Chapter 3

BUT NEVER DOUBT I LOVE

Doubt thou the stars are fire,

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar,

But never doubt I love.

Shakespeare, Hamlet, II, ii,116

The voice was saying something I couldn't quite make out. There was the timbre of anxiety in the voice; the words filtered as if I had earplugs on. I gradually became aware of my body — my subconscious sending out urgent messages to the organs and extremities asking if they were doing okay.

The right responses must have been sent back because I had a sense of feeling better without knowing why I felt that way. I felt, and then saw one eyelid then the other as they were pulled up, an unpleasant graininess causing discomfort. A blinding flash of light, with that special intensity of a too close bolt of light caused a sudden pain in my eyes. Firm hands holding my head tight... the owner of the hands offering a barely heard, "Easy, okay, easy."

The soft voice knew somehow — experience? — that my eyes were dry and gently applied two drops of some liquid to each eye. There was instant relief and by squinting I could make out the plain but somehow peaceful face of a nurse looking over at me. Moving my head slightly I saw a short, pot-bellied man who must be the doctor — standing there observing us.

I could also make out a large bandage covering my nose and now, with the sight I knew that pain would arrive shortly. I mumbled, dry mouthed, "What happened?"

The doctor came closer, and looking at me with a smile, said, "Yes, I guess you wouldn't know." He pointed at something outside of my range of vision and the nurse held a water bottle with a straw in it to my lips.

"You fell down at the port. Your head hit the sharp corner of the concrete base of a light pole. You had bleeding in your brain. We had to put you in an induced coma and drill a small hole in your skull to clean out the clot. We just now brought you out from under. We will keep you here for a few days for monitoring but you should be able to leave by the end of the week."

"How long have I been here?"

"Just under two weeks."

"What happened to my nose?"

"He smiled, "Well, a bit of bad luck there. When you fell your wife fell on top of you and hit your nose with her elbow. "Fraid you aren't going to be quite as handsome with that new bend in your beak." He chuckled at what he must have considered a joke.

Sounding stupid, even to myself, I asked, "My wife?"

"Yes, and I must say she is quite lovely. I have never seen a wife as dedicated as her. She has been here almost all day, every day. Sitting by your side, reading to you from a novel. The nurse said she went to the hotel to get some sleep just before I came in to bring you out of the coma."

"How soon can I travel?"

"Well, I'd say a week from today should be okay. Don't do anything really strenuous for a couple of weeks. By the way, there is a gentleman waiting to see you, if you feel up to it."

I asked the nurse to put the back of my bed up some and to let him in.

"Charlie, damn, you look like you got hit by a truck!"

It was my boss from New York, Gerald Adams. "Thanks, Gerald. That makes me feel a lot better. Listen, I'm ready to move closer to the action. I need to work out something. If I can make it happen I want to be based in Miami. That would be best for travel to South America and good connections to Spain and Portugal. Otherwise I'll go ahead and move to Madrid like you originally wanted me to."

Gerald stared at me, "I'm a little confused here. Candy told me you guys had patched things up. She also said she was changing her focus to work mostly in the US so she wouldn't have to travel so much."

That bitch!

"Well, Gerald, that's not true. Candy and I are through. We've both signed the papers and the divorce is in process."

"Uh, Charlie, Candy said she tore those papers up."

That bitch! That damned bitch!

"Well, Gerald, I kept a copy signed by both of us and I'm going to turn it in. If that doesn't work I'll move to Nevada for six weeks and do it there. We are clearly incompatible, which is all that Nevada cares about. I have the note that she gave me when she said she was dumping me for Llewellyn. So talk to me about Miami."

He looked a bit stunned — I didn't really blame him.

"Well, sure it would be better for us to have you either here or in Madrid. Actually, all things considered here in Miami would be the best. We do have an affiliate office you can work out of when you need to. And I fly through here all the time so it would be much easier for us to meet."

"Okay, great, Gerald. Look, I need you to do something. Could you call the law firm we work with in Santiago and have them set up an introduction for me in, say, two weeks? A lunch would be great. I need to meet with a guy and I don't know much about him. His last name is Galvéz and he is a lawyer working on the Pinochet stuff. I know his wife's maiden name is Pomar, but that's all I have."

"Sure, I can do that. How are you feeling? I have to say your nose looks like shit." He laughed at that.

I told him how everything went on the cruise. I'd already copied him on the reports I'd written.

"Charlie, they were quite impressed with you. I met with Cary Edwards and he gave us a contract to do a feasibility study on your recommendations. He apologized again for taking the room they were going to have you use and told me to tell you he meant what he said about his offer of the suite for you to take a cruise on them. He said it just had to be scheduled. He gave me his secretary's number here in Miami and you just need to call her when you are ready."

We chatted for a bit more, and when the nurse came in to do whatever it is that nurses always seem to be doing, he stood up.

"Gerald, I appreciate your not asking anymore about what's going on. I'll let you know when I either do or do not get it worked out. Be assured, though, that in any case Candy and I are not getting back together."

After the nurse left I fell asleep for a couple of hours. When the nurse's aide came to serve me lunch I saw that Candy was standing there staring at me. From the look on her face she had run into Gerald and heard what I'd had to say about her.

She came over and sat on the edge of the bed. "I screwed up, didn't I, Charlie?" I looked away for a moment then looked back at her, curious about what she would say. "It was so stupid. I'd gone shopping but I got a headache and came home. I caught him in bed with the guy that was supposed to be the best man."

She teared up and tried a laugh that didn't work out quite right, "I guess that was the problem, huh, he really was the best man. It turned out his dad wanted him to get married to make him look more respectable. I guess there is no chance for us?"

Quietly, I replied, "No, Candy, there isn't. I've moved on. I've... well, Candy, I've found someone new. Someone special I want to live the rest of my life with. She was there, at the dock. Did you see her? She was with two small girls, twins about five."

"No, Charlie. I only had eyes for you. I stupidly figured we could just start over. I told Gerald that I was going to stay in Denver. But if it's not going to work out I've been offered a partnership in a small firm in Odessa, Texas. There will just be three of us and we will specialize in oil leases."

She started crying and I did feel some sympathy for her. I'd loved and lived with her for years. I didn't hate her; just what she had done to us. Forgiving her or not wasn't an issue. Our lives would go on in different orbits. The way that it had come about left a bad taste in my mouth but that was history now. I was impatient for her to leave, distracted with trying to figure out what had happened to Ana. The only thing that made sense was that Ana had seen Candy kiss me and jumped to the wrong conclusion.

She stood up, "Can you give me a goodbye hug?"

I did but, with no guilt whatsoever, my mind was on Ana.

As she left, Candy added, "I know this doesn't mean much, but I really am sorry. Not just for what I did but for the small, mean way I did it. I'm not proud of myself. I won't fight you on the divorce, Charlie. I hope you find that girl. Oh, by the way, there was a man called Terry, an Englishman. He saw you fall and said he would have the cruise line hold your luggage. Just call them and they will have it delivered.

She walked out the door and out of my life. It was ten years before I saw her again, and that was at the airport in Houston... ships passing in the night.

I improved rapidly and that Saturday they let me out of the hospital. The doctor wanted me to wait for another three or four days before traveling. Gerald had called me and told me the meeting was set up. I still had ten days before the meeting in Chile so I made reservations for the next Wednesday to fly to Lima. I figured I'd spend a few days there with my extended family that had remained in Perú. Then I would go on to Santiago for the meeting that I hoped would answer some questions and save my life.

I checked into a hotel room and called to have my luggage delivered. I had everything cleaned and washed, and paid extra to have it done right away. It would be winter in Lima and Santiago so I bought a couple of heavier jackets and several pair of slacks.

I spent my days walking along the beach, thinking of Ana, trying to puzzle out her disappearance. I could see her being upset... more than that, feeling betrayed if she saw Candy kissing me. There wasn't anyway she could have known that I didn't want and would have refused the kiss if I had the chance. I loved only Ana and for me it was the last love I would have.

I finally decided she must have seen us and turned at once in shame and anger. Yeah, she did have a fiery temper. I know that she wouldn't have been able to walk away if she knew that I was hurt.

I didn't want to sink into depression, I had to fight this and find my love. I was dying of curiosity about the girls and found myself wishing I had had a chance to meet them. I was careful to drink only wine or beer and then only with meals. The solace of alcohol was tempting, but I knew it would ultimately be self-defeating.

The trip to Perú went quite well. Everyone must have thought I looked skinny 'cause they did their best to fatten me up. It was good to decompress — great and terrible, my life had been chaos for the last month.