Chapter 2: The aftermath of cheating.

I got up the next morning and cleaned up. I put the coffee on and waited for Jamee to get up. I had heard her crying most of the night and I doubt if she got much sleep either. I heard her going into the bathroom and my stomach began to churn. I was a bundle of nerves. When she came out of the bathroom, she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down.

Looking at her was hard. I knew I should start the conversation so I asked her straight out, "Why did you do it?"

"It just happened. I was drunk and it just happened. I love you Jerry, I wish it hadn't happened but it did. We have to move on now," replied Jamee.

"Bullshit! It doesn't just happen. He doesn't just take you into his bedroom; just undress you and stick his dick in you. You could have stopped him at any time. When I walked in the room he wasn't raping you. You were giving yourself freely to him."

She started to cry lightly. "He was hitting on me and I drank a lot."

"Bullshit Jamee, I don't want excuses, I want answers. I want to know everything if we are to stay married."

I know I had a real problem here. I was the one who put all those ideas in her head. I knew what she did was partially a result of what I half conditioned her to do. Now I had to wonder if I could live with the results of her infidelity and my actions.

I think that was the first time that she realized that our marriage might be over, that I might leave. "What? You're thinking of leaving me. Jerry, we can work through this," said Jamee.

"Then I need the truth. How long have you been seeing him?"

"This was the only time that it had ever gone that far," replied Jamee.

"So, you've been with him before? How many other guys did you fuck behind my back?"

"No, it wasn't like that. I've never fuck... made love to anyone but you. You have to believe me. It was the only time. Jim would hit on me at work. You know, ask for dates or pat my behind. He would say a lot of sexy things to me about my body or how he would like to get me alone for a half hour, things like that."

"Was he the only one to do that? You know, talk sexy to you," I asked.

"No, you know that. All our friends kid around like that. It's never meant anything. Guys hit on girls all the time but we just laugh it off. If I'm to be honest with you, I like to be looked at; I like compliments as much as the next girl. I know that you talk like that to other women too. Does that mean you wanted to fuck them?"

"You went further than talk. You were fucking him! Now lets talk about that."

Jamee was holding back her crying as best she could as she tried to explain what happened. "We arrived at the party and as I said, I had been drinking too much. It's not an excuse but it is a fact that alcohol lowers the inhibitions of people. Jim was talking sex to me all night. Things like how nice I looked and he talked about my butt. He tried touching me a few times when we were in the pool."

"Did he succeed," I asked.

Jamee lowered her head, "Yes, but I thought it was all in fun. I started thinking about how we used him in our fantasy. So, yes, he touched me. I was getting a little turned on thinking about what you and I do and it started to go too far with Jim. I pushed his hand away when I realized he was fingering me. I was still drinking and you were getting drunk too. One time when Jim came back to me in the water we were joking about having sex. I laughed and told him about our sexual fantasy."

"You what? You told him that you used his name in our lovemaking? How stupid could you get? Why would you tell him such a thing?"

Again, I realized I was the one who started it. I was only reaping what I sowed. I knew I was blaming her when half the guilt was mine. I guess I was trying to deny my guilt and face the truth. But still, I didn't think it was something she should have shared.

"It just came out. He laughed and started in touching me again. It felt good. You had disappeared, I looked up for you but you weren't there. I was getting turned on thinking about what we do in our fantasies. Most everyone had left the party and Linda told Jim she would be back in about an hour. She was going to take some people home. She didn't drink that night for that reason. Jim offered but she told him he had too much to drink.

"When she left, Jim was back on me again, right away. It was only me and him. You weren't around. He kept touching me and fingering me the same way you do. He told me we just had a few minutes till Linda got back and we could turn that fantasy into a reality. I don't know why I did it but I went into his bedroom and,... well, you know the rest."

"No, tell me," I demanded.

"Jerry, please, you know what happened."

"Say it, tell me what he did to you." I wasn't getting off on this, in fact I had tears in my eyes. I wanted her to admit to everything she did."

"We walked into the house and Jim saw you asleep on the couch and laughed. He took me by the hand into his bedroom and undid my top and started sucking my breasts. It felt good; I can't deny that. He slipped off my bottoms and I lay on his bed. Jerry, that's enough, please."

"Finish the damn story; I want to hear it all. How you cheated on me and made me a wimp."

"God, Jerry, you're no wimp. You know that," said Jamee.

"Just finish the damn story," I replied.

"As I lay on the bed, Jim started eating me out, just like you always say in the fantasy. I was thinking about the three of us while he was doing it. How you always talk about it. I was getting hotter when he stopped eating me and he mounted me. He put his cock in me. He felt good but not like when you do it."

"I heard you yell out give me more. Sounds like you enjoyed it," I said.

"I was getting fucked for Pete's sake, of course it felt good but with you it always felt so much better. It's why I kept saying more. I was thinking about us together and I wanted more, you always gave me more. I never did come. That's when you came in the room. When you hit Jim, my whole married life flashed before me and I realized what might happen. You aren't going to leave me are you, Jerry? I made a big mistake. I regret it but I can't undo it. Please forgive me," asked Jamee.

I loved her, I really did. I loved my girls and I wondered how this situation would affect our family. I looked over at Jamee and all I could see is her fucking another man, fucking Jim.

I know Jamee cheated but how much did I contribute to it? It all began with what I probably put into her head. I guess I just didn't want to face the truth. I was the biggest part of the fault here. The stupid ass fantasies and stories where every man wants to see his wife get fucked while he jacks off in the corner. God, how stupid can a person be. How stupid was I? Now I had to deal with the after effects of our actions. I knew I needed time away from her. I had to work this out in my mind. I created this situation and didn't know how to fix it. I continually pictured her in bed with another man.

"Jamee, I love you. I love you more than anything but this tore my insides out. I can't look at you without picturing you on your back, getting fucked by Jim. I do feel that some of the blame is mine because of the fantasies but you acted them out. I have to get away. Right now I can't live in the same house with you."

Jamee was crying and kept telling me how sorry she was. I packed my bags. I called my parents and asked them if I could move back home for a while. I just told them that Jamee and I had some marital problems to overcome and I didn't want to stay at our house any more. Jamee got dressed and went over to get our girls. When she got back I was gone.

Over the next few months I would stop over at the house most everyday to see my daughters. It was hard leaving them to go to my temporary home.

They were four and five years old. I wanted to be with them as much as possible. Jamee was always there and asked me when I was coming home. She always looked nice and I missed her so much. It was just that I couldn't come to the grips of my own reality. I always pictured her on the bed fucking Jim. I just couldn't let it go.

We had a good relationship other than not living together. We kept a good relationship together mostly for the kids but we still loved each other. We would take the kids someplace almost every weekend, parks, beach, the zoo, movies. We did it all as a family, except I went to another home every night. I began crying a lot after leaving my family. I knew I couldn't go on forever like this. I had to do something.

Before I tell you what I decided to do, I will do my best to update you on what happened after I left the house. I moved in as I mentioned with my parents. Jamee's parents live about sixty miles away. All she had here were her friends. Most of her friends stuck by her. Of course the rumors were circulating and were somewhat true.

After we left Jim and Linda's place they got into a big argument. I guess this wasn't the first time that Jim played around. Linda threw him out and applied for a divorce. Any mutual friends that Linda and Jamee had sided with Linda. The wives didn't want their husbands anywhere around Jamee. This crowd labeled her as a home wrecker. She pretty much hung out with Rachel and some of our joint friends. She told me in little talks that we had that she didn't joke around like we used to.

At work Jim started to hit on her hot and heavy and also told a few of the other agents how hot Jamee was and that she broke up his marriage. She told me that she told him off a dozen times and told him to leave her alone. When he started calling her at the house she filed a harassment suit against him and two other agents. It got so bad that she quit her job. Her attorney said she had a good case because she recorded the harassment messages after the first incident.

She quit her job and now works with Rachel at one of the local department stores. I have talked to Rachel and she told me that Jamee really loves me and admits she made a huge mistake. She also told me that Jamee as been asked out a number of times but always refuses. She was hoping that someday I would forgive her.

I stopped by the insurance office where Jim worked. I waited for him to leave the office and approached him.