Chapter 2

The weeks passed, Arch was back to work and now living in a rented two bedroom condo. He had had no contact with Denise and firmly insisted, when speaking with Sean, that he would not speak with her or deal with her. All contact would be through their attorneys. He proposed that all assets be divided equally except for the house. He wanted nothing from the house but his clothing, computer and various personal effects and papers. Denise could keep the house. He had no interest in it.

It was approximately four weeks after returning to work that Arch looked up from his desk and saw Dr. Bernie Green standing in his doorway. "It looks like your secretary took her lunch hour, Arch," he rumbled. "You know the old adage, 'if Mohammed won't come to the mountain, etc. etc... , ' he continued as he moved to a chair in front of Arch's desk.

Arch sighed and put down his pen. "Sorry, Bernie. I did get your message but it's really been crazy here. I just haven't had time to get back to you." Arch then hesitated when he saw the look on Bernie's face. "Okay, Bernie. Enough bullshit. I just really didn't want to hear what you were going to say to me. I'm pretty sure that Denise has spoken to you, but it makes no difference. I have had enough, Bernie. I want out. Do you understand?"

Bernie sighed heavily and nodded. "Okay, Arch. I understand, but it was incumbent upon me to try to speak with you. Denise is distraught and on the verge of a breakdown. I know, I know, you don't want to hear it..."

Arch interrupted him. "Goddamnit, Bernie. I've been through all of that. She always on the verge of a breakdown. She's a natural depressive and has been since she discovered that she couldn't have children. Living with her since that time has been an ordeal - she's very good at feeling sorry for herself. Well, now she really has something to feel sorry about. You know, Bernie - in a way I'm glad that she betrayed our marriage, glad that she screwed another man. It gave me the boost to finally do something about my life, although to tell the truth I could have done without the heart attack and bypass surgery," he stated wryly. "Look, Bernie. Enough is enough," he concluded.

"Okay, Arch, okay. I surrender. I just thought that I would give it a shot. Sometimes the end is really just the end. I'll continue to see Denise, I'll help her all I can. She is a very confused and bewildered woman. She is at a complete loss as to why she did what she did. Oh, she knows the superficial reasons, crossing over to middle-age, a sense of loss of her youth, etc. etc. What she doesn't understand is why that should have made her act in such a stupid manner. She feels that she must have been 'brain dead', her words. Okay, Arch. Enough. Keep in touch though, please?"

Arch rose, shook Bernie's hand and escorted him out of the office. He returned to his desk and sat, unable now to get his mind back on his work. "Brain dead," he thought. "Perhaps Dee had been brain dead for quite awhile." He shook his head and picked up his pen, getting back to the monthly reports.

Denise didn't contest the divorce and it didn't take long for it to become final. She received the papers in the mail one morning and sat at the kitchen table, allowing the flimsies to flutter to the floor. Dee was filled with a sense of emptiness, recognizing that a good portion of her life had now ended. She didn't think that the impact would be as devastating, didn't realize how deep her sorrow would be. It wasn't until the final papers were in her hand did she come to the realization of what she had lost. It was now, now that she was totally severed from Arch, did she realize how much she loved him. The old adage crept into her thoughts, 'you never know what you have until you've lost it'. She lowered her head to the table and wept.

The weeks turned into months and it was now close to a year since the Meader's divorce. Arch had purchased the condo he had leased and had had it redone: painted, new carpeting and new furniture. He even had new appliances installed in the kitchen and had turned into a fairly decent cook. He had immersed himself in his work and really had no desire to become more social or date. He was content, or at least he thought he was.

His few really close friends from the hospital had kept in touch and he was invited to dinner at their houses occasionally. He knew that they were concerned about him, but were smart enough to never bring up Denise or the divorce. They did try to encourage him to begin seeing a few women in their social circle who were available and had evidenced some interest, but for some reason he really didn't have any desire to begin any kind of relationship with any women.

One morning, as Arch was working at his desk, his secretary buzzed to inform him that Dr. Green was on the line. Arch frowned, hesitated and then told Gail to put him through.

"Hello there, Arch. Have you been avoiding me?" rumbled Bernie. "Just because I was your wife's shrink shouldn't put obstacles between us."

Arch had to smile. "Not really, Bernie. It has been some time since I've seen you, but believe me, it's not been intentional. We're friends, and we have been for years."

"Good, Arch. I'm glad to remembered that. Then you won't mind meeting me for a couple of beers at Clancy's after work. I don't keep beer at home, I would be guzzling it all the time. So I make it out every week or so for a couple of brews. I want you to join me, I need the company. How about it, Arch?" Bernie asked.

"Bernie, you aren't trying to sandbag me, are you?"

"Huh? What sandbag? Ohhhhhh, I see what you're saying. Nah, Arch. You know I'm not devious. All I want is someone to drink with, and you're the unlucky guy I chose this time."

"Ok, Bernie. I'll meet you at Clancy's around 6.

After that call Arch sat back, put his feet up on his desk and laced his fingers behind his head. "Was Bernie being honest with him," he thought. "Did he have an ulterior motive for this meeting?" he wondered. His thoughts once again returned to his ex-wife. He tried to examine his feelings. He thought that he had put her out of his mind, but his thoughts kept returning to Denise and the early years of their marriage. He had finally come to the conclusion that he was far from "over" Dee. He knew that he still had feelings for her. He also knew that that would eventually pass. He knew that he couldn't put himself through that emotional wringer again. Could he? "Nah," he thought. "Never again, enough is enough."

Bernie was waiting in a booth when Arch entered the saloon. The place had an almost old fashioned feeling. Dark woods, red upholstered bar stools and a long, polished oak bar that seemed to stretch forever. Mike Clancy waved from behind the bar as he made his way to where Bernie was seated. Arch seated himself across from Bernie and breathed a sigh.

"It's good to relax, Bernie. Thanks for the invite, I could use a couple of brews."

"Coming up, Arch. Jackie is headed our way right now," he commented as the bar girl placed two frosted Pilsner glasses before them as well as two bottle of ice cold beer. "Okay, gents. Enjoy but don't get plastered," she laughed as she moved away.

The two friends chatted and sippled their beers. When the glasses were empty they motioned for refills and went through them also. Their conversation ranged from the local sports teams, some funny tales from the medical center, but as always, Bernie never commented upon his patients or incidents thereof. Finally Arch noted that Bernie was struggling to contain himself. He had been fidgeting for some time now and a loopy smile would come over his face every once in awhile.

Arch looked askance at him and finally asked the question. "Okay, Bernie. What's biting your behind. You look like the cat that caught the mouse.:

Bernie finally broke down and laughed, again with that idiotic smile. "Arch, I'm seeing a wonderful gal and I wanted you to know. I think it's serious, at least it is on my part."

Arch was delighted. "Damn, that's great, Bernie. I'm really glad for you. You deserve someone nice; it's been too long alone for you. You need someone in your life. Okay, now tell me about her."

Bernie had stopped grinning like the Cheshire Cat and had a small smile on his face. "You know her, Arch. It's Debra, Denise's sister. We've been seeing each other and I think we're going to get married. I'm steeling myself to ask her."

Arch sat there dumbfounded, his mouth agape. He didn't know what to say - this was a complete shock to him. He knew that Bernie had met Debra, in fact that had happened at their house at a dinner party. Gathering himself together, Arch smiled in return and extended his hand to Bernie.

"Pal, shake my hand. I wish you the very best and I hope that you and Deb have years of happiness ahead of you. I'm really happy for both of you."

Arch had made the proper response and he was truly happy for Bernie. So why did he suddenly feel an ache inside. A wistful feeling of "what might have been." An emptiness that he had repressed The words were on the tip of his tongue. He almost asked, "Bernie, how's Denise? Have you seen her? Is she doing well?" He grimaced, realizing that he had almost slipped. He really didn't want to ask those questions, although he was honest enough to admit that he really wanted answers to them.

Bernie smiled sadly. He could almost feel the turmoil in his friend and he really didn't know how he could help. Arch had to find his own resolution and at the present he had to fight this battle alone. It wasn't too much longer before the two friends shook hands again and parted, promising to stay in touch.

"Dee, how much longer are you going to continue to beat yourself. It's been three years since the divorce and you continue to live almost like a hermit. You don't date, you don't socialize with men. Damn, Denise, it's not healthy," exclaimed Debra. "I bet you don't even remember the last time you got laid."

Denise turned to her sister swiftly. "Oh, yes I do, Deb. I will never forget that. That was the beginning of the end of my marriage. That's one thing that I'll never forget. I'll never forget Arch lying in the doorway. That picture will always haunt me." Her voice broke and she had to stop.

"Damn, I'm sorry, Dee. I totally forgot. Shit, me and my big mouth. Please forgive me," Debra begged.

"Oh, Deb. I'm sorry that I snapped at you. That just brought back some lousy memories," Dee sighed. "Let me tell you, sis. The events of that day and the divorce following it changed me. I suddenly started to realize what I had become. For years I wallowed in a swamp of hurt feelings, I spent my days feeling so sorry for myself. I really don't understand how Arch put up with me for so many years. Instead of accepting my infertility and going on with my life, I just allowed myself to become a shrew, blaming the world for my inability to have children.

"I wasn't mature enough or strong enough to appreciate what I did have - a wonderful, loving husband and a pretty good career. I just dwelled on what I couldn't have and made my life miserable as well as Arch's. Bernie tried to bring me to that realization, but I resisted. I wasn't ready. Well, I sure woke up fast. It's just a shame that that wake-up call came just a little too late." Denise had started to tear up and had to stop.

Debra moved to her and held her for a moment, whispering, "It's alright, Dee. I understand, really." She finally released her, sat her down on a chair and got her a glass of water.

"Look, Dee. I really do understand what you've been going through, but you also have to understand that you can't keep shutting yourself away from the world. It's rather obvious that Arch isn't going to come through the front door and sweep you off your feet. You do know that that relationship is over. You have to accept that and move on. Please, Dee. Come with us to the fund raising dinner at the club. Bernie got you a ticket. At least you'll get out and mingle with some people - and before you ask, no, Arch won't be there. He is going to another board meeting that night."

Dee nodded wearily. "Okay, Deb. I know you're right. I'll go - why the hell not."

Arch swivelled his chair around and gazed out of his office window. Autumn was well under way and he never failed to appreciate the dazzling display of colors that greeted his eyes. Sighing, he turned back to his desk and opened the newspaper. "It's still early," he thought as he sipped his coffee. "I'll just relax with the paper and finish the coffee."

He read the front section, finding nothing of too much interest. The next section was Society. Arch smiled and was about to toss it aside, when he saw the picture under the fold. It was Denise who was standing with a tall, distinguished looking man. The caption read: British nobleman and local woman announce their engagement.

Arch sat there, numbly, in shock. The paper had fallen from his hands. A terrible sense of loss again pervaded his heart and he put his head in his hands, letting the tears come.

It didn't take Arch long. He had over two months of accumulated vacation time and this would be a perfect time to take off. He knew that his staff could hold down the fort while he was gone and it only took him about 15 minutes with Corporate to get them to give him the time off. They really couldn't complain; he had been putting in 12 hour days and many, many weekends overseeing the expansion of the medical center. They owed him the time and he was going to take it. It didn't take more than a few minutes to book a round trip, open end return, ticket on AA to Paris. From there he would rent a car and tour Europe for a few weeks, something that he always had in mind. Of course that dream had included Denise. The reality now was that he would be taking this trip alone.

He was honest enough with himself to know why this sudden decision. The news that Denise was engaged finally awakened him to the reality that he had to move on, to get out of the limbo in which he was entrenched. He had to get Denise out of his system. The problem was that he didn't know how to do that. She had attempted to contact him countless times during that first year, but he had rebuffed all of her efforts. He had refused telephone calls from her. He had discarded letters unread. He felt he had been hurt enough and vowed, enough was enough.

He didn't want to hear her excuses or explanations. He had had it. Easier said than done though. He was shocked at how the news of her engagement hurt. "Damn," he thought, "I still really love her, but I'm not going to put myself through that anguish again. Never again." He reached for the intercom and asked Gail, his girl Friday, to find Alec and Norman. He wanted to see them ASAP.