Chapter 3

So we maintained the status quo and it was good. I was in no hurry to change things and Jackie didn't press me for any answers. It was about two months after our little "talk" when Sam Able came into my office.

"Max, don't forget Kenny's bachelor party this Friday night. You're supposed to make the presentation of the "golden ball and chain" so make it funny."

No, I hadn't forgotten, but I had been putting off writing my "speech." I was to be the MC for the evening and luckily I had time to write up a few jokes, etc. as I presented a gilded symbolic "ball and chain," a mock up that we had designed a few years back for those of us who had given up our bachelorhood. I had a few days, I'd look on the net and steal something funny.

On Thursday evening I reminded Jackie that I had the bachelor party for Kenny the following evening and that I'd be there kind of late, so we probably wouldn't see each other that day.

The smile left her face quickly. "What bachelor party? You never mentioned a bachelor party, Max. What about my reunion? It's tomorrow evening and you said that you would take me." I could hear her voice go up a few decibels.

Shit, shit, shit - I did forget. She told me about it so long ago that I had totally forgotten. I knew she would be angry, but I just couldn't skip the bachelor party. Shit, I was the MC, the "host" for the evening. I had to make Jackie understand.

"Jackie, you've got to understand, I just can't cancel this. I'm the Master of Ceremonies and I've got to be there. I'm really sorry, honey. I know you're disappointed, but I'll make it up to you, I swear I will." Shit, that sounded weak even to me.

Her mouth tightened into a grim line and her eyes bored holes into me. Jackie picked up her purse and quickly left, slamming the door behind her. Damn it, she just doesn't understand how important this is. I'll let her cool down and make nice later. She'll understand.

The next day was a busy one. I tried to call Jackie a couple of times without success, but I just shrugged off any hint that she was avoiding me. I just didn't have time to do more. The caterers were taken care of as well as the booze. The large hotel suite had been rented for the night - two large bedrooms for any of the guys who drank too much and wanted to sleep it off, and a large living room with two huge sofas and a bunch of easy chairs scattered about. The "entertainment" was being taken care of by Sam Able and he was totally mum about that. I imagined that he had hired a stripper for the evening and I guess that the prospective bridegroom was going to be the center of attraction for her.

All in all there would be eight of us there. Sam, Kenny, two guys from work, three of Kenny's buddies and myself. Not a large crowd, thank goodness. Mike Cooper couldn't make it, he had to be out of town that weekend. Maybe if he had been there, things may have gone a bit differently.

To make a long story short, it didn't take very long before I felt the drinks taking effect. I made the obligatory "ball and chain" presentation and everyone groaned at my attempt at humor. Everyone was horsing around, eating and especially drinking up a storm. There was some kind of porn video playing on the large screen TV to which most of us were paying scant attention. The food was good, the drinks better. I have to admit that it wasn't long before I was feeling no pain.

But I was not that far gone not to feel astonishment when the "stripper" came into the suite. Sonofabitch, it was Bonnie. Yeah, Bonnie Shore, the greater bitch. How the hell had Sam persuaded her to do this? What the fuck; right then I didn't care - I was going to sit back and enjoy this. She may be a bitch, but I remembered her body from that time at the cabin. I wondered how far she would go.

It wasn't long before Bonnie was the center of attraction. I was starting to feel woozy from the liquor, but I didn't worry about it. I'd just sleep it off right here in the suite, so I didn't limit myself. Soon everyone had quieted down, there was some music playing, something with a tropic beat to it. It almost lulled me to sleep, but then I saw Bonnie start to sway with the music. She was standing in the center of the room, all the guys clustered around her on the sofas and chairs. Damn, she was sensual.

I'm not really sure how the rest of the evening progressed. Yeah, I admit it, I really got shitfaced. I know I sat there and watched Bonnie slowly strip down to a half bra and thong panties. It seemed that she was glancing at me and smirking. Soon, with a small flourish, her bra was on the floor and her tits exposed, the pink nipples turgid, pointing at us. All eyes traveled to her crotch as she lowered her thong panties and I again saw the lovely snatch. Shit, my vision was blurred and I tried to focus to no avail.

The rest of the evening was a jumble of scenes, none of which made too much sense. But... but, I can't claim total unconsciousness, I knew what I had done. I had fucked Bonnie. I may have been drunk as a lord, but I certainly remembered boffing her on the floor of that suite. I don't know where the other guys were, they didn't seem to be around. And, as if to confirm that delusion (if I had attempted to claim that even to myself) waking up in bed with a naked Bonnie the following morning soon destroyed that deception.

My head was pounding and I had a sour taste in my mouth, but my shock at seeing Bonnie lying there beside me, on her back, legs slightly parted, soon made forget my physical pain. I saw the bite marks on her tits and the state of her pussy. Memories of the previous evening came flooding back. Shit, shit, I had fucked her - on the floor and in this bed. I was drunk, I tried to excuse myself with that thought - but it was all bullshit.

The bile rose in my throat and I was lucky to have made it to the bathroom where I gave up the contents of my stomach. My mouth felt worse and I gargled with some hotel mouthwash. Looking back into the bedroom, I saw that Bonnie had not budged, was still snoring softly. I turned my head quickly from her, quietly dressed and softly closed the door of the suite behind me. I knew that it would be awhile before I could think straight, but I knew, I knew that I had screwed up royally. How the hell could I have done this? I told myself that I just wasn't that kind of person, so how could I have done this?

I drove home very slowly, still feeling nauseous, my headache still driving nails into my eyes. I finally made it, staggered inside and made my way into the bathroom. I stripped and stood under a hot shower for what seemed like ages. After awhile I turned the water to cold and stood there shivering until I finally closed the tap. I dragged myself to the lav and swallowed about 4 aspirin, moved to my bed and collapsed. I don't know what time I finally awoke, but it was getting dark outside. I thought about food and felt my stomach turn a bit.

I got up, put a robe on and went into my kitchen where I put a pot of coffee up. It was then that I saw the envelope sitting on the table. My name was on the front and I recognized Jackie's handwriting. My stomach turned again and my headache worsened. I just knew that what was in that fucking envelope was not going to be good news. With a trembling hand I picked it up and extracted what was inside.

My Dearest Max I am sorry, I truly mean that. I am sorry for the pain you must be experiencing right now. I know that you deserve an explanation for that. You have to remember, Max, I blamed you, at least in part, for the pain you caused Tina before your divorce. You were cruel to her. You should have forgiven her, Max. Yes, yes, I know - what she did was wrong, but it was without premeditation and was, in large part, not her fault. But you were so damned unforgiving, so cold, not allowing an inch for human frailty. We wanted to teach you a lesson, Max, so after out first meeting in that bar, when you acted so cavalier about your breakup, we decided that we were going to teach you a hard lesson, a lesson in humility. Yes, I enlisted Sam Able to help me. He was reluctant at first, but he felt that I may have a point and that perhaps you would then understand how people can screw up - that's what makes them human, Max. Sam got Bonnie to help. how I don't know. You know how Bonnie feels about you, so that was a surprise to me. Listen, Max, there was absolutely no malicious intent. We both agreed that you needed to see the other side of the coin, so to speak. So you screwed up also, Max - and you weren't even drugged. It's not difficult to screw up, is it? But something happened that I didn't anticipate. I started to fall for you. That wasn't supposed to happen, but it did. So I am going to disappear; don't even think about looking for me. I've resigned and accepted a new position out of town. You don't love me, Max, we both know that. You know the person you do love - so do something about that, you idiot. Love Jackie

I sat for a long moment, not quite understanding the contents of that letter. "It was all a sham? Everything was a joke? She strung me along to teach me a fucking lesson?" I screamed silently.

I lurched to my feet, knocking the chair over. I was shaking with anger. "The fucking bitch, I was right all along. No, no I wasn't - SHE was the major bitch, Bonnie was a distant second. How the fuck could she do that? What kind of Machiavellian mind did she have. And Sam... Sam Able, my friend... shit, my ex friend, the sonofabitch. Teach me a lesson, huh? I'll tear that fucker apart, limb by limb," the words shrieking in my mind.

I picked up an empty vase from the counter and flung it against the wall, enjoying the sound of the pottery shattering. I paced the kitchen and then moved into the living room. I felt like putting my fist through the wall, but common sense was beginning to overcome my rage. I wasn't about to injure myself.

"Fuck it," I screamed aloud and slammed my fist into the wall. I again screamed, but this time in pain. Shit, shit, shit - I had hit a stud, I had broken my fuckin' hand. After jumping around in pain for a bit, I calmed down a bit and stuck my hand in some ice from the freezer. The stupidity of what I had done and the pain resulting from that stupidity finally calmed me down. The rage had subsided and reason began to take hold. I just sat there, my hand in a dish of ice, feeling like shit, totally empty now.

I felt the tears start. I blinked, trying to control my emotions, to no avail. I felt myself sobbing, the tears flowing down my cheeks. I cradled my head in my uninjured hand, just letting it all out. I finally calmed myself, wiping my nose and mopping my brow with a paper towel. "Is this what my life has come to?" I asked myself. "Sitting here, feeling sorry for yourself. Alone."

"Where had it gone so wrong. Was I really such a cold-hearted monster?" The questions I kept asking myself were creating answers that I didn't like, didn't like one bit. I kept sitting there, in the kitchen, my injured hand starting to get numb from the cold.

My rage was now gone, my stomach roiling. I felt physically ill, perhaps from the sudden realization that maybe, just maybe, some of the things Jackie had accused me of were right. Did I fuck up that badly? Was I that much of a prick? Was she right? The vague thoughts began to crystalize, and my iron curtain began to shatter. It was then that I finally came to grips with myself, realizing what I had allowed myself to become.

Yes, Tina had screwed up, but she had acknowledged that and came to terms with it. I had not. I felt destroyed by her adultery, but now I realized that I was not only hurt by what she had done, but also that my "manly" pride had been wounded, so that while Tina had fucked up royally, I did not handle the whole incident wisely. I had nursed my hurt - no, not only nursed it, I had hidden behind an iron curtain, not allowing anyone in, shutting everyone out. What a stupid fool, my intransigence had lost me the only woman I had ever loved.

My musings were interrupted by the doorbell. I looked up in surprise. Could it be Jackie? Had she come back? Did I want her? No, I knew that it wasn't her and I also knew that she was right in at least one respect. I didn't love her. I liked her, but I knew that it wasn't love.

I shuffled to the door and opened it. My eyes widened as I saw Sam Able standing there. I tried to clench my hand into a fist and grimaced from the pain. He smiled a bit wryly and pushed his way past me. "You cocksucker, you've got the balls to even show up here?" I muttered, half-heartedly.

"Shut the fuck up, Max." he replied calmly. "I'm here because I'm your friend and you'll realize that after awhile." Saying that, he plopped himself into my easy chair.

"Sit down, Max," he continued. "Just sit the fuck down and listen to me."

The fight, the anger, it all just seeped away. I again felt the emptiness, the feeling of isolation. The epiphany that I had just experienced left me weak and depressed.

I saw Sam start to smile somewhat sympathetically. He nodded and said, "I guess I don't have to tell you anything, do I? You've finally figured it out."

I tried to return his smile, but it was more like a facial contortion. "I guess I fucked up, didn't I?" I thought for a moment and continued. "I guess we both fucked up, but I was as much to blame as Tina."

"True, and that's why Tina gave in, she set you free. She knew that she messed up, but you didn't realize that you did also by how you reacted. You just blamed her, you didn't see your part in the breakup."

"So you guys set out to teach me a lesson," I groused. "That wasn't very nice, Sam. I should really be pissed - I just can't get up the energy." It was true, I felt totally enervated.

"By the way," I muttered. "How the hell did you get Bonnie to go along with you, especially since I know that she hates my guts?"

Sam chucked. "That was easy. I had discovered that she had been screwing one of the vps of her company, and he's married. If it came out, both of them would be toast. So I blackmailed her to go along."

I got up, went to the fridge and got a couple of beers. I tossed one to Sam and uncapped the remaining one. Raising the bottle in a toast, took a long gulp.

"What now, Sam? What the fuck do I do now?" I wondered aloud. I knew that was stupid as soon as the words left my mouth. I knew what I had to do and I didn't need anyone to tell me. What I didn't know is how to begin or how successful I'd be. I did know that both Tina and I had been through the fire of infidelity and its aftermath. Had that conflagration destroyed any chance we might have for the future?

Sam got up to leave and he patted me on the back as he was going out the door and said, "You'll figure it out, Max. You're not stupid."

I got up the following morning and staggered to the bathroom where I swallowed more aspirin. I was still feeling the after effects of that damn bachelor party. I got totally shitfaced and, despite promises of fidelity made to Jackie, I had fucked Bonnie. I know, I know, I was drunk as a skunk, but I knew that was a bullshit reason.

I had shut my ears to any excuses concerning Tina's infidelity - I just shut her out, despite the fact that it wasn't all her fault. Now I had to face my own hypocrisy, my own human frailty. Jackie and Sam had been successful, they had set out to teach me a hard lesson and it had hit home. I finally realized what an idiot I had been, what a cold hearted bastard. I had lost the love of my life due to my own stupidity and now I had to figure a way to get her back. My problem was that I didn't have the foggiest notion as to how I was going to do that.

I was startled by the ringing of the telephone. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was after 9 am. It was Sam Able.

"Max, you up for some golf this morning? I can pick you up in half an hour. Get your ass moving."

"Sam, I can't. My head has a marching band trooping through and I'm sick to my stomach. Plus, I have to figure a way to get Tina back and I'm drawing a blank. I feel like shit, I can't think."

"I'll be right over. Put on some coffee," he replied and clicked off.

True to his word Sam showed up at my door in under half an hour. He walked into the kitchen and helped himself to a mug of coffee and joined me in the den where I had resumed my seat on the sofa by the end table on which my own coffee was perched.

"Okay, Max. What's the big problem? For a smart guy you sure can act dumb sometimes. Figure it out. What's the first thing that you've got to do?" Max lectured me.

I just looked at him and shook my head. "It's no use, Sam. Tina's not going to listen to me. Too much crap has passed between us. She fucked up and then I fucked up even more. She initiated the divorce - I'm sure that she doesn't want anything more to do with me."

Sam just looked at me, a disgusted expression on his face. "Do you want her back, Max? or are you just going to sit and whine and feel sorry for yourself. Are you absolutely positive that she doesn't have any interest in getting back with you? One hundred percent sure?" he asked.

"Okay, Sam. Okay. Knock it off. No, I'm not one hundred percent sure, it's just what I feel. Goddamnit, I don't know what to do."

"For pity sake, Max. The first thing that you've got to do is take some vacation time and go down to Atlanta. You can't even begin this task if you're not even in the same damn city where she is. That's your first step," he snapped at me.

I flushed. I felt embarrassed, where were my mental faculties? I couldn't even think straight. Sam was right, of course. Why couldn't I have realized that that was the first thing I had to do. I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs from my mind.

Sam just laughed. "Don't worry, Max. You're not losing it. It's just so new to you. I bet you've never had to admit that you really fucked up in the past, at least not as badly as this. You'll get it all figured out. Just go in tomorrow and request some vacation time. It's slow now, you shouldn't have any trouble."

And that's exactly what I did. First thing Monday morning I went into Mike Cooper's office and asked for a couple of weeks off. Mike looked at me and nodded. "I think that's a damn good idea, Max. Go do what you have to," and he smiled.

I was able to get a flight that morning and was checking into my hotel by the early afternoon. There was a Hertz desk in the lobby and I made arrangements for a rental car. As I unpacked I knew that I had to begin to develop a course of action. Right now I was totally clueless as to how to begin to confront Tina and ask her to talk to me. What if she just tells me to fuck off? Oh, oh - what if she's seeing someone, someone she's serious about. That hadn't occurred to me. Sonofabitch, what if she's engaged or worse yet, already married. That took the wind out of my sails and I suddenly had to sit down.