Chapter 1

Kelli bugged me for weeks to take a long weekend and go white water rafting on the Nantahala River in North Carolina. “Come on, Janet, don’t be such a workaholic, or are you just chicken?”

“Chicken?” Not me. So, we were right in the middle of the river going downstream at a frightening speed. I knew that we should not have had that second bottle of wine with lunch. Every time we hit a big bump we threw up our hands and screamed, “Oh my God we’ll all be killed!” The whole adolescent scene.

Then it wasn’t a bit funny because the next big bump we hit, I fell overboard into the damned cold water.

“Help!”

The raft guide pulled over to a stretch of smooth water. I dutifully remembered to keep my feet downstream and hold on to the rope so as not to get separated from the raft.

I felt hands under my arms and someone lifting me out of the water. I shivered, horribly embarrassed. He put me between him and Kelli. “Sit here between us and touch as much of our skin as you can so that you can warm yourself.” He put his arm around me.

Kelli put her arm around me from the other side. “Janet, maybe we better sit in here and hold on and not try to throw our arms up anymore.”

This rugged man with his arm around me looked right into my soul. “She’s right. Just keep your feet under the seat in front and we will get through this all right. I’m Sanders.”

“I’m Janet. Thank you for saving my life.”

“I’d like to say it was my pleasure, but I almost couldn’t lift you in.”

“I’m not that heavy.”

“No, you’re not. And I love every pound of you.”

I felt captured in a safe cocoon between Sanders and Kelli. We pulled no more stunts and enjoyed each of the big and little bumps until we came to the dock.

He sat with me on the bus that took us back upriver to our cars. We talked easily. “Where are you staying, Janet?”

I told him about our cabin. He put his arm around me to walk me to Kelli’s car and I put my arm around him, although I was warm by then. “May I drive you home?”

I felt spellbound. We arrived at my cabin after thirty minutes. “I would prefer that you stayed with me, Janet.’”

“I can’t. I barely know you.”

At our cabin, I shook. “Please wait, Sanders. I have to change clothes.”

“Pack your clothes and we can change at my cabin. I have a large shower.”

I packed my clothes, much to the dismay of Kelli, and went out the door. “Janet! Janet!”

I waved as we left being under a strange spell. He stood tall and muscular--not beautiful, but ruggedly attractive. I wanted my arms around him.

He took me home, got me a drink, and we sat in the hot tub, showered together, and he washed my hair. By then I was in heat. The weather cooled after dark. He built a fire and we sat there with our wine.

“Janet, you’ve had a hard day. I think I’d better feed you.”

He knew best and took me to a steak dinner. “You need protein.”

We spent the rest of the weekend in bed together, but it was over too soon. We had to return to Atlanta.

Back at work I felt rattled and forced myself to concentrate on an assignment. Against everyone’s advice and Kelli’s strong protest, I moved in with him two weeks later.

For the past two years I’ve been blissfully married. His work as an IT consultant was going well and I had been promoted to senior consultant with my firm. Unfortunately, that promotion resulted in more travel for me, not for him.

Months later, I hurried down the C concourse toward my departure gate. The PA system blasted constantly, every gate had several television speakers and the “beep-beep-beep” of the special trolley grated behind me, threatening to run me down.

No one in years had asked me to carry a bag and I hadn’t asked anyone. Why do they still play that same stupid TSA tape? Oh, by the way, where is “My nearest law enforcement officer to whom I report crimes?” Knowing that would help.

I found a corner in the gate area that seemed quieter than the rest. My watch told me that it was at least forty minutes until boarding. I had arrived at least 45 minutes sooner than will planned. I wondered, what happened to all that traffic on the I-85? At least my flight is on time.

As my laptop booted up I saw the folder on my desktop that had the picture in it. The dreadful picture I took of Kelli sitting naked on Sanders’ pelvis making sounds of pleasure as she moved with his rhythm.

The instant I had discovered them, my tears flooded, but I found my camera and soon captured the naked evidence. I ran downstairs to await them. Then I heard Kelli’s shriek of orgasmic ecstasy. I was asking myself, Why can’t I just put this folder away in the bowels of the C-drive and forget it? I’m damn glad I didn’t make a tape.

I remembered the two walking down the stairs together as if they were going to their execution. Kelli spoke first. “I’m sorry it happened this way, Janet. You abandoned him and I wanted him. Always have.”

I screamed, “He’s my husband, you bitch! How could you?”

“Hey, you’re always gone. I’m here...” Kelli sighed. “I’m leaving now and you two can sort it out.” She fled.

I turned to Sanders. “I loved you. You said you loved me. How could you take up with that tart? How?”

Sanders spoke firmly. “Our first two years were ideal. Then you were away much more than you were here. I needed a woman. I took her offer.”

I sobbed. “It’s my job. I have to travel or I can’t keep up.”

“I understand. I didn’t like it. I missed you every day. After a year, I gave in.”

I cried some more, then finally stood up and poured a glass of water. I wanted to throw it at him. I breathed deeply. “I will move out tomorrow. Please be away so that I can pack in peace.”

“I love you, Janet. I regret it came to this. Of course, I will give you time to pack if you must leave.”

“How could I stay after seeing that performance?” I pointed upstairs. I then picked up my purse and ran through the door.

The gate agent interrupted my unhappy thoughts with the first boarding call. I went through the boarding gate, rolling my case, just like most other weeks. After stowing my suitcase and laptop, I sat back in seat 3D and heaved a long sigh.

The flight attendant asked, “Would you like something to drink before we go?”

“Please. A martini with olives.”

As I sipped the drink, Sanders was still in my mind. I would have no one to go home to when I returned from Denver. I reflected on my conversation with the lawyer who handled our divorce.

“Janet, I have to ask you if you would consider counseling. The judge will, too.”

“Oh, no. No counseling. It’s too painful. Just get me out of it.”

I thought, I wish to hell I could think about something else besides Sanders.

My cell phone rang. A voice asked, “Are you Janet Haley?”

“I am.”

She continued. “I am an administrator at Atlanta Regional Hospital. Sanders Mason has just been admitted in severe trauma. According to the Medical Directive that he filed with us last year, you are his medical surrogate.”

Oh, I remembered the hassle of getting those directives on file and my insistence that we do so. “Yes, I am his surrogate and he is mine.”

“Ms. Haley, the next few hours are critical and I’m afraid that you may have decisions to make. Can you come now?”

I had no ethical choice. Another loose end I had forgotten. “I will be there in an hour or so. I’m at the airport.”

As I drove back up I-85, I remembered badgering Sanders to get his medical directive done. My father had gone into a coma without specific instructions on file and had been kept alive for months when there was no hope of recovery. I knew that I could avoid that trauma for both of us.

In the hospital waiting room, I found a restroom with a large mirror and plenty of light. I brushed my hair, touched up my eye shadow, and put on fresh lipstick. Satisfied that I looked presentable, I went forth.

The seventh floor duty nurse looked up from her computer. “May I help you?”

“I am Janet Haley. The hospital called and asked me to come.”

“Yes, Ms. Haley, I’ll call someone to take you right in.”

It shocked me to see all of the paraphernalia attached to Sanders. His eyes were closed and he breathed noisily through the plastic mask. Two IVs dripped fluids into him and I saw the yellow bag of urine. The situation gave me a queasy feeling and I plopped in the room’s only chair. God, not my father all over again.

The nurse’s aide said, “People are shocked to see all that. Please stay seated while I get you a pillow and some water.”

I clutched my head in my hands as I dreaded being held captive in this situation. What if I were already on the way to Denver? Would I have turned right around and caught the next plane back? I paused as my tears welled up. You know damn well he would have come back for you.

The clock made me realize that only two hours had passed in my ordeal. The second hand moved one tiny increment with each tick. Tick, tick, tick. Each tick seemed slower than the last. Why do they make square clocks when the dials are round? I looked at my dress watch and saw that it, too, was square. Why not?

The aide came back and smiled. “If you’d like to go for a walk or snack, leave your cell phone number at the nurses’ station. You’ll be too stressed just sitting here.”

I went out the doors to a long walkway, shivering in the crisp air and heard the soft squeak of my running shoes on the walkway as I inhaled. As I reached the end, I held the cold handrail and looked out on the parking lots and a busy thoroughfare down the hill. I looked up to the stars. I liked having him around. If only he hadn’t succumbed to Kelli. I stamped my foot. Dammit, Janet, think about Denver.

I walked back to the nurses’ station and the charge nurse looked up. “Everything still looks positive. We’re doing all we can.”

“Does anyone know what happened?”

“According to the 911 report, he was running in his neighborhood and was stung by a wasp. He called on his cell phone and told the dispatcher where he was and that he was highly allergic and then apparently went into anaphylactic shock.

“The EMTs gave him adrenalin at the site. They knew they had little time. The ambulance arrived here just in time for our specialists to take over. A close call. He should have carried his kit with him, but I guess he got careless.”

I sat for a minute with my head in my hands. He had stopped taking the preventive shots six months earlier for some reason that I did not understand. Yes, they were unpleasant and expensive, but still, I resented that his lack of responsibility caused me to be here.

I handed the nurse my card. “My cell phone is on here. I’m going to get a snack. Long time since lunch.” The nurse taped the card to her computer monitor.

As I surveyed the cafeteria offerings, I wondered how the hospital could serve such unhealthy food to those recovering. I found a melon cup and some yogurt, and then I toasted an English muffin and some tea. The food disappeared instantly as I realized how long it had been since my last meal. I sipped my tea and continued to think about my plight.

A woman at the next table fed a child who must have been about 10 months old. I made a face and waved at the child who giggled and waved back. The mother said, “Some days she’s friendly. That’s how they trap you.”

“I can see why. She’s quite pretty.” I wanted to hold the little girl right then, but decided not to ask.

I stretched out in my chair in Sanders’ room—almost a recliner--and put my head on the pillow, letting out a long sigh. The room smelled of disinfectants and other unpleasant odors I could not classify. I remembered the child in the cafeteria and the baby I had seen on the elevator earlier in the day.

An hour later I awoke suddenly when several alarms beeped loudly. My heart raced as the room filled with people and the resident in charge rushed in. He said to the nurse, “Adrenalin, now!”

The nurse responded and within a minute I could hear what appeared to be the same breathing pattern before the alarm. The resident said, “I hope we don’t have to do that again.” He turned to me. “Ms. Haley, these recoveries are always iffy. He should have already passed the crisis.”

I was breathing erratically, but finally could speak. “Thank you, doctor. The alarm scared me.”

He looked relieved. “Me, too.” He checked a record. “He has a good brain signal.”

The next time I awakened was to the sounds of the nurse’s aide checking vital signs. “Sorry to wake you, but we have to keep at this all the time.”

“I understand. I’m surprised that I could sleep at all.” I put my head back on the pillow but found myself staring at the ceiling. I sat up quickly. God, no! Did I forget that? I remembered that a couple of months ago Sanders asked me to pick up his new adrenalin prescription while I was doing errands. I had not written it on my list and I simply forgot it. Oh, damn, now all of this is my fault.

The nurse’s aide came back in. “Things are fairly quiet now. Would you like company?”

“That would be better than listening to him snore alone.” I pointed to the bed. “But I think his urine bag is full.”

“I’m Eyedalia. Oh, I should have done that when I did his vitals. Be right back.” When she returned, she risked asking, “How did you meet? I’m fascinated with women’s stories on how their relationships began.”

I laughed. “The whole story?”

“I love all the nitty gritty details.”

“We went rafting on the Nantahala River in North Carolina. I fell in at a big bump. He fished me out. Put his hands under my arms and lifted me back into the raft. I felt horribly embarrassed. He then put me in the center seat. ‘Touch as much of my skin as you can to warm yourself.’ He put his arm around me.”

“He pulled you out of the river and just kept you?”

“UmmHmmm. We sat together on the bus that took us back to where our cars were parked. We talked easily during the ride. As we walked across the parking lot, he asked where I was staying. He put his arm around me to walk me to my girlfriend’s car. I reciprocated, although I was warm by then. When he saw the others, he asked if he could drive me home.”

“How did you feel about his advances?”

“Spellbound. After thirty minutes back at my cabin, He declared, ‘I would prefer that you stayed with me.’”

“I told him I couldn’t do that because I barely knew him.”

“Nothing slow about him.”

“Inside our cabin, I was rattled, so I told him I had to change clothes and asked him to wait. ‘Pack your clothes and we can change at my cabin. I have a large shower.’”

“Did you send him away?”

“No, I packed my clothes, much to the dismay of my friends, and went to his cabin.”

Eyedalia gasped. “My God, I could never do anything like that. You have balls, girl.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t try to take you to bed right then.”

“I was disappointed when he didn’t, but he was right. We were starving. He took me to a nice dinner, then back to his cabin. He made love to me until I could take no more.”

Eyedalia’s eyes were wide open and she did a “Come on, more, more,” gesture with her hands.

Janet chuckled. “Details?”

“Lots of details.”

“He used his fingers, hands, and tongue on my body in ways I didn’t know was possible. He started me on a chain endless of orgasms. The first one with his tongue was volcanic. I know he continued for half an hour. By then I was screaming to be filled. I desperately needed him.”

“He was teasing you?”

“No, just his foreplay. Drove me crazy. Then he plunged into me and we enjoyed the benefits of my ample preparation. I had several more colossal spasms and finally told him to finish. I’d had enough.”