Chapter 5

It had been four months since the discovery of the wives' cheating. In the sessions with the men and separately with the women, Julia had made every argument that she could muster for reconciliation.

At that point, it was a question of courage and will. Did the men have the will to put their wives' sexual history and their involvement in the sex parties behind them? Did the women have the courage to let everyone know that it was them and not the husbands who had cheated?

Julia could not marshall any new arguments. All she could do was keep hammering at the old ones. She did that, keeping up regular sessions with the two groups every week or ten days. She had begun to believe that the will and the courage were there, as was a very strong desire to regain the happiness that they all had known. The other big positive was love, from both sides.

If everything was that positive, why were they still living apart with no communication except a little through the children? Time. Julia knew very well from her experience that emotional wounds take time to heal. That was what the men needed - time.

For the women, it was taking time to fully realize and admit that they were completely at fault. Certainly, there was the incredible trauma of their childhood as a factor, but they were still the offenders and the men had done nothing that could be considered a cause.

Thirty years of one view of themselves did not die easily for the cousins. As children and teens, they were the victims, without a doubt. That underlying self-image had persisted, providing justification for the sexual activities that they instinctively knew were wrong.

Now, they were being told that they had made victims of their beloved husbands. Intellectually, they accepted that rather quickly. Emotionally, it was taking time.

Julia had known from the beginning that the chances of reconciliation for any of the couples were small. Now, though, it looked like success for all of them was at least possible. But she was acutely aware that any attempt to reunite prematurely could waste all of her careful nurturing.

As it turned out, the men were ready first. Actually, Will had been ready for a few weeks, but waited for the other two before announcing his intention. Julia had discussed how difficult it would be for any of the women who were left behind as the others reunited.

"I am going to make you jump through some hoops, here, Julia warned them. I want you to verbally confirm several things, and I want you to do it individually, naming your wife. This is not childish. Declarations like this have a strong emotional impact.

"I want you to say to me and to your friends the following. Each of you repeat in after me, please.

"I want to return to the married life that I knew one year ago. I am ready to suppress my ego, my anger, my pain, and my pride to make that happen." Each of the three parroted her words.

"I realize that that burden falls most heavily and unfairly on me. As the head of the household, I willingly accept that burden out of my love for Cece and in anticipation of the rewards.

"I pledge to resume my life with Cece in as natural a way as I possibly can. I will do my best to resume normal marital relations as soon as we both are ready.

"I promise never to use Cece's infidelity as a weapon against her in any way.

When the men had finished repeating the pledges, inserting their own wife's name, they were all very sober. It had indeed had a significant emotional impact on them.

"I wish I could tell you a date and a time for your reunion," Julia said, "but the fact is, the women are not ready."

"But I thought they had been begging for us to come home since the beginning!" Bud exclaimed.

"Oh, yes! They wanted you home, but in my opinion, they are still not ready. There are some key attitude changes that have not quite taken hold. I am sorry to keep you waiting after the mental struggles you have been through. Believe, it will be for your benefit."

"When they're ready," Will asked, "what would you suggest for our first meeting?"

"I'm working on that," was all Julia would say.

Just because Julia was a professional did not mean that she could take everything in stride. It had been two weeks since the men declared their readiness, and they were justifiably impatient.

She had decided that she could not wait any longer, and had in fact set things in motion for the following Saturday. Her plan was partly to give the men something to focus on, but also to provide a unique setting for the reunions.

The problem with the women was that it was still too much about them. At each session, Julia was bombarded with questions about when the men were coming home to them. She hoped for a change in attitude, but it looked like that would not happen.

It was Wednesday afternoon, and as the three women walked in, Julia almost jumped for joy. Their attitude was noticeably different. She knew victory was at hand when Cece asked "How is Bud? Is he hurting any less?"

That was the mindset that Julia had been waiting for. To have Cece ask the question was particularly significant, as she was the most volatile, least introspective of the group. Just about everything from Cece came from the heart.

Looking at the three women sternly, Julia asked "Are you ready to take some pledges and have your husbands move home? They have been ready for two weeks."

"They have?" Cece screeched. "Why didn't you tell us? Why are they still living there?"

"Cece, you weren't ready - none of you."

"Huh?"

"What was your first question today?" Julia asked. Cece thought a moment and repeated it. "What has been the first question all of you asked at every other session?" That took some head-scratching, but Val figured it out.

"Did you see the difference?" Julia asked. "It has been all about you - what was being done to you by their absence. Until today."

"Why didn't you talk to us about it?" Sandy asked.

"Today, I was going to. I couldn't make the men wait any longer. I am thrilled that you came around on your own. I hope, Sandy and Val, that your first concern is the same as Cece's." She received tearful nods in reply.

"I am going to ask each of you individually to repeat some simple but powerful pledges after me. I will use Bud's name, but put in your own husband's name when you repeat them."

"I pledge to welcome Bud's return to our home as a gift that I do not deserve, but will be forever grateful for."

"I promise not to use Bud's long absence as any form of recrimination in any situation."

"I pledge to do everything in my power to re-establish normal relationships in every part of our lives."

"I pledge myself to increasing my understanding of Bud's emotional needs and accommodating them to the best of my ability."

The women were just as sober as the men had been after repeating the pledges. Sandy, however, wore a puzzled look. "Julia, there was no pledge about being faithful. Why?"

"I just assumed that pledge was totally unnecessary. Was I wrong?" Julia got instant, vehement assurances that she was absolutely correct.

"When can we see them?" Val asked. Julia found it interesting how they acknowledged her complete control of their status.

"A limo will pick you up Friday night. Wear..." The usual female details followed amidst immense excitement. The exact event was kept a secret.

The preparations had all been made the day the men declared their readiness.

"Are you sure, Gerald?" Julia had asked Gerald Magnuson, the chairman of Transformations' board. "I have tried to keep my private practice separate."

"And you have sacrificed huge chunks of your private life to Transformations," Gerald Magnuson responded. "If we are in the business of transforming lives and you think this can help three deserving families - isn't that a perfect fit with our mission? You have my enthusiastic blessing to use the center section. One stipulation - I want an invitation."

"Lindsey, could I ask you a favor - a really big favor?" Julia had asked with surprising timidity for her.

"Julia, that is the most stupid thing I have ever heard you say," Lindsey replied, hands on hips, and an angry stare that she actually managed to hold for all of five seconds before it disintegrated into a grin. "What do you want? My first child? You've got it!"

That ended the frivolity. Lindsey stepped up to Julia, gave her a hug and told her "You know you don't really have to ask. There's nothing I wouldn't do to help."

"Well, this involves you, singing. I wasn't sure if there would be a problem with Doggerel or anyone because of contracts."

"Just tell me what you want and let me worry about that, OK?" Lindsey insisted.

"You know I can't say anything about patients, but I have to tell you this much and swear you to absolute secrecy. Here's what I have in mind..."

"Lindsey Hall? Of course I know who she is," Trent answered. "Anyone involved in music knows. I've never done much country, but she would be good in any type of music. She's got a voice that can make you cry in one phrase."

"Would you accompany her at a little private concert?"

"What? Me? She's big time and I'm just a hacker!"

"I didn't ask you to rank yourself. My sources tell me that you're very good. Will you do it? It would require some practice, and there would be no pay, so..."

"Pay? You're kidding, right? God, I'd pay plenty just for a chance to play with a real star just once in my life. Why me?"

"Oh, it's just something I want to do." Julia had practically forced Trent to start playing again, and it had been very important during the long separation.

"But I'm not a stand-up comic!"

"Bud, I've done some investigating. You used to do quite a bit of MC work, and everyone I talked to wishes they could have gotten you back."

"But... but isn't Transformations a naked place?"

"What's the matter? Don't you think you could handle that?" Julia teased. She could only hold off laughter for a few seconds. "Don't worry. Everyone will be clothed."

"Uh, would naked jokes work?"

"Oh, definitely! In fact they would be perfect."

"Why me?" Bud asked, genuinely puzzled.

"I have my reasons," Julia assured him.

"Sure, I've organized meetings and conferences of all kinds, but never a concert. And never anything like this."

"Will, you are an organizing pro. It would be a real favor to me. Bud will be MC-ing and Trent will be in the band."

"Ahhhh! Do I detect a scheme of some sort here?"

"Didn't think I could fool you. Please. I am violating confidentiality protocol, but I'm not sure how that really works for group treatment. You know that Trent has this self-confidence problem and that he is the most traumatized by this whole thing, right?"

"Yeah, that's been pretty obvious."

"Well, it originally started as a confidence booster for him, and then..."

Brooke very nearly fainted, and nine-year-old Morgan jumped into the air and danced around in a frenzy. Francie sat quietly, but her face threatened to split with her smile. The four boys reacted with varying degrees of surprise and a touch of teenaged lust from the older two.

"I guess you all know who Lindsey Hall is, huh?" Will said with a chuckle. All of the children from the three families were at the men's house for Thursday dinner, and Will had sprung the surprise. "Now this is very important. This is a very, very special invitation. You cannot tell anyone. Not anyone! Not your friends, not your mothers, not anyone! Do you all understand?"

It had been decided in session that Will could explain who Julia was and her involvement with Transformations and her connection with Lindsey, so Will spent a few minutes on that.

Considering the excitement at dinner, Will wondered if he should have waited until Friday night to spring the surprise. Summer was long over and the kids all had school the next day. He doubted they would learn a thing.

"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen," Bud called out as he stood in front of the nearly one hundred people gathered in the center section of Transformations. He waited a moment for the hubbub to subside before he went on.

"My name is Bud Verbeek. Verbeek. See!" He turned sideways and stuck out his good-sized nose, tapping it on the end with his finger.

He was wearing a jumbo-sized Charlie Chaplin outfit, and that had already generated some grins and some chuckles. "Verbeek," he said, still facing sideways, but with the microphone up to his mouth. "That's an old Dutch word that means 'I'm sure glad I didn't get stuck with that schnozz!'"

At that point, the crowd figured out that Bud was being funny on purpose, and that he was pretty good at it. The laughter was loud and long. As it started to die down, he began squirming and pulling at his clothes. He was letting everyone know that they were uncomfortable, but he made it look like he was trying to be subtle about it.

When it was quiet again, Bud said "I want to introduce my good friend Will Crozier." He kept up the little squirms and wiggles, and put in a few surreptitious tugs as he talked. "Will organized this little 'soy-ree'."

The mispronunciation was emphasized. When there was a slight titter from the crowd, he snapped his head around and gave a questioning, challenging stare. Julia was absolutely beside herself. No one had mentioned that Bud was good at physical as well as verbal comedy. This was off to a far better start than she could have hoped for.

"What's the matter?" Bud demanded with mock belligerence. "Don't you know that word - 'soy-ree'? What did you say? 'Swar-ray'? Really?" He put on a marvelous look of confusion, followed by a dramatic shoulder shrug, accompanied by more signs of discomfort with his clothes.

"You know," he said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "the Dutch never did understand the French, so forget that hoity-toity word." He had to wait quite a while for the laughter to subside.

"Actually, I'm not so sure Will is my good friend any more." More twitches and squirms. "He forgot to tell me that the normal dress code here at Transformations had been suspended for tonight's 'SWAR-RAY'." Again, the belligerent look at the audience as they laughed at both the dress code remark and his exaggerated pronunciation.

"So, here I walk in wearing my usual ratty sweats, asking where do I undress." Lots of laughter. "Will thought that was sooooo funny!" Still more laughter. "Someone found this old monkey suit, and what could I do? There wasn't time to go back home." He had to speak loudly to be heard over the continuous chuckling. "Problem is, it came straight from moth balls!" With the few extra shrugs and squirms he gave, that broke up the crowd completely.

As soon as the laughter subsided enough to be heard, Bud shouted out "You didn't come here tonight for dumb jokes. You came to hear Lindseeeeeeey Hallllllll!"

The musicians had quickly and quietly slipped into their seats and Trent, who was on the drums, started a vigorous two-step beat, to be joined a measure later by Hank Ballard on the guitar, Rich Krentz on bass, and Jared Perdue on keyboard. When they had heard about the concert, Hank, Jared, and Rich had insisted on being there. Sonja Shermer was also there from Jenny Ballard's touring group. Sonja's sister Sarah would join in for a couple of duet and trio numbers.

Lindsey came prancing out from the side as everyone jumped to their feet. She lit into a raucous upbeat number, dancing and bouncing around like she was having the time of her life. Her voice did not have the raw power to pull it off perfectly, but her sheer joy carried over to the crowd.

When she finished, Lindsey was beaming as if she had just thrilled a crowd of ten thousand. "Thank you! Thank you!" see said as the crowd settled down. "You have no idea how much fun that was for me! Many of you know that that is not the kind of song I usually do. I have been dying for a chance to pretend I was Jenny, and you gave it to me." That triggered the start of the next song.

When Lindsey's first song started, Francie Verbeek jumped to her feet and looked around frantically. Julia was hovering around the edges, saw the girl's distress, and guessed what the problem was. She knew it was Francie, even though they had not been introduced. She had made it a point to identify the Crozier, Verbeek, and O'Connell children as soon as they arrived. Mark Ventri had acted as host for the kids, causing Brooke Crozier to nearly hyperventilate when he identified himself.

Julia hurried toward Francie and waved for the girl to move out of her seat. Julia took her hand and led her quickly toward the nearest bathroom. When Francie came out, Julia was still standing there. "Did you get a little too excited, Francie?"

The girl looked up in a little surprise, then grinned slyly. "Almost peed my panties, Dr. Waxman! How did you know who I was?"

Returning grin for grin, Julia shot back "How did you know who I was?"

"Dad said you were a beautiful redhead, and you look like you're in charge," Francie said. "Wasn't Daddy awesome? I had no idea!"

"He sure was. Is that what got you so excited?"

"Uh huh. Where is he?"

"Taking off that silly suit," Julia told her. She deduced what thought had caused Francie's momentary wide-eyed look and managed to keep a straight face. The girl's attention quickly turned back to Lindsey. Julia could not resist the urge to take her hand, and they stood companionably until the end of the song.

As the crowd cheered, Francie turned to Julia with a look of combined hope and fear. "Are they gonna make it?" she asked.

Julia knelt down and hugged the girl. "I really hope so, Honey. I hope this helps!"

"Is Mom here?" Francie asked with wide eyes just as Julia realized that she had given it away.

"Please, Francie! I should not have let you know that. Don't look around and give it away, OK? Now, if you will promise to help out later, I'll tell you where she is. You can't look, though, because it will give it away."

"What can I do?"

"There's going to be dancing later. I want you to go right away and dance with your dad. Keep an eye open, and as soon as the moms come into the room, make your dad ask your mom to dance. Don't take 'no' for an answer, OK?"

"Where is she? Where is she? I'll do it! I'll do it!" Young lady sophistication completely surrendered to girlish excitement at that point.

"You've got to be cool or you'll blow it, Francie. The moms are in that room behind me with the lights out and the drapes open."

In the room where Norma Ventri had taken the wives when no one was looking, amazement was the order of the day. Val knew of Will's organizational skills, and he was not up in front like the other two. Cece, however, had nearly the same bladder problem as her daughter. Only the sadness of knowing that Bud was still a stranger kept her excitement down. She was totally blown away by Bud's performance.

Sandy was the most affected. When Trent had sat down at the drums, she had almost stopped breathing. She never took her eyes off of him as he played skillfully through the first song. When it ended, she just kept saying over and over "I had no idea! I had no idea!"

"You've heard him play before, haven't you?" Val asked.

"I... I guess he hasn't played for quite a while," Sandy managed to say through her trance.

"That's a shame. He's really good," Val said.

"How... how much more didn't we know about our husbands?" Sandy asked absently, her attention fixed on Trent's flashing sticks as another upbeat number started.

After three numbers, Bud came back out again, dressed in the same shorts and shirt as the residents wore for this public occasion. To the resulting whistles and 'whooos', he did a great job of posing and primping. "You know, this is a really strange concert," he said after his little showoff routine. "If we had a streaker, no one would even notice."

It was an easy crowd, but Bud still did a great job. He introduced the band, identifying first the members of Jenny's troop and telling a little about them. When he listed some of Hank's compositions, there was a standing ovation.

"My friend Will really screwed up, though," Bud said when everyone but Trent had been introduced. "He forgot to get a drummer. Well, at the last minute, I remembered our very good friend Trent O'Connell telling how much fun he had with the toy drum set he got for Christmas one year. I thought, how hard can it be, anyway, so I asked him if he could fill in. I guess he's doing all right."

Trent did not know any of this was coming, and he would normally have been embarrassed. There seemed to be magic in the air, though. He cut loose with a very intricate riff, hitting every piece of the drum kit, and the audience cheered loudly. In the back room, Sandy literally fell to the floor and almost swooned in astonishment.

The rest of the night was sheer fun. The Schermer sisters joined Lindsey for a few numbers. There were a couple of sing-alongs. Trent shifted to the keyboard for a couple of ballads. Then he and Jared teamed up for a frantic duo on two keyboards that had the listeners standing and shouting at the end.

After about ninety minutes, Gretchen Berg and two helpers wheeled out carts of snacks and beverages, and the dancing music started. The band mixed country, pop, and swing so everyone had a chance to dance. The residents were all barefoot, which was not ideal for dancing, but it did not seem to slow anyone down.

Francie made a bee-line for her dad, and did the first dance with him. She kept a constant eye on the room where the wives were through two more songs. When the women walked uncertainly out into the main area, Bud was almost pulled off of his feet by the strength of Francie's tug toward where her mother was. When they got within a few feet, Francie got behind Bud and ordered him "Dance with Mom. Now!" Then more softly, "Please!"

The parents of two teenagers looked like two shy junior highers as each was afraid to make a move. After a disturbingly long delay, Bud held out his hand. Cece's was shaking almost too badly to grasp his, and when she did, she clamped down so hard it was almost painful for him.

People were dancing in almost every open area, so Bud and Cece did not move far away before tentatively starting into a two-step. It took an effort of will for Bud to put his hand on his wife's back, and Cece very nearly came at his first touch.

Julia had prompted Mark, and he came over and asked Francie to dance. Julia's thought was that being among other couples would make it easier for Bud and Cece.

Julia was not idle. She had enlisted Hank's help, and Hank grabbed Trent's drumsticks in mid-stroke and said "Dancing with your wife is your job right now. Go!" Just so there was no doubt, Hank physically lifted Trent off of the drummer's throne and set him on his feet.

Trent was frozen in fear and indecision. It had been such an awesome evening, but it was all threatening to go bad. At that moment, Julia grabbed his arm. She had Will's arm in her other hand. "If everything we have done together means anything at all, go. Ask them. I'm not trying to ruin your evening. I'm trying to make it even better. This has to happen sometime. When better than now?"

By that time, Bud and Cece looked like they were actually dancing, and Lindsey had hauled a stunned Josh into the area while Sonja had an equally incapacitated Cameron in her arms. Faced with that sea of bobbing family and friends and with their wives standing and looking as least as fearful as they were, Will and Trent found the resolve to take the first step.

As might be expected, Val and Will approached each other quite calmly and with no real drama. That did not mean that the emotions were not strong. They were just hidden.

It was different with Sandy and Trent, and it resulted in a little medical emergency. Trent held out his hand. Sandy's hand touched his, and she fainted. She did not fall instantly, but rather sagged down as she gradually lost consciousness. In that split second, Trent did not think about anything that had happened to them. He just reacted and grabbed his wife to keep her from falling hard. Before he knew it, he was kneeling on the ground with Sandy limp in his arms.

Julia had been right behind the men, and she was paying special attention to Trent and Sandy. She was concerned for Sandy, but that was not her main focus. Kneeling quickly behind Trent, she took maximum advantage of the fortuitous accident.

"Don't put her down, Trent. Don't let go. This is the way it's supposed to be, isn't it? She needs you now. She will always need you. You have to believe that. Don't ever let her go."

Julia, like most psychiatrists, was quite familiar with hypnosis. She had never perfected its use for her practice, and was not completely convinced of its efficacy. She did, however, understand the principles, and she used her knowledge on Trent right then. Knowing that she would never 'put him under', she kept of a steady stream of soft, rhythmic, soothing words.

Sandy came to after a few seconds and looked up into Kent's eyes. She shivered when she realized his arms were holding her. As her gaze moved around, she saw her friends dancing with their husbands, and she began to struggle to her feet.

Fearing that it was too soon, Trent tried to restrain her, but Julia was crooning in his ear that she needed it and not to stop her. Sandy was wobbly and light-headed, but once Trent understood that he could not stop her, he helped her up. "Dance!" was all that Sandy could manage to say, but her eyes told Trent that she needed it more than anything she had ever asked him for. It had become the immediate symbol of her hope for the return of her once-happy marriage.

Julia stood and watched, thinking that it really was better to be lucky than good. Sandy and Trent, the most severely wounded of the three couples, had been accidently forced into the most intimate contact. Sandy could barely stand and she certainly could not dance. She leaned against Trent, swaying erratically, completely out of synch with the music.

To his credit, Trent hung on and supported his wife. Her need, her helplessness, and her frantic dependence on him got through to him as nothing else could have. The woman he feared he had never deserved, had never truly won, needed HIM. He could feel from her touch that it was not just the current faint that triggered her need. The need came from her heart.

As might have been predicted from their personalities, particularly Will's, the Crozier household was reunited with relatively little drama. After the concert, Will stopped briefly at the rented house to pick up a few things.

Bedtime was, predictably, very stressful, and Val and Will stalled it off as long as they could. They sat and talked until the wee hours. It was a strained conversation, but both spouses seemed determined not to let any discord intrude, and they were successful.

When they could not stall any longer, they showered and dressed for bed separately. Julia's 'order' to share a bed or not bother to reunite seemed more difficult than they had expected at that point, but the doctor had not been wrong about anything significant up until then.

Val made the first move toward overt affection, except for the contact as they danced. In bed, she leaned over and kissed Will softly on the lips. He did not miss the trembling as she did it. For all of his composure and self-control, Will still was not ready to reciprocate.

Sometime in the wee hours, composure and self-control were vanquished by love and pent-up need. Neither partner had slept well, and both knew of the other's distress. Finally, Will just raised up on his arms, moved over to Val, and kissed her soundly.

From the first intense pressing of their lips, the progression was rapid. Arms encircled and hugged strongly; bodies pressed frantically, as if trying to merge; hands scrabbled to remove nightwear; fingers sought out erogenous places well known and terribly missed; genitals joined and began the timeless dance; sexual tension too long imprisoned burst forth in mind-blowing completion; unstoppable tears from both lovers told more than could be said in many thousands of words.

Making love again did not mean that everything was back to normal, but it was a huge barrier breached, and it paved the way for so many other solutions.

Bud and Cece Verbeek did not renew their sexual union as quickly as did the Croziers. For all of their volatility and spontaneity, they just could not open up enough for that to happen.

Both partners wanted it to happen from the moment he asked her to dance at the concert. The problem was with Bud. Every time he tried to make an affectionate move, he just froze. He could not even verbalize what caused it, but he could not force his hand that last little bit to caress his beloved.

After five days, the lack of demonstrated affection was becoming a serious problem and a threat to long-term reconciliation.