Chapter 58

For Mark the next day went well. He had routine things to do. Mike Rawlings rang him and expressed his satisfaction at the outcome of the previous day. So did David Stevens to say that Fitzmaurice had proved no further trouble adding that he was not sorry to see the back of him. Alison was her usual sweet self but, Mark realised, was keeping a watchful eye on him. General Anthony was in an exceptionally sunny mood.

Victoria was not happy. She swung between bliss as she thought of the previous evening's lovemaking and abject fear that her love for Mark might be the downfall of them both. Jean noticed and was solicitous but Victoria, much as she liked and trusted her, kept things to herself.

When she got home she took a cup of tea off Mark as usual but he noticed she was withdrawn and guessed the reason why. She excused herself earlier than usual and sought out Frances.

"Hello, darling," said Frances. "You're back early."

"Yes, Mummy. I need to talk to you," Victoria replied sombrely.

"What's the problem?"

"I'm frightened, Mummy. I think I love Mark too much and that the whole thing may blow up in our faces. We got engaged too soon and I pushed him."

"Why do you think you love him too much?"

"Well, when I'm apart from him unless I've had something to occupy my mind I've missed him so much it hurt."

"Ye-es."

"Now, when I'm with him it hurts too."

"Same sort of hurt?"

"No, not really. It's more a frustrated feeling that I can't show him my love even more but there is also the dread of leaving him: just for a short while or overnight or for the day. Yesterday, when I came in to change after the ride I was in a complete frenzy to get back to him. I changed in a flash and then realised I'd been too quick and he wouldn't expect me back so soon so I ran round like a headless chicken and was short with Sergeant Roberts and behaved like a spoilt child. I'm frightened, Mummy, that I'm just infatuated and that it'll suddenly go pop. But Mummy I couldn't live without him now."

Frances smiled lovingly at her. "How much of this have you discussed with Mark?"

"Only about when we're apart. The last thing I wanted to do yesterday when he was frail was to load him with my problems."

Frances nodded. "Good girl," she said. "What did he say about hurting when you're apart?"

"He said it was the same for him. He said we were two pretty rational, intelligent people but that when something concerned the two of us and our emotions were involved we needed each other because neither of us could think straight on our own."

"He's no fool, is he?"

"No, Mummy. He isn't."

"What do you think he'd say if you told him about the hurting when you're with him?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought."

"Think now, darling."

Victoria looked at her uncertainly then her face cleared momentarily. "He'd hug me and say that we're never going to be apart for long and that he hates it when we do part even for a short time too."

"What would you say to that?"

Victoria's face clouded again. "It's just that I can't escape from that fear and that I can't show him all the love I have for him."

"What do you think he'd say to that?"

"I ... I think he'd say that over time the fear will disappear when I realise that we are never going to be apart for long."

Frances nodded. "Go on."

Victoria looked blankly at her.

"About not being able to show him all your love," Frances prompted.

Victoria pondered. "I don't know," she said eventually.

"I'll make a guess," said Frances. "He'll say 'That makes two of us'"

"Really?"

"Yes, darling. He was pretty piano at lunch yesterday but whenever we talked about you his whole being changed and his eyes came alive. He's every bit as much in love with you as you are with him."

Victoria stared at her unwilling to believe that her problem was shared by Mark.

"May I make a suggestion, darling?"

"Yes, Mummy. Of course."

"Go to him now and tell him about your fears and see what he says. I'll bet you have a repeat of this conversation. Then make sure he comes for dinner. We missed him last night."

"Do you really mean that about telling him?"

"Yes, very much so."

"Golly!" Victoria bit her lip. Frances watched her with a smile.

"I'll do it," said Victoria decisively and fairly marched out of the room. She was less assured by the time she reached Mark's door and knocked timorously. There was no response. She took a deep breath and knocked more loudly.

"Hang on a minute," came a muffled shout. A few moments later a very wet Mark with a towel round his waist opened the door.

"Victoria, darling," he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"Well, yes but I was having a bath."

"Go back to it and I'll come and sit on the loo but I've got to talk to you, now."

Mark looked worried. "All right."

She followed him back to the bathroom. "Do you want me to wash your back?" she giggled.

Mark relaxed. "You keep your hands to yourself, you little wanton," he said as he climbed back into the bath. "What's so urgent?"

Victoria put down the lid on the lavatory and sat on it. She looked down and twisted her hands.

"I've been in a stew all day. I told you how miserable I get when I'm not with you unless I'm busy."

"Yes."

"Well, it's got worse because I get frightened when I'm with you."

"What of, for Heaven's sake?"

"Two things: leaving you and not being able to show you how much I really love you."

Mark stared at her in astonishment then he said, "You are a very silly girl sometimes, my precious. You know we're never ever going to be apart for long ever again if I can possibly help it."