Chapter 3

It was quiet which meant that Beth was probably upstairs in the spare room working on some of her signs and plaques for one of her charities. She spent a lot of time up there so we had it fixed up pretty nice: lots of light and plenty of shelves for her stuff. I went up the stairs quietly so as to surprise her. When I reached the landing at the top of the stairs, I started toward the right where the spare room was located when I heard sounds coming from our bedroom. I stopped and moved that way, holding the flowers out in front of me as a peace offering. I tiptoed my way to the door and looked in. What I saw almost caused me a heart attack.

The picture is burned into my mind. I can't make it go away. It is as clear as a photograph and as hard to look at as a train wreck. But, I'll describe it for you. I saw two people on our bed. The man was on his knees, naked and sweaty. He had his hands on Beth's hips, gripping her tightly as he rammed his cock into her from behind. Beth was on her hands and knees, with her head down on the pillow, both hands grabbing the bedspread and her face grimacing in pleasure. I vaguely remember hearing her saying something to the effect of 'pound me with your cock' or something like that. His face was contorted, mostly in pleasure I imagine. I didn't recognize him.

That is the picture that I have ingrained into my brain. My wife, fucking another man in our bed. It wasn't rape and it wasn't a mistake. She was enjoying it. I could tell that from her face. It was all I needed to see. I threw the flowers away, turned and ran down the stairs to my car. I got in, started driving and ended up here two days later. I haven't called or let her know where I am and I don't want to. I don't know what I want to do. I know what my dad did and now I know why.

That was my story. I looked at Bill and was surprised to see a tear in his eye. He had listened carefully and quietly to my story and I had to admit that I felt much better now that I had told someone. I slumped down in my chair.

Beth Chase

The shock of seeing Ben standing there was more than I could process. I just gaped at him with my mouth open, no words coming to mind. I was stunned! Ben? My Ben? He wasn't supposed to be home. He was driving west toward some God forsaken place in western Pennsylvania. I hadn't seen him, had I?

Suddenly I realized what I was doing and what Ben saw when he looked in the doorway. I felt George behind me, driving his cock into me and slamming into me while I knelt there on my hands and knees loving it. The panic hit and I almost lost it. The sudden jolt to my system gave me the strength to rise up and throw George off of me. I didn't even feel him pull out as I swung my legs off the bed and ran to the doorway in time to see Ben's departing back as he went down the stairs and out the door. I moved to try to stop him when I stepped on flowers scattered on the floor. I stopped as if I had run into a brick wall! I looked down at the bouquet of flowers, now spread across the hall and I collapsed. I slid down to the floor and the immensity of what I had done came down on my shoulders like a weight I couldn't support, crushing me down until I couldn't breathe! I struggled to find some air but nothing was happening. I couldn't move, I couldn't cry and I couldn't call for help. I just sat there, slumped against the wall, my bare feet among the blossoms of the flowers Ben had brought me.

George came out into the hall, asking me what had just happened. He hadn't seen Ben and he didn't know why I had run out of the room. I heard his voice, asking me what was wrong and what happened. I couldn't answer him. I just sat there leaning against the wall, my naked body obscenely visible to him. Suddenly the whole thing became nothing more than a disgusting episode of a cheating wife fucking a man she hardly knew in the bed she shared with her husband. Now the truth came back and the truth made me sick. I scrambled up and ran to the bathroom, sick to my stomach and sick at heart. I closed and locked the door, turning to the commode just in time. When George came down to knock and ask if I was alright, I just cowered there on the bathroom floor not answering until he went away. I stayed there for the next hour until I felt it was safe to come out. George had gone, thank God.

I ran the shower on full hot and stood there letting it wash the shame away. I had no answers to give to Ben should he care enough to ask. I had no idea why I had done what I did with George there in our bed in our home. I had shame enough to fill the hole in my heart but no answers. I didn't even know where Ben was or when he would come back if ever. Ben was not a man to accept what I had done. I had no choice now but to wait for his judgment.

Bill Austin

It was clear to me now what Ben was feeling. His mother had betrayed his father and the father was unable to come to grips with it. In the end, he decided to take his own life rather than try to face the reality of what his wife had done. Ben of course, knew nothing about fidelity or cheating and all he saw was that his father had left him behind. That was all the reality a boy his age could understand. Further, because of the trauma of her part in her husband's death, the mother fought a losing battle with guilt, remorse and loss. She was also unable to face her reality and she took her life as well. Both of these actions were interpreted by Ben as desertion. Both his parents had deserted him and left him to fend for himself. He grew up believing that, never knowing the real story until he reached 18. By that time, the man he was to become had already been formed. The truth then was more academic than anything else.

Annabeth, Ben's wife, had cheated on him with another man. Ben had to come to grips with that somehow but his coping mechanisms were formed all those years ago in a house with very similar circumstances. But even though he now understood the reasons for his parents actions, he subconsciously saw only the facts. His mother cheated, causing his father's death. His father's death cause his mother to kill herself. Now, his wife had cheated. His course of action was suggesting itself even now. That's why I told Beth that she had best stay away from Ben now. His actions were going to be difficult to predict given his history. Beth obviously wasn't aware of that part of his past and she didn't understand the irony of what she did. Infidelity was bad enough but to a man with Ben's past, it could be deadly.

I looked at the clock, surprised to find that we had talked away the morning and part of the afternoon. I finally got up telling Ben that we should get some dinner and then talk some more. When he told me that I had heard all of his story, I just laughed and said that we had so much more to talk about now that I knew his background. It caused him to tense up a little but I assured him that we would not be doing any really deep stuff and that he was only a little crazy. That got a laugh so I let it slide for now. I thought that we could go back to the bar where we met yesterday for some dinner and a few beers. Ben was certainly more relaxed now and I wanted to keep him that way.

Ben Chase

Telling Bill my story had really wiped me out. I was as tired as if I had spent the day working in a mine. My back was sore, my legs ached and I felt as though I could sleep for a month. Part of that was tension, part fatigue and part emotion. I didn't know which was which, I was just beat. When Bill suggested that we had more to talk about, I guess I didn't want to hear that but then he broke the tension with his crazy comment and then suggested we go out to eat. I could eat and I wanted a beer in the worst way. So off we went.

At the bar, things seemed about the same. It was later now than it had been when I first met Bill and there were many more people around. Seems Bill knew a lot of them since there were greetings flying all over the place. He seemed to be very popular: a regular. I watched him interact with several and found him to be smooth and easy going. That was my impression of him to, so I guess he was real. We moved to a table and Bill ordered burgers and onion rings for both of us with a cold beer. I relaxed back and looked around. I watched several nice looking women move in on some of the guys and concluded that they were pros. When I mentioned it to Bill, he just nodded affirmatively and let it go. Fine with me.

While I was downing the burger, I saw a woman about my age come in to the bar, look around and then move onto a stool. She looked different than most of the pros and I watched as several guys made a move on her which she rebuffed. Interested, I began to watch to see what she was doing. I noticed a man at the other end of the bar looking in her direction but otherwise making no move. Now I was fascinated and continued to watch. My curiosity was rewarded when she slid off the stool and went toward the restrooms. The man at the bar followed and I told Bill that I wanted to use the restrooms and followed them. I hung back, watched as they came together in the hall, not noticing me in the shadows. They whispered and then she reached out her hand and kissed his cheek. That's when I noticed the wedding ring. She moved away and walked back to the bar. He did the same except that he put some money on the bar and went out the door rather than return to his seat. Within a minute, the woman left as well.

I knew that I has just witnessed a clandestine meeting and the woman was probably married and wanted to meet her lover. They had come here separately and then left to be together. I knew that somewhere, some man was being cuckolded, just like me. All of a sudden, the pain and grief that I felt that night at home came crashing back. Along with the pain came a feeling of rage, rage so intense at the stupid bitch and her lover. What in the hell were they doing? Someone should teach them both a lesson. I gasped, struggling to breathe and I felt the blood drain from my head. I was almost in danger of passing out when I rose from my seat to almost run from the bar into the cool night air. I crashed out the door and staggered to one side and bent over, trying to catch my breath. The hamburger I had just enjoyed came back up in an explosive purging. I heaved everything I had and continued to heave, cramps clutching at my gut till I cried out in pain. I was sweating and fighting for control when I felt Bill's hand on my shoulder.

"Don't fight it, Ben. Let it control you first. Let it run it's course. You have no choice but to allow it free rein. It will pass. Just let it go. Don't fight it. Just breathe, easy breaths, easy breaths."

His words didn't mean much but his soothing voice helped. The rage which had threatened to overcome me had disappeared. I forgot the pain and the discomfort and concentrated on his voice. Don't fight. Let go. Over and over until I could finally hear the words and begin to follow his advice. The cramps began to loosen, blood began to flow into my brain again and I was able to straighten up and lean against the cool bricks of the outside wall of the bar. Things began to register and I felt the coils of tension loosen and finally break free. I took several deep breaths, bringing oxygen back to my starving lungs. I saw Bill standing there with a worried look on his face and I tried to smile at him.

"I'll be OK now. It's passing and I feel much better. Sorry I scared you."

"Can you tell me what happened? Do you know what set this off? It's important to tell me what happened. Can you do that?"

I shook my head yes and took a couple of deep breaths, feeling the bands around my chest loosen and my breathing become normal again.

"I was watching a woman at the bar. She was my age, quite pretty and well dressed. She wasn't a pro because she rebuffed several of the guys who tried to pick her up. I noticed a man at the other end of the bar and I saw them looking at each other. I followed them when they went toward the restrooms and I saw them kiss and exchange words. Then he left the bar and she followed within a few minutes. I knew then that they were meeting and that she was cheating on her husband. That's all I remember, till now."

Bill was shaking his head in apparent understanding. He must have known who she was since he never bothered to say anything when he saw me looking at her. He seemed to be satisfied about what I told him but for the life of me I didn't know why. But, he decided it was time for us to head back to his place and that's what we did.

Bill Austin

Once Ben told me what he had experienced and what brought it on, I knew that my original opinion was correct. Ben was very close to moving in the direction his subconscious was pulling him and violence was not that far away. I saw the fury in his eyes just before he got up to run out the door. I was sure that he also felt the misery that had driven him to me and I knew he had to fight to stay sane but his coping tools were sadly incapable of handling this. I had to do something.

Ben was able to calm down on the walk back to my place. He had suffered two major shocks to his system in less than 72 hours and it was beginning to have an effect on him. I knew that without my help, he was moving more and more toward taking some drastic action. I was afraid that given his past, harm to himself was high on his list, even if he didn't see it for himself. I could see it building. Something had to be done.

Annabeth Chase

I was still waiting for a call back from the man that called yesterday. He said Ben was with him and that it wasn't smart for me to talk with him just yet. I didn't agree but since I didn't know who he was or where he and Ben were, I had no choice. I didn't know what else to do but wait. I had called the Manna House and told them I couldn't help them any more. George had called me three or four times now and I asked him each time not to call me again. This last time, I finally told him that Ben had seen us that time and George was shocked. He wanted to know what Ben said and I told him that Ben had left me and hadn't called me at all since. George was very sad to hear that, but then he asked me if I wanted to get together again. I told him that my marriage was the only thing on my mind right now and that was all I was concerned with. He promised to keep in touch but I just hung up without replying.

I had spent the last day wondering what the man meant when he asked me about Ben's parents. What in the world did that have to do with anything? I couldn't remember Ben saying anything other than they were killed in an accident. What kind of accident, I didn't know and Ben never said. Maybe it was important. I thought about it and then decided to take a chance and call Pearl, Ben's grandmother. I could ask her if she had any more information. That decided, I found her number and used my cell to call her. I wanted to keep the phone open in case the man called again.

I reached Pearl at her home and talked with her for a few minutes. It was hard since we didn't have much in common and she and I had never formed a bond. Ben was her only concern and she didn't have much left for others, including me. But, she was civil and I finally asked her about Ben's parents. Her response was weird. She fist asked me where Ben was. When I told her he was out of town on a job, she asked several questions, indicating she didn't believe me. She then asked me what he had told me and I said that he indicated they died in an accident. She was quiet at that but finally asked me if I had some time to come over to her place for a talk. I quickly agreed, intrigued now with her attitude.

When I arrived about an hour later, she was waiting for me. She asked me to sit in the little family room of her home and brought in a plate of cookies and a pot of tea. We sat and she poured, just like a little old lady of money. I knew that she came from a poor family so I assumed that there were affects that she had learned to try to rise above her early life. She seemed comfortable with it so I accepted her offer of tea.

"Now then, why the sudden interest in our Ben's family? Has something happened to make you curious?"

"No, not really. Someone asked me about it the other day and I realized I knew very little. Ben never seemed comfortable talking about it so I decided to ask you. I don't think he would mind."

"I'm sure he would mind, but that's not important. What happened is important and the reason for you asking might be very important. Did you do something that made Ben leave home?"

How in the hell did she know? Was it a lucky guess? I decided to continue with my bluff and see.

"Nothing happened. Ben is on a job like I said. I just wanted to know what really happened."

"I don't believe you girl. I don't know you well at all but I can tell when someone's lying. What did you do to make him run?"

Shit! I had to tell her something so I decided on the truth. Maybe she would be shocked enough to tell me what really happened. So, I told her and she listened grimly when I got to the part about Ben seeing us together. That's when I knew there was trouble. Pearl just glared at me when I was through and then she shook her head.

"OK, here's what happened. And you had best listen carefully cause you've opened a big can of worms. Here goes. Ben's mom and dad both killed themselves. His dad first and his mom later. That's why I raised him from 8 years old on. He never knew what happened until later when he turned 18. By then he was already formed and it didn't make no mind."

"I don't understand. What does that have to do with me and what Ben saw?"

"Pauline, Ben's mother, my daughter, cheated on his father, Howard. Pauline told Howard about it and it broke his heart. He tried to deal with it but he couldn't. He waited about two months and then put a shotgun to his mouth and pulled the trigger. Pauline found him that way, coming home from her work. Seems he left her a note, but she told me the note was pretty bad and she tore it up rather than keep it. But it was already too late. Pauline tried to keep it together and raise Ben but she couldn't get over what she had done to Howard. She wrote Ben a letter, explaining it all and then killed herself by slitting her own wrists. She bled to death in her bed, laying there plain as day for her son to find."

"My God. That's insane. How could they do that to a little boy, leaving him alone like that? What was the matter with them?"

I was appalled at the cruelty of what they did until I suddenly realized the implications! Ben had witnessed me doing the same thing his mother had! I had cheated on him, just as his mother cheated on his father! I looked at Pearl, understanding now what she was trying to tell me.