Chapter 4

By the time Harry found Nicky she had almost succeeded in her attempt to end her life. After reading the letter, she had gone into the bathroom and taken a razor blade from her father's safety razor. She was very careful to lock the door and make no sound. She had filled the tub with water before slipping in and then had slit her wrists. She tried to do it right, but Betty had been worried about what the letter might contain and had Harry check on her. He had found the locked door and knew something was wrong when she didn't answer his knocks. He broke open the door and found her.

The 911 operator had the ambulance there in no time and the paramedics were able to stop the blood flow and began plasma transfusions while they got her ready for transport. They knew exactly what to do and were not bothered by what they found since it was actually fairly common in their experience. She was taken to emergency and sewn up. She was fine, except for the loss of blood and the doctors began transfusions to build her pressure back up. She would live.

Because it was an attempted suicide, and with her parents support, Nicky was confined to a mental hospital where she was forced into therapy. Her situation was not unusual to the therapist on staff and she was very well versed in standard treatments. She treated it first as acute depression, and Nicky was put on medication while she attended therapy every day for a month. With the meds and the therapy, Nicky slowly began to find a way back to some semblance of normalcy. She was still unhappy but she was finding ways to cope with it. She was released from the hospital two months after her aborted attempt to end her life.

With continued therapy, Nicky began a slow recovery. The hardest part was learning to live without her little boys. She accepted Tom's condition that she not try to contact them even though she wanted desperately to see them. They were 3 and half years old now. At least she had the pictures that Tom sent to Betty. She kept them all and had each one pasted into the scrapbook she kept. In it she had all of the pictures and letters that Tom had been sending and she had clippings about the company that Tom headed in Europe. She kept the book always where she could look at it and it did help to ease some of the loneliness.

The pain was still there but it began to ease and she could sometimes go days before she remembered again. But time heals all wounds and she slowly regained her stability. She still lived at home with her parents but she was beginning to think about a future on her own. One thing she wanted was to go back to school. She wanted an advanced degree in psychology so that she could go into counseling. She had become fascinated with the counseling sessions she was forced into during recovery and she vowed then that she would do something like that as soon as she could. She wanted to make a difference to others like herself: people who made bad choices and were trying to live with the consequences.

She checked with Tom's lawyer and found that the trust fund Tom had set up using the proceeds from the sale of the house and the settlement from the insurance company were enough to pay for the small tuition at a local university. She told her parents what she was going to do and they were supportive. With Betty's help, she found a small apartment just off campus, furnished it and she moved in that month. Her new life had begun.

Since she had a degree in psychology already, all she had to take were some advanced level courses in therapy and do some sessions with a practicing therapist. Her counselor told her that she could be finished in just about 2 years. After an apprentice program lasting 6 months, she would have her certificate and she could go into practice by herself or with someone else. She set up a schedule and program and began her college career. She was looking forward again for the first time in a long, dark time. She was on her own and she was going to make it. It was a promise she made to herself.

Jason and Joshua ran up to their father and tried to tempt him back to the water. They were scuba diving in Moreton Bay off the north side of Australia and exploring the reefs and it was truly something to see, but he was beginning to get tired and just wanted to rest and relax for a while. Not so for the twins: they simply couldn't get enough and they were off again. After all, it was the first time they had been away from their home in Belgium for over 3 years. They were 8 years old now and they were good, solid boys. He was so proud of them and he often wondered how he had managed to raise such great kids alone. God knows he had his problems but they seemed to have survived in spite of him and his stumbling ways.

The boys were identical twins and looked so much alike that even he had trouble keeping them straight unless he was close enough to see the minute differences. They loved making trouble switching but he was one of the few that could tell them apart and they had stopped trying with him. Not so with others, however, and they were notorious at their school. All good clean fun though so he was content. Their mother would be proud. At that thought, he angrily stood up and grabbed his gear and called the boys to get ready to go back to the Brisbane Marriott Hotel and their room. He was angry with himself. He had thought he was past that but thinking about the boys and raising them alone brought painful memories back to the surface.

Once in the room, he grabbed a beer from the cooler and dropped down into one of the cane chairs so popular in this resort. He reflected back on the past 6 plus years and remembered.

He remembered more now than before and without the pain that he experienced earlier. He had received regular letters from Betty over the years and she kept him informed of all that was going on. He in turn sent her pictures of the boys and told her of their progress in school. He never knew whether she showed the pictures or his letters to Nicky and never asked. He didn't want to know.

He knew that Nicky had recovered from her coma and that she had attempted suicide. He also knew that she had been confined for some time in a mental institution but that she was released. He knew all of her battles and successes, her return to college for an advanced degree in psychology, and that she was now fairly successful in her career as a guidance counselor for teens in trouble. She would have been very good at that he knew, and wondered how she was doing with her life. Betty had never mentioned a man, just as he had never told her of any of his ill-fated attempts at romance.

He thought of Abby, the woman he had recently been dating, with pain. The breakup was hard and bitter: nasty words were said and it was like so many others over the last few years: he was unable to commit to a life with anyone. Betty didn't need to know that. It was better left unsaid. Too many painful memories there.

For the thousandth time, he wondered if he should have taken the boys on a trip back to the states to meet their mother. Betty suggested it in every letter and he declined in his. He had made no secret from the boys of the fact that she was alive and lived in his old hometown. He had simply told them that he and Nicky had separated and that she had a life of her own. They never tried to get him to take them to see her and he never suggested it. Now, it was more important than before because he had a decision to make. Maybe he would bring the subject up with them. Maybe he had better investigate his own motives first. Was this for them or for him? He decided to bring it up tonight at dinner.

They were staying at the Marriott in Brisbane and it was a beautiful hotel. It faced the ocean and was a wonderful place for the boys. They could explore the beaches, grab a taxi and go into the city and in general find something to do that would please 8 year old boys. They were very independent and he did not worry much about them, although he had hired a guide to be with them who was recommended to be very good with boys. Together, they were a match for most anybody. He was again proud of the way he had raised them.

They decided to eat in the outdoor dining room and they dressed casually. It was warm here in December and they enjoyed the change from the weather in Belgium this time of year. They sat at a table away from the bulk of the room at their father's request. He had told them he wanted a family discussion. That meant either something very good or very bad, or so the boys equated it.

As they finished their dinner and Tom had ordered coffee for himself and dessert for the boys, he looked at them sitting together. As usual, they dressed identically. They loved to do this and to confuse the staff of the hotel. They did it good naturedly and only in fun.

"Boys, I want to ask you a question and I want you to think about it and maybe talk to each other before you give me an answer. Can you do that?"

"Sure we can do that pop. Is it something good or something bad? It's always one or the other when we have these family discussions."

"I don't know how you are going to take what I have to ask you. I guess the best thing to do is just ask. How would you feel about going to the US to meet your mother and grandparents?"

The silence was deafening as the boys looked first at Tom and then at each other. It was only a few seconds but to Tom, it felt like forever. As he watched, their faces changed and they both gave a whoop of joy almost at the same instant. Around the restaurant, faces turned their way and then back as they saw it was only boys laughing.

"Are you serious? Meet our mother and grandparents? You've got to be kidding. That's all we've thought about for the last five years. We were always told not to mention it to you because it made you sad and made you hurt. So we didn't, but we always wanted to. When can we go? Soon? Where does she live? Will she remember us? Can we go soon?"

They both talked together, finishing each other's sentences, alternating sentences and in general making perfect sense. He never understood how they could do that. He had not thought of what he wanted them to say, but as they continued to talk aloud and express their excitement, he found himself smiling. Inside he must have been thinking the same thing and he found himself responding to their enthusiasm. They were going to do this!

Before dinner was over, he had told them somewhat of their mother and grandparents. He told them they lived in a small town in California and that Nicky was a counselor to young people with problems. He told them of Betty and Harry and promised to let them see some of the letters she had written and some of the pictures she had sent. He had them all safely locked away, perhaps for this day.

"Dad, why did you and our mom break up? Why did you have to leave her when you took us away to Belgium? Can you please tell us now? We're old enough to know the truth. We never believed the story about the two of you just deciding to go different places. She wouldn't have given us up so easily, would she? It isn't true that she didn't want us, is it?"

Tom was surprised that they had this many questions, but then again, why wouldn't they? He had never talked much about what happened and just told them, when they asked about her when they were smaller, that they had just grown apart. He had told them that Nicky was too sick to care for them and agreed to let them come with him. He never let them see his hurt or his anger when he spoke of her and he never blamed her for anything. She was sick, that's all he said. They finally stopped asking.

Now, he took the time to tell them as much as he could about their mother and their grandparents and their home. He made sure they knew their mother had not deserted them and that she and their grandparents would welcome them and love them just as he did. They listened as he told them all he could, leaving out only the pain.

After they returned to Belgium, Tom made some calls to arrange the trip back to the states. He hadn't discussed this with the boys, but he had been offered a major promotion to Executive VP of Operations, Worldwide and it would mean relocating back to California. He wanted to make the trip more for that than anything else, to see if he really wanted to return home. He was pretty sure it was time.

The trip was finalized and set for the second week February. The boys had their passports and all of their shots and he had arranged with the school for time off. They were both good students and he had no problem with the school. They were ready, of course, and couldn't wait. He had called Betty and Harry and told them of the trip plans and Betty was beside herself. She said she would let Nicky know and she cried on the phone as she heard all of the plans. Tom was pleased and let her talk to her grandsons for the first time. It was quite a call.

Tom arranged for a corporate rental in Valencia, California where they would be going. It was a small town, just off the 5 in a section called Santa Clarita Valley. There was an amusement park there and it was where the headquarters was located. Since he planned on staying there for as long as 6 weeks, he thought the rental would be better for the boys. He had no idea of how Nicky lived and he knew that Betty and Harry's home was very small so this was the best solution. He gave the address to Betty on one of their calls and she said she knew where it was. They were all set.

The day came, the plane left and they were on their way. They left at 6:00 AM and planned to stop in Newark before heading on to California. The trip would take about 12 hours, all told and it promised to be very unpleasant. However, with the boys as excited as they were and his pleasure at watching them, the trip went faster than he expected. He was glad they had done this and he found himself thinking more and more of Nicky. What would she look like now after almost 7 years? Would she look the same? She would be delighted to see the boys but how would she feel about him? He had told her of Shelly and his letter was bound to have hurt her. He knew that it was part of the reason she had tried to kill herself and he was sorry about that. It was never his intention to cause her pain. He was just trying to explain to her.

They arrived late that next night and Harry met them at the airport. He said that Betty and Nicky wanted to wait until they had time to rest and clean up and that tomorrow would be the day for reunion. Tom was just as happy that it could be delayed since everybody was tired and irritable: not the best way to meet someone for the first time. Harry got them to the apartment and it was more than satisfactory. They settled in and all fell asleep almost as soon as they touched the pillow.