Chapter 6

For a moment Elaine wondered where the disappointment was coming from. Maybe she was just annoyed with herself. She was usually meticulously punctual. But it wasn't like she'd promised to meet him. It had just been a 'maybe'. Shaking her head, she had a new appreciation for the term 'wasted'.

Who am I kidding? she wondered. The guy could be a nut. Simone said he wasn't but who was Simone? Maybe HE was 'Simone'. Surely no one was that devious. She had to admit it was possible. Elaine decided she shouldn't feel disappointed at being late. Annoyed at wasting an opportunity to chat with him, maybe. But not disappointed. Was it just plain loneliness she was feeling? Or was it simply curiosity?

And why did he have to live so fucking close?

She felt like a moth to a flame.

"I think she's still out of it," Chelsea giggled, waving her hand in front of Elaine's eyes.

"I'm fine," Elaine said, stretching. "I'm just not used to smoking pot, I guess."

"For a second there you looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders," Kendra said.

"Come on, Chelsea. She's okay. Let's smoke that joint. You coming or crashing, Elaine?"

"Um, I'll skip. I want to do a few things online. I'll see you guys in the morning."

"Okay. G'night. And thanks for the spaghetti, it was great."

"Yeah. Night, Elaine. Thanks."

The door closed behind them and Elaine was alone again. Dragging herself over to the chair in front of the computer, she waited while it booted up and connected to the 'net. Feeling her heart start to thump, she took deep breaths and told herself to calm down.

Relax. I'm not desperate. I'm just kurious.

She smiled as she typed in the chat room URL and logged on.

Again Elaine was greeted by almost everyone there, including MasterServant, who asked if he could speak with her privately almost immediately. "Of course, Sir," she said, feeling less confident than her words sounded. She thanked everyone for their kind greetings and Sir Tim's helena winked at her.

She was already blushing before the private message box popped up.

"Hello, Elaine."

"Hi, Gary. You can just message me. You don't have to ask"

"All right. Deal. You may do the same."

"Thanks."

"Did you enjoy your evening?" Gary asked.

"No."

"Oh?"

"I slept through most of it. I wanted to come here but I was stupid and smoked some of a joint I found. I fell asleep almost immediately."

"LOL."

"Yeah, very funny."

"I didn't figure you for a druggie."

"I'm so not."

"Well, I'm glad you made it. I've been waiting for you."

Elaine blushed harder. Thoughts swirled and typing suddenly became difficult. "Why?" she fumbled, hesitating before sending the question, unsure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Because I like you."

It felt like her heart stopped. "But you don't know me."

"I know you better than you think."

With shaking hands, she typed, "Yeah, right." She had to retype it three times to get rid of the mistakes.

"Okay, let's see what I know. You can step in at any time and tell me I'm wrong. This is just for fun, right?"

"Um, okay."

"You are twenty years old and go to college."

"Public record," Elaine typed more assertively, though she giggled nervously.

"You have an interest in what goes on in the BDSM lifestyle that is growing daily. You have good parents but they were strict, or at least one was."

Wow. Yeah, Dad WAS pretty strict.

He went on. "You are a rebel of sorts, but few people really know you. You wish you had friends you could relate to more honestly. You think of yourself as independent, yet you yearn to be looked after. How am I going so far?"

"Um, pretty close."

"I'm just getting started," he typed, adding a wink.

Elaine swallowed. "Go on then."

"You like wearing black. It makes you feel different, but at the same time you can lurk in the shadows, unnoticed. Hmmm... May I take a stab at your personal life without offending you?"

"I don't know, can you?" Elaine's mouth was getting dry.

"Touché. I'll try. Well," he typed, stretching out the anticipation. "My guess is you are single and haven't had a boyfriend for a while. As time has worn on, your dreams and fantasies have become more and more extreme. You like to masturbate but you don't get to do it as often as you'd like. You get on okay with your roommates but you don't connect with them. You may even be bisexual, find them attractive, and be in denial."

Elaine's jaw dropped. He's gotta be joking. "I don't remember telling you about my roommates."

"I'm kidding!" followed a second later.

A clever reply wouldn't come. She had no idea what to say!

"C'mon, Elaine," he sent after an awkward few seconds. "I'm just making this up. I have no idea what you might be like or whether or not you are a compulsive masturbator." He followed his message with another wink.

It made Elaine smile a little. "Sorry. I'm just a bit surprised, I guess," typed Elaine. "How can you just nail me like that? I mean, I don't think I am bisexual but I guess I might be. And um," she hesitated again. "I do like to play... you know, masturbate. And I have been fantasising strange scenarios." Flashes of the night before crossed her mind and she felt her nipples tingling. They were still a little swollen. "It's a bit scary that you're so close to the truth. I mean, I have no idea what you are like."

"Honestly, they were just lucky guesses. How about you try."

"I don't know..."

"Just see where your imagination leads you," he said, adding a smile.

"All right." Elaine sat pondering a moment, touching her cheeks and feeling how hot they were. Then she typed, "What about this: You are the urban cowboy type. You always had a desire to live in open spaces, though you grew up in the city. Your parents are 'laid back' kind of people who didn't really mind what you did with your life, as long as you were happy."

"Pretty close. Keep going."

"Um... You relied on your own motivation to... go to college?"

"Kind of."

"Where you studied... um, veterinary science?"

"I wish. Carpentry."

"Carpentry... but you always wished you studied veterinary science." Elaine sent a wink of her own. "And let's see... You worked on building sites and enjoyed it, but now you work on your farm and do odd jobs around town to supplement your income."

"Okay, this is getting freaky."

Elaine grinned before continuing. It was fun. "You thought you were in love a couple of times, but those experiences paled in comparison to your dearly departed fiancé."

"She's dead to me!" he typed uproariously.

The Soprano's accent was almost audible and Elaine laughed out loud. Remembering their previous conversation, she typed, "Um, but you were angry and annoyed and confused when she left, though in the recesses of your mind you always thought there was something wrong, though she denied it."

"Public record." He added a smiley with its tongue poking out. "Sorta."

"Let's see. Oh, and you found out about the lifestyle when you overheard a conversation in a line-dancing bar over a gin and tonic."

"Ahahahahaaaa!"

"No?" asked Elaine, giggling and visualising him laughing at his desk. "Was it a dry martini?"

"Well, um... No. I'm strictly a 'bourbon and beer' kind of guy. Though I don't mind a good wine now and again. Line dancing is out though, I'm afraid. I'm very much influenced by my parent's taste in music. Led Zeppelin; Rolling Stones; Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young; that kind of thing. So you wouldn't find me in a line dancing club."

"Awwww," Elaine typed, still giggling.

"Oh, please. Don't tell me you're into that stuff."

"Noooo! No, I was jesting."

"Good. I'd hate to have to beat it out of you," he typed, again the winking smiley followed his words.

Elaine had seen that kind of comment in the room before, but this time it made her stop and think. It was also enough of a hesitation for Gary to fill the void.

"Okay, enough kidding around," he typed.

Elaine's thoughts stalled. Only one thing came to mind to type. "Yes, Sir." Yet another moment passed and she wondered what he was thinking.

"Do comments like that concern you?"

"Yes," she typed before she knew it.

"I imagine they could be a bit off-putting. Okay, let's make use of this time more constructively. How about a bit of Q & A?"

Elaine was glad for the opportunity. She had millions of questions. The first one was chosen because it was on her mind. "Okay, thank you. Why do people make comments like that?"

He smiled before answering. Elaine wondered if she'd asked the right question. Or at least a good one to get the ball rolling.

"I'd say because it's an exaggeration, and therein lies the humour. It's like saying I'm going to get fit by running around the world. It's funny. Not hilarious, but it's enough to make people smile."

"Okay, I get it." Hesitating with her fingers over the keys, Elaine tried to frame her next question, the one she was dying to ask. Gary must have sensed it because he didn't fill the void. Finally she typed, "How were you introduced to the lifestyle?"

"An ex-girlfriend introduced me a long time ago."

Oh. Elaine for some reason had imagined a more prophetic answer. She swallowed and moved on. "I love your stories. But is it really like that?" Immediately after sending her question, she knew it wasn't framed well.

And he knew it too. "I'm not sure what you are referring to."

"Well, you have these kind of idyllic situations, where the Dom and the sub are so 'in tune'. Is it really like that?"

"I wish. I think it can be when both parties are honest and communicative. I just haven't found my girl yet."

Elaine swallowed. "Would you do the things you describe in your stories to 'your girl'?"

"Sure. But only if we agreed to that course of action. Submitting to a Dom is a huge commitment. You know the words in the old marriage vows? 'Honour and obey'? They are the pivotal words in a Dom/sub relationship. Once agreed to, many things follow because of them."

"Can you please elaborate a little?"

"Sure. Your submission, to a particular Dominant, is called your 'gift'. It's called a gift because it is something only you can give. It cannot be taken or stolen from you. It is yours and only you can choose when and to whom you will give it. However, once given, you are placing your submissive nature in someone else's hands, to do with as they please, within reason. You can of course take it back. But that is usually when the relationship ends. It means you have to be incredibly careful and sure of a person before you submit to them. Remember to take your time."

Elaine was riveted, and hoped he would continue. He didn't disappoint her.

"When I say, 'within reason', I mean safely, sanely, and consensually. Or SSC. You may have seen this noted in the reading you have done. More recently 'RACK' is becoming the vogue. RACK stands for Risk-Aware Consensual Kink, and is probably a bit more accurate as a description of 'what we do'. We go into a scene or a situation with our eyes wide open, knowing what the risks are, and aware of the need for safeguards to protect those involved. We know this stuff is kinky, and we don't deny it. We just make sure the risks are known and agreed to before we undertake them."

"The idea makes my skin crawl. No, that's not what I mean. I mean, it just makes me incredibly nervous. Like, really scared. The whole idea. And yet, I feel like I have this need inside. Is that normal?" Elaine felt like her thoughts were going all over the place. She wondered if she was making sense. Gary didn't help. Not at first, anyway.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No. I honestly don't know what the word 'normal' means. If you mean 'normal' for a vanilla person, I'd say no, it's not normal. If you asked if it's normal for a submissive, I'd say it was completely normal. So it depends on your perspective, not mine."