Chapter 1

You know, after over 10 years of marriage, a couple gets to know each other quite well. I thought that I knew Shelly well, her every mood, every emotion, every facet of her personality. Oh, there were times during our years together when she would be moody and irritable, but Shelly wasn't a devious person, at least I didn't think so. She was very open with everyone. I knew what made her happy and what made her angry, but I was now at a loss as to with whom I was living. Shelly had changed.

Oh, it wasn't a sudden, overnight thing, it seemed to happen rather gradually over the past few months, I guess. She had become a bit withdrawn, a bit... petulant, and quick to anger. The easy going disposition that I was used to had gradually disappeared. Little things annoyed her, she was quick now to point out my deficiencies and shortcomings. I really tried to control my impatience with her, I bit my tongue. Everytime I tried to get her to sit down and have a talk with me about what was bothering her, she would snap at me and tell me to examine my own behavior. Huh??

Don't misunderstand, she wasn't like that all of the time. Her behavior was rather erratic. Some days she was the kind, sweet woman I had married, and then there were days, too many days, when she did a turnaround and became someone I just didn't know. It seemed that those infrequent times when Shelly would be moody and irritable were cropping up with increasing frequency now. It appeared that she was struggling with her own demons, demons that she refused to share.

Let me back up a bit and give you some background. My name is David Lannister and, at present, I am an associate professor of Political Science at a large university in a northeast city. I met Shelly about 11 years ago at a large, center city hotel. I was charged with setting up a conference of visiting instructional personnel and paid speakers from universities in the Northeast. I was working with two of the hotel's executives. Bob Fallow seemed a pleasant and competent fellow and we got fairly well, despite what I sensed was a bit of crassness. The other associate was a woman named Shelly Naylor and while she was courteous and well qualified for the job, she was also a bit aloof and cool in her manner.

She did intrigue me though. Physically she was very attractive. Tall at about 5' 7", about 4 inches shorter than I, and built... well, put together very nicely. She wore her blonde hair rather short and her makeup very understated. I guessed, correctly it turned out, that she was around 28 or 29 years old. It was 28. Bob noticed my interest and laughingly told me to forget it - she was unavailable.

"What? Is she married or engaged?" I queried?

"Nope," replied Bob. "She's divorced, has been for about 3 years now. Her bad luck, she married a prick, a real cheating louse. She finally caught him and kicked his ass out. Since her divorce she seems to have lost all interest in men. Far as I know, she doesn't date and has no social life. I've been trying to hit on her for almost a year with zero success. I understand she's been seeing a shrink, but that could be a rumor.

"Tell you what, Dave. I'll get our assignments shifted, you'll now work with her most of the time on this conference. See how far you get with her, it'll be interesting." He then laughed and punched me lightly on the arm.

I protested, but not all that forcibly and the next days saw Shelly and I spending quite a bit of time together. She was very proper and always addressed me as Dr. Lannister. I followed her lead, she was always Ms Naylor, until one day she came rushing up to me, breathless...

"David, David, we have a problem. One of your guest speakers called and left a message. He can't make the conference due to illness in his family. Can you get someone else?"

"Hmmm, David, David?" I mused. "No problem, Ms Naylor. I do have someone I can call. It will just take a few minutes to get him on the phone and up to speed. Nothing to worry about," I reassured her. Shelly colored as she realized her "slip. "Oh, that's great, Dr. Lannister. I'm glad that problem's taken care of so easily." She turned and strode off as I smiled to himself

Well, to make a long story short, we became comfortable with each other and my very reserved and proper manner caused her to view me as no threat. Actually, I didn't really have to do much acting. I was by nature a rather withdrawn and introspective type of person, but I made efforts to be a bit more expansive and outgoing when with Shelly. Working together created situations where we would have lunch and that led naturally to dinners. We "dated" even after the conference ended and it wasn't long before we both realized that there was a growing affection (even love perhaps) developing. I was nuts about her and I knew that she cared for me.

It was at a small, intimate restaurant a couple of months after the end of the conference that Shelly unburdened herself to me. I remember her turning to me in the circular booth we shared and taking me hand said she had something to say.

"David, I guess we both know that what we have is something more than friendship. No, no, please - don't say anything yet. Let me explain something to you. I was a real daddy's girl, I loved him so much. My mother divorced him when I was little because he cheated on her and he disappeared from my life. I was heartbroken. You also know that I have been married and have been divorced over three years now. My husband's adultery devastated me. I became seriously depressed which required the help of a psychiatrist to overcome and I was in therapy for almost two years. I understand now what happened to me and I also knew that I had to overcome this deep distrust I had for all men.

"I have rebuffed any overtures from guys coming on to me, but you have been so kind, so patient, so compassionate that I have come to respect you, trust you and, yes, even love you. David, please understand that my psyche is still fragile, so if you just view our relationship as friendship, let me know now."

Shelly looked at me with unshed tears glistening in her eyes and my heart went out to her. I leaned over slowly and we shared their first real kiss. It wasn't that passionate; it was rather gentle but certainly not a kiss of friendship. I also professed his love for her and it wasn't long before we married.

Ourr life together was almost idyllic. We loved and respected each other and found that we were able to share their thoughts and emotions freely without fear or uncertainty. We also discovered that despite our efforts, (and they were herculean) we couldn't seem to get pregnant. We were both tested, everything checked out ok, but still, it didn't happen. We were both rather disappointed, but adapted and accepted the fact that we may have to grow old together without offspring. I was a bit surprised that Shelly wasn't more upset than she seemed.

Ourr sex life was not remarkable. While neither of us were wildly adventurous, we both enjoyed a variety of positions as well as oral foreplay. After the first tumultuous months of having sex almost daily, we had settled down and did enjoy each other at least two or three times a week. We did get a kick out of an erotic story internet site we had discovered. I found that Shelly enjoyed many of the stories on that site and we would check every few days to discover if our favorite authors had submitted something new. Many of the stories had outrageous plots and we howled about that. It looked like some of the authors had let their imaginations run riot. Kinky? Perhaps, but that was about as kinky as we got, and there were no discussions about swinging, threesomes, etc. We really had a rather staid, ordinary sex life, but it was very fulfilling for us.

Our careers had moved ahead also. I had moved up from assistant professor and was now associate professor and was also acting assistant to the head of the department. Shelly also had done well and was now the manager of the hotel. Ironically, Bob Fallow was her senior assistant manager. Bob appeared to be a good fellow and never seemed to resent Shelly's elevation. This is based on what Shelly had told me and the little contact I had with him. Shelly and I also took advantage of the spa and pool at the hotel. Many times Bob would join us, relaxing around the pool or the two of us in the steam room.

In fact, Bob and I got to be fairly friendly although we never socialized outside of work. We had bumped into one another at a conference in NYC a few months ago. I was a guest speaker and Bob was at a training session at the same hotel. We had drinks and shot the breeze. I never detected any animosity or jealousy regarding Shelly's elevation to manager. He took it in stride stating that his turn will come. We talked about his wife, Carol, and their two young daughters. I told him I envied him his family, although I wasn't really envious. In the couple of days we were there, I really had the opportunity to meld with him in a social setting and found him to be a somewhat pleasant and amiable fellow.

We were doing well financially. Our combined income was well into six figures which allowed us to purchase a town house in center city and not far from where we worked. It took only a matter of minutes for either of us to get to our jobs and we appreciated that propinquity. We furnished our home comfortably and enjoyed what center city had to offer in terms of theater, restaurants, symphony, etc...

All in all, life was good - it was very good, or at least it had been, until a few months ago. I was now beginning to feel that we were drifting apart. It has gotten so bad that we now tended to avoid each other. I tried to stay at school later than I had to and Shelly more often than not seemed to have crises that required her presence. It was apparent that our marriage was in trouble and I didn't have the slightest idea of what was wrong or what to do to about it. I tried to talk to Shelly, I really did, but all I got were angry responses or evasions. I also realized that it had been well over a month since they had made love (or was it well over two?) or had any kind of physical contact.

Then I had an idea. I knew that Bob Fallow spent a lot of time with Shelly at work. I thought that perhaps he could give me some idea about what was eating her and if her moodiness was evident at work also. I called and asked him to meet me for drinks after work.

"I think I know what you're talking about, Dave. I have noticed that Shelly seems preoccupied and a bit withdrawn. Oh, she handles the job well, she's very good at that, but... it certainly is evident that she has something on her mind," Bob responded after I had voiced my concerns to him.

"My advice," he continued, "is to just keep your distance from her and wait until she decides to tell you what's bugging her. Trying to get her to talk to you may just exacerbate the situation. Eventually she has to get this off her chest, and then you can deal with it. Just put up with her mood until then."

We spoke for a few more minutes and then parted. I gave Bob's advice a bit of thought, but it was apparent to me that Fallow's opinion was just the opposite of what my head was telling me. I really didn't think that our relationship could take too much more of the tension that was becoming palpable in our household. On my way home I came to a decision; We were going to have it out. Either she would come clean and tell me what was going wrong, or I was going to suggest a trial separation. One way or the other, we were going to resolve this and the sooner the better.

The next day I was notified by the Dean that I was needed to represent the department in a one day conference in Pittsburgh. The staff member who was going had gotten ill suddenly and I was asked to sub for him. I would be leaving the next morning. In a way, I was relieved; my confrontation with Shelly would have to wait until I returned.

I told my wife that evening that I would be leaving the next morning and would be back the following day. She stook still for a moment and then turned and literally leered at me. "Now isn't that wonderful - another little conference, is it."

I could see her face contort with bitterness and contempt. What the hell was going on with her?

"You have yourself a wonderful time, honey," she cooed sarcastically. "Make sure that you take plenty of vitamins with you. You know, to keep up your strength. But you've given me an idea - maybe I'll arrange a little conference of my own," and with that she turned and almost ran up to our bedroom. I could hear the door slam and lock.

I stood there, totally stunned. At the moment I truly thought that perhaps she was losing her marbles - was she becoming psychotic? Fortunately, I had already packed a bag and didn't need anything from our bedroom. I slept in the guest room that night and left early in the morning before she arose. It was too early for my flight, but I really didn't want to face her again. I was beginning to believe that our marriage was broken without too much hope for it's future. I knew that I would have to sit her down and have that "conversation" when I returned. The results of that conversation would result in either a new beginning or an ending.

The day away from town and Shelly was draining for me. It was all I could do to concentrate on the proceedings and I totally collapsed as soon as I had a chance to return to my room. I had no appetite and decided to skip dinner. I couldn't hold anything down anyway. My mind was a mass of chaotic thoughts and I made decisions and then changed them almost immediately. It was about three in the morning when I suddenly came to the realization that my marriage was over. I didn't know why or how it happened, but I knew that I couldn't continue living as I had. I knew that Shelly would be at work when I returned, but I decided to stay home, not go into work, and just wait for her. One way or the other, I had to get out of this asylum.

The plane landed on time and I headed home. I busied myself around the house packing. Yeah, there was little doubt that I was going to leave. I really had no hope that Shelly would finally open up. I really didn't know her any longer; I was living with a total stranger. This was a person I really did want to get away from. I had most of my personal effects in the back seat of my car and most of my clothing packed in three large suitcases which I had stowed in the trunk. Now all I had to do was to wait.

Shelly entered the house a little before six. She saw me sitting in the living room and she stopped and stared.

"Sit down, Shelly," I said softly.

She recognized the coldness in my voice and the intensity of my gaze. She moved slowly to a chair and sat.

"It's over, Shelly. I no longer wish to live like this. Either you tell me what's gnawing at you, or I'll leave without any further discussion. It's up to you."

I saw the grimace on her face. She stared at me and I saw the hatred in her eyes. I had to catch my breath. What had I done to warrant such animosity, such loathing? It was then that I finally realized that there was no hope left.

"You rotten, lying bastard. Leaving? You want to leave? Hah, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. If I never see you again it'll be too soon, you cheating, adulterous sonofabitch. Go fuck your girlfriends and I hope that you get a disease and your dick falls off." she snarled.

"You're all the same, just like my father and my bastard ex-husband. You're all cheating pricks and I was crazy to have ever believed anything different,"

I sat there, my mouth agape, totally shocked. Cheating? Adulterous? I really thought that she had turned the corner and was out of her mind.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP," I roared as I rose and stood over her. "How dare you accuse me of cheating, you brain dead bitch." I was totally outraged. I saw her cower into the chair.

"I have loved you since I first met you and I never, EVER had any inclination to cheat. I don't know what wild hair you've got up your ass, but I think you should see some mental health specialist because I know that you're nuts and you need help. But you won't get it from me. I have had it with you. You've been making my life miserable for months and you hadn't the decency to confront me sensibly and talk things out. You just assumed the worst and fed off your bile. That's the trust you had in me and our marriage? Fuck you, I don't need your shit anymore. Get someone else to be your doormat."

Before I turned and stormed out, I saw a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes and the start of tears, but by then I was unmoved. I was so totally pissed that I just slammed the door behind me, got in my car and drove away.

I had recognized the probable outcome of our "talk" and had already made prior arrangements. I headed to the Extended Day's Inn where I had reserved a suite. I would look for an apartment as soon as possible and I would phone Kyle Cooper, my lawyer and surrogate father, the next day. Let's not kid ourselves, I knew this day was coming.

A few words are necessary here in regard to Lyle and Millie Cooper. Lyle had been my dad's partner in the law firm of Lannister and Cooper. When my parents died in a small plane crash, Lyle and his wife Millie took me in. I was 16 years old and an emotional mess. They became my best friends and lavished the love and affection on me for which a young teen yearns. They saved my sanity, nurtured me and saw me safely into college and adulthood. They also loved Shelly and had no hint concerning the problems we were having. I really didn't look forward to that conversation.

I was still steaming as I lugged my bags into my new living quarters and flopped on the bed, trying to empty my mind and slow my respiration. Cheating? Shit, she is truly a basket case and there is now nothing more I wanted than to be free of her. Damn, how could a smart, knowledgeable woman go from sanity to nutsdom in a few months? I couldn't figure it out, and right now I didn't want to.

I saw Lyle a couple of days later and laid out the situation. He looked at me with shock on his face.

"Dave, are you sure that you haven't made a mountain out of a molehill? It's hard to understand why Shelly should have changed so dramatically." I reassured him that everything I had just told him was the honest truth. I went into detail concerning my life the past few months and the emotional distress I had experienced. He asked me to please take a couple of days to reconsider and then we would talk again. I knew that Millie would soon be on the phone wanting to speak with me. She called me the same day and we had a long conversation. She pleaded for me to let some time go by before I decided on a course of action, but my mind was made up. Yeah, ok, maybe I was being stubborn and unreasonable, but I really had had it.

I asked Lyle to begin divorce proceedings a few days later and also managed to find a small, one bedroom apartment close to school. It was far from lavish, but it would suit my needs. I visited my ex-home, after making sure that Shelly was not there, and had gathered together the rest of my stuff - there really wasn't all that much. I tried to immerse myself in my work - I was in the process of finishing my second text on the political ramifications of the first World War as well as teaching the few classes I had in the mornings. I kept myself busy and tried not to think about the chaos of my personal life.

Yeah, yeah, I missed Shelly. Not the harridan she had turned into, but the sweet and kind woman I had married. I knew that I loved that person; I didn't know the person I had been living with the past few months.

A few weeks after my final confrontation with Shelly, I got a call from Lyle. "David, we have a problem. Can you get over to my office this afternoon?"

I shook my head, what now? I agreed and saw myself entering his office door around 3:30 that afternoon. Lyle was a good guy, kind, patient and understanding. He was well over 60 now, tall and still had his hair, although it was now salt and pepper gray. He rose, shook my hand and motioned me to a seat.

Without any preamble he began. "Dave, Shelly won't agree to a divorce. She says she'll fight it. You led me to believe that this was a mutual agreement." Lyle looked at me with a question in his eyes. I sat there, surprised. That Shelly would not agree to a divorce really stunned me; I had supposed she would be ecstatically happy about that. Why the hell was she fighting it? What was she trying to do? Was this another way of making me miserable? I remembered our last conversation and the hatred in her eyes. That could very well be the reason for her intransigence. She wanted me to agonize over this, she wanted to make the whole process as messy as she could.

"David, please keep a clear head. Don't come to any conclusions at this moment. Millie wants you to come over again tonight for dinner. No, no, I don't want to hear any excuses - you'll be there or you'll hear from Millie," Lyle smiled, talking any sting out of his words.

I was at the Cooper's as promised and we enjoyed a pleasant dinner despite the underlying tension concerning my separation from Shelly. After dinner we gathered in the living room when Millie broke the ice.

"David, I have to tell you that I had invited Shelly to have lunch with me here at the house. She was reluctant, but agreed. David, Shelly is a mess. She finally admitted that she loves you still, but she cannot get over your infidelity; it's tearing her apart."

Goddamnit, there it is again. I fought to control my anger and saw Kyle and Millie gazing at me expectantly. "Millie, I swear to you on everything I hold dear, I have NEVER been unfaithful to Shelly in either thought or deed. I loved that woman with every fibre of my being and even the thought of cheating sickens me. I have to believe that Shelly is mentally ill and this is a manifestation of that illness. I think that she needs help," I snapped.

"David, if Shelly needs help then why are you here? Why are you not at home giving her that help as her loving husband?" Millie asked softly.

I sat there, exasperated. "I've tried. I've tried again and again. I did everything that I could to get her to confide in me, to talk to me rationally. Nothing that I said worked. Millie, you would have been shocked at the hatred in her eyes when she accused me. It scared the hell out of me. I've reached the end of my rope, I really have. I just can't handle it anymore." Kyle saw that I was losing it and interrupted. "Okay, David. Relax now. Let me get you a drink, I think that you could use one."