Chapter 3

Jack Bell sat in his car after loading his suitcases in the trunk. "What do I do now," he asked himself. "A hotel, ok - but not that downtown Marriott, that's for sure." He quickly made a decision and drove to a hotel near the airport and reserved a room for a week. He felt that he would, hopefully, have made some decisions about his future by that time.

He unpacked in somewhat of a daze. The intensity of the emotions that had washed over him the past couple of hours drained him. He still felt the anger, but it was a bit muted now. He sat down heavily and just let his mind rest. While the anger was still simmering he could now feel the total overwhelming sense of sorrow, sadness and desolation.

A line from an old poem by Whittier suddenly flashed across the screen of his mind, 'of all sad words both tongue and pen, the saddest are these: what might have been'.

Tears formed and he allowed himself the catharsis of relief. He sat and cried as he had never cried before. He was lost, totally lost. His life was now without meaning and his future looked grim and bitter. He knew he had decisions to make, but for the life of him, right now he couldn't make a decision about if he should pee or not.

Jack got very little sleep that night. He couldn't get the visions of Karen actually fucking another man out of his head. The realization of what she had done, and what she was planning to continue, just rocked him to his roots. That she actually believed that he would be ok with this astounded him. If she really believed that, then obviously she had no clue about who he was and what kind of man he was.

He finally fell into a fitful sleep at dawn, but woke a couple of hours later. Nightmares had filled that fitful rest forcing him from the bed. He realized that it was Saturday and he thankfully did not have to face anyone at the office. He was sure that his face reflected the agony that he felt.

"Ok," he reasoned. "I have decisions to make and I need a clear head. First thing is to get something to eat and hope that I don't throw it up. I will need the energy."

After a very light breakfast in the hotel dining room, Jack returned to his room. He recognized that the primary emotion simmering in him was anger and he fought again to control it. He felt like lashing out physically against Karen, but he knew that he could never harm her. He also had decided that Mr. James Belsen was not going to go scot free. Belsen knew that Karen was married, yet he participated in her adultery.

Jack wondered if Belsen was married. "Shit" he thought. " If he is married I can make him suffer as he had made me suffer." Jack hesitated, he was not by nature a vindictive man, but right now he didn't know who he was. He knew he needed to lash out at someone.

He picked up the phone and dialed information. "Hello operator, I need the number of a James Belsen, it may be a new one."

Moments later, "Sir, I have a listing for a James and Sara Belsen." and she recited that phone number.

"Son of a bitch," muttered Jack. "The prick is married. He's no better than Karen. Maybe they deserve each other." He thought for a second and then picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello," a woman's voice answered after two rings.

"Hello, is this Mrs. Sara Belsen?" asked Jack, resolve tightening his voice.

"Yes, it is - who's calling please?" she answered hesitantly.

"Mrs. Belsen, my name is Jack Bell, my wife is Karen Bell and she is employed at TCM Industries, where I believe your husband works."

In the space of a heartbeat, Sara Bell had all of her fears realized. Everything came together when Jack Bell identified himself. He really didn't have to say another word, she KNEW.

Sara gathered herself together quickly and replied, "Hello Jack, you probably don't remember me, but we shared a few classes. I was two years behind you in school. Back then I was Sara Rinker. I'm really not all that surprised by your call."

Jack sat with his mouth agape, stunned. Sara Rinker, his mind flashed back over the decades. He did remember her, a well built, attractive brunette, and now she was Belsen's wife??? Jack felt that he was in the middle of a maze, circles within circles. He then remembered that Jim Belsen had dated Sara in school. He never took great notice, but had heard that nothing had come of it. Now here they show up as husband and wife. "Coincidence is a cruel son-of-a-bitch," he thought.

"Jack, I think I know why you called. Would you like to meet for lunch?" asked Sara.

She knew, he felt sure that she knew - yet she was calm and composed. She was a lot more controlled than he, but he knew that he must speak with her.

"Sara," Jack spoke softly. "I do remember you and I'm terribly sorry for the information I have to give you, but I will say nothing right now. Can you come to the airport Hilton around 1? We can have lunch here."

"That sounds fine, Jack. I'll see you then," replied Sara and she gently lowered the phone to its base. She sat for a moment while tears filled her eyes. She knew that Jim was weak and could be easily influenced. She didn't know that he would put their marriage in jeopardy again.

Jack saw her enter the dining room on time. Despite all of the years, he did recognize her. He noticed that she had kept her figure and that she was attracting the eyes of quite a few men there.

Jack approached and greeted her. "Hello Sara, it really is good seeing you after so long a time. I wish it could be under more pleasant circumstances."

"Thank you, Jack," she replied as she seated herself at the table. "I gather that this meeting is not going to be pleasant for either of us," she said softly while making sure that they would not be overheard. Jack had chosen well, their table was well removed from other diners.

Jack found it difficult to speak. Having to reveal his humiliation and his cuckolding was going to be difficult. He felt his anger rising again and took a deep breath to calm himself.

Sara saw his emotional torment. She put her hand on his. "Jack, I don't think you have to get into specifics. Jim and Karen have been intimate, am I correct?"

Jack relaxed a bit and sighed. "Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it. Karen 'confessed' this to me last night, but that's not the worst of it. She told me that she wanted to get her 'physical attraction' to Jim out of her system by having a 'brief affair'. She actually thought that I would be ok with that - that I would sit by and allow her to humiliate and betray me. I could not believe that she felt so little respect for me to even entertain the notion that I would allow that. I just can't see how our marriage can survive this." Jack had to look down as he felt his eyes tear up.

Sara gazed at him sympathetically. "Jack," she said softly. "You are in no condition to make any decisions right now. Your emotions are too raw for you to do anything for awhile."

Jack suddenly realized that he wasn't the only one impacted by his wife's infidelity. Sara was in the same boat, and it appears that she was handling it a lot better than he.

"My God, Sara," Jack blurted out. "You must also be suffering and I have totally ignored your pain. Please forgive me, but tell me what you have in mind. What are you going to do?"

Sara thought for a moment. She actually had no idea what she was going to do, but she knew that she needed time to herself. All of a sudden she was very happy that she was leaving Monday for a few days away. It would occupy her as well as giving her some time in which to make some decisions concerning her future, with or without Jim Belsen.

"Jack, I really don't know right now. All of this is too new and too raw. Fortunately, I have to leave Monday for a few days for my work. Maybe that will give me the time to evaluate exactly how I feel and what my options are."

Jack just shook his head in amazement. This was quite an impressive woman. Quiet, contained and very rational. Perhaps he had pursued the wrong woman in college. He did know that he had to come to terms with how he felt about his wife. Did he still love her or did he hate her - or was it both?

Sara was contemplative as she drove home. She knew that she would have to also make decisions, as did Jack, but what they would be eluded her. One thing she did know, Jim would have to go, at least for awhile. He had to be made to realize that adultery is not something that she was going to continue to tolerate.

She realized that Jim had always been weak and had never really felt strongly about anything. He just went along, taking the path of least resistance. He was good at shmoozing, shooting the bull with his contemporaries, which, she guessed, accounted for his somewhat modest success in his job. But he never really took a stand on important issues and, over the years, Sara realized that she had lost almost all respect for him. She eventually realized that he was basically a shallow man. Jim was not evil, just rather superficial.

Arriving home, she found Jim in the garage tinkering with the lawn edger. "Jim," she called. "Come into the house. I need to talk with you."

Jim followed her into the house and seated himself across from her in the den. He looked at her questioningly; he was a bit concerned at her serious mien.

"What's up, honey? I hope that there isn't a problem with your trip on Monday. I know that you aren't exactly crazy about going to begin with."

"This has nothing to do with my trip, " Sara snapped. "It has to do with whether I want our marriage to continue. Don't even try to start your bullshit, Jim. I know all about your little mini affair with Karen Bell and I now have to make a decision about where this marriage is headed."

"Honey, she has been after me since I started work there. I really tried to calm her down," Jim protested. "I really thought that if we did it once, it would be over. It meant nothing, you know that I love you."

Sara felt a little relief that Jim was not going to try to get out of this. At least he admitted to the affair. The problem was that she knew that this wasn't the first time Jim had strayed. She had never made a fuss before because she knew that none of his indiscretions were serious or long lasting, but she now realized that enough was enough. While she was fond of Jim, she knew that she no longer really loved him and she had to decide if she wanted to continue in a marriage based on "fondness."

"Jim, I want you to listen very carefully to me. I think that you had better pack a bag or two and leave. We need to be apart for awhile when we both decide where we're going."

"Jesus, Sara, We can get over this. It was no big deal." Jim was pleading with her. The shock of her words scared the living daylights out of him. He never thought that Sara would ever go this far. She had always given him plenty of latitude.

Actually, his life with Sara was very comfortable. She was a great homemaker, cook and bed partner. Even when he was screwing around a bit, it was always reassuring to know that he had a great wife and home to which he would return. Love didn't really enter into it. She also brought in quite a respectable income, which together with his, provided them a very upper middle class existence. The thought of losing all of this was frightening.

"Perhaps we can, Jim. But I insist that we put some time and distance between us. This isn't open to negotiation. I want you to pack and leave. I'll be flying out on Monday and we will talk again when I return. Please, I don't want any arguments, just do what I ask."

Jim Belsen sat, stunned and now speechless. He recognized that Sara meant what she said and that further protestations were useless. He rose and quietly left the room and headed upstairs to begin packing.

Karen sat and sobbed, alone in the house. She was convinced that she had had a period of insanity where she really had become someone else. She just couldn't even begin to understand why she had acted in the manner she had. She knew she loved Jack deeply, but why she had betrayed him she could absolutely not understand.

She also knew that she had to pour her heart out to someone. She just couldn't keep this bottled up any longer. But, she hesitated - she knew whom she had to call, but also knew that that conversation was going to be extremely painful for her. Oh well, she deserved it and she knew that she really needed to speak with her older sister, Kate.

Kate was a strikingly beautiful woman, dark haired where Karen was blond and tall where Karen was average in height. Kate was two years older than Karen and had been recently widowed. She was also a very hard nosed, blunt woman. She didn't believe in beating around the bush and in her line of work it was an asset many times. Of course, there were times when her "in your face" manner backfired and she recognized that.

Kate was also a clinical psychologist and while that could be helpful to Karen, she also recognized that Kate would not accept any equivocation, any self-justification, any self-pity. Karen had no choice. If she wanted to salvage her marriage, she had to talk to Kate and enlist her help. She really had no where else to turn. With a sigh of resignation she picked up the phone.

"Kate?, it's Karen - do you have a moment?"

Kate recognized the tension in Karen's voice and quickly asked, "Ok, Karen, what's wrong? Is this another bitch session about you getting old?"

"Oh Kate, I only wish. I really need to talk to you and I mean right now. Can I come over or can you come here? It's really important. I really need you, Kate," Karen wailed.

Kate recognized Karen's need and replied quickly. "I'll be over in about 20 minutes. In the meantime I want you to go into the kitchen and make us a big pot of coffee. No instant, Karen - real coffee in a coffee pot. Do you understand?"

Kate wanted Karen to get her mind occupied with doing something, not just sit around agonizing over whatever was wrong. Making coffee would give her something to do.

Right on time Kate walked into the house and found Karen in the kitchen. "Where's Jack?" Kate asked. "Not in the office on a weekend, I hope."

Karen was seated at the kitchen table. Kate could now see that she looked haggard and drawn and became concerned. She could immediately sense that this was not a minor blip in her sister's life.

"Ok Karen, spill it. Start from the beginning and tell me everything. Here, let me pour us coffee and we'll have a little chat." With that she busied herself with cups, etc. and got Karen to take a few sips.

Karen took a deep breath and began. She had to stop occasionally as her tears flowed, but little by little she told Kate the entire story, omitting nothing. Karen realized that she had to be honest and hold nothing back. It was almost cathartic. So between her tears and sobs she got the story of her infidelity out.

Karen sat quietly and awaiting Kate's response. She fully expected Kate to excoriate her. She cringed inwardly awaiting the tongue lashing that was coming. She looked up quickly as she heard Kate sigh.

"Karen, I don't have to tell you that you have really fucked up big time. This is not something that's going to go away by wishing. First, let me inform you that I am not going to treat you as I would a patient. You do not have serious psychological problems and I am not going to subject you to a battery of tests and hours in interview. You're my sister and what I'm going to say now you have to clear your mind for and pay attention."

"Kate, I lost my mind. I really think that I had a brief period of insanity. Kate, I bet I had... what do they call it... a fugue period, or something like that?"

"Shit, Karen," laughed Kate. "Don't try to psychoanalyze yourself. First of all a fugue state is a period of amnesia during which the affected person seems to be conscious and makes RATIONAL decisions and upon recovery the period is not remembered. You were fully aware of what you were doing and you remember the events quite well.

"Look, Karen. We don't need Sigmund Freud here. You have been bemoaning getting old since you turned 40, and now that 50 is looming down the road, you've been really agonizing about getting old and unattractive.

"All of a sudden you see your old college boyfriend and... click, you're 18 years old again with raging hormones. You remember the intense sexual excitement of those days. You didn't forget that you're not 18 and you didn't forget that you're married, you just set those facts aside and reacted to the situation as if you were a college freshman again.

Karen stared at Kate, a shocked expression on her face. "Then I was insane. I wasn't responsible for my actions, isn't that true? Kate, isn't that true?"