Chapter 6: Early October

Thursday — Couple's Counseling:

Couple's Counseling. He'd come to hate the phrase. Lately all he did was sit and listen to a conversation between Barbara and Verne about her latest discoveries about herself and how they related to her infidelity. She'd begun seeing a therapist, a psychologist who was telling Barbara she suffered from insecurity and a lack of self-esteem. They found out she was especially vulnerable after the miscarriage. She'd even occasionally been clinically depressed at various periods in her life.

She was insufferably delighted with it all. As far as Steve could tell, she was having a ball finding out "who she was." When they met outside Mr. Houston's office, she was attentive to everything Steve said, chatty about everything under the sun, and she smiled more warmly at him than she had in months. It all made him sick. It was too damned late for all that.

"You know..." Steve said, interrupting his wife in another long discussion about a poor self-image and how that might have led to her affair. "I've got just a couple things to say and then you two can get back to your private little talk. I'll be getting out of your way so I won't disturb y'all.

"The thing is this. I've been sitting here listening to all of this and I'm a little confused, Barbara. Everything I've heard you say the past couple/three weeks tells me you're thinking of yourself as a victim, and that's just not true. I don't know if you really had all these problems... you sure never seemed to have them before you cheated on me.

"All I know for sure is that you come in here all fresh-faced and bright-eyed every Thursday night. You look like you're just as happy as you've ever been... and it's all because you decided to start seeing other men outside our marriage.

"I'll bet you sleep like a baby all night long. You sure don't have any bags under your eyes to say different. Me? Hell, it's been so long since I got any sleep without taking a pill that I don't even remember what it's like. I'll bet you wake up every morning refreshed and just thrilled to death at the thought you're going to find out something new and more wonderful about yourself that day.

"You're having one hell of a good time with all this, Barbara. You committed the adultery but you're getting all the attention.

"Remember me? I'm the one you cheated on... the man you betrayed. I'm not going to get all teary eyed... but how come I'm the one who has to do all the suffering and you're the one who gets to find yourself? Somehow, this all seems to be turned around on itself. You cheat... I suffer. I don't want to be whiney, but just how is that fair?"

The session immediately turned to finding out what they could do for him. What were his emotional needs? What need was Barbara not meeting for him before she strayed?

Steve rolled his eyes in frustration. He'd just wanted to end the babble. Now, instead of just listening, he was expected to participate too. Talk, talk, talk. That's all they did.

Mr. Houston produced the questionnaires he'd had them fill out when they first started.

"In many ways, you two are a good match on your emotional needs," he said. "Steve, you even put affection before sex as your primary need in your relationship. Most men have sex as their most important need. So I assume the sexual need was being met."

Steve snorted explosively.

"You assume wrong," he said quickly. "Poor old Rafe and I have one thing in common. Neither of us is, or was, getting any sex from my dear wife," he said sarcastically. "I haven't had sex with my wife since the end of March... and there wasn't much before that," he remarked.

"So... at what point did the act of sex become unsatisfactory?" Houston asked. "Was it... fulfilling... say, before the Christmas party you've told me about last year?"

"Yes," Barbara said.

"No," Steve said simultaneously.

Barbara looked at him in astonishment. The surprise changed to indignation almost immediately.

"How long has it been unsatisfactory for you, Steve," Mr. Houston asked before Barbara could open her mouth. Steve looked at his wife for a long time, mulling over his answer.

"Since a couple months after we got back from our honeymoon," he said at last. Barbara gasped.

"What?" she asked indignantly.

The disagreement generated another half hour of talk. In the end, Steve just stopped speaking. He was nearing the end of his rope.

When Mr. Houston called for a "potty break," Steve left the building without saying anything to the counselor or Barbara. His cell phone sounded when he was getting into the pickup's passenger cabin but he ignored it.

Anger and depression were parts of Steve's everyday routine now. He took a sleeping pill to get to sleep and drank coffee by the gallon to wake up. His doctor had prescribed an antidepressant for him but it made him feel jumpy so he'd quit taking it.

Aside from Barbara's adultery itself, two things bothered him most of all. First, Barbara kept equating the pain she felt over having been kicked out of her home and having to face her infidelity with the deep anguish he felt at her betrayal.

Second, every time he turned around someone was telling him he was overreacting. He'd had it with people who couldn't understand how he felt and had given up trying to explain. He was still irritated though.

It had been a rough weekend. His brother Jon had called and they'd gone to a sports bar to watch the UT game on Saturday. The Longhorns had won, but had done so in such a haphazard fashion there'd been no satisfaction in it for Steve.

Dinner at Jon's house had been good on Sunday, except for the obvious affection between Jon and his wife. When Sandy had come up behind Jon and massaged his neck for a long moment, Steve had had to look away to conceal the tears. He'd had to make his excuses and leave early.

Now, the Monday Night Football game between the Cowboys and Seattle wasn't looking so good. The 'Boys were hanging on to a two point lead and seemingly were trying to give it away as quickly as they could.

The game wasn't holding his interest. He knew he was obsessing about the "pain" Barbara said she was feeling and how she understood his, but he couldn't shake it. He knew he'd overstated the empathy he felt for his friend's heartache after she was raped. In truth, he knew he'd said it exactly backwards. He understood only a little of Debbie's hurt, but Debbie would have understood the empty place in his heart.

It wasn't getting any better either. He wondered how he could show Barbara how trivial her pain was. He wanted to make it very clear to her but he couldn't think of a way to do it. It woke him up at night and made him stare into space at odd moments during the daytime when he should have been doing something else. As Dallas lost a third fumble to the green-clad Seattle team, opportunity knocked at his door.

More correctly... opportunity, and temptation.

"Hi, Baby," she said cheerfully. "You glad to see me?"

"I... sure... Kimberly. How are you?" Steve stuttered. His young sister-in-law was among the group of people he'd least expected to find on his porch tonight.

"Great!" the eighteen year-old girl said happily. Steve thought it probably was an accurate description of exactly how she felt about herself. The girl generally bubbled over with enthusiasm about everything and everyone she came in contact. She'd been voted most friendly in every year of high school and had been the only unanimous pick as a cheerleader each of those years too. Students and faculty alike had enjoyed being around her and she'd always had a poorly disguised entourage following her around wherever she went.

Steve had thought her pretty and vivacious, with a sparkling personality that just wouldn't quit. Somehow, and recently, she'd turned into a sexy young woman too. There was something sensual smoldering deep in her eyes; the way she looked up at him was exciting on a level he'd never considered in connection with her before. The discovery dismayed him, even as he reacted to her. Worse, he was sure she could tell. He was certain she sensed the heat in his groin at the same instant he felt it.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" she asked, grinning up at him. Flustered again, Steve held the screen door open and made welcoming noises as he ushered her inside. The girl strutted into the foyer, shrugging off her raincoat and handing it to him as she passed. Wordlessly, Steve turned and hung it on the coat rack. A girlish giggle trailed behind her as she walked into the living room without him.

When he caught up with her, she was looking out the window at the rain slanting down even harder than it had been only a few moments before. When she saw he was watching, she turned and smiled at him.

Casually, she walked up to him and threw her arms around his neck. Steve stumbled back a couple of steps but the girl followed him, finally standing on tiptoe and pulling his head down to hers. She kissed him lustily, her tongue flicking at his. She ground her belly against his. Startled again, Steve fought off a quick reaction to Kimberly's boldness but he wasn't completely successful. Abruptly, the young woman released him and stepped back to sit gracefully on the couch.

"When are you going to get divorced from my bitch of a sister?" she asked bluntly. Steve could only stare at her for a moment.

"Uh... well, it looks like it's going to be another few months," he said at last. "Barbara's attorney filed a new motion for a continuance last week," he said lamely. Steve was uncomfortable with discussing it with Barbara's sister, and even more uncomfortable with the way Kim had referred to Barbara. It didn't seem right. It was out of character. The girl smiled at him.

"Don't you remember?" she asked softly. "At the barbeque that time when I told you I was going to make you like me better than her?"

Steve did remember. It had been just before he and Barbara had gotten married. Kimberly had been a bubbly little twelve-year-old who'd attached herself to him nearly from the moment he'd arrived. It had irritated Barbara at the time. Startled, Steve had had to convince his fiancée he had no thought in his mind except being nice to his future sister-in-law. It had taken a while to mollify Barbara.

Today... Kim was an attractive, exciting young woman. As Steve studied her, he became aware once more of the stirring in his groin he'd felt earlier. Where Barbara was tall, her sister was only 5 feet and a couple of inches in height. Where his wife was slim and willowy, Kimberly was earthy and robust. Barbara wore a B-cup bra; he was willing to bet Kim's breasts would be uncomfortable confined in a C-cup.

Kim's body was more substantial than Barbara's. It had to be to support her larger breasts. Her thighs and calves were more meaty than his wife's slender ones. They were no less curvaceous than Barb's, just more substantial.

As he'd told her when she fretted about her thighs when she turned sixteen, the less Kim wore, the better she looked. In short shorts or a skimpy bikini, Kimberly was a striking young woman. Covered from head to toe, there was an impression she was far stockier than she actually was.

It had been a moment he made sure was never repeated. Kim had glowed from an inner warmth the rest of the afternoon and stayed close to him the rest of that afternoon. She did the same thing the next time he came over. He'd tried to discourage her; he hadn't wanted to send the wrong message. He'd thought only to reassure an insecure teenager.

"I remember," Steve said at length. He smiled to defuse the building tension. "You were a gangly little twelve-year-old girl who sassed every adult in sight and made goo-goo eyes at all the boys."

Kim stuck out her tongue at him and he laughed delightedly. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed out loud. When the young woman patted the couch beside her, he became aware he'd been standing and gawking at her all this time. He strode to the couch and let her drag him down to a seat close to her.

They spent the rest of the evening talking about nothing in particular, laughing at remembered encounters at her parents' house. They made fun of the announcers working the football game on TV. Kim said Steve knew more about football than they did.

Kimberly reached out and took his hand in hers at some point and Steve didn't bother to retrieve it. He enjoyed each moment as it came and ruthlessly swept all his misgivings aside. It had been too long since he'd had any pleasure at all.

When the end of the football game came, he reconsidered what he was doing and began maneuvering his sister-in-law toward the door. She was so young, barely out of high school. He was twenty-seven and involved in a hard-fought divorce with her sister.

Kimberly didn't really want to leave. He saw a willingness in her eyes to stay and prove her maturity all night long, but he fought the urge to let her. It just wasn't right.

He made her promise to call when she got home. He was worried about her traveling about in the heavy rain. When she called, he kept the conversation short though she'd have gone on all night if he'd given her an opening. Steve slept well that night and awakened with an appetite he'd thought gone forever.

"Hi, sugar, how're you doing?"

"Just fine, Elaine," Steve responded. "How 'bout you?"

"Good, good," she said with a gentle smile. The tall, slender blond gave Steve a quick peck on the cheek and a chaste hug before sitting down on the other side of the table.

"So... how goes the war with the wayward spouse?" Steve asked tentatively.

He and the wife of the man Barbara had had an affair with had gotten into the habit of meeting every so often to compare notes. Steve no longer cared if Rafe and Barbara were still in contact, but Elaine did. She was trying to put her marriage back together, primarily for the sake of her young daughter.

Steve had been surprised at how close a friendship they'd developed. They were both careful to keep everything platonic. Elaine had a lot to lose if things got out of hand.

"Pretty well," she answered, looking through the menu without much hope. She wanted some new and exciting entrée listing to jump out at her and capture her interest.

"Doofus hasn't tried to make a call to Barbie Doll for a good two months now," Elaine said casually, "and she hasn't tried to call him or text message him or anything else either."

"You sure?" Steve asked skeptically.

"Pretty much," Elaine answered confidently. "I've got all his passwords for the home email accounts, he shows me his cell phone every night when he gets home and I cross-check with the on-line billings to make sure there aren't any strange phone numbers showing up. I get home before he does and check the mailbox so there's nothing coming in there either. I even got the information management guy at Doofus's work to agree to show me all the incoming and outgoing emails there."