. It had been more than six years since I had last seen him or talked with him and he must have grown so. The pictures showed the boy that was Ruben but he looked so different from the boy in my memory. I still thought of him as a nine year old child, but that was in the past. He was a boy, grown now into a young man of fifteen. He would be almost a stranger to me, and I to him. But that would pass quickly once I met him again.

And Nancy. How would she see my coming back? I had shut her out when it all happened. Sure, I had my reasons and they were good ones but would she understand them now? And what about what she did? How was I with that? While time had passed, so too had a lot of our plans and dreams. I had to admit to myself that when I tried to picture Nan now, nothing came to me. Maybe too much had passed for us to have any basis for friendship. Too many questions to answer and no foundation on which to base any answers.

Whatever the future would hold, my path was ahead of me. There was no going back and no way to undo what had come and gone. I understood that we had all paid a price for what happened. And if I was to be honest about it, I considered the price paid in full. Whatever happened now was all new and the past had no part in it. That was a lesson learned in prison but it was an important one. We all believed it and we all lived for it. I finished packing my meager belongings and threw the suitcase into the back of my pickup. I climbed in and started the engine, put the shift in drive and I was on my way.

I lived in the northwest part of Columbus, not far from the clinic which was located closer in and near the Brookside Country Club. For me, this would be a short trip, just down Sawmill Road to I-270, then East and South to Route 33, then off on 317 which was called Hamilton Road, then to Groveport Road and on to Groveport proper. I had reservations at a Holiday Inn and promised to be there before six in the evening. Should be no problem. I drove, feeling the freedom to do something I hadn't done since I got out. Travel! It was still a strange feeling at times, to be free to do whatever I wanted without someone checking.

I arrived at the Holiday Inn at five o'clock and checked in, my credit card limit no longer a problem. Even so, old habits die hard so to be safe, I could pay most of the room cost in cash and not test out my new credit card limit. To be certain there were no hitches, I gave the clerk $300 at check-in with instructions to use it before charging the card. The cute girl behind the counter smiled and nodded her understanding. Maybe this was not an unusual request. I found my room, unpacked my few belongings and settled in.

With little to do, and not wanting either Ruben or Nan to know I was here already, I decided to make a drive to where Ruben went to school, and then, maybe if I was feeling brave and adventurous enough, I could drive by their place and see where they were living. With that thought, I got into my truck and followed the directions Nan had given me to Ruben's school.

Twenty minutes later, I had successfully found the school and was now on my way to their address, tracing the route Ruben walked every day. I found the boulevard she said was the main one leading to her location and after driving for several minutes, I saw the name of her street on the sign hanging across the intersection. I followed it for another half mile before I saw the subdivision with its cluster of homes off to my right. I pulled into one of the streets, the name the same as her address, and in just a few more minutes, saw the place.

It was a small, single-level home, nestled in with several more just like it. Hers was set back from the street a little more then its neighbors and it was painted a light blue with darker blue shutters. It was neat, the yard and shrubs surrounding it well tended, the entire picture one of a well cared for home. It was so different from the place we lived in before I went to jail; not only the size and location, but just the whole idea of living in a place like this. That my son and my ex-wife lived there was a little hard for me to grasp.

As I slowed, I saw two bikes sitting in the driveway next to the home. Inside the open garage door I saw an older model Ford sedan. I continued slowly past and was rewarded with a glimpse into the back yard where I spotted two young boys sitting around a small table. They seemed to be playing with some sort of electronic game and I could see the one I didn't know gesturing to the other. That would be Ruben, I was certain: I had pictured him in my mind often enough to know him anywhere. The pictures Nan sent identified his face but I didn't believe that was even necessary. I'd know my son anywhere.

I slowed and stopped right there on the street; the glimpse of my son too tempting to allow me to keep moving. I just watched as they interacted with each other, their friendship clear even from where I sat. Then, as I was about to pull away, I saw her. She came out of the house with two cans of soda for the boys, and I watched as they stopped their game and took the cans from her hands. Both were very careful and I could see both as they nodded their thanks. She stood there, talking to them and looking around the yard. I was too far away to see much of her face but I was surprised to see she was still wearing those tight jeans and that T-shirt I always loved. That memory hadn't gone far.