Chapter 18: Taking role playing too far

Shirley broke the news that she was leaving at the end of the school year. My life was in shambles. How was I going to get through the next six months? For that matter how was I going to get through the next two days?

Having her tell me she liked being my woman and wanted to continue in that role until she graduated did little to sooth my shattered feelings. She went so far as to say she would stick by me no matter what I did. What she left out or failed to mention was any commitment beyond this school year. All she said was that she was going away to attend grad school. She offered no hope that we would try to stay lovers or even hope that we'd get back together at some future date. That would have been enough for me, but I knew it wouldn't do any good to beg her to reconsider.

Why did all my relationships have to end this way? Was I seeing a pattern?

Alice was my first steady lover. She was ten years older than me and we had an understanding; she would teach me things and I would fulfill her needs. We were honest with each other from the start. We parted friends and have remained faithful to our friendship, which is a lot more than I can say about my other lovers.

Becky knew all along that I would be leaving at the end of our sophomore year of high school, yet when the time came for me to leave she took it hard.

Cindy and I had an 'arrangement' the year I was a junior at Cromwell and she was in her last year at Speedwell. The 'arrangement' was that we would go our own way, but I wasn't ready for it to end. Later, when she wanted to resume our relationship, I was unavailable. It was just as well; it wouldn't have lasted.

Ann Hastings was on-again, off-again. I pursued her like a woodsman with an axe and no matter how tall she stood she always fell, even after she became engaged. I'll always remember Ann standing under a streetlamp with rain blowing in her face and screaming across the street at me, saying that I owned her pussy. It had been fun while it lasted, but once she decided to get married the game was over.

Karen Parker and I measured our time together by pips and when I ended it three pips early it was like coming home at ten P.M. when you have permission to stay out until one A.M. I could have stayed out later but chose not to. I wonder if I could still collect on the unspent pips?

Shirley took pride in finding out everything about me before we had sex together. She wanted to know about my past sexual activity and when she discovered that I had not disclosed one experience she said she understood my reasons. I believe discovering I had been less than forthcoming regarding Sheila made it easier for Shirley to tell me she was leaving.

After breakfast on Thursday morning we braved the cold and went for a walk, stopping at the gazebo where we had a long talk. By this time I had accepted that she was leaving, but still wanted to know why.

Shirley was candid, brutality frank. She didn't actually say that I wasn't smart enough for her; it was implied.

"I have several more years of school ahead of me and then I'll go to work to prove I applied myself. These next few years will define my career."

Shirley went on to say she would always have her memories and wanted to add to them during the rest of our time together. What she didn't say was that she was placing the gratification she would derive from her own career above love, being the wife of a real estate executive, running a large house and even children.

By this time I was only half listening. I was thinking about how much Shirley and Becky were alike. They came from similar backgrounds, both were intelligent and although their fields of endeavor were quite different, they had well defined aspirations; both possessed the will to achieve their goals.

Our talk raised more questions than it answered. I was wondering what attracted me to the two girls and what attracted them to me. But the thing that was raising the hair on the back of my neck was Shirley's comment: "I can picture you and Charlie's mother doing it. Can you picture me with Darien?"

We left the gazebo agreeing to make the next six months memorable, Shirley reiterating her vow to stick by me, no matter what I did, making me wonder if she would come to regret her promise.

Thanksgiving dinner was exactly as I predicted. Suzanne was the center of attention, greeting well wishers who formed a line to view the ring and congratulate her and Mr. Oldham on their engagement.

The food wasn't very good, but it didn't matter. We weren't there to eat; it was Suzanne's day to enjoy. Everything from the time we arrived at two P.M., the way she was dressed, the table where we sat, making the light show off her coiffure-styled hair and carefully applied makeup, was orchestrated to perfection.

I had two desserts and nodded to the visitors to our table as we watched Suzanne answer the same question over and over, "We haven't set the wedding date, but we've planned the honeymoon, haven't we, darling?"

Mr. Oldham handed me the keys to his car when we left the club, saying he wanted to sit in the backseat with his bride to be, but we all knew the reason I got to drive; he'd had two brandies instead of dessert. Shirley winked at me as the older couple cuddled and spoke in whispers.

The minute we arrived home Suzanne said it had been a tiring day and dragged Mr. Oldham off to their room. Shirley and I looked at one another. "Want to?" she asked. What kind of question was that? I let her drag me upstairs to my room where we stayed until the next morning, except for the short time it took to raid the refrigerator sometime in the night.

Mr. Oldham drove his car to Alice's wedding but I was called upon to drive it home at the end of the night.

I could see the wheels turning in Suzanne's head while the couple exchanged vows. She was making mental notes as to the things she liked about Alice's wedding ceremony and the things to discard. It was the same at the reception. Although they were seated at another table I could see Suzanne looking at the table settings and decorations. I made a point of my observations the first time we danced.

"Are you planning an extravagant wedding, Suz?"

"Extravagant? No, but it will be expensive because we have to invite so damned many business associates. John's no help so I'll have to do all the planning myself. May I count on you to lend a hand, Sammy?"

"I'll be glad to help if I can," I said, wondering why she hadn't mentioned Shirley as a resource. Did she know that she wasn't going to be around much longer?"

"You're a dear, honey. Is there anything I can do for you? What would you like for Christmas?"

I had been planning on dropping a hint about needing a new computer anyway. I told Suzanne about Marcy wanting me to get email. "I could use a laptop computer with an internal modem." She assured me that my request was noted.

Shirley and I were being asked to dance frequently, only my dance partner was eight years old. Brenda had even managed to be seated at our table."I have to stay with my grandparents until after Christmas," she complained.

"That must be so you can wait until mid-term to change schools?" I suggested.

"Nope."

"Maybe it's because your new room isn't ready."

"Nope."

"Could it be so your mother and Carter can spend some time alone?"

"You got it; mom wants to make a baby before her thirtieth birthday."

The next time we danced Brenda made me promise to take her on another date when I came home for Christmas. I agreed and as a reward she introduced me to her cousin, insisting that I dance with

Rachel.

I soon learned Rachel was twenty-two and really Alice's first cousin.

"I have a friend going to Pontiac next year," she said.

"Oh, is your friend going to be a freshman?"

"No, she's a graduating senior this year. Erica's going to Pontiac to earn a master's degree."

"I see, the graduate school is across the river from us. It's in West Pontiac."

"Is it all right if I give her your name? She's nervous about not knowing anyone."

"Sure, I'll give you my phone number. I live over the dress shop on Main Street."

I was only able to dance with Alice one time. I told her what Brenda said about her wanting to make a baby before her thirtieth birthday.

"I worry about her, Sammy. She's still a baby and I'm making her grow up too fast."

"We're going on another date when I'm here at Christmas."

"That's sweet of you, Sammy. She'll have something else to look forward to."

Carter stood and shook my hand when I delivered his new bride to the head table. "Sammy, you're welcome in our home anytime."

I thanked him and left to find Penelope for a dance before they had to leave. It was the first time they'd left Samantha with a babysitter and even though it was her half-sister, Tonya, they were anxious to get home.

We waited until ten P.M. to make our excuses, saying we needed to get up early to return to school. Mr. Oldham and Suzanne were agreeable to leaving early, too. They weren't accustomed to partying and anyway, almost everyone there had seen the ring and congratulated them on their engagement.

We got up early the next morning and left the house without waking anyone. Well, the garage door going up may have awakened Ned and Penelope, but we didn't wait around to apologize.

We drove for the first hour, silently reflecting on our activities of the past few days and our plans for the next six months before Shirley chided me for giving my telephone number out.

"My side of the bed isn't cold yet and you're already hooking up with a grad student."

The way she said it, trying to get a rise out of me, made me realize how lucky I was to have Shirley for my women, even if it was only for the next six months.

"She's going to need help becoming adjusted to the area. You know how difficult it is to move into unfamiliar ground."

"And will she require more adjustment if she's a fox?"

"I'm a benevolent guy. I give equal attention to sick puppies and foxes."

"I'm teasing, honey. You don't have to be defensive with me. I'm your woman, remember?"

Shirley was relaxed and having fun, mentioning the phrase, 'I'm your woman' often. We talked casually, kidding each other about little things that happened during our short vacation. Forgotten was the dispute over my wanting to replace Molly with Penelope. Her comment about visualizing me with Sheila and me visualizing her with Darien still bothered me though. I decided this was the time to discuss it, before classes resumed and we were thrown back into our hectic schedule.

"Do you think it's healthy to visualize each other with other lovers?" I asked, not really knowing how to approach such a delicate subject.

"Healthy?"

"Perhaps that's not the right term. Do you think it's natural?"

She stretched her whole body from eyebrows to the tip of her toes and remained in that position for several seconds before relaxing her eyebrows and then drawing her long legs back to a sitting position. "Once you know something happened, how can you not visualize it happening? I know you had sex with Sheila; therefore, I visualize it taking place. You know I had sex with Darien, therefore... , do you see what I mean?"

"I guess so."

"Therefore, it's natural to visualize the act, agreed?"

"Agreed."

"I believe the question you're really asking; is having this discussion healthy, correct?"

"Ah, correct."

"Are we two rational adults who love each other?"

"Yes."

"Then, why shouldn't we help one another visualize having sex with someone else?"

"Is that the reason you asked if I visualized Charlie and Debbie, Skip and Laura and Kent and Amy together? Were those examples merely a prelude to what you really wanted; us telling each other about our sexual encounters with someone else?"

She went though the same routine as before, stretching her body to its full length, only this time her eyes were turned to me as she stiffened and then relaxed. "Yes."

"You go first," I challenged.

Shirley looked straight ahead as she began. "The first time went badly so I'll skip to the second time I had sex with Darien. It was our forth date and I knew I wanted to try it again. I didn't object when I saw that he was taking me to a motel.

"I'll skip descriptions because you've met Darien and you know every inch of my body better than anyone, how I lie on my back, spread my legs and make naughty facial expressions, right?"

"Yes, but..." I was becoming uncomfortable. She heard me confirm that I knew everything about her, right down to her facial expressions and continued.

"I think it's more important to describe how I felt at the time. It was my second time and I should have known what to expect, but I was apprehensive. All I could think about was that he was going to put that thing in me before I was ready. Still, I wanted it to happen and didn't try to slow him down. He mauled my tits and..."

She stopped talking and looked at me. "Are you following me?"

"I've heard enough."

"Was I too gruesome? It got better after that. I've never tried to hide that I enjoyed sex with Darien. If it hadn't been for his mother interfering I believe I could have accepted his greasy hair."

"I've heard enough," I repeated.

I could see that she was relieved when I told her I had heard enough. "It's your turn," she said.

"Are you sure you want to hear this?"

Shirley's eyes were closed. She nodded her head, letting a smile creep across her lips.

"Charlie's dad called and demanded they go camping. Charlie tried to talk him out of it but the jerk insisted, knowing this would leave Sheila and me alone in the house all weekend. I guess he thought his ex-wife was beyond wanting sex. Was he ever wrong!

"Sheila is a natural blond, tall and worked in front of a television camera until her divorce. It must have sapped her confidence and she settled for a background job.

"I had lines to memorize for a play and a paper to write for leadership class, plenty of schoolwork to keep me busy that weekend. I wouldn't have made a move on her if it hadn't been for the way she was dressed, casually and the way she asked me to tell her about Charlie's first time.

"That's pretty heavy stuff. I was eighteen and thought I knew women, but I wasn't used to having a friend's mother want me to tell her how her son lost his cherry."

"How was she dressed?" Shirley interrupted me.

"Oh, sorry, she was sitting on a couch in the den and I was sitting across the room in a chair. She was dressed for bed, T-shirt, panties and a short robe that barely extended below her knees. In other words, her legs were bare. She had showered and removed her makeup. I remember thinking she was pretty, you know... well preserved for an older lady."

Shirley exhaled but didn't say anything so I continued.

"I got down on my hands and knees and crawled toward her, saying I would tell her and show her how Charlie lost his cherry. Sheila voiced an objection, like 'it isn't necessary to show me', but she didn't show any alarm or try to move away from me. I kissed the inside of her thigh and heard her gasp. She actually opened her legs a little. I could smell that she was excited and there was a wet spot on her panties. I kissed her thigh again before using my tongue to push her panties between the lips of her pussy."

I looked over at Shirley and watched her swallow. Her eyes were still closed. Several seconds of silence followed before she spoke, sounding small and distant.

"Is that all?"

"I think you know the rest. Sheila became unglued. We pulled our clothes off and fucked on the couch and then in her bedroom. I woke her in the middle of the night and we did it again the next morning in the kitchen. She was starved for sex or just wanted to prove something to herself. We didn't stop until we expected Charlie to come home on Sunday."

"Thank you," Shirley said, sounding far away. She moved around on her seat, like she was trying to find a comfortable position.

We talked about the things we needed to do before starting school on Monday; unload the car, make the bed and shop for groceries. I knew she planned to work in the dress shop that afternoon and I decided to see if Luke needed my help.

"We could wait until tomorrow morning to unload the car," Shirley suggested.