Chapter 14: Emotional Flux

Everyone was coming in carrying multiple bags. My Mom spotted me heading toward them in the kitchen and said, "No, Ral. Out."

I stopped and doubled back automatically. My conditioning to do just what she said all during my childhood had kicked in and I kowtowed to her will. A second later, I was mad. How could I just give in to what she wanted? I didn't have to do what she said any more. I was an adult and if she couldn't accept that then she would have to just put up with it.

I turned back around to go tell her as much but Mandy came out of the kitchen holding up her hands. She saw the look on my face and knew exactly what I was about to do.

"Ral, no. She bought stuff for you for Christmas and didn't want to ruin the surprise. She's going to take them to her room to wrap them. Please, go upstairs."

Mandy's pleading look deflated my eagerness for the argument I was about to begin. I nodded. Before Monique, Mom or Ryan had entered the room Mandy gave me a deep and greedy kiss and then pushed me away. I went to the stairs as Yvonne and Chloe started coming down. Mandy looked up and told them the same thing. I didn't say anything but they followed me to my room.

Part of me was sour for not taking the perfect opportunity to finally tell Mom how I felt about how she had treated me, however, another part was excited at the idea of presents for Christmas.

The holiday had held some trepidation for me every year. I never received anything that I really wanted. Even as a child, I had sent letters to Santa Claus asking for all kinds of toys, but never got any of them. There wasn't a bubble left to pop when my parents finally confessed that there was no Santa.

I got used to the clothes and shoes I always got every year. Why I would feel any different now I didn't know. Sure, Mom and Dad were treating me nice, even lovingly, but that didn't mean they would give me anything other than clothes. So, the slight elation I had felt for that possibility faded and my eagerness for an argument replaced it. Then I remembered that I hadn't gone shopping for them at all. That sobered me up some. Could I actually be so upset with them and stoop below their level? No.

I looked over at Yvonne and Chloe. It was obvious they were feeling what I was by the looks on their faces. I knew both of them had already done their Christmas shopping for everyone and that was the exchange I was truly looking forward to. It even cheered me up. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect but both had told me they had gotten something special for me. I actually smiled when I thought about the looks they would have when they received my gifts for them.

Yvonne owned no jewelry, coming as she did from a family who had always struggled to make ends meet. They had even sold what few possessions they could to help pay for her journey to the United States. To my knowledge she hadn't written home since I had met her. I had suggested she call once, but her parents didn't have a phone in the house. They had to go to the market in the town near where they lived to make any calls. I had done some calling myself and left messages for them as a surprise for Yvonne. A week later, I had received a short letter in rough English that told me what her Father called her as a little girl. Roughly translated, it was "cherished one". I then went to a jewel crafter and had a pendant made from gold with those words in Russian engraved in it. With that and a set of earrings, I added a short note from her parents in Russian.

Chloe's tastes were wide ranged. She enjoyed tight, revealing clothes and chokers to resemble her devotion and submission to me. I wouldn't let her wear actual collars, like a pet dog or cat might wear, but I liked the chokers. The one thing the chokers did not have that she actually wanted was the addition of the D ring so a leash could be attached. Again, this was something I personally didn't approve of. Then she came to me one night wearing only a leather collar and a small tinkling bell attached to it. She knew I might not approve of the collar but I could feel a difference in her. I surmised that it wasn't actually the collar that she really wanted, but the tinkling bell. With Chloe in mind, I set out to see what kinds of accessories I could find that had such bells. I had a set of earrings made and even a choker with one attached, but the coup de grace was a set of nipple rings I found with the same little bells. They weren't clamps or for pieced nipples. They would grip the nipple, surrounding it and hugging it while the nipple was hard. As sensitive as Chloe was in that area, I knew she wouldn't have any problems keeping them on.

The girls felt my shifting mood as I thought about the gifts I had waiting for them. I was more than happy to buy things like that for them. I had the money, and after all of the items several had bought for me to help me with my first apartment before school started, I felt I owed them something. Granted, most considered any debts paid off with all the personal attention they received, but I still wanted each of them to have something special.

"Ral, what do you think your Mom and sister got you?" Yvonne asked.

I shrugged. "Probably socks."

She cocked her head to the side with a disapproving look. "You shouldn't be so hard on them. You didn't turn out so bad considering how you saw the way they brought you up."

I shook my head. "I just..." — heavy sigh — "I just turned and left like I used to do when my Mom ordered me out of the kitchen while I was growing up. I didn't want to just cop to her orders anymore. I shouldn't have to."

"They had good reason in this case. Jumping at them at every turn will not do any good," Yvonne said.

"Besides, what about how they're treating you now?" Chloe added.

I nodded. I couldn't fault either of them for their desire to have this trip go better than expected. So far, it had gone a lot better. I had a few answers to my questions and my family was treating me like I was actually welcome. What more could I ask for?

Mandy knocked and opened my door. She looked a bit apprehensive but I let our link open up wide and she felt my calmness. However, the guilty feeling I had noticed in her before had grown. I held out my hand and asked, "What's wrong?"

She crossed the room and climbed into my lap, balling up against me. She shivered against me and when she looked up she had tears trembling under her eyes. Softly she said, "I couldn't help it."

I gave her a squeeze and asked, "Couldn't help what?"

"Ryan ... I just kissed him! I don't know what came over me, but I just pressed against him and ... and..."

"When did this happen?" I asked. Somehow, I wasn't feeling jealous or even angry. I wasn't sure why, but it was almost like I was happy that she had kissed him.

"At the mall," she said and then looked toward the door, "And just now in the kitchen."

I looked at the open door. No one was there but...

Chloe got up and looked for me. She came back in and shook her head while closing the door.

I pulled Mandy's face back around so I could see her eyes. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. I could feel her guilt but there was no lust or anything else. She had kissed someone else while she considered herself to be mine. That was the source of the guilt. She felt she had betrayed me. "I'm sorry," she said so very softly.

I hugged her again and thought, Yvonne, go to Mandy's room and watch the stairs from there, I don't want to be interrupted for the next few minutes.~

Yvonne nodded and left. Mandy held onto me and the tears had started rolling.

"Mandy, sit up please. Look at me."

She looked up at me and I let her feel that I wasn't mad at her. If anything I was curious. I wanted to know why she had had such a compulsion. I studied her soft blue eyes and watched them turn amber. I fell into those eyes and her emotions. I saw the memories as she thought about what had happened.

Mandy was in a shop with crystal statues and vases. She was looking for something for Monique and her fiancé when Ryan walked in. She didn't think he had seen her and she watched him as he looked around. She thought he might be looking for something for Monique too and waited to see what he might choose. She didn't want to get Mo' a duplicate present.

Then it hit her. One minute she was watching him from across the shop and next then she knew, she was turning him around and pulling him down for the kiss.

I pulled from Mandy and realized that I had kissed her too. She looked up, her cheeks shiny with tears but not any happier than she had been.

She was right. She didn't even realize what she had done until the kiss started and then she pulled away and just left the store. Ryan hadn't said anything, nor had he tried to stop her, either from the kiss or leaving him. His actions made me wonder.

I pulled Mandy back to me and kissed her again. She didn't resist and as our lips met, I saw the car ride home. Monique sat in the back with Ryan. They talked and held hands. Ryan acted as if nothing had happened. Mandy had been thankful for his silence but after they got home and she helped shoo me from the bags they brought in, it hit her again. Mom and Monique had carried a few bags to Mom's bedroom and Ryan was checking on the meal that Yvonne and Chloe had been preparing. Mandy went around the island and pulled him into another short but passionate kiss.

I held Mandy, still kissing her, giving over to how I felt for her. She was my sister and one of mine to protect, but that protection was for more than just keeping them safe from harm. I wanted her safe from those who might hurt her emotionally. She was in pain because she had been told by Renée how I would have felt having to share any one of my girls with another man. They all understood that I would be protective and possibly even possessive, but it had never been thought of as necessarily a bad thing because none of them had ever contemplated leaving me for someone else.