Chapter 2

When I found a place to park and dragged my rollaboard across the parking lot, I was so deep in thought that I walked right in front of a taxi. Suddenly, I realized my precarious situation and although I had the right of way, I should have been watching for traffic. Nothing bad happened, except the driver was hostile.

Two fleeting thoughts whizzed through my head as I put my things on the x-ray belt. The first was a quick regret that I hadn’t gone to bed with him. I chastised myself. You wanted to. Why didn’t you? He offered a freebie.

I noticed that my flight would be an hour late. Rather than feeling hostile or getting angry, I found a semi-quiet corner with a window looking out at my gate.

The second thought finally came to the front of my consciousness. As was my habit, I listed my options. Stay with Sanders and be a mother. Realize a long-held career ambition to be a partner in the company. While considering my career, I remembered my home situation in which my parents could barely hold the family together and feed us.

That I was able to go to college was a near miracle, inspired by an unhappy career counselor in my high school. The counselor’s advice was simple: “Marry someone. Stay home and have babies. Then, go to work at Target to try to make ends meet. Oh, you’re pretty enough to be a server at Hooters or one of those lap dance places that pays well for beauty.”

I sighed heavily as I recalled the conversation. The counselor continued, “Or, you can work your butt off in school, go to the university, get a degree, and find your way in the world. Pay off your college loans, get married, and have half a life between your family and your career.”

Then, she looked tearfully at me, “Either way, poor kids work their butts off. Now, you can choose to work hard at Hooters for tips—and you’ll get a lot of them—or, you can work hard in the library. Either way, you work hard.”

“You chose a career?”

“I could have married a big catch in my hometown. Had a house and car and all that. His daddy owned a big nursery and everything just kept growing. I chose the other route to have a career. Next year, I’ll be in human resources at AXZ Corporation paying off my loans a lot faster.

“My classmates all have cute babies and show them off all the time. That’s what our kind of people did. Not me. I’ll earn lots of frequent flier miles.”

After struggling about twenty minutes. My life is my own. I do not have to work my life away. I can decide to go home to Sanders and love him like never before. I could choose to have my babies—two if you please—and still earn a decent—though not spectacular income.”

Reflecting, I remembered the words of my best professor. “It’s a damn hard world. Women will have a hard time having a life and don’t get the idea that you can be men. You can be as good or better, but you can’t be one. There is no single solution. Many of you come from backgrounds of limited opportunity. That’s true for all of you no more. You can be if you want to be. You can make it.”

I liked to see my brokerage balance increasing every month. If I pull off the Seattle deal, I’ll make partner and then get that huge bonus. I will have a corner office, not that I’ll be in it much.

I reflected on the amount of effort to make the merger deal work. Many long days in a row, talking, negotiating, charming, and entertaining. The glitter that goes with highly paid consultants. It will grind me down, but if I keep fit and take care of myself, I will come out ahead.

The excitement of making the Seattle deal absolutely whetted my competitive self. I came up with a simple answer, By God, I can do this. Janet Haley from nowhere becomes a partner in a prestigious Atlanta consulting firm. I can’t wait to go to my fifteenth reunion as somebody. Maybe I’ll get a limo.

Was it just this morning that we were having brunch and I almost climbed over the table to get to him? With no more resolution to my problem, my flight was boarding the front cabin. Taking my seat once more, I put my head back and pondered the issues of the next week. It all seemed to be coming together.

It’s a long way from Atlanta to Seattle and by the time I arrived, my laptop batteries were flat, my hand was tired of writing, and I wanted only to get to bed.

When I had my assistant make the reservations, I had a choice to make: Ride downtown tonight and get to sleep later, or stay near the airport and go downtown the morning. I chose to go to the downtown hotel and sleep a little later.

In the lovely bed, I felt like I would die immediately. However, the ride downtown caused me to think through the issues one more time. Now, I was comfortable, cozy, and wide awake. I watched the digital clock go from 11:00PM to 1:00 AM one minute at a time, Seattle time.

I finally gave in and took one of my prescription sleeping pills. I didn’t like that, but it seemed the only way. When I opened the childproof container, I noticed that I had only two left. Well, it isn’t only Sanders’ prescriptions that you forget. As I waited for the pill to take effect, I hugged my long pillow and briefly thought that if he had been sleeping with me, I would have had no trouble winding down.

Morning came instantly after the pill took effect. I felt both refreshed and a little groggy. The shower awakened. When I emerged from the shower, the coffee had just finished brewing on the bathroom counter.

I went downstairs to the breakfast bar where I found plastic cereal bowls, some Raisin Bran, and yogurt. I ate an apple and banana and felt superior that I hadn’t given in to the full breakfast buffet. The last thing I need is to grow out of my clothes. When would I have time to shop?

I arrived at the corporate offices at 8:00 and presented my card to the receptionist. “Good morning, Ms Haley. They are expecting you in the conference room just down the corridor to your left.”

I entered the conference room to find the table almost filled. As I scanned the room, I noticed that only two other women were in the room at the table. One other was preparing coffee.

Tom, the president, a tall, heavy man, wore a dark blue suit, white shirt, and a blue tie with tiny dots on it. “Good morning, Janet. Welcome to Seattle and our company. Please sit here.”

I sat beside him. Then, they went around the table saying their names and function. I tried to make eye contact with them all, but missed a few.

Tom said, “I understand that you have prepared a secret briefing on your ideas about the future of the company, particularly as it relates to our major competitor.”

I felt the butterflies banging in my stomach. I had hoped to capture the flavor of some of the people before just putting my ideas out in front of everyone.

I booted up my laptop. One of the staff provided me a logon and soon I had my PowerPoint loaded and ready. I stood and took my wireless mouse with me.

“Good morning. I hope to know each of you better before we get through discussing these options, but for now, I’ll put up my ideas and see how we can build on them.”

I knew that it took far longer to explain the whole rationale than the twenty minutes I knew was the outer limit of attention people. Twenty minutes later, I had offered a coherent and solid plan for acquiring the competitor.

The room was silent when I finished; everyone waited to receive the cue from Tom about whether he thought it was a no-go.

Tom said, “Janet, that was excellent. I believe you covered all of my concerns. We should start planning what we’re going to do next.”

“Thank you. I hoped to have covered all the bases. Of course, I’m open to ideas and points that I’m sure I missed.”

“We have prepared a schedule for you for the rest of the week. We’ve allowed about a half-day with our key people to go over their issues. I’d like another wind-up briefing Friday afternoon. If we’re still go, you will have to do a lot of homework to iron out the details before we approach the other company.”

As Tom said, I spent a half-day with marketing, finance, and operations. The meetings went on through dinner and I rarely was back to my hotel until ten. The Friday briefing went even better. I was given the assignment of working out many of the thorny issues raised during the week.

Friday, I walked into my cab at about seven from the company offices and went to the airport. I had agreed many weeks before to be in a friend’s wedding and the only way I could make that happen was to schedule the redeye to Atlanta. It left Seattle at 10:30 PM and arrived in Atlanta at six something AM.

I found little in the way of healthy food at the airport, but found a salad with a chicken breast. The lights were so bright in the boarding lounge that I could barely read my computer screen. The flight was bumpy in the Midwest, but I slept about three hours.

I arrived at my apartment at about seven thirty. One of these days, I have to get more furniture in here. Maybe I can shop after the wedding.

I collapsed in bed to give myself another two hours sleep before having to go to the hairdresser. Why am I going to a wedding for a woman that old? Why didn’t she just elope?

The hairdresser was late and I was crowded to get to the wedding in time.

The wedding was, in my view, remarkably average. They had written their own mushy vows. I went to the reception and found myself surrounded by three attentive men. Each showed more than a casual interest in me and fetched me a plate of food or another glass of Champagne. When the music started, the taller one asked me to dance, after the bride and groom and father—all the ceremonial first timers.

I enjoyed the attention and stayed to dance much longer than I had planned. I looked at my watch to see that there would not be time for furniture shopping tonight. Hell, there would barely be time to wash my clothes and get ready to catch the six PM flight to Seattle Sunday afternoon. As I sat in the toilet, finding just a minute to myself, I decided that next weekend I’d just stay over, rather than do this brutal commute.

Relieved, I touched up my face and returned to my escorts. Let’s see, the dancer is Paul and I forgot the others names. Oh, well.

Finally, it was over and I felt I could leave with a clear conscience. I had participated. Paul followed me out to my car and hugged me as I opened the door. “I’d really like to see you again, Janet. Dancing or hiking, or whatever. Tomorrow?”

“I would really like to see you, but I have a full day. I have to do laundry and get some things done for work. Sorry.”

“Dinner?”

“Tomorrow, I have a six PM flight that I will barely make.”

“I’m patient where you’re concerned. How about next weekend?”

“I enjoy your company and would love to, but I’ll be in Seattle all week and weekend.”

He looked disappointed and seemed to doubt my excuses. I had danced close and appeared to enjoy him. “If you will let me, I will call you when I can be in town for more than a day.”

He handed her his card, “Sure. No problem. Fit me in if you can.” He turned and walked away.

I felt slightly guilty about our encounter. I did respond to his dancing and wanted a hot sexual encounter. Back in my apartment, I went to the Internet to order my prescriptions refilled. They could be ready Sunday morning.

Rather than use the regular pharmacy, I chose one that wasn’t close to where Sanders and I had our prescriptions. Seeing him would lead me to emotional places I didn’t have time to go. I had to use my trusty plastic boyfriend for a while to get my full driving pleasure, but it eventually came—came it did.

Sunday morning, I awoke after having slept well after the relaxing interlude with the Phil the Phallus. When did I use that name? Oh, yeah, it was a present from a guy who used to travel a lot and come to see me when he was in town.

Then, I made coffee, because I didn’t remember the night before to set the timer. When all my clothes were out of the dryer, I packed.

Sitting at my computer, I decided that my mind was rested and focused enough to begin writing my report on the merger and my plan for meeting with senior staff members during the week.

I finished a proposed schedule for the week and sent it off by email to my contact in the client’s office. The following week, I would meet with as many of the others as necessary and perhaps be able to return on Friday.

At the airport, I had time to check my voice mail. One startled me. “Janet, You and I go back years. I know we had that problem over Sanders, but I want to put it behind us. Do you still need to hate me, or should we find a way to work around it? I’m sorry you found out. Both he and I knew we’d have to quit before any damage was done.”

Sorry I found out, but not sorry you did it? Well, Kelli, you’re in good form after causing my divorce. We can never go back the way we were.

The following week, I completed my planned interviews and wrote my summary report. That would give the client enough time over the weekend to review it and make any changes necessary. I included a proposed schedule for the week and sent it off.

It was late Saturday afternoon when I was able to get myself together enough to go out and have a run in the park. When I returned, I asked the concierge where I might go to have an evening out.

As I took my shower, I realized that I would have at least four more weeks of the intense schedule until my part of the merger planning was complete and approved. When I finished my shower, I really didn’t have the energy to go out for the evening in search of companionship.

I decided to go back to Atlanta every other week and plan to spend at least one day in the home office before coming back out to the coast. I sat in the comfortable chair and read the hotel service brochure. Aha. There it is; a massage. I called to find that I could have the massage in about an hour.

As I lay on the table, the tall, muscular therapist, whose name was Eric, began to work on my back and neck. His first words were, “I’m going to touch a muscle on your back. See if you can relax it. Just go into your mind, find it, and relax.” After a couple of tries, I was able to let the muscle go.

He worked on me for almost two hours until he left me somewhat relaxed. As I was paying him, he asked, “Do you have any outlets for all that tension? You need to find a way to let it out. Use the hot tub. Yoga. Do something every day or you will be constantly stressed.”