Chapter 1

My name is Eve. I'm married to a man named John Constantine. We met and married when I was twenty-three and he was twenty-six. He has a brother, Robert, a little older than he and they both lived with their father Salvatore and their mother, Charity. Bobby was married and his wife Celina lived there with him. They were a wonderful, close-knit family.

I have no family. My mother and father both died of cancer when I was still in my early teens and I was raised by an Aunt Flossy that took me in only because she felt it was her duty and she wanted the money from my trust fund. There were no grandparents on either side so she was my only living relative. She raised me as a strict Catholic and made me go to church every week. I know she hated me so I did as she asked and worked very hard to stay out of her sight. In that way, we tolerated each other until I was eighteen. On that wonderful day, I packed up my few things and left. She didn't even bother to say goodbye.

I knew that when I turned eighteen, my trust fund would be under my control. It had been paying my aunt a nice sum each month since my mother died. She followed my father within a year of his death and before she died, she had all of their assets converted to a cash endowment that she set up for me. When I met the banker who was in charge of it, he told me that it would give me a nice allowance if I continued to allow him to manage it. I told him that was fine and he could continue in charge if he promised me that Aunt Flossy would no longer get anything. He assured me that was the case.

But, he informed me that I could go to college and the fund would pay the tuition and living expenses if I chose, or I could just take the money. I decided to let it stay and only took enough to go to a local trade school where I trained to be a dental hygienist. I wanted fast and local and I wanted to be able to make my own way. I took a job with a dentist close to my apartment and began my career. True to his word, the fund paid the tuition and still gave me a small allowance each month.

Salvatore and his sons worked in construction, Sal as a supervisor and his boys as laborers. John was a bricklayer and Robert was a finisher. They worked well together. They had always worked as a team. They wouldn't take separate jobs and they went where Sal went. He in turn kept them working and made sure they always had jobs. It was a tight family.

That's how I met John. I was going to school downtown next door to one of the projects they were working on. I came out of the building at lunch and breaks to get some air and get away from the other students who were all older than me. That's where this cute well-built guy saw me and began to talk to me. He told me his name was John and we began to look forward to seeing each other on my school days. We hit it off very well and one day he asked me out on a date. I refused the first time he asked but accepted the next. We enjoyed each other and we became a couple. We dated for eight months before John asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were married in a big ceremony with all of his friends and family and I became Eve Constantine, wife of John Constantine.

Rather than live with his parents, John moved into my apartment where we lived for the next several years until we were able to purchase a small house. We had a good life, me working four days a week and him bringing in good money. We talked about kids but decided to wait. We were happy and we enjoyed each other and his family. I especially like Celina, Bobby's wife. Bobby and Celina were at our place almost as often as we went to John's parents. Celina once told me she just enjoyed getting away form Sal and Charity once in a while. She loved them but wanted some privacy.

Robert, John and their father Salvatore Constantine had started a small construction business soon after John and I were married. It had been a dream for all of them and now that both sons were married, Salvatore decided the time had come for them to join him and build a business that would provide for their children. Celina and I agreed and we both took jobs to help out during that time. Celina worked in a law office with fourteen lawyers as a receptionist and I still worked as a dental hygienist. We made enough to help our men through the startup and were happy to do it.

Things were rough for the first two years but as the quality of their work became known, jobs became more steady and the profits began to build. They were able to hire some additional laborers and the company continued to grow. After two more years we were finally able to make some life decisions. John and I had been married now for just over five years.

Bobby and Celina became pregnant and she quit her job when she was five months gone. As the business did well, I dropped down in my hours until I was only working one or two days a week. I tried to keep my hand in while John and I worked on making a baby ourselves but without success. We were having fun trying though so we were content. Things continued unchanged for another year or so before disaster struck.

We had been married now for a little more than seven years and we were no further along in trying to start our family. Bobby and Celina's little girl was sixteen months old and a bundle of energy. Celina was a great mother and she and the baby were at our place all the time. I loved that little girl and Celina and I were as close as sisters. Things were great.

It was sometime during September of that year when Celina told me she was pregnant again and she wanted to tell her folks in person so she was going to take the baby and visit her mother in upstate New York. It was a four hour drive and she wanted me to go with them but I had already agreed to work another girl's shift since she was to be in her sister's wedding. It was too late to back out and I stayed behind. Celina couldn't wait to tell her mom so it was that they left early that morning without me. I would wonder about that over and over in the next few years and I often wished that I had been with them. But, I didn't think any more about it then.

I only worked a four hour shift that day so I was home by early afternoon. I still remember John coming home from work early that day. I asked him what he was doing home so early and he just looked at me. His face showed so much pain that I immediately went to him to see where he was hurt, but he just reached for me and pulled me tightly to his chest. He held me that way without saying anything until I started to become afraid. I pushed back and asked him what was wrong. I remember his exact words.

"They're both gone, Evie. Celina and baby Jess, gone. So quick, so very quick. Bobby is devastated. He's almost going crazy but mom and dad are with him. But they're both gone Evie. They're dead and gone."

John was crying and still holding me tight against his chest but I pushed back and tried to grab his arms to get some control.

"What are you talking about? Celina and baby Jess were going to her mother's place. They're not gone, they're just off visiting. Calm down baby."

John was shaking his head violently back and forth. He was shaking and he again reached out for me but I moved back out of his reach.

"John! Talk to me. What's wrong with you? John?" I felt like I should slap him but I was afraid to with him this far out of control.

"They were killed in a car crash on the interstate. They're both dead Evie. They're dead! Gone! Don't you understand? They both died in a car crash and now they're gone."

Suddenly it hit me. He was telling me they were both dead. Celina and Jess, both dead. Oh, my God. Did Bobby know? Yes, John said he was with his mom and dad.

"Oh God, how can he stand it? He must be crushed! I can't believe the pain he must be in."

I knew how he felt. I watched my mother die of cancer and I understood death. But this was different: a vital, beautiful wife and a precious new daughter both gone in a flash! This kind of death was more cruel. It gave you no time to make peace or to say goodbye.

Over the next few weeks, following the double funeral, Bobby tried to return to the job but John said that he was not really with it and Sal had to send him home several times because he kept making dumb mistakes and once he almost caused another worker a serious injury. John watched without being able to do much more than be there. He was suffering because his brother was suffering.

But, like all things, life had to go forward. We had been trying to get pregnant but without success. John and I talked about it and decided that to have a baby now would be in the best interests of everyone, including Bobby. It would give him something to focus on and it would do wonders for Sal and Charity as well. We continued to try.

Bobby was slowly coming back and he would spend a lot of time with us, especially on weekends when the job didn't occupy his mind. He had taken to drinking a little too much but so far it was not out of control. He never got angry or aggressive so we just let him have his time alone. He would go out onto the porch and spend most of the afternoon there while John and I did things around the house. Bobby got to be almost like a fixture around the house.

Sal had made a bid on a job in Fort Wayne, about four hours or so away and he wanted Bobby and John to go over to the job site and talk to the builder. The bid had been tentatively accepted but there were some details that needed to be worked out. John agreed but Bobby pleaded another engagement or something and said he couldn't go. They argued about it but finally John agreed to go by himself. It was only a few hours out of the day and he would be home by late evening. Bobby went off to be by himself and the subject was forgotten.

In bed that evening, John and I talked about Bobby. John was worried that he was beginning to slip back into a depression and wanted me to promise to watch him very closely for a while. I agreed, of course and we made love, trying again for the baby we both wanted so much. John had always been a patient lover and I was always satisfied with our love life. A baby would be welcome but John and I were still in love, more so than when we were married. Everything we had been through had only intensified our devotion to each other.

John left for the site early Tuesday of the following week. He took the truck and his surveying equipment and promised to be home by that evening. He reminded me to keep an eye on Bobby when he left and I promised. I wasn't working that day so I was home by myself when Bobby showed up. It was just 11:00 in the morning and I wondered why he was there so early.

"Bobby, what are you doing here so early? Why aren't you working? You said you had something to do so you couldn't go with John."

Bobby just shrugged his shoulders and looked at the floor. He was being funny and I was beginning to worry. He didn't seem to be his usual self.

"Well, come in if you want to. I don't know what's going on but John asked me to watch out for you so come in."

Bobby came in, stood in the kitchen for a few minutes and then walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer and headed for the porch. That was normal. A beer and solitude. I forgot about him as I went about my normal chores for the day. Bobby could take care of himself for a while.

It was just after lunch when I went out to find Bobby. He wasn't there but I knew he hadn't left so I went in search of him and found him in the den, sound asleep on the couch. I watched him for a minute but finally decided to let him sleep. He couldn't get into trouble if he was sleeping.

It was just a few minutes past 5:00 when John called to tell me the truck had stopped running. He hadn't left yet and the truck was in a repair shop now. He didn't know what was up but promised to call as soon as he found out anything. I wanted him to leave the truck and rent a car to come home but he wanted to wait and see if the truck could be fixed. All of his equipment was in the truck and he didn't want to leave it if he didn't have too. I hung up and waited.

Bobby seemed to be both sober and calm this evening so that was a good thing. I watched TV with him until John called just about 8:30.

"Hey, honey. We got the parts for the truck and it'll be fixed first thing in the morning so I'm going to grab a room and stay. They promised to be on the job by 7:00 tomorrow morning so I should be able to get back by noon. OK babe?"

"Hurry home tomorrow and sleep well. Think about me tonight when you sleep by yourself in that lonely bed."

He promised, laughed and then asked about Bobby. When I told him that he had been there all day and that he was sleeping over tonight, he seemed to be more pleased than anything. I thought he would be upset that he stayed here with nothing to do rather than go with him but John didn't see it that way. He thought Bobby was safer there with me than if he had gone along. The way he explained it was that the delay would probably have started a fight between them, so this was preferable to John. I didn't see it that way, but he was his brother. We talked for a few more minutes and then parted.

Since it was already late, I decided to go to bed and stuck my head in the family room to tell Bobby. I saw that he was already asleep on the couch so I just covered him with a throw that we kept on the back of the couch. He was sound asleep and didn't stir so I turned off the TV and went upstairs to bed. John would be home early so I wanted to get to sleep so I could be up and ready when he got home.

I dreamed that night about the loneliness that Bobby had to be feeling and it was enough to wake me. I glanced at the clock which showed 3:15. I had been asleep for almost four hours and now I was not that sleepy. I decided to go down for a late night or early morning snack. If I had some warm milk, it might put me back in the mood to sleep for a couple more hours. I went down the steps being careful not to wake Bobby.

I went into the kitchen and, leaving the light off, got the milk into a pan and on the stove before I heard a noise coming from the family room. I listened and heard it again. I thought it sounded like crying, or rather sobbing. I held my breath and listened and sure enough that's what it was. I quietly moved to the doorway into the room and listened again. It was Bobby! I could see him now, sitting on the couch with his head in his hands and his shoulders moving up and down, sobbing in deep heart wrenching gasps. I went back to the kitchen, turned off the stove and went to comfort Bobby.

I sat down next to him, put my arms around him and pulled his head to my shoulder. I held him with both arms and began to rock him back and forth, talking to him, saying anything I could think of to try to calm him down.

"It's OK baby. Just let it go. That's it, just let it out. It's OK to cry. That's it."