Chapter 6: Enough

I went home and packed a few things and called the utilities and asked what I owed. I didn't know how long I would be gone. I rode around and paid bills and had Matt feed the dog. I then rode to Florida.

The ride was awesome. I did a lot of thinking about my life. I had been fired. I have never been fired before. Actually I could have kept my job but what's done is done. All the whores, all the parties, that's what I became and got consumed by. I thought about Dad. His dying words; 'Don't let pride destroy you!' I miss you Dad! I wish you were here now. I need you. Had I spent more time with him, maybe I wouldn't feel like this.

As I rumbled down I-65 through Tennessee I thought hard about my 'pride'. Where has it gotten me? Pride didn't get me to leave Lisa. Her reckless behavior made me leave. I had enough of her cruelty. Pride didn't get me to resign my commission. Love for Lisa, did! However, pride DID get me to move away and not get involved with Lisa again. That same pride let me take my dad for granted while I was nursing myself. Pride got me in the gym working harder than I needed to, that led me to Matt.

Pride made me a whore to all of those 'skanks' I fucked night after night. Pride set me off with Trisha last week and made sure that I wasn't there for her when she wanted to talk. Ok, she had no right being disgusted with me for fucking Debbie and Beth or whatever I was doing with my love life. She has not talked to me in over a year, but I didn't call her either. We never said we wouldn't be friends. And after what she did for me when Dad died, I treat her like that? So essentially I lost a friend that day. My pride made me tell my boss, who has always taken care of me, to stick his job up his ass. It seems to me, pride can easily make a person do some stupid shit! My fuckin' pride! Dad was right. Pride isn't worth a shit.

BIRMINGHAM — 109

Cool! I'll see my buddy at his shop there. I met Jeff at Sturgis and we hit it off good. He said to drop by if I'm ever in town. Hell, my bike 'Hell bitch' could use a tune up and oil change.

And what was up with Lisa? She was right. Trisha and I didn't last. Talk about women's intuition. Why the hell didn't she get on with her life? "The house is ready for you. We belong together."

What kind of bullshit is that to say to me? What about Dad telling me to think about Lisa? That she had been by to see my mom and dad, what the fuck? Pam and Trisha both told me to give her another chance. Was I just dreaming or hallucinating about what Lisa put me through? They apparently didn't comprehend it. I didn't really hurt anymore, but it still happened by the woman I loved. Shit! I still do!

Soon, I rolled into the Harley shop in Birmingham and true to form, Jeff was there and we shot the shit while he changed oil and plugs and had one of his guys clean the carburetor. After his shift we rolled over to the local biker bar and caught up with what's been happening. He had recently got married and had a kid on the way. I was happy for him. He seemed different than I remember him being, but maybe that's what a good woman does to you. After a few beers half and a pack of Camels, I crashed at his place and left for Marks house. One thing is for sure; I had to get my head on right.

When I arrived in Crestview, Marks hometown, I was on fumes and pulled in a gas station. I was sitting on 'hell bitch' filling her up when I was startled by this guy commented on my bike.

"Damn mister, that is one hell of a bike. It's gorgeous!" It was Mark.

"Thanks, Mark. How ya been, man?"

He looked at me strange. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

That almost hurt. But, then I realized what I looked like when he last saw me and now, well I pulled my shades off and looked at him.

It took a second. "Oh, Jesus! Joe? What the... What did you do to yourself? You went all 'biker' on me. What, are you on steroids, too? You're a monster!"

I climbed up and we hugged each other. "Yeah, I found a hobby."

"I'll say. Man you look so different! I bet the rest of the people tonight won't recognize you either."

"Pam told me it was a surprise, did she spill the beans? I asked.

"No, I'm just acting surprised. You can't expect to hold a party that size in my back land and not expect me to know. Don't worry. I never saw you today and I will act surprised." He shook his head. "You know Lisa will be there tonight, don't you? There aren't going to be any problems with that will there?"

"I didn't plan on any, why? Are you expecting some problems? What's the deal?"

"Nothing, it's just that it will be the first time you two have really seen each other since the divorce. We know you're upset about that, that's all. I know there won't be a problem on her part, that's for sure."

"Whys that?" I asked.

"Because she is still... well... you'll see tonight," he said

"No, Mark. Tonight is about your birthday and having a good time. I will be civil no matter how pissed off I am. But I warn you, if she starts that 'We should be together and I love you' bullshit, I'm out of there. I don't need that right now. You feel me?"

"I got it. I understand."

I put the dispenser back.

"So, where are you staying while you're here? You know you can stay with us, if you want."

"I might take you up on that later, but now I'm headed to a hotel. I'm gonna crash! I just got here. But hey, I'll see ya tonight and we'll get three sheets to the wind! Believe that!"

"Cool, man. See ya then."

Then I went and checked into a Ramada Inn. When I got to the room, I popped open a beer I bought at the gas station and let my body stop vibrating. I fell asleep shortly after.

Suddenly, there was someone walking towards me. I looked around and saw that there were large boulders all around me. Not surrounding me but staggered. It would have been dark except there was an incredibly large fire behind me about 200 yards away. When the man got within 50 feet of me he walked slowly and pointed his finger at me. When he did, I felt a pulse hit me that sent me back and slammed me against one of the boulders. My hands were jerked up and shackled to the rock.

He continued to walk towards me. His hair and beard were snow white. His skin was the color of gold. His eyes were small round balls of fire and he wore what looked like a white glowing toga. He stopped about 20 feet in front of me and just looked at me. I looked at my hands bound to the boulder and back to him. I started to get scared and anxious.

He then held out his hand, palms up and a small fireball slowly rose from his hand and fell to the ground and exploded. When my vision restored, I saw a red cobra the size of an anaconda slither to me and it reared its head up and hissed 'you're mine, loser!' My heart was racing and my body got tensed. He reared his head and struck. He took a large chunk out of abdomen, spilling my intestines and other organs on the ground beneath me.

My blood flowed from the snakes' mouth and he entered, head first, through the wide-open hole in my body and before I knew it I saw the tail enter me behind the body of this serpent. I was in agony as the snake crawled around inside of me. My body felt numb, suddenly, when I felt my heart being eaten. I realized that I was wide-awake with no heart in my body. Then I felt my throat stretched painfully and the snake slowly slithered out of my mouth and crawled away and burst into flames.

I looked at the man and saw a single tear drip from both eyes. When they fell to the ground it sounded like thunder. Then, he held his hand out again and another ball of fire appeared and rose up slowly. t floated towards me and hovered just feet from me and dissipated into a thick mist and it formed into Lisa. I was defeated, yet amazed that I wasn't totally dead. I saw Lisa in a tan toga-like garment and her face looked like it did in our younger days.

She walked up to me and when she was close enough I saw tears in her eyes, too. She rose up her hand and showed me a heart, still pumping. She put the heart in my chest and it started beating inside of me. The feeling was incredible. No pain. When her hand came out of my chest, I looked down and saw that the large hole in my abdomen had closed up. I looked at her in shock. She smiled at me and kissed me. Then she turned to stand by the man in white.

That man held his hand out again and then another ball of fire appeared. It misted and formed a white book with a lace cover and a ribbon in the middle of the cover. It had no writing on the outside. It opened itself in the man's hand and I saw spirits, or ghosts. Something like that, but they were all of the people (Friends and Family) of my past. They flew around the man and lined up beside the man in white. They were silent, but their hands were held over their hearts and they just looked at me for what seemed like hours.

Finally, the man in white illuminated into a blinding light and then they all vanished. Suddenly there was silence. I felt that the shackles on my arms disappeared and I saw that book lying on the ground in front of me. I bent down to open it...

I bolted up into a sitting position, heavily breathing! "What the fuck?"

I looked around the room and realized I was in a motel room and the alarm was going off. It was 6:30 PM. "Must have been a dream!" I said to myself.

I stripped my clothes off and got ready for a shower. I grabbed my shaving kit and went to the sink and stopped. Looking in that large mirror, I saw someone I didn't know. I stared at my reflection and recent scenes flashed through my mind. I saw Debbie and Beth together. I saw myself screaming at Trisha. I saw myself telling my boss what to do with his job. I saw myself hitting that man in the bar for nothing! Then I saw this person in the mirror.

"Who the fuck are you?" I looked close. "Where is Joe? What did you do to him?"

I stared at my reflection for a while. I decided that I needed do whatever I could to get out of this rut that I fell into. This isn't me! I lost everything.

I took out the scissors and cut my beard as close as I could and shaved it off, leaving a trimmed mustache and goatee. "Much better!"

I smiled at myself and took a shower. After, I put on a pair of tight jeans, tank top and a flannel shirt and headed over to Marks house.

I can only imagine what this group of people thought of some strange guy rumbling up to the party on a custom 'hawg'. I came to a stop and revved the throttle, letting the throaty sound of those 'Screaming Eagles' vibrate the party and let it idle, enjoying the deep "PLOP PLOP PLOP" sound. I cut the engine off and lifted my shades off.

"Let's get this party started!" I shouted.

Mark had got up laughing and headed over to me. Most everyone else, like Mark at first, took a little bit to figure out who I was, but when they did they came hurriedly up to me like the long lost friend that I was. As you can imagine; all the 'OH MY GOD, JOE?' 'IS THAT REALLY YOU?' flew around.

The crowd surrounded me and 'hell bitch' as I told them in very few details what I've been up to. The workouts (obviously, since I maintained the mass and tone I had before), dance lessons, bike rallies, etc. Then I opened up and surprised Mark.

"Hey Mark. I had a long way to travel to get here and I wouldn't have missed this for the world. I love you, man. I wanted to get you something, but what? So, I figured I don't know any man who wouldn't enjoy this."

I tossed 'hell bitch' keys to Mark. "Before it gets dark, take that beautiful woman of yours for a nice 'loooonnnnngggg' ride!"

"Oh, Joe, no! That's too much, I'm afraid I would mess it up." He said like he really did want to but how would I react if he dumped it.

"Don't worry about it! I trust you man. You have always been a good friend. Like a brother to me. Go man! Pam, you wanna feel the power between your legs?" I asked, teasing her to get some hoot and hollers from that one.

"Oh hell yeah, I do. Come on Mark, let's go baby!" she said climbing on.

Mark straddled the bike and stood it up off of the kickstand. Then I gave him some instruction.

"Ok, nothing to it right?"

"Not really, we'll be careful," Mark assured.

I saw Lisa standing fairly close to me, but I stayed focused on Mark.

"Careful? Fuck that, brother, have fun! Take her for the ride of her life. Hell, pull over and ride her if you want. Live free or die, man."

"You don't want cum stains on your seat do you?" Mark said teasing.

"It wouldn't be the first cum that seat has seen, brother!" I revealed, laughing at the looks I got from Mark and Pam.

I loved that I got to rub Lisa's nose in that, but I knew I needed to tone it down. This party was about Mark, not me. They agreed and they took off.

The bon fire was surrounded by chairs and tailgates. There was a pig cooking on a cooker not far from the keg. And everyone seemed to have brought a chair. It looked like the men were huddled in one area and the women in the other. I went to a cooler and grabbed a beer and started shooting the shit with the guys, catching up on lost time. Time to time, I would look over at Lisa and found her looking at me. I gave her a smile and she got up and walked over to me. We hugged and said hello.

"You look so different, Joe. You've changed a lot! The work outs have paid off, I see," she said enthusiastically.

"Thanks, I worked hard on this."

I looked her over as well. Even more beautiful than I remembered. She was wearing a tight black pair of jeans, a red halter-top with a white cotton button up shirt. Her hair was done perfect. Her make up was perfect. It looks like she done this for some one.

"You haven't changed a bit. Still stunningly beautiful!"

"Thank you," she blushed.

"And Joe, that bike is hot! You did a great job customizing it! Will you take me for a ride sometime?" she asked, looking excited at the possibilities in that.

"Sure! When do you want to go?"

"How about tomorrow?"

I told her no problem.

"So, how ya been, Joe?"

"Oh, you know me, trying to get by without shoving."

"You still flying?"

"Not anymore."

She was shocked. "Why? What happened?"

"It's a long story that I am not going to get into tonight."

We continued to talk about insignificant topics, keeping things from getting too personal. I realized that the anger for her wasn't near as strong as it had been, like I was more obsessed with being angry with her than what I was angry for in the first place. It was actually nice being able to get along with her.

Time flew by and to my thankfulness 'hell bitch' rolled up unscathed with Mark and Pam.

"I have got to get me one of these!" Mark stated.

"Joe, that was incredible. You are definitely on to something here!" Pam said, looking a little flushed. It looked like she just got laid.

"I hope you had a good time, guys. You deserve it," I told him.

We all sat around, telling jokes, personal funny stories. I sat on a tailgate and we were all just chilling out as one group. Lisa sat in a chair across the circle from me. She kept her eyes on me off and on through out the night. I can't say that I didn't stare at her either. I couldn't help but look at her, so gorgeous. And it appeared she was still into me. I need to be careful here before things get out of hand. It was like Déjà vu. After a few drinks, almost like it was staged, most people got up and split up into couples and that left me looking at Lisa, who looked at me with a 'well?' look in her eyes. I sighed and patted the tailgate spot beside me. She smiled and sat right next to me and we had more small talk.

I looked at my watch and saw that it was 1:00 AM. She asked what time it was and I told her. I'll give her credit. She goes after what she wants and doesn't give up. She hopped off the tailgate and walked over to 'hell bitch' and straddled it.

"I got up early today and I'm beat. Would you take me home, Joe?"

"Where is your car?" I asked, half-serious and half giving her a hard time.

"I came with Sherry and... well... look at her, she's with Robert and having a good time. I don't want to disturb them," she reasoned.

"Damn that! I'm having a good time too and I ain't ready to leave," I said, now wanting to let her know she doesn't own me.

"Please, Joe?" she said with puppy dog eyes.

"Lisa, those sad eyes aren't going to work with me. You'll just have to wait for Sherry." Ha! I got her!

Now everyone was looking at us and hoping not to see a fight.

"Damn it, Joe! Get your stubborn ass over her and take me home!" she said, almost shouting.

I looked along the people there and I promised not to cause a seen. This was Mark's night! So I took in a deep breath and exhaled. I lowered my head and straddled the bike and brought her rumble back to life and took her home. I guess I showed her, huh?

Stop the Pain, Please.

She lived in Holley, a pretty quick trip down Hwy85 and Hwy98. She had to yell out for me where to turn, as I have never seen her house here. I pulled up into her driveway and shut the motor off and sat there.

"Come on in, let's have a drink," she invited.

"Nah, I'm gonna get out of here, I'm a little tired too." Which I was.

"Joe, you're already here, come on. Just one beer."

"Lisa!" I had to be blunt. "I am not sleeping with you! I think it would be best if I head back to the motel."

"I never said you were sleeping with me. I just asked you to join me for a beer. It's not going to kill you, now, come on!"

I looked down at my tank wondering what the hell I was getting into, why I was even considering it. I need my head examined for being such a glutton for punishment! I shook my head and climbed off the 'bitch'.

Once inside, I took my boots off in the foyer and walked in. The place was immaculate; new looking dark green carpet, bright white paint, and furniture that had really big fluffy pillows. She had a red oak entertainment center. I looked at the walls and saw several portraits we had done when we were married. The house looked as if a couple lived here! Maybe she needs her head examined!

She came from the kitchen with 2 long necks and handed me one, then we sat down.

"This place is beautiful, Lisa. Nice job!" I commented.

"Thank you. I hoped you liked it. Did you buy a house in St. Louis?"

"Nah, I'm renting an apartment. Didn't want to get into a debt just yet, until I met 'hell bitch', that is."

"Hell Bitch? Where did that come from?" she asked, sort of laughing.

"Well, the guys I ride with say that normally people who love their bikes give them a name and it's normally female. At the time, female and bitch were synonymous to me and they could all go to hell. So? Hell Bitch was born!"

She looked at me with a hurt expression. Oh well, she asked, didn't she?

"Did you put these pictures on the wall because I was in town and you knew you could manipulate me into coming here?" I asked, trying to push her buttons.

"No, they have been there for over two years, ever since I moved in. And I didn't manipulate you, Joe. I asked you to come in, that's all. You chose not to leave. And I'm glad you didn't. It's so good to have you here," she said with a serious look. She didn't appear to be trying to play me.

"So, how has Trisha been? She couldn't join you on this trip?" she asked curiously.

I snapped my head towards her, wild eyed looking at her. I opened my mouth ready to snap, but I bit my tongue and stood up to leave as she grabbed my arm. She looked shocked and scared.

"What? What's the matter, Joe? Don't walk away from me, please? Please sit down," she begged.

I looked down at her. "Trisha and I are no longer an item, ok? We haven't been for a while. Look, I need to get out of here..." I felt restless. I felt like I was going to explode.

"No, please, Joe. I'm sorry. I didn't know. Truly, Joe! I am so sorry. Please sit down." She had a look of sorrow now.