Chapter 11: Fulfilling a Promise

"Don't you ever gain any weight?" I asked Alice when she came out of the office building where her dad's firm was located. She was wearing a business suit, gray tweed with a below-the-knees skirt. Her only jewelry was small pearl earrings. She looked around to see if anyone was looking before leaning in to offer her lips.

"Sammy, you know better than to discuss a woman's weight. Don't you ever wear anything else?" she answered, sounding like an attorney arguing her case.

"It's not the same one," I said of my blue blazer.

"I'll have you know I've gained two pounds since we were lovers," she said as she got into my car.

"When's the big day?" I asked as I took my seat behind the steering wheel.

"I don't know. It depends on you," she said, making me turn my head.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm in no rush but Carter's pressing me to set a date. I've got it in my head that I would like to be pregnant with our first child on my thirtieth birthday. That would mean I will have two years in law practice before I have to stay home for awhile."

She looked over at me to see if I was paying attention.

"That doesn't explain how it pertains to me."

"I want to make sure you're there to see me get married. I asked your uncle when you would be home this summer. Mr. Oldham said you will only be here two weeks, the week after your school ends and one week before you go back."

"That's news to me."

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I thought you knew." Alice said, reaching across the center console to touch my arm.

"Knew what? Where am I going to be?"

"That's all he told me. Anyway, your being away most of the summer was a relief to me. I told Carter that I couldn't possibly have the wedding either of those weeks. We agreed to wait until... when's your next school vacation?"

"We're on the quarter system. I'll be home for Thanksgiving."

As soon as we were seated in the restaurant, Alice searched her bag, retrieving the thin-wired spectacles that I had seen her wear before and a day-timer. "You'll be home all of that week before Thanksgiving?"

"That's right."

"Then it's settled. I'm getting married the Friday after Thanksgiving."

"Good," I said. "Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?"

The waiter brought menus and asked if we wanted something to drink, letting suspicion creep into his voice when he looked at me. I grinned and shook my head. Alice removed her spectacles and ordered a glass of chardonnay.

"That's not what I wanted to ask you but it can wait. You go first; I'm all ears."

"You're going to need more than your ears for this," I said, handing her a folded copy of my 'women' file. She put her glasses back on and glanced at the paper.

"Number one and two were what led to number three. That's what I wanted to talk to you about," I said.

1. Why did Tracy attack me in front of the group?

a. She became embarrassed when she thought I was going to kiss her and didn't?

b. She had designs on me and became angry when she found out about Karen and Wanda?

c. She wanted to get back at me for something else she perceived I had done?

2. Why did Wanda ask me to tell her what to wear tonight?

a. Is she so insecure that she can't decide what to wear on her own?

b. Is she trying to tell me something?

1. She likes me.

2. She likes having me tell her what to do?

3. Why is my love life so fucked up?

a. Why do I let them treat me like a kid? Do they all see me as their baby sitter and nothing more?

1. Why did Karen play that horrible trick on me on New Years?

b. Why can't I have a normal relationship where we are both equal?

1. Alice is great but she treats me like a younger brother.

2. Becky and I were equal but we've become strangers.

3. Ann was on again, off again and I let her dictate the time and place. How lame is that?

4. Cindy was a manipulative bitch. I'm glad we're over.

5. The groundskeepers were fun but there's got to be more than sex, doesn't there?

6. Karen, hmmm, I still get goose bumps thinking about her doing a split. Was she playing dumb when she said she believed in the domino? I think so.

7. Wanda snaps her fingers and I jump. Why did she agree to go with me tonight?

8. Are Marcie and I equal?

"May I keep this, Sammy?" Alice asked as she removed her glasses, folded the paper and reached for her bag.

"Of course you can keep it but I don't know why you would want it," I said. The paper was already in her bag, along with her glasses.

"Ten years from now, when we're sitting at this very same table I'll show you the paper and we'll discuss your women. The issues will be the same only the names will change. I'll still treat you like my kid brother, Becky will still be a stranger, there'll be a new on again, off again Ann, a bitch to take Cindy's place, you will have met new groundskeepers, there'll be someone like Karen, a Wanda to make you jump and you'll still be asking if you and Marcie are equal."

"Did you just memorize my list?" I asked astounded at how she had repeated what she referred to as my women issues.

"I see you're still using your dominoes very effectively. Which one did Karen believe in?" she asked with a knowing grin.

"The double-six," I said, grinning back at her.

She gave me a stern look and shrugged her shoulders before she continued.

"You'll be twenty-eight; I'll be thirty-eight, the mother of three and married to Carter. You'll call and say you have to see me. We'll come here for dinner and I'll look at your new list. But the issues will be the same, only the names will have changed."

"You're scaring me," I said, not really believing her.

"I know you, Sammy Oldham," Alice said, taking a sip of wine from the glass that had just been delivered. "You've made a list that you think is unique to you but really, it's no different than what we all experience. It shows that you've thought about each relationship but have you really analyzed what went wrong? It looks to me that you're blaming the woman for the short duration of your relationships."

"That's not true. I blame myself for letting women take advantage of me."

The waiter returned and we ordered quickly. Alice wanted soup and a salad and I said I would have the same just to get rid of him.

"Do you believe that I took advantage of you?" she asked, showing no emotion whatsoever.

"No, I didn't mean it that way, not with you," I answered, defensively.

"I know that but I must point out that you knew going in that we were just helping each other out. If you remember, I made it quite clear that we were both going through a tough time."

"Alice, you taught me more than how to dance. I'll never forget how patient you were with me. You didn't take advantage of me and I hope I didn't take advantage of you."

"Equals?"

"Yes, equals," I said and we smiled at each other.

"What would it take to make every girl on your list an equal?"

"I don't know. I never thought about it that way. To tell you the truth, being equal with most of them was never important to me."

"Being equal with Becky was obviously important."

"I'm impressed. You really did memorize my list, didn't you? Not just the names but you remember my comment about each one."

"I remember Becky because we've talked about her. What about Ann? Was it important that the two of you be equal?"

"No, not really, she was a taker and I felt cheated that I gave more than I got. I let her intimidate me and I shouldn't have."

"Just remember, ten years from now there'll be another Ann," Alice predicted, smiling.

Our salads arrived and she ordered another glass of chardonnay. I ordered a Coke.

"I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm going to treat women differently. I'm going to stop trying to get every girl I meet in bed but I'm also going to stop being their slave."

"Were you being Karen's slave over the weekend?" Alice asked, grinning at me, knowingly. I grinned back at her.

"No, I'm not her slave. We're mostly equal but it's going to be over soon."

"You sound resigned to having it end, but you're not sad about it?"

"The end was planned from the beginning. We entered it with that understanding although she's showing signs of wanting to keep it going a little longer. She's hung up on respectability and wants to dictate when and where we get together. No, I'm not sad."

"And the groundskeepers; did they take advantage of you?"

"Not at all, we all knew what we wanted from the beginning. I guess you could call it the most equal arrangement, ever," I had to admit.

"What happed to turn you against Cindy?"

"She called me Otto."

Alice pushed her salad to the side and looked at me, questioning.

"While we were..."

"Oh," she laughed, "Oh!"

"That was only part of it. She warned me from the beginning that it would end and she even told me when. I knew that she intended to move on but later I began to think that she was changing her mind. It kind of surprised me when she didn't extend our 'arrangement.'"

"That leaves Wanda and Marcie," Alice said, shocking me.

I waited until the waiter placed the soup in front of us. It was a strange mixture of cream of mushroom with small chunks of broccoli floating on top. I stirred the soup until the waiter was out of earshot before answering her.

"Please don't mention those two names in the same sentence."

"Sorry, Sammy, I didn't know."

"Marcie's a dear friend, probably my best friend. We haven't had sex and doubt that we ever will, not that she wouldn't like to. I'm afraid it would destroy what we have. We talk on the 'phone every week and tell each other everything. Marcy keeps me sane and out of trouble."

Alice smiled and her eyes became soft. "Is that what you mean about turning over a new leaf? I never thought I would hear you say you would turn down sex for the sake of friendship."

We finished our soup at the same time. I was still hungry but Alice was satisfied so I didn't order anything else.

"There's someone else," I said.

"Wanda?"

"No, it's not Wanda," I said, leaning across the table and cupping my hand to my mouth. "I'm going to shave Wanda's pubic hair."

Alice didn't crack up as I expected her to. "That sounds contrary to what you claimed about turning over a new leaf. Does Wanda, by any chance want you to shave her or are you doing it to humiliate her because she tells you what to do and you jump?"

"Wanda's a little different. I don't think she would mind if she knew I was trying to humiliate her. She would probably enjoy the attention."

Alice looked at me and shook her, sadly. "You're just fooling yourself, Sammy. You haven't changed at all," she scolded.

"Yes, I have," I insisted. "Wanda wants me to shave her. I'm doing it for her and for Marcie."

"You just mentioned both girls in the same sentence," Alice reminded me. "What does Marcie have to do with you shaving Wanda?"

"Marcie says that I have to do Wanda before I turn over a new leaf. She wants to hear all about it."

Alice shook her head again. "I'm right, aren't I? You're not going to change. We'll come here ten years from tonight and you'll have the same issues, only the names will change."

"I told you there was someone else. I'm going to change for her. Everything's going to be different with Shirley."

Alice rolled her eyes and smiled but the smile didn't look genuine. As I got up to help her out of her chair I wondered what she was seeing.

We were half way to her house. "What was it that you wanted to talk to me about? You're not getting cold feet about Blondie, are you?"

She laughed and said no, she was thoroughly in love with Carter and looking forward to being married and having children with him. "It's Brenda. I think she's getting cold feet. She likes Carter and he's good with her but I can see that she'll never accept him as her father. Jim is her real daddy."

"Do you think it will get any better by Thanksgiving?"

"I was hoping that you would talk to her. She adores you and she might listen to you. I'm not asking that you tell her everything is going to be hunky-dory. I trust you to know what to say."

I knew Alice was looking at me. I turned my head and saw an anxious woman. She was scared and I didn't know how to comfort her.

"Did I ever tell you that I fell in love with you the first time we met?"

"You did?"

"Yeah, you and Ned were talking about Jocie and then you played tennis while Brenda and I watched. I'll never forget how you looked that day, a little skinny but beautiful and hell-bent to win."

Alice was quiet. She looked straight ahead and I thought I heard her sniffle. "You were fourteen and I was twenty-four. Now look at you. You're in college and so mature. I wish it could be different but we'll always be out of reach from one another. Do you understand?"

"I hope it will always be like it is between us tonight. You may be out of reach but you're still touching me."

"You're still touching me too, Sammy."

I parked in front of her house and started to open my door. Alice reached out and grabbed my hand, looking into my eyes.

"I'm leaving on Saturday. Will it be alright if I talk to Brenda when I'm home from school?"

She had both of my hands in hers. "I'll tell her you're going to have a little talk with her. She'll have something to look forward to."

"Thanks for talking to me tonight."

For a thin woman she had incredibly strong hands and she held on tightly. Her eyes were holding my eyes steady too.

"I hope I was some help to you," she said, loosening her grip on my hands and releasing my eyes from her stare.

"You were. I knew you would make me see things more clearly. We'll go to dinner ten years from now and you'll have to admit that I've changed."

"I just hope it doesn't take that long," she laughed.

"Please tell Carter thanks for letting you go to dinner with me."

I walked her to the front door and there was a brief goodnight kiss before I turned to leave.

"Sammy?"

I turned.

"I love you," Alice said just before she disappeared behind the door.

It was a dark cold night and there was a cloud of fog hovering over the park, making it appear forlorn and forbidding. I stopped the car and walked over to the split rail fence that separated the running track from the grassed area. The rail was damp and cold to the touch. I stood there and let the quiet darkness invade my mind.

It was a community park but for a few minutes my memories took possession. Many of my teenage hours had been spent on the running track, the tennis courts at the far end of the park and at the other end, inside the three cottages. But the voices I heard that night came from the flower bed where I had first met Jessica Baldwin, from the gazebo where I had taken girls to talk and the grassed areas where I had thrown the ball around with Josh and Curtis. Alice's voice was the one that spoke the loudest, "I love you."

"I love you too, Alice," I said as I walked back to my car.

I talked to Shirley on Thursday and Friday mornings. She wouldn't tell me the subject of the paper she wanted me to read but she did say she was looking forward to seeing me on Saturday.

"What have you been doing?" she asked on Thursday morning.

"Not much. Most of my friends are in school this week. I went to dinner last night with a friend and I'm going to see another friend before I leave. I'm glad I came home for the wedding but other than that it's been kind of dull."

"Thanks again for letting me use your computer," she said, changing the subject without inquiring if my friends were male or female.

On Friday morning she sounded excited that I would be back to school the next day. She said that she had already bought the tickets to the play we were going to see. "That's what I'm giving you for your birthday, so please don't buy me anything expensive," she said.

I tried to get her to give me a hint as to what I could give her but she wouldn't say.

"Okay then, don't be surprised if I give you an extra-large nightgown."

She laughed but still wouldn't give me any suggestions.

I wanted to ask Mr. Oldham about his plans for my summer, but knowing his 'all-in-good-time' policy I decided to wait for him to tell me what it was. Should I tell Karen that I was only going to be home for two weeks?

On Friday afternoon I tried to find a birthday gift for Shirley. Nothing I saw appealed to me. Her warning about nothing expensive made it difficult. What did she consider inexpensive. I settled on a locket, simple and elegant and not expensive.

It took several minutes to be admitted at the Parker's front gate. Had they forgotten my name or was it because of what I had done to their son's hand? I couldn't help but wonder if I was being filmed as I drove through the gate.

If Karen held any resentment toward me for canceling our Wednesday night 'time' together she put it aside for the evening. From the moment she opened her door and welcomed me into her house until she rode down to the gate with me to send me away at two am, she kept our state of arousal high.

"Did you win the game last night?" I asked as I walked through the door.

"We lost. I don't want to talk about it," she said as she pushed my jacket off my back so it would drop to the floor. She was wearing the two-piece leisure suit that resembled pajamas.