Chapter 2

Sean

Since it was a Friday, and Jerry and I never worked on weekends, I decided to call it a day early and left the office at just past 5:00. I would be home by 5:30 and we could talk. I was angry and anxious to find out what was going on.

I walked into the house right on the half hour and Soledad was on the phone as I came in. She looked up in surprise when she saw me and seemed to be uncomfortable. I couldn't hear what she said to whomever she was talking to but she covered her mouth as she angrily terminated the call. She hung up the phone and smiled at me.

"Sean! You surprised me. I never expected you home this early on a Friday. I haven't even started supper yet. I'll make something right away. Why don't you have a martini while I get things going?" She got up from the stool and turned away. She was nervous and really uncomfortable. I didn't know why but I was going to make it worse.

"Never mind dinner. I want you to sit down. We have something that we need to talk about." I just stood there watching her until she finally stopped flitting around and looked at me with concern.

"What do you mean? What do we need to talk about? Why can't I start dinner? Is something wrong?"

"I want to talk to you about last night. I want to know where you were, who you were with and why you lied to me about it." I walked over to the table and sat down watching her as she struggled to make sense of what I had just said.

"What? What do you mean? I told you: I was with Carol and Judy. We had a couple of drinks and then I came home. Why are you asking me this?"

"First, you weren't with Judy and Carol. Second, you didn't have a couple of drinks and you weren't alone. I want the truth and I want it now."

"I'm not going to take this from you. I told you the truth. Why are you doing this?"

"One more time. I know you lied to me and if you can't tell me the truth now, I'll have to assume you were doing something that you're ashamed to tell me. We'll stay here until you decide to talk to me and tell me the truth."

"You can't do that. I've done nothing wrong and I won't have you treat me like this. If you don't believe me, that's not my fault."

"All right. Let's call Carol right now. I'll put her on a speaker and I'll ask her where you were last night. All right?"

As she watched me with eyes wide and mouth open, I got up and went to the phone. I pulled out the phone directory she kept in the drawer just under the phone. I scanned the names and found Carol's number. I started to punch in the digits just as she pushed the terminate button. She finally must have decided that I was serious as she began to talk.

"I was not out with Carol and Judy last night, all right? I was with the guest speaker that I met at our committee meeting. His name is Jason and he's a consultant and he was speaking on ways to raise money. He invited me out to dinner since he was alone and we were just talking and had a few drinks and I wasn't watching the time. That's all there was to it. It was nothing, really." She sat on the edge of the chair and waited for me to comment.

"That's not all there was. There was more. You were with him and had to lie to me about it. You came in late and took a shower. You never take a shower before bed. What were you tying to wash off or cover up? And why did you have to lie if it was nothing?"

She was looking at the floor and hugging herself with her arms. It was a sign of discomfort that she had used ever since I had known her. When she was upset, she hugged herself.

"Your lies tell me you did something you're afraid to tell me. I can guess what that is from your attitude and your behavior. Since you had to take a shower, I guess you were washing him off of you and likely out of you." I looked at her as she began to tremble.

"Sean, you can't believe that. You don't have any reason to accuse me of that and any reason to think that I would do that to you and to JJ."

"Why did you have to take a shower?"

"Just to wash his cologne off. That's all. Just his cologne, and the smell of the cigars from the restaurant. He was close to me and he did kiss me once on the cheek when we left. It didn't mean anything. It was just a friendly kiss. That's all and I'm sorry it happened. I know now that it was wrong and I apologize. I shouldn't have gone with him after the meeting. I'm sorry I lied."

I watched her face as she told me this. I honestly didn't believe her but I had no proof that she had done more. I had reasonable doubt but that's all. Even now, I was thinking like a lawyer. I had to make a decision as to what to do next.

"Now that you've lied to me about this, I know you're capable of it any time you decide you want to hide something from me. You no longer have the privilege of me accepting you at your word. I don't think I believe you about last night but I don't have any proof otherwise. I think the facts suggest more than you've admitted to but I can't prove it."

She started to say more but I held up my hand to stop her.

"Don't compound your lies any more than you already have. It's clear to me that you're not going to tell me the truth and I have no way to tell what really happened. Once you begin with lies, trust is lost and right now, I don't believe you. I will tell you right now that if it happens again, I will take JJ and you and I are through. I will not live with someone I can't trust."

Soledad just sat there with tears in her eyes but she had nothing more to say. I walked out of the kitchen and went back into my study I used when I worked at home. I ordered pizza and got a beer from the study fridge. Sunny rarely came into this room and I kept the little refrigerator well stocked with beer and soft drinks.

I worked for the next half hour or so while I waited for the pizza. I was angry and work was the only thing that could make me forget for a while. Sunny didn't come in and I noticed that the phone was in use. She was obviously calling someone and she wanted privacy. I wouldn't try to listen in, as it was very obvious when someone picked up one of the extensions. However, it did give me an idea. I could tap the phones since they were my home phones. I would consider it.

The pizza arrived and I took it into the kitchen. As I was setting down to eat, Sunny came in and got herself a slice and sat down opposite me. I said nothing while I ate and just watched the clock on the wall. I did not want to look at her.

"You are wrong, you know. I did nothing that I am ashamed of and I would tell you if I had. You are making things up and I don't know why. I told you the truth." She was trying to convince me and not doing a very good job of it.

"Who were you talking to just now? And who were you talking to when I came home?"

"I was talking to Judy just now. I was supposed to call her about a meeting we were going to attend together. I called to tell her I couldn't go."

"Just like you were with her last night?"

"I'm sorry I lied about that, but she was who I was talking with just now. Do you want to call her to confirm it? Would that make you feel better?"

"No, but it's a sad thing when we both think I would have to just to believe you. And when I came home?"

"Nobody. It was nobody important. Just some stuff about the Women's Club meeting schedules. That's all."

"That's the trouble with lies. Once you tell the first one you have to continue and sooner or later you'll slip up. You weren't talking about Women's Club stuff when I came home and you were angry and embarrassed when I caught you: but let's forget it. I know you won't tell me the truth about whom you were with and what you did last night. I'm left to my own imagination."

Sunny was getting angry because I wasn't buying her story. She didn't know what else to do to convince me and she was afraid of what I might eventually find out if she couldn't get me to believe her. She knew that I had a staff of investigators working for our firm and that I might want to use one to check on her. She was frustrated and she was panicking.

"Your imagination is wrong. You don't know anything but you're trying to get me to admit to something I didn't do. Why don't you get one of your hotshot investigators to follow me or something? Would that make you feel better?"

"Forget it. I don't want to discuss this any more tonight. Just leave me alone." I got up and threw my half-eaten pizza into the trash. I had suddenly lost my appetite, so I walked back into my study and closed the door. I remained in there until I heard my son and went out to be with him.

Soledad

Sean was very angry and he was quite sure he knew something had happened but he really didn't know for sure. I knew that he had only suspicions and I knew that I had to keep what really happened between Jason and me a secret. A secret, now and forever. It happened and it was a mistake, one I would regret forever. Sean would never find out. He could rant and rave and even kick me out of the bedroom but I wouldn't ever tell him the truth. Once again, I pledged to myself that whatever happened, Sean would never know the truth.

I knew that if he found out, I would lose my marriage, perhaps my son and probably my reason for living. I loved Sean and JJ with all my heart and I knew I couldn't live without them. Drunken stupidity shouldn't be a reason for destroying my marriage but stupidity got me into this mess. Stupidity for drinking alone with a man not my husband, stupidity for going to the bar after dinner, stupidity for allowing myself to become drunk and finally stupidity for not remembering my promise and going to dinner with another man just because I was feeling slighted. Yes, I was stupid and now I was guilty of betrayal.

It made no difference! Sean would never find out. Jason was gone, there was no record of me going anywhere with him other than to my car and no one would ever assume that I could do anything like what had really happened. No one could believe that of me. Right? I would bluff this through. I would pay any price and I would pay it gladly so long as my secret remained a secret.

Now that I had lied and Sean knew it, I would have to be very careful to be sure I told no more lies. If I had to lie, I would be very careful to make the truth a part of the lie so it would be less difficult. Lying was hard! I already felt like shit for lying about what happened but I had no choice. Trying to remember all the lies was harder than I thought. Maybe that was part of the penalty for cheating?

I called Jane and talked to her for some time. I wished I could have told her the whole thing but Jane couldn't keep her mouth shut and she would tell Carol who would tell someone else and pretty soon it would be common knowledge. I just talked long enough to calm down and remind her of a meeting we were supposed to attend. I told her I couldn't go and we made some plans for something or other next week. If I still had a marriage and a husband and a son then. Not that I told her that.

I stayed in my room for as long as I could but heard the doorbell. I wandered down to see what was up and found that Sean had ordered pizza. I went into the kitchen to have a piece and sit down with him. Maybe we could begin to talk this out and get back to some kind of reasonable accommodation. I decided to make an attempt.

"You are wrong, you know. I did nothing that I am ashamed of and I would tell you if I had. You are making things up and I don't know why. I told you the truth."

Well, the conversation went downhill from there and Sean finally lost it and slammed out of the kitchen. I heard him go into his study and knew that this evening was over.

I got JJ up later and Sean did come out to play with him. To make things less tense, I left them alone. Sean finally took JJ up for his bath and bed. When he came down, he went back into his study so I gave up and went to bed.

As I got ready, I decided to try to make him want me so I ignored my usual sleeping PJs and went nude. I put on just a trace of perfume and made sure my lipstick and makeup were still OK. I slid under the covers and determined to wait for him as long as it took. I spent the time trying to make a plan for rekindling our marriage and making Sean forget everything he thought he knew.

After about two hours, I heard Sean coming to bed so I prepared to seduce him!

Sean

I forgot my problems as I played with my son. JJ was a 1-year-old wonder. He was all boy and very smart. He was a joy to watch and I spent the evening just experiencing the world through his eyes. Everything was fresh and new and wondrous, unlike my tarnished and trite world. I let him tire himself out until bedtime then I gave him a bath and got him into his favorite pajamas and into bed. He wanted a story and I obliged him with one of our favorites. He fell asleep listening to the wonders of Goldilocks.

I quietly shut his door and went back downstairs to finish up in the study. Sunny was sitting in the family room watching TV. I avoided her for the rest of the evening. I was still working when she went to bed. I waited for another two hours before going up. I debated just sleeping on the couch in the study but knew my neck would pay a steep price the next day if I did.

I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I tried to be quiet so as not to wake her but I wasn't successful. She was lying on her back awake and watching me as I slipped under the covers. She said nothing but turned toward me as I settled back. I closed my eyes and tried to close her out. She wasn't going to let me.

I felt her hand as it moved over my chest, down to my stomach and then to my crotch. She moved her hand up and down my flaccid cock trying to arouse it. I was not going to give her the satisfaction and fortunately, I was angry enough to prevent her from arousing me. She tried in vain to get some reaction from me without success. She took my hand and moved it to her breasts. She was naked. That was unusual since she generally slept in pajamas and socks.

"Don't you want to make love to me? Are you going to let your paranoid fantasies stop you from making love to me? You know I love you and only you. I know you want me. Let me make you want me."

She pulled the covers down and moved toward me intending to stimulate me with her mouth. As she bent down to take me in her mouth, I saw her nakedness and instead of arousal, I felt disgust. I couldn't stand it any more. I rolled over and climbed out of bed.

"I'm sorry Sunny. I'll sleep in the spare room tonight." I left her there, kneeling in the bed naked and alone.

The next day was Saturday and I had nothing planned but I couldn't see staying at home with Sunny. I was not going to be much company feeling as I did. I didn't think she was going to be any more forthcoming today than she was last night. She was now protecting her lies and that was all she was going to do. I had given up hope that she would tell me the truth until I could somehow force her to. I hated giving up the time with JJ but I decided to drive into the office and spend as much time there as I could. I did have some work to make up from my sick day and a short Friday. To my surprise, I was able to get into my caseload and time passed rather quickly. It was after 7:00 when I finally went home.

Sunny was furious and she let me have it when I walked into the house. She ranted and raved and called me names and really put it to me. She was smarting from my rejection last night and my avoidance of her today. I let her go and just tuned her out. I got a beer and went out to the patio but she followed me out. She continued until I finally had enough.

"Sunny, if you continue this, I am going to leave and go to a hotel. Make up your mind. Either the truth, or shut up!"

She glared at me but did shut up. I finished up the evening and this time went directly to the spare room to sleep. Sunny made no attempt to stop me. She had apparently decided to accept the fact that I was not going to let her distract me.

Sunday went much as Saturday, except that I worked around the house and took JJ to the park and then to the zoo taking as much time as I could away from Sunny. She said little when I told her of my plans with JJ and made no attempt to be with us. I thought that was just as well.

I slept in my own bed that night but Sunny made no attempt to seduce me as she had Friday night for which I was grateful. The thought of making love to her had no appeal to me right now.

Soledad

After the disastrous weekend just past, it was good to have the day away from Sean to make some decisions. I sat in the kitchen and considered. It was time to make a move that would take Sean's mind off of me and put him on the defensive. I was very sure I could pull this off without making things worse. Of course, it was a gamble, but it was one worth taking to save my marriage. It might backfire, but the chance was very low.

I was going to give Sean an ultimatum this evening. He was treating me very badly and although I knew I deserved it, he mustn't know that. I must act the part of the innocent wife and he must see that I was behaving as the innocent. Tonight was the time and I would wait till he came to bed. There would be no sex but he would have to make a commitment to the marriage and to me. I couldn't save it if he wasn't here or if he refused to talk to me.

I was going to threaten to take JJ and move in with my mother. He knew my mom would welcome both of us and he would hate the idea, just as he hated my mother. There had never been any love between Sean and mom, but I knew that was mainly her fault. That was a double threat to Sean. Losing JJ and having him move in with my mother. I was pleased with my plan. One more brick in the wall that I was building between Sean and the truth of my indiscretion. It was going to be a wall that he could never break through.

My marriage and my very life depended on it.

Sean

At work on Monday, I reviewed all I had and finally had to admit that I had very little to go on. I knew she had lied; I knew she was with a man; I knew she was very late; and I knew she had denied anything happened. It seemed to be a standoff. I had no idea of what to do next. I let it simmer during the day as I tended to business. I became lost in a case I was preparing and the time flew as it usually did. When I became aware of the time, it was already past 7:30. I decided to call it a day.