Chapter 1

Susan's abrupt announcement that she was going to spend the night with her lover, Rich, was truly the last straw for Jonathan. He was so furious and hurt that he didn't give a damn whether or not he was able to keep a house anymore. He had to leave, for his own sanity's sake! That night, he packed everything and left a note for Susan and the children. It was very short.

Dear family,

I have not deserted you. However, I cannot tolerate how I am treated in my own house by my wife of 25 years. When I am informed that I must accept a cuckold situation in the name of helping some manipulative outsider, that I have nothing to offer a woman (from my own wife's lips, no less- very odd words for a woman who claims to love me), and that she will expect me to consider what she does with him to be "none of my business", I feel that there isn't much left to talk about. You want me to ask why, Susan? Why does why even matter? Why should the question "why" even count now? Neither why, whom, where, when, or how matters as much as the what of it.

That "what" is that you're unfaithful. You broke your wedding vows to me to "forsake all others", the only conditions under which I also agreed to "forsake all others". Do you actually think that I can "forsake all others" when I know that you won't? Furthermore, do you really expect me to "love, cherish, and protect" you, while you make it clear that you will not "love, honor, and obey" me? Were those words only binding on me in your mind when we spoke them? If I had thought so, I would never have spoken them.

To make matters worse, you seem to think me unreasonable and even hurtful for objecting to such unfair and cruel treatment at your hands, including giving to another man what you have denied to me. Well, I do not share your view. Nor will I let fears of being "taken to the cleaners" by my selfish whore of a wife, who flaunts her adultery as if it were a badge of honor, deter me from my new path. I am divorcing you. There will no counseling. There will be no more talk of reconciliation. Our differences are, to use legalese that your paralegal lover will grasp, "irreconcilable". You said that we had "something to talk about". We talked about it, alright, ad nauseum. What's left to talk about?

Your soon-to-be ex-husband,
Jonathan.

P.S. Oh, and I'm fighting you for custody of the children. I have also made copies of this letter for the benefit of the court, so they will know my reasons. Since the children have no doubt read this too, it will hard for you to pretend that it doesn't exist. I imagine that the court will consider their views on where they wish to live, and I can only assume that they won't necessarily view your compassion on Rich to be a good reason to stay with you, especially since you are so cold toward me. I'll be going for sole custody, with you only getting visitation rights. Best to start out with a firmer line in negotiations, don't you think?

P.S.S. By the way, I plan to find a woman who will put me ahead of some third party and not cheat on me. I don't know how long that will take, given your low opinion of my potential as a lover and husband. However, I imagine that not every woman is as shallow as yourself. I shall have great fun testing that theory. You said that you'll put yourself ahead of me. Well, that's nothing new. You've always thought of everyone else ahead of me, especially yourself. I'm about to return the favor and think of myself for a change.

Susan read the letter with more than a little alarm when she returned that morning. Thankfully, the kids had been out for the night with extended family. He had chosen his moment of escape well. She now realized that her words had been a bit provocative and extreme, even if they expressed her thoughts. To her mindset, she was only doing what was best for all three of them: her, Jonathan, and Rich. A more selfish woman would surely have just left a blue-collar hick like Jonathan, right? Then again, was he a hick? Could a hick have written so eloquently about his rage and jealousy, as well as his refusal to wear a cuckold's horns?

That was another thought. It had never really occurred to Susan that she had turned Jonathan into an unknowing cuckold, nor that she was trying to turn him into a willing one last night. She had never really gotten into alternative lifestyles of any sort. This affair had not been planned when it started, after all. She had once been proudly faithful and monogamous. Without realizing it, she had humiliated her husband of 25 years and put him into a situation that he had given a rather blunt, but accurate name. Was it necessary to describe it in such stark terms, though?

Surely, this was different from the usual situation of adultery? She was acting out of understanding for a needy man, not with the intent of being cruel to her husband. However, without seeing what she had leapt into, Susan had in the process of helping Rich, dramatically angered and shamed her husband. She had essentially tried to emasculate the man, take away his dignity, and take over the marriage. Was that her real intention all along, and if so, was this simply a pretext?

What was worse was that the children might well see some form of this letter when they came. If she hid it, she'd still have to explain Jonathan's departure. Furthermore, given his postscript, she deemed it likely that he had made copies for them too, in case she had discarded this one. She had never thought him so persistent.

Well, she was still firm in her intentions. There was no backing out. It was still necessary, but she had to minimize the damage and see if she could win Jonathan back. It was no part of her plans to lose her husband, while helping Rich. However, how could she handle it? Well, angry speeches and lectures, such as last night's, wouldn't help. She would simply hurt him again, and then he would hurt her again, as he had last night. Maybe she was partly at fault for his hostility, given her own attitude last night. No man liked to be bossed around by his wife, or at least no man like Jonathan. She had forgotten what kind of man she had: he was no wimp by nature. He wouldn't tolerate such abuse.

Still, this was a unique circumstance, not normal infidelity, no matter how wrong her methods. Two wrongs didn't make a right, correct? So, she would not put up with a revenge affair. However, she had to retake the moral high ground and not do it angrily. She had to plead with him to understand. She had to beg his forgiveness for her past deceit and harsh words of hypocritical indignation at his suggestion. Then she had to urge him not to set out to hurt her by sleeping with other women for sheer revenge. She had to let him see that his motives would not be as justified as hers.

Most of all, she had to convince him that this was not a permanent double standard, so not really a double standard at all. It was a special case, an exception to the vows of marriage. That's how she had always deemed it. Only if she worded it right would she convince him to stay and not leave her. No more self-righteous anger or threats of financial ruin would be used. She would try to charm her way back into his arms. Surely, she would get him back with honey, rather than the proverbial vinegar that she had unwisely used last night.

She also had to reassure him that he was an attractive man. Clearly, her attacks on him had made him question his own sex appeal. What would she feel if he had done that to her? What if he had used vicious words to prevent her from having a revenge affair for his own act of compassion toward a lonely woman? Also, she had to present it that way. She would make it that she would understand if he had shown such empathy and had a love affair as a result. She had only spoken harshly because she found the idea of him taking revenge that way and using sex for that purpose to be repulsive. Maybe then he would know that there was no hypocrisy on her part.

Having convinced herself of this course of action, Susan set to work on finding Jonathan. She also thought that perhaps she should meet with Rich and get him to meet the man, once he was calmer. Perhaps if he met him, he wouldn't view him as a threat. He would understand why she had done so much for the man and wouldn't worry about minor details over sex acts that she had reluctantly enjoyed with Rich (though admittedly, she had enjoyed them- she just didn't dare try them with Jonathan afterward, for fear of awaking suspicion in him). It wouldn't hurt now if she promised to try them with Jonathan, so he didn't feel left out or betrayed, their marriage less important than her affair with Rich. That was, evidently, how he felt, right or wrong. She had to correct that painful feeling in him, persuade him that it wasn't true.

She was no longer shocked, either, that he didn't ask her why. Evidently, it wasn't because he didn't love her. It was because he was a hard-nosed, practical man who cared about concrete things more than emotional issues or excuses. She had hoped that he would ask, so she could explain it to him and make him understand what she felt, but had she really felt that at the time? Would she really have given him the same exemption that she asked from him in such a case? He would have reason to doubt it, given how she had put him down and threatened divorce, basically saying that any affair of his would be an insult to her on grounds of his ugliness. That wasn't really how she felt, was it, so why did she say that? She wanted to believe that she only wanted to discourage him from getting back at her in anger, from doing something to hurt her as she had hurt him. It was a protective instinct, a self-defense mechanism.

A rather nervous and shaky Susan dialed up Jonathan's old friend, Len MacDougal, a retired Teamster, originally from Nova Scotia. He was retired now and hadn't spoken to either of them in a few months.

"Hello, Susan? You seem a bit upset about something, Sue. What is the matter?"

"Jonathan wants a divorce," she stammered.

"Why on God's earth would he want to divorce a pretty thing like you? Do I need to straighten him out?"

"Well, I can't really blame him, though that's tempting. I've been having an affair, and I just told him about it."

"And he can't forgive you and go to counseling? I mean, that's not too smart of you to cheat on Jonathan. I don't know what would possess you to do that, Susan. He's always treated you well. Has he been working too much? You should both go to counseling, anyway, in either case," Len urged her.

"Well, I, um... uh... ," Susan stuttered, reluctant to tell the worst.

What had possessed her to call him, aside from the hope that he might locate Jonathan? Would Len understand her point of view? It might be a good acid test for a third, impartial perspective. After all, he was close to both of them.

"Len, it's partially my fault. I haven't ended the affair and I told him that I wouldn't yet. I assured him that it would end in time, however. I just thought that he would ask me why, then I would tell him, and he would understand. It was just originally a pity fuck for the other man, but it's turned into a love affair... ," Susan got that far before Len cut her off.

"In God's name, woman, what the hell were you thinking? You've all but clipped his balls and handed them to him! Don't tell me that you also told him that if he tried to divorce you, you'd ruin him financially! You know Jonathan! He's as stubborn as either of us! Threatening him puts his back against the wall and then he fights like an injured badger!

"For Pete's sake, what are they telling women in Cosmo these days? Or was that something you picked up from Oprah? You don't sound like the Susan I know. The Susan Freemont I know cares about more than just herself. You sound like one of those people who thinks that her partner and the rest of the world should revolve around her. I'm very disappointed in you, Susan. I thought that you had more sense than that. If you don't get a grip on yourself, you're going to lose a damned good man!" Len tried to talk some sense into Susan.

"I can see what you mean, but can you find Jonathan for me and tell him that I want to straighten this out?"

"If I see him right now, I'll tell him to run in the other direction, Sue. You're normally a good woman, but until you get your head back on straight, you won't do anyone any good. Drop the other man, Sue, while you still have a chance, lassie."

That sealed it in Susan's mind about Len. He only called her "lassie", a Scots term inherited from his forebears, when he was truly dismayed at her conduct and wanted to give her good advice. Well, that was a flop. He saw it Jonathan's way, which just confirmed that most men thought Jonathan rather the injured spouse.

"Well, I'm sorry that I let you down, Len. If you see it that way, perhaps I've been looking at this wrong. Yours is only the second viewpoint to consider this improper, but it is the fourth that knows that I'm married to Jonathan. I guess that my colleagues might disapprove too if they knew that I had an affair. They just think that I'm dating Rich."

"Well, I imagine that most men would see it my way, if they knew the truth, yes. Susan, give him up! He's just telling you what you want to hear, in order to keep getting into your pants. Men with sob stories are usually snake-oil types. Believe me. I've seen their type come and go, charming the ladies and cuckolding their husbands. They use your own empathy against you. I had always liked and respected you, Sue, but I don't at the moment. You'll have to get you head back on straight first," Len rather bluntly explained to his friend's wife. The phone clicked, as a confused Susan hung up.

If he was bit more articulate than most former Teamsters, it was due to having gone to college a couple of years after his retirement. He'd wanted to learn a few years while he still had time and chase a few, much younger female classmates. Being long divorced and never married, of course, he was perfectly free to do so. Obviously, he avoided married or attached women, sticking to a handful of single women who didn't mind a much older friend with benefits.

What he had never told Susan, but had told Jonathan, was that his own wife had betrayed him in a somewhat similar way as Susan, several years back. He had divorced her after about the same length of marriage and never forgiven her. He wanted to spare Susan the same consequence and loss, before Jonathan had no sane choice but to dump her for the loser that she had become.

Susan didn't want to give up on Rich, however, as much sense as that might make; she was too deeply involved with him, even if she did respect and understand Len's viewpoint. She decided to try to reach Wendy Ingram, a lawyer who lived in the same neighborhood as Jonathan and her. They'd met a few times at the supermarket, the small convenience store near their block, and the mall. Wendy was mostly an ambulance chaser, working for a small, but aggressive practice that had made a bundle lately. However, she might be persuaded to take Susan's case, if she needed. Susan only hoped that this would be a last resort. Still, she needed to call and find out beforehand. She could have used Rich's firm, perhaps, but she didn't want word of her marriage and possible divorce reaching them.

"Thal, Meiner, and Associates, this is Wendy Ingram. To whom am I speaking?" the attorney's crisp voice answered.

"This is Susan Freemont. I am calling in case I might need your services in the event of a divorce. Do you have time for an appointment?" Susan announced.

"You're not Jonathan's wife, by any chance?"

"Yes, that's right. I am calling in case he goes ahead with his plan to divorce to me."

"Well, I hate to tell you, Susan, but it's too late for that. Jonathan is here right now, in the middle of a consultation. That creates a conflict of interest, which means that I can't represent you. I can refer you to another attorney, however. Sorry, but your husband beat you to the punch and my legal ethics forbid me to represent or even consult with both parties in a divorce case.

"Still, you might wish to confer with me this afternoon, as he is actually prepared to be quite generous with you under the circumstances. True, he is filing on the grounds of infidelity, it seems. However, he has cooled down since he showed up this morning. He's willing to go for joint-custody, with no one paying alimony. Since you'd both have the children equally, child-support wouldn't an issue, either. He's in a much more civil mood, though he does say that divorce is inevitable now. He's adamant about wanting a divorce. Given what he has told me, I frankly understand why. I'd be out for blood myself, if I were him and my spouse did something like that to me," Wendy noted.

"Oh, alright! I'll meet with you and Jonathan at your office. I can't promise to be enthusiastic about his proposal, but I'll take a look at it. However, I do want a chance to plead with him one more time not to leave me."

"He says that he'll listen, but he won't promise that it will change his mind."