Chapter 9: Jane's journey

Throughout her life, Jane would turn to her past when times were darkest.

Regardless of her trouble, she would find happiness in the boundless days of her early teens. She had such high hopes for her life then — in fact the future seemed limitless.

But then Steve left and after a few months she found her future, and her present, very bleak. Her mother thought Robert Wilmont would be her savior. Sharon Reynolds had made that clear to her daughter.

After all, he came from a wealthy family and had ties to the community. That was enough for Sharon. Unfortunately it was never enough for Jane. He proved to be a pleasant diversion after Steve left. He was older and more worldly. But worldly wasn't what Jane was looking for. She longed for the excitement that a simple glance from Steve could create. But he would serve a purpose until she turned 18 and went to find Steve. She knew she could convince him to take her back.

Then she got pregnant and her whole world fell apart. She didn't even remember having sex with Robert Wilmont. Really, she had gaps in her memory that she never could close.

The quack her mother sent her to said it was a defense mechanism — her mind was blocking out the trauma of Steve's desertion. The man would never believe that she remembered Steve vividly, but what she couldn't recall was having sex with Robert Wilmont at any time, let alone often enough to get pregnant.

Plus, she was on birth control pills. She made damned sure she started taking those again as soon as Robert started pressuring her to have sex with him.

Hell, she didn't even remember trying to kill herself. She knew she wanted to, that's for sure. Her father had taken her to a different doctor the week before and he started her on a prescription for depression and anxiety. But she was sure she'd taken the correct amounts. Maybe not. Waking up in the hospital with her arms constrained certainly put that myth to rest.

By the time she left the facility, she was resigned to her fate. She didn't even protest when Robert wanted to fuck her. It was the next logical progression when she found herself married to the bastard.

But then Stephanie came along. She was such a beautiful child. She loved the little girl in her heart, but she hadn't felt loved in so long that she really didn't know how to show it.

Even Allison had deserted her. Once her crazy sister tried to kill herself, Allison stayed away. Things were a little better once Stephanie was born, but by that time Allison was almost an adult, too, and she left for college and then the military.

The beatings started a year or two after Allison left for school. It started with a slap, then gravitated to a punch. Before long it was a broken wrist or a cracked rib. She had no friends by this point. Her mother had died and her father was cracking up.

The whole town of Clarkston knew who Robert Wilmont was and how much he meant to their livelihoods, so no one stepped up to help. She remembered searching her memory for Steve's phone number in California, but she couldn't recall it. She tried directory assistance in all 50 states for a listing for Steve Booth. She found literally thousands, but none were him.

She was lost in a world without hope.

Stephanie was the lone ray of sun in Jane's world. All she wanted was for her daughter to grow up healthy — mentally and physically. When Stephanie was crowned the best speller in the whole county, she was beside herself with glee.

That's when Robert put the brakes on Stephanie's life, too. Jane had learned from watching Robert's mother and in-laws that the Wilmont women were to be seen and not heard. Even the children of the family were silent and glum.

The girls were shipped off to boarding school, then introduced to their future husbands. It was sickening. But the boys were given full reign. Their transgressions were covered up; their ruthless actions applauded; and their cruelty cultivated.

By their 10th year of marriage, Jane prayed for death almost daily. If it hadn't been for Stephanie, she might have tried to kill herself again. But just as quickly as the hitting had begun, it lessened. Robert would disappear for days or weeks on end. It was the best times of her marriage as far as Jane was concerned.

Jane started to notice Stephanie withdrawing about that time. But she was powerless to stop it. She made sure Stephanie stayed in her room most of the time when her father was home — and made damned sure she was in her room with the doors locked when any of his business associates paid a visit.

It was bad enough they looked at Jane like a piece of meat but it only took one time of them looking at Stephanie that way before Jane put her out of reach.

By this time the only thing that would draw Robert's ire was if Jane gained weight or failed to fix her hair or makeup. He wanted her looking her best at all times and insisted she partake in the home gym at least two hours each day.

When Stephanie turned 12, he told her he wanted her in the gym two hours each day, too.

"I can't very well marry you off if you turn out to be fat," he said. "God knows you're personality isn't going to win any awards."

It started out well. The mother and daughter found a common interest — even if it was forced upon them — and began to get along better. Robert seemed to notice because he insisted Jane and Stephanie go at separate times. It started out benignly. He would take Stephanie shopping or to ride her horse and tell Jane to hit the gym. But when Jane would wait for her daughter, he would beat her with a belt or a switch and threaten to treat Stephanie the same if Jane didn't listen.

Soon he gave up all pretense and just forbade Jane to be in the gym when Stephanie was there.

When Stephanie started to develop, Robert started to spend more time with her. Jane noticed the almost-loving way Robert would caress her daughter's stomach and the lustful looks he would offer when he thought no one was looking.

Jane took great pains to make sure nothing untoward was happening — well, nothing more disgusting that what was already happening. She confided her fears to Stephanie's doctor one afternoon and for once the doctor took her seriously. He assured Jane that Stephanie's hymen was intact and gave her the number for a domestic abuse counselor.

But the counselor did more harm that good and practically forced Jane to admit that Robert wasn't doing anything sexual to the child.

"It's probably jealousy," the woman said. "You're getting older and see a younger version of you. Any attention your husband gives to her is attention he isn't giving to you. It's that simple."

Of course, Jane didn't realize until almost seven months later that Robert was fucking the counselor every Wednesday afternoon. She did know that the most severe beating of her life came the afternoon after her visit to the counselor.

Robert's unilateral decision to sent Stephanie away for high school was the last straw. The looks had gotten more obvious in the recent months and he practically drooled on himself when he made Stephanie model the swimsuit he bought for her.

She'd be damned if she was going to let Robert force Stephanie into the sort of life she had lived. She'd kill her child and herself first.

It was that thought that spurred her into action. She hadn't planned it out, she just made a decision — the first she'd made in a long while — and went with it. She didn't consider the ramifications when she and Stephanie loaded up the car and headed for her sister's house.

But finding Steve Booth arm-in-arm with Allison was just a little more than she could take.

She had experienced a range of emotions on her trip to Allison's: fright, hope, dread. But all she could feel when she recognized Steve was anger. He was the man who doomed her to a life in hell. His cruelty was the sole reason she had considered killing her little girl.

She wasn't really sure happened next. Really, the next thing she was clear about was Stephanie telling her the story her dad had told. It didn't make a bit of sense to her. Then she was furious at Allison for hiding everything from her.

When Stephanie disappeared, Jane was midway through a screaming rant that would have awoken half the county. Allison, like Steve before, just let her scream. Her anger turned to terror when she realized Stephanie was gone, but Allison just held her and told her the girl had gone next door.

The next few weeks were a mixture of terror and adventure. She worried that she'd immediately fall in love with Steve again — and part of her hoped that maybe she would. But Robert's incessant threats and belligerent ramblings kept any thought of the future in check.

It was only that night — that God-awful night — that she realized how much she'd changed. She knew Robert was a cruel man, but she had never dreamed he was capable of murder. Then to watch her little girl kill her father — all the while screaming how much she loved Steve — was too much.

Her daughter had shown more resolve and courage in those few minutes than she had shown in the last 20 years. She was willing to fight for someone she cared about. Stephanie wasn't willing to set back and let someone else dictate what the rest of her life was going to be like. Even Allison was stunned.

Jane had known that Allison had a crush on Steve when they were children. How could she not? He treated Jane like a gem and her little sister like a precious metal. She didn't kid herself that the adult version of her little sister had developed strong feelings for the adult version of her childhood hero too.

But Steve was an enigma. He never showed overt affection for Allison beyond that as a trusted friend. Of course he'd shown the same sort of affection for Jane too, sometimes to her dismay. But neither Jane nor her sister had pushed.