Chapter 1

"I know the situation isn't ideal, Mom, but it is what it is and I can't keep putting my life on hold waiting for the perfect guy to come along when it might not happen," Terri said.

She held a coffee cup in both hands, but the dark brown liquid inside had gone cold. She just held onto the smooth ceramic because it was something solid.

"You're only thirty-four, dear. Don't you think you're being a little overdramatic? You have plenty of time to meet the right guy and settle down and start a family. Why, most women your age are waiting later and later to start families."

Terri hated it when her mother talked to her like she was still just sixteen and hadn't thought things through. Sitting in the kitchen of the house where she grew up didn't help as her parents hadn't changed a thing in twenty-five years. She could see herself sitting there, way back when, in her school uniform as her mother tried to explain the birds and bees to her. It didn't matter that Terri had lost her virginity the year before when she was fifteen to a boy up the street, she still turned glowing red when her mother pushed a condom to her across the kitchen table. Her mother always thought of herself as a "cool mom" and tried to act like she was just one of the girls when Terri's friends were around.

If that wasn't embarrassing enough, it was even worse when her brother's friend were around. Terri's mom was only in her late thirties when they were teens and still quite attractive. The word didn't exist back then, but Mrs. D'Agostino was definitely what the kids now called a "MILF." On a few occasions Terri overheard the lurid comments of her brother's friends talking about what they'd like to do to the older woman. The fact that in looks she was just a younger version of her mother made Terri wonder what they said about her when she wasn't around. It made her feel sexy to think they might want her too. A few years later she found out that at least one of those guys, Big Mike, had those thoughts about her. Sometimes she still thought back fondly on that night in the back of the old Buick. What Big Mike lacked in technique he more than made up for in enthusiasm.

"Mom, those women are still trying to launch their careers or waiting for Mr. Perfect. My career is where I want it and I know Mr. Perfect is not going to come along."

"What about that guy you went out with a few months ago? Doug?"

"He was fine. We just weren't compatible."

"It wasn't right in the bedroom?"she asked, lowering her voice and leaning across the table.

"Mom!"

"It's okay dear, we can talk about these things. I'm not as innocent as you probably think."

"Mother!"

"Terri, don't be such a prude. Was Doug too quick on the trigger? You know, if you work with a man you can solve a lot of the problems in the bedroom. Your stepfather and I..."

"Mom! Stop! We are not talking about this!"

"Okay, okay. I just want you to know that if there is a problem that I am here for you."

"Can we just stick to the topic then, please? I am ready to be a mother and I am tired of waiting."

"Okay, I understand that, but it doesn't change the fact that you are missing an essential part of the equation. Are you thinking in vitro fertilization then? Are you going to visit a sperm bank?"

"I guess I would have to, but in-vitro is so expensive and my health insurance doesn't cover it. I don't have enough equity to take a loan against the townhouse. I don't know where I could find the money. If I ask a guy I know I could save some money I think, but I don't know if I would have enough if it didn't work on the first try."

"Finding a guy willing to say yes to that might be difficult. Have you thought about asking your brother?"

"Mom!"

Her mother laughed. "Not to be a donor, but maybe to help with money. Teddy and I would help if we could, you know that, but since I haven't been working lately things have been tight."

Terri laughed. How could she think, even for a second, that her mother would be suggesting she ask her brother for his sperm? Somehow the image of her brother jerking off into a cup popped into her mind and she shook her head to clear it.

"I wouldn't want to ask Pete for that. And I know you and Pop would help if you could."

Terri's stepfather had been in her life since she was just six-years-old and had been more of a father to her than her biological one, whom she rarely saw. He'd been her "Pop" almost as long as she could remember.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet. It's a shame I can't go out there and just find a good guy to have a kid with. You found a great guy, one who didn't mind marrying a woman with two small kids. I'm not even looking for that, just a good guy who'd be willing to give me a baby. Where can I find a guy like Pop?"

"He's one in a million, that's for sure. And I know he'd do anything for you. Don't worry, dear, we'll think of something," her mother said.

A week later, Terri's mom called and suggested they meet for lunch.

Terri was close with her parents, but she rarely saw her mother in the middle of the day and was concerned that something was wrong. When she finally sat down with her mother she was sure that the woman had lost her mind.

Mother and daughter were sitting across from each other on the outdoor patio of a café, each eating a salad and enjoying the warm day. When her mother started with inane small talk, Terri knew she was talking around something, but she also knew her mother well enough that she had to give her time to get around to what she really wanted to talk about.

"I've been thinking about your problem and, after going over everything you said, I believe I have an answer. If you're interested, I think I have a way for you to get your baby."

"Okay, I'm all ears. What have you come up with?"

"I was thinking your stepfather could help you out."

"I couldn't ask you for money, Mom. I know how tight things are."

"That's not really what I meant, dear. I'm thinking he could provide some 'raw materiel.'"

"Oh."

Terri didn't know what to say. She was sure her mother's offer came from a giving place, but Terri couldn't help but think having her stepfather provide the sperm for her to make a baby was weird. She'd always thought it a little odd when someone's mother would carry a baby for them. Finding a great guy like her Pop would be a blessing, but actually having a baby with him might be too weird.

What would they tell people?

Would they be getting calls from Jerry Springer?

It might be best if she were to put her mother off with logic.

"I really appreciate the offer, but that doesn't solve the problem of how to pay for in vitro. It could be thousands, tens of thousands of dollars, and I just don't have it."

"I understand that and there is more to my idea, so just hear me out, okay? I wasn't just thinking that your stepfather could donate his, uh, materiel, to a cup. I thought he could provide it the old fashioned way."

"What are you saying, Mom?" Terri asked with a wrinkled brow.

The idea was just so out there that she couldn't process it!

"Don't freak out, Terri. I'm suggesting that Teddy give you a baby the old fashioned way."

"You want me and Pop to... ? Mom!"

"Theresa, lower your voice!"she scolded.

"Don't you yell at me! You can't be serious! You can't really be saying you want me and Pop," Terri said, and then lowered her voice, "to have sex. What is wrong with you?"

"I'm not saying I want you to have sex. I just think it's the best solution to your problem. Teddy loves you I know you love him. So shouldn't your baby be born out of love? Is there any other man out there you can trust more?"

"That's not the point! It's Pop, he's like a father to me."

"But he's not your father so it's not wrong like that. I know it's an out there idea and you're going to have to think on it. Please just don't dismiss it out of hand."

"How do you expect me to even consider something like this? How can you? Did you even ask him about this? Oh God, what did he say? He doesn't think it's my idea, does he?" Terri stammered.

"No, I didn't mention it to him yet. I thought I should at least talk to you first. Breathe honey."

Terri did feel lightheaded and drank down half her iced tea, wishing it was of the Long Island variety.

It felt as if she'd just stepped into the Twilight Zone!

She couldn't believe what her mother was suggesting. Did she really want Terri to go to bed with her stepfather?

How could she think Terri would do something like that?

What made her think he would do something like that?

Paranoid, Terri wondered if Pop had ever said anything.

She couldn't imagine it. Pop would never cheat on her mother, especially not with her daughter!

"Why do you think he would even do it? Pop would never sleep with another woman," Terri said.

Were they really having this conversation?

"We were married in the 70's, dear. Your stepfather and I have had some adventures."

"Ewww, Mom! I don't need to hear about your swinging days with Pop. Just because you might have been all crazy back in the day it doesn't mean that Pop wants to sleep with your daughter. Why would you even want him to?"

"You don't have to make it sound so sordid. It's not like that. I love and trust you both. It's not like I'm worried Teddy's going to run off with you like Woody Allen. This would be a pure act of love. You would be giving each other something beautiful. Try and look at it that way."

"What would I be giving Pop?"

"The act of making love."

"Ewww..."

"Don't be so squeamish. Your stepfather is an attractive man and he's a fabulous lover."

"That's more than enough information. It's not about that, Mom. It's just so unnatural."

"I think it's perfectly natural, given what you want and the position you're in."

"You've got a screw loose."

"Promise me you'll think about it, Theresa. I mean it! Promise me, or I won't drop it and if you think you're squirming now, believe me, I'm just getting warmed up."

"Okay, okay! I promise I'll think about it, but I'm sure I'll just keep thinking you're crazy. I have never heard such a crazy idea."

Terri only told her mother that to placate her. She had no intention of even considering sleeping with her stepfather. The very idea gave her chills and put her off for days. She did everything she could to think about anything at all remotely sexual. Throwing herself into her work, she tried avoiding any thoughts of even having a baby, but that all changed when one her of oldest friends, who'd been married the summer before, called and said she was pregnant. Terri did everything she good to sound enthusiastic as she congratulated her friend, but inside her heart was breaking.

She was one of the last of her circle of friends to be childless.

Unable to deny herself any longer she spent days scouring the internet trying to find some way she could finance having a child on her own, but the options were not great. Selling her eggs seemed counterproductive. She briefly considered selling herself, knowing a high end call girl could make serious money. She knew she wasn't a supermodel, but Terri knew she was pretty. She thought she could earn a pretty penny, but it wasn't anymore than a passing thought. With no other options, she was forced to rethink her mother's suggestion.

Terri sat alone in her apartment and was through half a bottle of wine before she could seriously think about it. Could she really do it? She supposed she could.

Really, all she had to do was lie back and think of England, as they used to say. Luckily, the woman did not have to be engaged.

But - could her Pop do it?

Could he get it up for her?

She wanted to think no, but then a man was a man. If they were alone in a dark room, naked in bed and he was touching her he probably would. He could always fantasize about something else. If he did have trouble, there was always the little blue pill. By the time she reached the bottom of the wine bottle, Terri decided that not only could she do it, but that she should.

Conceiving a child in love was a beautiful thing. Love is love, she thought, and there is no stronger love than that between a child and a parent. And, luckily, genetically, Pop was not really her father.

She picked up the phone a dozen times before she finally dialed her mother and even then she could barely get the words out. Her mother stayed silent and for a fearful moment she was afraid she'd failed some kind of test. The scant seconds seemed like hours as silence hung on the phone line.

"I have to say that I'm shocked after our last conversation," her mother replied.

"Oh, God. You've changed your mind."

"No, dear, it's not that, calm down. I'm just happy that you want to accept the offer. You have to be flexible in life."

Terri thought this went beyond flexible. This would bend anyone until they snapped.

"Teddy and I have always been concerned that you're too uptight. I think this will be a great experience for you."

While not quite hippies, her parents had always been pretty free. Terri knew they smoked pot when she was a teen, which was one of the reasons she wasn't exactly shocked when her mother mentioned they'd done some swinging, but Terri did not think it made her uptight that she couldn't just say yes to sleeping with her stepfather. Did he just say yes in a second? She didn't really want to know.

"Did you say anything to Pop?"

"Actually, I did. I had faith you would come around and I wanted to give him time to think about it in case you did change your mind."

"What did he say?"

"He wants to talk to you first, but he's open to the idea. He loves you and he wants to help you."

Terri was starting to think her parents were seriously warped. She could see where it had to be done, but how could they be so cool about it?

"I think it's good that we talk about it. Is Pop around?"

"Why don't you come around for dinner?"

"I would rather just talk to Pop now." Terri didn't think she could do this face to face.

"Hold on, I'll get him."

"Hey, kiddo. How are you doing?" Pop asked when he came on the time. His voice was deep and gruff. It had always represented strength to her.

"I'm good." She was suddenly shy.

"Are you really okay with this? I thought it was pretty out there when your Mom brought it up, but if it's the only way to do this I'm willing to help. I know it's strange honey, but just keep your mind on the goal. I promise everything will be okay."

"I want to do it. Do you really want to? I don't want you to feel like you have to."

"I want to help you and that's all there is to it. I think you'll make a great mother and I can't wait to dote on my grandchild."

Except, she thought, my child will be your son or daughter.

They talked for a few minutes more and then her mother came back on the phone. She offered to take care of all the arrangements, which Terri was more than happy to agree to.