How to fuck up your life in one easy lesson:

- Fall in love.

- Get married.

- Find out that your wife is a round-heeled slut.

- Listen to (and believe) her when she promises that she is sorry, that she really loves you and that it will never happen again.

- Forgive her.

- Find out that she lied.

- Divorce her.

Six months later meet a stunningly beautiful woman:

- Fall in love.

- Get married.

- Find out that your wife is a round-heeled slut.

- Listen to (and believe) her when she promises that she is sorry, that she really loves you and that it will never happen again.

- Forgive her.

- Find out that she lied.

- Divorce her.

Life's unanswered questions:

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?

Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

Am I drawn to round heeled sluts, or are they attracted to me?

Are they round heeled sluts when I meet them, or is there something about me that makes them round heeled sluts?

Is there any truth to the saying that, "Once burned, twice shy, and the third time is a charm"?

It was a Halloween costume party and I really didn't want to be there, but the host and hostess were my best friends and they had insisted that I come. There would be too many men in attendance that I suspected of having spent time between the legs of my two ex-wives for me to be really comfortable, but Allison was sure that a good party would lift my spirits and she kept after me until I agreed to at least put in an appearance. I told her that I wouldn't come in a costume because I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be staying long and she pouted a bit and called me a party pooper and then she dropped the subject before I changed my mind.

Things probably would have been better if she had kept pushing and made me change my mind, but she didn't and I showed up at the party. It turned out that the real reason Allison wanted me there was so that she could introduce me to a visiting cousin.

"You'll really like her Bob, she's just your kind of girl."

"What? Another round heeled slut?"

"That's not a very nice thing to say about some one that you haven't even met."

"You're the one that said she was my kind of girl and you already know what kind my last two were."

"That isn't what I meant and you know it. Staci has gone through much of what you have. She found out that her ex-husband was the male equivalent of a round-heeled slut. In other words sweetie, she knows the pain of having an unfaithful spouse. I'm sure that neither one of you would ever want to cause that pain in some one else, ergo, the two of you are made for each other."

"Allison, I love you dearly, but I think that you spend too much time watching the "Lifetime" channel on TV. I think what I need is the opposite. What I need to do is go after the wives and girlfriends of the guys who were planking my ex-wives. I think that would make me feel great. I should have figured that out sooner. If I had I could have worn a costume and started tonight since half the assholes here are on that list. Hell, I think I'll give it a shot anyway."

"Bob, don't you dare mess up my party."

"Don't worry Al, if I can hook one I'll take her somewhere else."

"Come on Bob, just let it go. You got rid of the two whores, let it go at that."

She was right of course and besides I didn't have it in me to go after some one else's woman, not even some one who had messed with mine.

I circulated and had a drink or two and socialized. I was even able to be cordial toward the guys who had stuck it to me, or to be more factual, had stuck it in my wives. None of them knew that I knew about them. They did know that I had sent George to the hospital when I caught him with Ann. They knew that Sal had taken a transfer and had gotten out of town before I could get to him after finding out about him and Shelly. They did not know that Ann and Shelly had given the rest of them up in the confrontations that had followed my catching them being unfaithful. I would find a way to get even with all of them some day and I did not intend that they see it coming so I kept it to myself and let them all think I was just a dumb cuckold.

I'm sure that I knew her, but in her costume and wearing the mask she had on I couldn't tell who she was. Her costume was reminiscent of the costume that Barbara Eden had worn in "I Dream of Jeannie" only she had a little more breast exposed and the pantaloons were cut a lot lower and showed her belly button. Her stomach wasn't flat and tight, but it had that sexy (to me anyway) 'puffy tummy' look that told you that she had a lush, sexy body and she had a large jewel stuck in her navel that called attention to it. Frankly, I had a hard time taking my eyes off of her. She noticed and after about an hour she came over to me.

"What is it about me that seems to have you so fascinated? Is it the jewel in my belly button?" she asked in a voice she was obviously trying to disguise.

"Actually it is two things and neither has anything to do with your belly button."

"May I be so bold as to ask what the two are?"

"First, I have figured out who everyone else in costume is, but I can't figure out who you are. But the thing that is really driving me nuts is trying to figure out how you would get those pantaloons out of the way without having to waste the time taking them all the way off."

"Why you nasty boy you. And just why would you want to do a thing like that?"

"It would be the ultimate fantasy. What was it Erica Jong called it? A Zipless Fuck? A quick coupling and to never know who it was? I'd spend the rest of my life looking at women and wondering, "Was it you?"

"God, I don't know if I should slap your face or drag you off to some dark spot."

"You know which way I'll vote."

"You wish."

Before I could respond Allison came up to us dragging an obviously reluctant young lady with her and the genie walked away. Allison introduced me to her cousin Betty and then walked away leaving me and Betty alone. We talked and it didn't take us long to realize that we had no interest in each other so she excused herself to go use the john and I headed for the bar to get another beer.

I went back to circulating and about an hour later I had just about made up my mind that it was time for me to leave when the genie came up to me.

"Still interested in a zipless fuck?"

"I would love to say yes, but I can't."

"That isn't the answer that I expected."

"It isn't the answer that I really wanted to give."

"Really? Then why did you?"

"I saw your wedding rings. I have a history when it comes to a married woman getting it on with some one who isn't their husband."

"I know you do Bob, that's why I picked you."

"Does that come with an explanation?"

"It will be easier to just show you" and she took my hand and pulled me along behind her. "Be quiet" she whispered as she led me out onto Allison's patio and around to the side of the house.

"Look in the basement window."

I looked in the window and saw that I was looking into Allison's laundry room. Sitting on the dryer was Herb Scott and standing between his legs, bent at the waist and sucking Herb's cock was Allison's cousin Betty. Allison had been right. Betty was my kind of girl — another round heeled slut!

"Who are you showing me, Betty or Herb?"

"Herb of course. I don't even know who the slut is."

"And the reason you wanted me to see this?"

"I intend to get even with the asshole."

"That means it won't be a zipless fuck Marge. It is only zipless if you don't know who the other party is and now I know who you are."

"Don't give me any bullshit Bob. You wanted to know how to get into these pantaloons and I'm ready to show you. Yes or no?"

"Yes, but why me?"

"Because Herb fucked both of your wives. Did you know that?"

I knew about Shelly, not Ann, but I shook my head no.

"Well he did and I can't think of anyone I'd rather get my revenge with than you."

"Why now? Why didn't you come looking for me back when he did them?"

"Because I was stupid. I caught him with Shelly and I was all set to throw him out of the house and divorce him, but he begged me to give him another chance. I made him confess to all he had done before I would even talk to him and that's how I found out about Ann. He promised me never again if I would just forgive him and I did."

She looked down into the laundry room, "So much for never again." She turned back to me, "Your place or mine?"

"When?"

"Right now."

"Your place then. A little poetic justice, his wife, his bed. You going to tell him?"

"I have mixed emotions on that. Part of me wants him to walk in on us while were doing it and part of me wants to have a long affair behind his back. I want to make love to him and give him sloppy seconds. I want to have him go down on me after I've been with you so I guess the only answer to your question is a question. What do you want?"

"I like your second option. I'd like knowing that he was sucking up my leavings."

"Let's go then. When he gets home I'll tell him I got sick and couldn't find him and so I asked you to drive me home. It will be fun to watch him squirm as he tries to come up with an explanation as to why I couldn't find him and see how he reacts to the fact that it was you who gave me a ride home."