Chapter 3: the aftermath

I went up to my bedroom and sat on the bed. I was dumb founded. Feeling as if someone has kicked me in my stomach, or worse — in my balls. Tears started running down on my cheeks. I felt dizziness enveloping me, as if my soul had left my body and is looking from above.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" I roared like wounded lion.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" with all the force my lungs could give.

I kept roaring until my throat could not pass a sound. I kept roaring until I collapsed.

I slid down to the floor, folding into a fetal position and kept sobbing.

I heard a sound — Tracy was at the bedroom door sobbing.

"Daddy, take another tranquilizer, please."

I pushed her away. I could not face her or anyone else.

I remained alone in my room, folded on the floor, sobbing myself to sleep. I don't know how long I slept. I do know that I only used the bathroom and apart from that I did not leave my room, just lying on the floor and sobbing every minute that I was awake. From time to time I noticed Tracy at the door; she came in, hugged me, sobbed with me, told me that she loved me and then disappeared.

After three days I calmed down a little. I came out of the bedroom and entered the family room — where my brother Tim was watching TV. I have to explain here — my brother used to be good at sports in high school and the two years he attended college. He never finished his studies. He lived part of the time with our parents, and the rest of the time at my house. Having a wealthy brother caused him not to seek any work or any other productive deed. He simply lived off my money.

"What are you still doing here?" I asked. "Don't you know what I'm going through?"

"What? You are not the first guy whose wife cheated on him."

I suddenly saw red.

"Why, you good for nothing, motherfucking son of a bitch!" I yelled. "You've been fucking my wife for years while living off my earnings. What more do you want? My daughter? If she'll want you — she'll call you or go to your place, wherever that may be. You have one hour to pack your stuff and leave. Don't leave anything behind — from now on this house is off limits to you for the rest of your life, you miserable piece of shit!"

"And while you are leaving I also suggest you start looking for a job! You're not seeing any money from me ever again, you parasite!"

"NOW MOVE! You goddamned son of a bitch!"

"Daddy!" Exclaimed Tracy. "How can you? He's family?

"Family? The family that discriminated against me for more than half of my life? The family that betrayed me and cheated me? Is this what you call a 'family'?"

Now I was getting mad again.

"Do you want to be part of that family, Tracy? Better do some thinking! I will not have you living a double life as your slut of a mother did! If you want to choose — choose! Either life with me or a life with those people, the people who deceived, betrayed and cheated their own son!" I went back to my bedroom and closed the door. I had to calm down. I was beginning to take it out on Tracy and she did not deserve it. So I took another tranquilizer pill.

An hour later and more in control of myself, I knocked on Tracy's door.

"Come in, Dad." She was crying.

I went in and hugged her. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, sweet. You are the only family left for me. There is no one else. I really don't want to lose you too."

"What about Grandpa and Grandma?"

"Well, from you Mom's letter I understand they actually gave up on me as part of the family many years ago. They only need me because I'm rich and they — like your no good Uncle Tim — like their early retirement and living on my earnings. That is going to stop, and from that minute I'll be a piece of nothing for them the way I was when I was younger."

"Daddy, do you want me to grow up with no one but you? No grandparents and no uncles?"

"My sweet, your slut Mom wrote in her letter that you are to choose. I'm not trying to threaten you in any way, but the choice is yours only. Just be certain of your choice because I won't allow any double standards while I am responsible for you. One slut was enough."

I started to sob again, so I went back to my room.

An hour later, Tracy knocked and then came into the room.

"Dad, please take another tranquilizer and then take a shower, shave and come and have dinner. Uncle Tim has left, and you haven't washed or eaten for 4 days now. I'm cooking dinner and it will be ready in an hour."

"I'm really not hung..."

"Daddy, please! Remember I told you before you read the letter that you are going to hate everybody. If you decide to hate me too — I'd better go and live with Grandma. I am not to blame for what Mom had done and I don't deserve to be hated. Please wash up and come have dinner. We have to start a new life — the life after the letter — and we have a lot to talk about. At least with me, try to behave without hatred and anger. I love you so much I won't be able to bear you hating me too."

I hugged her and held her close. With more tears in my eyes I apologized: "Sorry, baby. I'm only so afraid that you'll take your mother's advice regarding sex, and if you do — the only thing left for me is to kill myself."

"Don't worry, Dad. I saw some of what mother had done and I'm not going to be like her. I did not like it then and I won't like it now. I may be only 15, but that is adult enough to have personal views and opinions. Although I loved mother very much, my opinion is that any married person should either be totally faithful to his/her spouse or not stay married. Mom tried to explain to me the reasons for her infidelity, but I told her my opinion as I'm telling you now. Then I was only 13. Do remember that she wanted YOU to be my first, and 'only suggested' that if I want something different I should look elsewhere. Well, at least as long as I live at home — I'm with you and nobody else. I only hope that after we all calm down that you'll make love to me many more times. Even Mom said that where love is concerned — you are the best. My once with you was my first, and was somewhat painful, but I enjoyed it a lot anyway. Let's make love many more times; I know it will only get better."