Chapter 1

From the Epilog

"I knew since I had gone through pretty much the same thing. I knew you were a decent man and I was sure you would need some assurance. I gave you that assurance and then we both had some pleasure. Now you have nothing to feel guilty about, and neither do I."

She laughed, pulled me in for a wet kiss, and then she was gone. When she left, she took my sadness, my quilt and my anger with her. I felt light and happy and ready for a new beginning, just as she said.

I pulled out my PDA. There was a phone number I wanted in there. I was sure I did.

Silver Anniversary continued.

After a short search, I found the number I was looking for. It was for George Cohen, my attorney back in the US. I wanted to give him a call and find out the status of our divorce process. It was likely to be almost over if Serena signed the papers, as I was sure she would. After all, a cool million, the house she loved and me not disclosing her infidelity to our sons. If she were as smart as I knew she was, she would take the deal and run. I think the threat of telling our sons what she had done was probably the clincher.

I spent the rest of the morning sitting on the lanai in my shorts and t-shirt with no shoes and plenty of beer. I intended on getting shitfaced while I tried to figure out what the hell I was doing. It was going to take the best part of the day just to explain to myself what I had almost done to another man. The biggest question was why would I do that after experiencing the pain myself. I knew the hurt, the self-doubt, the anger, and the depression that was the result, and I remembered how my ego was dashed, believing another man could replace me in my wife's bed. How I could do that to Phil, who I thought was Bitsy's husband, was really bothering me.

After the third beer, I decided that Bill and Serena's affair had hurt me so badly that I needed to strike back at someone. I had effectively ended Bill's marriage to Sally, or so I assumed; I had hurt Serena by divorcing her; and I had cut her off by leaving the country so that she had no way to look for forgiveness from me. But that apparently was not enough for me. I must have needed more so I went after another man's wife? The fact that she wasn't married was no excuse since I didn't know that at the time. That was a sobering thought, so I had another beer.

As I was nursing my funk, Phil and Bitsy came out of the condo carrying some small traveling bags while two porters carried the rest out to a waiting jitney. Phil tossed them in and walked with Bitsy over to me. Bitsy leaned down to give me a kiss while Phil watched with a smile.

"I'm really going to miss you John. You were the best part of this trip for me and I had a great time, including this morning. You were wonderful and I told Phil how much you meant to me. I won't forget you and I wish you the very best. I think you need some time to heal and then you should reconsider your choices."

She smiled sweetly at me and with another kiss, went back to the waiting jitney.

Phil watched her go before turning to me.

"You were good for her, you know. She needed to be reminded of just how attractive and desirable she really is. That shithead she was married to was a real putz and he was just after her money. She has quite a bit of her own, not that you seemed to care. I just wanted to say thanks and I wanted to give you my card. I checked up on you and I know all about your reputation in the business. I know Amos Jensen, your company's CEO and he had noting but good to say about you. I could always use someone like you, even if it's just as a part time consultant. If you like to travel, we could probably arrange that. You're too young to retire for good. Give me a call when you decide what you're going to do."

With that he handed me a card, slapped me on the back, and walked toward the waiting jitney. They both waved goodbye as they disappeared down the driveway toward the main building. I watched them go with some sadness, but also with some relief. I wasn't up to a relationship and I had to admit, I could have been close with Bitsy. If she had stayed, I might have ended up with more than I wanted.

I looked at the card Phil had given me and saw that he was the President and CEO of a worldwide company that was a direct competitor of ours, or had been when I was working. He had a point: I was too young to retire permanently.

I proceeded to get slightly buzzed as I finished off the remainder of the beer in the fridge. I called the lodge with an order for another case and they promised delivery before the day was over. I collapsed on the bed and slept for the better part of the afternoon. I awoke feeling hung over and sick to my stomach. Served me right since it was the first time I had been drunk in over a decade.

I cleaned myself up and went to dinner in the lodge where they had a decent restaurant. It was cool and dark and suited my mood to a T. Several women flirted with me but I assumed they were pros and left them alone. I wanted to be by myself to do some serious thinking. I was more confused now than I was before I left everything behind. I knew I had to find a purpose to my life or I was doomed. Hell of a thing for a 52 year old man to be doing: finding myself! I sounded like a damn cliché.

That evening, I decided to go ahead and call my lawyer and see how things were going back home. I needed to find some closure to my old life and to find some way to move on. The problem was that all my plans before had included Serena and she was no longer with me, so I found myself lost. Yes, I needed to start somewhere and the divorce seemed like the first order of business. Since it was after hours in the US. I decided to wait till the next morning.

At 11:00 the next morning, I called George Cohen in Princeton, NJ. He was handling my divorce and had handled most of my affairs for years. He had also helped me to set up the trusts for my sons and for their kids if and when they had them. He was a friend as well as my attorney.

"Hi, George? It's me, John Parsons. How are you?"

"John, it's great to hear from you. I was just going to give you a call. How is St. Croix? Are you enjoying the time away?"

"It's something else, George. Hey, I just wanted to touch base and see how the divorce is going. Did Serena sign the papers yet?"

"Well, that's what I was going to call you about. Seems Serena is going to fight the divorce. She told her lawyer, that's Pickering & Pickering, Harrison Collins one of the partners, to tell you to do your worst but she wasn't going to give you a divorce without a fight. I tried to tell him what we had and he said she didn't care."

"Did you remind her of the letters for the boys?"

"I specifically told him of the letters, the million and the house. He has the papers that you and I drafted up and he knows all of the details. She doesn't care."

"What's she asking for? Half of everything? Is that what she's after? I guess I'm surprised. I never thought of her as greedy and I thought she wouldn't want the boys to know what she did."

"Damndest thing, John. She isn't asking for anything. She's made no counter offer and she hasn't asked for any attachments to your holdings or assets. She moved out of the house just after you left and she's staying with Ben and Carrie."

"How can she do that? How can she stop the divorce if she isn't making a counter claim or asking the court for something? I don't understand."

"She really hasn't done anything except refuse to sign the papers. The only thing she's touched is the account you left open for her. She's been using it to pay bills, and expenses and the like. The next move is up to us. I was trying to think of something to get her moving again but I don't know what. She isn't afraid of any of the things you hit her with before you left. If she keeps this up, the whole thing will drag on for months until the court finally puts it on the calendar. What do you want to do? Any more ammunition up your sleeve, John?"

"Nothing right now. Let me think about this and get back to you. You have my number here?"

"Got it and just relax and let me do the worrying. At worst, you'll just have to wait a while longer than you planned. I'll talk to you soon."

I hung up in confusion. What in the world was she trying to do? She must know I could go to the boys as I threatened. Didn't she care about them? And why would she turn down a million dollars and then ask for nothing. She must have some plan in mind.

The only thing I could do was call Ben and see what he knew. But even if I did, I wasn't sure I wanted to tell him what his mother had done, at least not by phone. Maybe I could make plans to meet with he and Michael when I got home. That seemed like the best plan. Since it was still early, I called the desk and had them make arrangements for a flight back to the US at the earliest opportunity and to send someone down to help me pack up my things. I was ready to get back home and to get my life under some control.

While I was waiting, I decided to call Ben. I had his work number and decided it would be best to call him there so as not to risk getting Serena on the phone. If she was staying with them, it might be embarrassing for everyone. I could talk to him at work and make plans to meet him when I got there.

I called the office where Ben worked and got his secretary. I told her who it was and she said not to hang up because Ben wanted to talk to me urgently. Urgently? That didn't sound like Ben. But, I waited anyway.

"Dad, is that you? Where are you? Are you back in the states yet? I need to talk to you about mom." Ben sounded sort of out of breath.

"You sound like you just ran up two flights of stairs. What's up and why'd you need to talk to me so badly?"

"That's exactly what I did. Sherrie called me from the production floor and I ran up here to answer. When are you coming home? I want to talk to you before you do anything."

"What about? I know mom is living with you guys but I don't know why. I gave her the damn house and enough money to buy two more. All she had to do was sign the damn divorce papers! Can you tell me why she didn't?"

"Dad, I need to talk to you. Come home now. Stop this running around the world crap and come back now."

"Well, that's what I was calling about. I'm checking out today and I'll take the first plane back that I can get. I wanted to meet with you when I got in but I'm not sure yet when that'll be. I'll call your cell when I know for sure. OK?"

"OK. That's great. I'll wait for your call but remember, don't do anything until I talk to you. Have a safe trip and call me!"

The lodge office called about an hour later and told me that they had me booked on the last flight out this evening. It left at 5:08 and would get into Newark at about 11:30 pm with one stop in Charlotte, NC. I confirmed and we got to the airport with time to spare. I was on my way home. I knew that I had a furnished apartment waiting in one of the suites located on Rt. 1 but wasn't sure which one. I put in a call to George to make sure it was ready for me. I could rent a car until I got mine back from Ben.

We left St. Croix and the Henry Rohlsen Airport behind and I arrived on schedule in Newark that evening. I was beat and ready to find my room and a bed: it had been a big day for me. Once in the car, I relaxed and began to think about tomorrow. It was likely to be busy and probably not very pleasant. Well, that's how I left it just over two weeks ago so nothing much should have changed. With this thought I pulled in to the Summerfield Suites just after 1:00 AM and left my suitcases unpacked until the next morning. I hit the bed and remembered nothing until the next day.

I called Ben at his office late the next morning and agreed to meet him at the Ruby Tuesday's just down from where I was staying. Since he worked in Princeton, it would be convenient for him as well. He said he would leave work early and meet me for lunch. I didn't have anything to eat or drink yet and I needed coffee in the worst way so I went early and waited for him there.

I had my coffee and got a paper to read while I waited. I was sitting in a booth by the window and watched him arrive. He was a good looking man, our oldest at 24 years, out of college with a great job with a good company. He was going to go far with his good looks and sharp mind. I was so proud of him. He and Carrie were about to start their family and I couldn't wait to be a grandfather. At least that wasn't something that could be taken from me.

"Hi pop, how are you doing? You look good. I see you got some sun while you were there. Looks good on you." He moved into the seat across the table from me and smiled.

"I'm glad you called me today because it's important that we talk. You know mom's staying with us now?"

"So George Cohen told me. What I can't figure is why? Why isn't she staying at the house? She loved that place and that's why I left it to her. She can certainly afford to stay there even without the settlement I offered her."

"I don't know anything about your settlement offer. All I know is what mom told Michael and me when she asked to stay with us."

"That figures. I guess she didn't tell you why we split up did she?"

He hit me with a major surprise.

"She told us you found out that she was having an affair with Bill Collins. Isn't that why you filed for divorce? Isn't that what the problem was at the party that night? You didn't think we noticed but we did."

"I'm surprised that she told you. I told her I wouldn't tell you boys unless she decided to fight me for the divorce. She didn't have to do that. I guess I am surprised that she would try to take half of our assets and keep her secret rather than the million with the house that I offered her without contesting it. I never thought that of her. I guess she had no problem telling you what she did."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. There are some things you need to know. First, she called Michael and I together the day after the party and told us what she had done. She admitted the affair and she said that she was completely at fault and that you had done nothing to drive her away."

"I'm not so sure that I was completely innocent. I never told her that I was moving toward retirement and that it was going to be so soon. Maybe if I had, she wouldn't have felt so frustrated."

"That's not how she put it. But anyway, the second thing is that she doesn't want the house. She said it was our home but with you gone, there was no longer any reason to keep it. She wanted to sell it outright but we talked her out of it for now."

I was even more surprised by that. She loved that house and always had. She said many times she never wanted to move from there and that we could grow old there.

"The final thing you need to know is that she is going to fight you on the divorce with everything she has. She doesn't want anything from you, but she will try to stop you from divorcing her. She says she doesn't have much of a chance but she will try to delay it as long as possible."

"Why would she do that? I obviously wasn't enough for her and I wasn't meeting her needs toward the end. She didn't care enough to even talk to me about what was happening and she decided to take matters into her own hands and sleep with my best friend. He was a scumbag but she wasn't much better. I don't know what she wants from me."

"She wants to talk to you. She wants you to give her some time: just you and her without lawyers or us. She says to tell you that if you will talk to her and let her tell you her side of things, she will give up her fight over the divorce without any strings attached. All she wants is some time alone with you."

"I don't know what she could say that would make any difference. She threw our marriage away without giving me a chance. She thought so little of me and our wedding vows that she deliberately betrayed me with someone I trusted almost as much as I trusted her."

"Dad, you have to talk to her. I know you're mad and hurt and I don't blame you. Neither does she. She just wants a chance to talk to you before you throw away 25 years. That's not much to ask. Michael and I both want you to do this. We don't think it's too much to ask to try to save our family. What you and she did affects Mike and I too, you know. We hurt because you guys hurt."

I thought about what Ben said and I had to agree that she wasn't asking much. I really never bothered to talk to her before I left. I was angry and hurt and in pain and I ran away. I went as far away as I could and I wanted to leave it all behind. And I never even considered the boys and their feelings; I was so caught up in my own hurt.

But I also had to admit that I was so screwed up that I almost did something as hurtful to another as she had done to me. That was wrong and I knew it, but I was willing to do it anyway. That was what she had done to me. I needed to face her and try to resolve my feelings one way or another. I needed to put my anger behind me.

"All right. Talk to your mother and call me with a time and place and we can talk."

"Great. I'll talk to mom as soon as I get back to work. She is at home right now so I'll be able to call you back this afternoon. Do you have a phone yet?"

"No, just call my cell. That's not changed."

I thought some more about what he had told me and decided to ask some more questions. Some things I needed to know.

"Ben, what about Bill and Sally? Have you heard anything about them? Is your mother in touch with Bill still? I never asked George when I talked to him."

"Sally told Bill to leave that night and she started on a divorce the next day. She served him just last week and she won't even talk to him. Mom hasn't talked to him either even though he called our house several times. I finally told him to stop calling or I would call the police."

"I guess cheating costs a lot. It's unfortunate that the price is so high even to those who were innocent in the whole thing. Sally is an example. She never did anything to deserve what Bill did to her. I understand that Serena wasn't the first time either."

Ben spent another half hour with me before he had to go back to work. I remembered to ask after Carrie and if they were having any luck with the baby making. He just laughed, saying that they were both enjoying the trying but so far, no baby. They hadn't given up though and were giving it some time before worrying. I offered encouragement and support. I remembered Serena and I trying to have Ben. We were lucky that she got pregnant almost right away. Same with Michael.

Ben left and I went back to the Summerfield. I went out for some provisions and unpacked my suitcases and looked over my new home. It wasn't bad, but it was not very homey: just adequate. But, it was all I needed for now. I curled up for a nap to try to get myself back on track. Not working was definitely a test of my ability to discipline my time. So far, I wasn't doing too well.

The phone jolted me out of a sound sleep. It was Ben with the news that Serena wanted to meet me for dinner that evening at a restaurant in Princeton. I knew the place and I agreed. He said she would drive herself and she would meet me there at 7:00. I asked him about my car, and he said he would have Carrie drive it in tomorrow if I could take her back home. I agreed without hesitation. I missed my Mercedes CLK 55. He laughed and said she would miss it even more.

I slept some more and woke early in the afternoon feeling much better. I fixed myself some coffee and tried to relax. I had to admit I was looking forward to that evening with mixed feelings. On one hand, I wanted to see Serena again, just to see her and talk to her. I still loved her and she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to me. That hadn't changed. On the other hand, the pain was still fresh in my heart and the anger was close to the surface. I wasn't sure what I was going to do or say.

At 6:45, I left to drive to the restaurant. I was going to be right on time: not early or late. Childish maybe, but I was not above that yet. As it was, the traffic was all going out of Princeton so I had little trouble getting there on time. I parked close by and walked in right at 7:00. I was inordinately proud of that little accomplishment.

I stood just inside the door, looking for her and spotted her almost immediately. She was sitting at a small table close to the window and she was watching me with a smile on her face. I wasn't ready for the jolt that smile gave me. God! She could still do that to me after 25 years. My breath caught in my chest and I had to blink a couple of times before I got myself under control. I smiled back and moved toward her. I used the time to calm myself down.

She rose to greet me and I noticed that she had on the necklace that I had given her for our anniversary. She unconsciously fingered it with one hand as she watched me.

"Hello John. You look great. The sun and the ocean certainly did you some good. I'm not surprised: you needed the time away from work with all its pressure and demands on you. I'm glad you were able to relax."

I waited until she was seated and then sat down across from her. She looked great in a beautiful light green blouse that showed off her beautiful figure. The neckline was low enough to show off the necklace and it lay nestled in her cleavage and gleamed against her flawless skin. She looked poised and graceful and very beautiful. It was hard not to notice the admiring glances from the men around us. I had always been proud to be seen with her and she always looked wonderful.

"Thanks. You're right. I was almost exhausted and the time in St. Croix was just what I needed to catch up on my sleep and find time to do nothing. You look great yourself. Carrie must be a great cook."