Chapter 2

Every day, after work and before heading home, I would stop at a local watering hole for a short scotch. It relaxed me and let me wind down after a hectic day. I had gotten to know Cecil (so help me, that's his name) the bartender as well as a couple of the regulars. We would bullshit about sports and the horrible state of affairs in D.C.

I remember it was a rainy Friday and I was looking forward to a scotch on the rocks and some relaxing conversation when I entered my sanctuary. Cecil saw me and poured a drink which he set in front of me as I reached the bar.

"Where's everyone, Cec?" I asked.

He shrugged and commented on the weather as he turned to fill another order. I took my drink and sat in a booth. I sipped the drink and felt the tension slowly seep from my shoulders. I took another sip of my scotch and then almost coughed it up. There, before me, stood Jackie. Yeah, Jackie of Bonnie and Jackie. Jackie, the lesser bitch.

I swear, a red haze seemed to cloud my vision. I couldn't believe that this piece of shit would have to balls to confront me. What did she want now? to poison my drink, perhaps? - to finish the job?

"Please, Max. Don't explode. Please, just let me talk to you for a few minutes. I know that you have every right to hate me, but just give me a few minutes. I'm begging you, Max." I saw the tears in her eyes and my rage just dissipated, leaving me limp and empty.

"What the fuck do you want, Jackie. Haven't you done enough?" I muttered as she slipped in the booth opposite me.

"Just listen to me, Max, that's all I'm asking," she said as she slipped into the booth opposite me.

"How the hell did you find me. Have you taken to stalking me now?" I asked wearily. I just wanted her to go away.

"No, Max. I was driving home from work and I saw you. I pulled in but I sat in the parking lot for awhile, trying to get my nerve up to go in and talk to you. Please, Max. It's important that you listen to me. I've been carrying this guilt for a long time," Jackie pleaded.

I just didn't have the energy to fight with her. Fuck it, let her say her piece and then maybe she would leave. I took a look at her more objectively this time. Despite myself, I had to admit she looked good. Her hair no longer had that dyed look. It was a subdued auburn, a bit longer, down to her shoulders now. Her dark blue eyes were wide, she was obviously nervous. Her breasts were straining her blouse which gaped a bit. Shit, she looked good - well, nowhere is it written that bitches had to be ugly.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Go ahead, Jackie. It doesn't look like I can stop you anyway."

She seemed to be a bit taken aback, not quite believing that I had given in that easily. She didn't realize that I just wanted her to say what she wanted and then disappear, so it was easier to let her rant.

Jackie sat for a moment, hesitated, then lowered her head. I was shocked to see tears start to flow down her cheeks. "Max, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I wasn't a good friend, I should have stopped it. I could have stopped it. I shouldn't have let Tina get drunk or stoned.

"I'm sure he put something in her drink. I know Tina, she never loses it like that. I should have been paying more attention. He was laughing about it the next morning. I'm sure that he drugged her, Max, and I didn't do a thing to protect her. I'm sorry, Max... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

She was sobbing now, her hands over her face. I sat there, stunned. Shit, this was all new to me. Tina drugged? Should I believe her... I brushed that thought aside - there was little doubt that she was telling the truth, she's not that good of an actress

I didn't say anything for awhile. I waited for Jackie to settle down which she did in a few moments. I wasn't about to console her - she was right, she should have been a better friend. Doesn't matter now, we're divorced and Johnny Mills' account is paid in full.

I got up and got her a drink which is managed to sip. She sat, her head leaning against the back of the booth, trying to catch her breath. She finally sat up and took a deep breath.

"You okay now?" I asked calmly.

She nodded. "I'm sorry, Max. I'm sorry that I lost control like that." Her smile was strained. She looked at me and remarked, "I seem to be saying 'I'm sorry' quite a bit lately."

I just looked at her. "Why now, Jackie? Why did you wait a year to tell me all of this? How come you didn't confront me earlier?"

I could see her hesitate. "I was fooling myself, Max. I kept thinking that you would get back together with Tina. I know, that was stupid, but I was also afraid. You know that we haven't been friends and I guess I was afraid to face you. I couldn't stand it anymore, I just had to tell you."

"Okay, Jackie. I'm glad that you told me, but it really doesn't change things you know. Tina is a big girl, it was her decision. She chose to go out that night instead of staying home with me. Going out with you guys was more important." I heard myself saying the words, stunned by how easy they came, and horrified at how callous they must have sounded.

I was now just shooting my mouth off, but did I believe what I was saying? Tina spelled it out in her farewell letter, she just didn't have her priorities straight. Okay, she was drugged, but if she had stayed home, none of this would have happened. By leaving me and going out with her friends, she put herself in a position where something like this was possible.

Tina is an adult and should be held accountable for her actions... and deep down, even though I didn't recognize it then, I knew that I was being a vindictive fool. I sounded like a cold hearted bastard, but I didn't want to go through the emotional agony of the breakup again. I really just wanted to put all of it behind me, I didn't want to revisit the mess.

"But, Max. You've got to see, it wasn't really her fault. All she intended to do was have a few drinks and laughs and that's it. We, Bonnie and I, let it get out of hand. It wasn't Tina's fault, Max, it wasn't, it wasn't." Jackie's voice had risen a few decibels and I put my hands up in self defense.

"Okay, okay, Jackie. I hear you, calm down. Listen to me... just listen. I know what you're saying, but it really doesn't change things. It wasn't just that she got laid, although that betrayal was agony was enough. You say it wasn't her fault... but wasn't it? If she hadn't gone out that night, if she had stayed home where I wanted her, if she hadn't thought that going out with you guys was more important... You see what I'm getting at?"

I wouldn't come from behind that iron curtain. Was it fear of being hurt again? Who knows.

Jackie sat up, her spine rigid. Her eyes had turned icy behind the tears. She didn't say anything for a moment, just sat and looked at me incredulously. "Don't you understand, Max? She didn't betray you, she just wanted a few drinks and some laughs. She had no intention of cheating on you. He took advantage of her... Why are you being such a cold hearted bastard? You were her husband, you should have helped her, not condemned her, and now after I tell you that she was drugged, you just sit there and shrug? tell me that it's HER fault?

I have to admit, I felt extremely uncomfortable. I felt a crack beginning in my iron curtain and I became frightened. I set out to fix that crack. "Look, Jackie. I do appreciate what you're doing, but I'm over Tina. We've gone our separate ways. Our marriage has been over for months now. It's over, Jackie... it's just over."

Jackie sat there for another moment, staring at me. She then stood and almost ran from the place, leaving her purse lying on the table. I sat, startled for a moment by her sudden departure. I then scooped up her bag and started after her but reached the door in time to see her Mustang peel rubber out of the parking lot. I stood there and felt... annoyance?, apprehension? - a vague feeling that my life was going to again become very complicated.

I walked into the house, tossed Jackie's purse on the table in the foyer and knew that I would have to call her. Shit, if it wasn't for her bag I would have done my best to forget that whole maddening conversation. One thing for sure, I didn't want to remove the scab that was covering the wound of the events leading to my divorce. I didn't want to bleed again, poor metaphor that that may be.

I wandered into the kitchen and stood there a moment. I almost went through the motions of making a sandwich until I realized that I wasn't hungry. The ring of the phone momentarily startled me then I grimaced, knowing who the caller must be.

I picked up the phone and mumbled a "hello."

"Max, it's me, Jackie." There was a moment of silence. I didn't say anything.

"Max, do you have my purse? I think that I left it on the table at the bar. My wallet is in it and my driver's license. I shouldn't drive without that, Max."

I could hear the plea in her voice. I sighed and asked for directions to her place. I told her that I would be there in a few minutes. Shit, I felt as if I were being pulled in, like a fish who had bitten on the bait.

It wasn't long before I was at the front door of her condo, a first floor unit in a two story building. I didn't get a chance to ring the bell before Jackie was at the open door, inviting me in. I entered and was suitably impressed. Her decor was simple, neat and tailored. Muted earth tones prevailed and there wasn't a sign of clutter. My estimation of her went up a small notch.

"Here's your purse, Jackie," and I held it out, hoping that she would take it and let me get the hell out. I felt distinctly uncomfortable and I really wasn't sure why. This woman was someone I had disliked for quite awhile and who was at least partially responsible for the breakup of my marriage. Intellectually I knew this and yet, on a deeper level, I had to admit that she did not plan the events that killed my relationship with Tina and I also had to admit that she seemed genuinely sorry about everything that had happened.

"Max, thank you. I appreciate that you had to drive over here. Look, I know that you haven't eaten so I prepared a snack for us." She took me by my elbow and steered me into the kitchen. Again I was impressed - dark cabinets and stainless steel appliances. I was also talking to myself. "What the fuck are you doing, idiot. You've returned her purse, now get the hell out. What? You're actually going to sit down and eat with her? Fool, get the hell out. Get away from her."

Maybe I was a fool, but I didn't get out. I looked at the spread on the table - tuna salad, egg salad, fresh tomatoes, onions, etc. Croissants, they looked fresh. All of a sudden I felt ravenous, like I hadn't eaten in days. We sat down, Jackie poured coffee and we ate. Did we chat? I swear I don't know, all I remember was stuffing my face. I did notice Jackie smiling at me occasionally. It wasn't long before I realized that I was making a pig out of myself and that I was also sated.

I smiled wryly at Jackie and wiped my mouth with my napkin."Sorry, I guess I was hungrier than I thought," I said sheepishly. Subconsciously I wondered if her smile was just a bit brittle, then I felt that uncomfortable feeling again - shit. What the hell is going on? Am I actually becoming attracted to her? "HELL NO," I shouted silently, and yet...

We adjourned to the living room with fresh cups of coffee. "I'm really sorry I made such a fool of myself, Max. I guess I was just really nervous. I'm glad that you didn't humiliate me there - I sure deserved it," said a contrite Jackie.

I blinked a couple of times. Where was the arrogance I had always associated with this broad? Where was the smug complacency? Between her confession at the bar and her present apologetic manner, she seemed a different woman. Perhaps I had judged her too harshly. Maybe my dislike of Bonnie had encompassed those around her.

We sat and chatted, the topics far afield from our central issue. I avoided asking her anything about Tina and she didn't even hint about what was, probably, uppermost in both of our minds. I found her sharp, smart, very aware of events happening in the world. Jeez, could I have been this wrong about this woman? After awhile I realized that I was actually enjoying myself. As we sat there I appraised her with part of my mind. Again I admired her soft auburn hair, the hazel eyes and her well built frame. I had noticed that a button on her blouse had become undone, not surprising considering the strain on them by her very well developed breasts, and I could occasionally see a glimpse of a lacy bra.

"Oh, my gosh, Max. Look at the time and I have an early morning appointment tomorrow," exclaimed Jackie as she rose.

I blinked again, coming back to earth and realized that it was after midnight. Damn, it just seemed like minutes, sitting there, enjoying her company. "Sorry, Jackie. I didn't realize the time. I'm sorry if I've overstayed my welcome," I apologized.

"Don't be silly, Max," she giggled. "I'll forgive you if you promise that the next dinner is on you."

Without giving any thought to what I was saying, I blurted out, "Tomorrow is Saturday. Seven o'clock?"

A small smile appeared on her lips and she nodded. "Seven will be fine, let's not go to anyplace fancy though, okay?"

I nodded and in a small daze made my way to the door. Jackie reached up and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek and murmured, "Thanks Max, you're sweet."

I awoke the next morning with a start. Glancing at the clock I saw it was almost 7:30 and jumped from my bed. Shit, I rushed so that I wouldn't be late for my golf match with Sam Able. I quickly showered, shaved, etc., had a quick cup of joe and was at the club exactly at 8:40 as promised.

I was feeling great and for the first time I broke 90. The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. We drove the cart from tee to tee and I couldn't stop smiling. Sam kept looking at me sourly. For some reason my good mood seemed to annoy him, or was it that he was again, going to shoot over 100. We finally finished the 18th and I wound up with a 88. "Jeez, I'm going to frame this score card," I said proudly to Sam.

He laughed, tore his card up and threw the scraps at me. "Shit, I guess I'll be hearing about this for weeks, won't I? You broke 90 so you buy lunch."

That didn't bother me one bit and we both ordered club sandwiches and cold brews. We ate on the terrace overlooking the 18th hole and after lunch Sam leaned back and lit one of his notorious stogies. Thank goodness we were outside, but even so he got some menacing stares from a couple at a nearby table. He took a couple of puffs and then said casually, "I guess you're aware that Tina moved."

It was as if he had punched me in the gut; my breath escaped and for a moment it was if I couldn't breath. "Goddamnit," I screamed silently. "I'm over her, get control of yourself," but I couldn't fool Sam.

He smiled softly and continued. "She moved to the Atlanta branch of her company, Max. That should make you happy, you won't have to worry about running into her here."

"Sam," I replied tightly, "I told you before. I don't want to hear about Tina. If you keep bringing her up it will screw up our friendship. I'm asking you again, please just drop it, okay? I'm over her"

"Okay, Max. I just thought you might want to know," responded Sam breezily.

That conversation seemed to turn the day somewhat sour and the letdown from my high was unnerving. What the hell did he bring her name up? I really felt that time was on my side, I was getting over her. I admit that I was a bit surprised that Tina had moved, but that would make it that much easier. I was moving on. I was moving on.

I picked Jackie up at 7:00 and headed out to a small, rustic restaurant that I had heard about. It wasn't fancy and it wasn't part of a chain. I had read that they served good food at reasonable prices and it was a good thing that I had called ahead and made reservations - it was crowded yet the noise level was moderate and the tables spaced far enough apart so that conversation was easy. We were lucky, we had a booth which made for more privacy.

I looked over at Jackie and was again impressed by how good she looked. Her eyes sparkled and she returned my smile.

"I've never been here before, Max. It looks nice," she remarked.

"It's not the only thing that looks nice, Jackie," I murmured. "You look terrific," I continued as she blushed. "I can't believe that we used to dislike each other so much. I guess I should apologize for that."

"No need, Max," she said quickly. "I was as much to blame. We were both wrong about lots of things. Let's not bring that up, let's just have a nice meal and enjoy the evening."

I'd like to say that we had a wonderful evening that ended with us in her bed, but that would be a lie. The funny thing is that that didn't really bother me. I did enjoy being in her company and I enjoyed her quick mind. I did get a nice goodnight kiss and I didn't try to take it any further. Tell the truth, I really didn't know how much further to take this budding relationship. Was I developing feelings for Jackie? I had to admit that I liked her, but was it more than that? That was something that I had to think about.

Then, as usual, I thought of Tina and again felt the pain. The pain of her betrayal, the pain of our separation and divorce, the pain of missing her. 'I was over her, I was over her, ' I said to myself. 'It's over, get used to that, ' I berated myself. I sat in my easy chair that night until well past midnight. I was absolutely bewildered. Was I 'over' Tina? If not, was the longing and the pain diminishing? What about Jackie? Was she starting to get under my skin, was I developing 'feelings' for her? Could that be possible? What the fuck - I'm an emotional mess, I concluded and went to bed.

I had finally fallen asleep and woke to the phone ringing. I groggily reached over and mumbled something into the mouthpiece. "Max, is that you? It's past 11:00, you're still asleep?" screamed a voice. At least it seemed a scream.

"Jeez, Sam. What the fuck. Lower your voice, damnit," I finally sat up. Looking at the clock I realized that indeed it was after 11:00. I had overslept, but so what - I had no where to go.

"Max, get your ass moving. We're going on an outing. I've got my brother's cabin for the day and a car full of food. Bring your swim suit, we'll go swimming in the lake." burbled Sam, excitement in his voice.

"Sam," I began, regret in my voice. "I don't want to disappoint you, but...

"No buts, Max. Jackie already said yes and I'm bringing a date. You'll get to see Jackie in a swimsuit. You gonna turn that down?" he demanded.

Ooops, I did a turnaround. Didn't even have to give that any thought. "Okay, Sam. Do I pick Jackie up?" I asked.

"Yeah, pick her up at noon. She's expecting you. I'll meet you there, you know where it is. I'm leaving now to pick up Bonnie. See you soon."

I sat there, speechless, a dead phone in my hand. Bonnie?? Bonnie?? Sonofabitch, Bonnie was going to be there. Sam was bringing Bonnie. What the fuck. Shit, shit, shit. I shouldn't have been so surprised. I knew that Sam had dated Bonnie at least a couple of times. He also knew Jackie and Bonnie had probably told him about our "date." I felt myself going around in a circle. Tina, Bonnie, Jackie, Tina, Bonnie, Jackie. Only now, Tina was not in that circle, but I was still revolving. Shit, I didn't know how I would react in Bonnie's presence, but... I did want to see Jackie again, and Jackie in a swimsuit... okay. I rushed a shower, etc. and was soon on my way.

"Max," said Jackie softly as we drove. "I'm really sorry, I didn't realize that Sam had asked Bonnie along. I know that you really don't care for her, so if you want to change plans, I'll understand," and she put her hand gently on my arm

"Nah, that's okay, Jackie. I'd really like to put all of that crap behind me. If she behaves herself, and no wise cracks, I'll be okay. But, if she makes one crack about me or Tina, I'll really lay into her, so don't be surprised," I said grimly.