Chapter 4

Share George with his girl friend? Good Lord why had she blurted that out. Could she share him like she told him she would? She didn't really have an answer for that one and the way George had acted after she had blurted it out led her to believe that she would never have to find out. Her begging to be a part of his life again hadn't seemed to faze him at all. Just "I want to go to bed, please leave."

She was at a loss as to what to do to get George back. She needed his love, his tenderness; she needed him to want her sexually even if it had to be the way he had just done it. She hadn't liked the way he had taken her and in fact, when she finally told him about the rest of her night with Glen at the party she had told him that if he had ever treated her like that she would be gone in a heartbeat. Well, he had treated her that way and she wasn't packing her suitcases. She had not liked it one bit, well that wasn't exactly true - she had gotten into it when he took her ass - and she hoped that he would never be that way with her again, but if he did she knew that she would somehow suffer through it in the hope that somehow it would help heal the marriage. She needed sex even if it was bad sex.

Giving up Mel had been hard on her, but she really believed that fate meant for her to be with George and she did not regret making her promise to George. It wasn't going to be easy - temptation was everywhere - but she was determined to somehow get George back and it would never happen as long as she was letting someone else scratch her itch.

She thought back to the night she and Mel had shown up at every place that George and his date went. She remembered how Mel had taken it when she had said that it was over between them.

"You don't mean now do you? You mean after our weekend right?"

"No Mel, I mean now. I'm going home and I'm going to wait for George to come back to me no matter how long it takes."

"You can't do this to me baby. All night long you have been rubbing my cock and promising that you were going to fuck my brains out. I'm as hard as an iron bar" and he had taken her hand and placed it on his cock and she had rubbed it once before jerking her hand away.

"I'm sorry Mel, but I can't help you. All the signs say I have to be with George and I promised him that I was going to go straight home from here and then not have sex with anyone but him ever again."

"Come on baby; you can leave me hanging like this."

She had looked at Mel and she actually felt his pain. For him it was like it had been for her for the six months she had tried to get George interested in her again. She had glanced at the door to the Blue Room and then she had made up her mind. She knew she was splitting hairs, but she couldn't - just couldn't leave Mel to suffer.

"I said that I was going to go straight home from here and then never have sex with anyone else. Technically as long as I'm still in the parking lot I'm still here and I said that once I got home there would be no other men for me. I guess if I stretch the point it means I can fuck you as long as we stay here in the parking lot. I'll do it one time to get rid of your swelling, but then I'm going home. Agreed?"

"Anything you say baby, just get me off."

They had gotten in his car and moved to a dark corner of the lot and had gotten in the back seat. She had only intended to get him off and then go, but the excitement that she had felt when she had fucked Toby on his back seat grabbed her again and she had fucked Mel, sucked him hard and then had fucked him again and all the time hoping to look up and see someone watching.

When Mel had cum the second time he wanted her to suck him hard again, but she pushed him away and told him to drive her to her car. She had thanked him for the wonderful times he had given her and then she had kissed him, gotten in her car and had driven home. As she drove she thought about her last time with Mel and was glad she had rationalized it the way she did. That would be the last sex she would have until she either got George back or gave up.

She had made George a promise and she would keep it, but she was a realist. She knew that she couldn't go without forever and if she and George couldn't put it their marriage back together back together she would need to get her sex somewhere else. To do that she would have to void the promise and the only way she could do that was divorce. The question was how long could she hold out.

The next evening, after he and Carol had made love, he told Carol about what Shawna had said about sharing him.

"And what did you say?"

"I didn't say anything."

"She has to love you a lot and want you pretty bad to go that far. She is crawling baby; the only thing she hasn't done is lick your feet. When are you going to admit to yourself that you love her and forgive her? She fucked up! So what? Everyone makes mistakes and bad errors of judgment and does stupid shit that they regret later. I'll grant you that her's was a whopper, but she was honest and up front about it. She could have kept her mouth shut and the odds are pretty damned good that you would have never known. If it had happened to me God knows that I would never have told on myself. I would have buried it so deep that even I would have forgotten about it and then done my level best to love my hubby to death for the rest of my life.

"That sounds like what she was doing Georgie; doing her absolute best to love you to death only you wouldn't let her. I'm not trying to get rid of you baby because I do like you a lot and I love the arrangement we have, but you do belong with her and you know it. Your pride, ego or whatever is all that is keeping the two of you apart. Some other guy got something that was supposed to be yours and yours alone and it got you all bent out of shape.

"You know that she didn't mean for it to happen and you can't understand how she let it go so far, but you know in your heart that she would never have done it again or let it happen again. You have to know that Georgie. She showed you that when she blew the whistle on herself. She is not the kind who can carry the guilt."

"What about the others?"

"What about them?

"She didn't have any problem going with them."

"True, but she didn't sneak around did she? She was up front about it. If you weren't going to take care of her she was going to get someone who would and she told you before she did it so there was no guilt to carry. She was probably sorry that it had to end up that way and sad that it had to be that way, but I'm on her side there George. Sex is a physical need and in her place I'm pretty damned sure that I wouldn't have waited near as long to see that I got what I needed."

She had started fondling his cock and it responded. As she swung over him she said:

"If she is willing to share lover, I'll go along with the program" and then she lowered herself down onto him."

Driving home that night he thought about what Shawna had said and about what Carol had said. Both of them were willing to share him and he found that amazing. But as amazing as it was it was never going to happen. He just wasn't wired that way. It would be one or the other, but it would never be both. But which one? Even as he asked the question he knew the answer. At least he knew which one he wanted it to be. If he could make it happen. That was going to be the hard part - making it happen.

Even though he was ashamed of himself for what he had done to Shawna the night before what he had done had been beneficial. He hadn't realized how much he had kept bottled up inside after Shawna's confession. It had all come out of him as he took her and used her and yes, abused her. It was as if he had burned the bad shit out of himself and with the bad stuff gone he could look at things and see them in a different light.

Shawna was not the type of woman who would do what she had done, but type or not she had done it and suddenly he could see how it could have happened. She got caught up in it. Isn't that what had happened to him? He wasn't the kind of man who could force himself on a woman and treat her like nothing but a piece of meat, but isn't that what he did? He let his anger take hold of him and it pushed him to do something he ordinarily would never even think of doing. He let himself get caught up in the moment. His moment had been anger driven while Shawna's moment had been driven by sexual excitement. Different yes, but were not they really the same? A time when the rest of you took time off and let some dark part of you take over for a while? Shawna had felt a crushing guilt at letting her dark part run free and he was ashamed for letting his dark part out of its cage. Not the same thing, but close enough to understand. At least that is what he was thinking, but the question was could he make himself accept it?