Chapter 11

Elaine was suddenly attacked by a severe case of hyperventilation. Her heart rate skyrocketed and her chest tightened, making her fight for air. I just wanted to know 'hypothetically', not 'actually'! her mind screamed as she typed desperately. "I'm sorry! That's not what I meant!"

A second later, Gary messaged her back. "Let's pause for a moment."

Sitting back in her chair, Elaine closed her eyes as smaller and smaller butterflies attacked her stomach. The grip on her chest slowly loosened, and though her hands continued to tremble, she was able to breathe. When she opened her eyes, she saw that Gary had sent her a message.

"You meant, 'if'."

Getting a tentative hold on herself, Elaine moved her chair back in and recommitted to following the advice she'd read. "Yes. I didn't want the 'actual' number. I just wanted to know if you were willing to offer someone like Nica as the person I might call. I wanted to know whether you would backtrack, I guess," she typed, blushing hard. "I mean, despite my fantasies, I'm still just curious. I don't want to get ahead of myself, and I don't want to get hurt either." Elaine hoped the double meaning she intended was obvious. "And there's a lot about me I haven't told you."

He waited a moment then replied, "I know. And I apologise if you felt pressured. That wasn't my intent. I just wanted you to have the option, and I wanted you to see that I am quite willing to provide references... There are many questions I want to ask you, Elaine. Hundreds. But I don't want to push you too hard. I want you to be comfortable with the pace we are moving, and I want you to choose that pace. Giving you Nica's number gives you the choice of what pace is right for you." He was typing again, so Elaine waited. "Elaine, I want to meet you. You are on my mind a lot. I won't lie about that. The only reason I'm admitting that is to be honest with you. Not to pressure you. You don't need to respond."

Elaine didn't. It wouldn't have been wise. Instead she kept safe. "Thank you for being honest with me."

"Welcome. Look, go get a pen and write down the number, okay? I'll call Nica tomorrow and let her know you 'might' call one day. No pressure."

Elaine breathed a bit harder, but stayed in control. "All right. I'll be right back." Retrieving her diary and a pen from the pocket of her backpack, it dawned on her that Gary was taking a risk too. She could be anyone, but for some reason he trusted her. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Elaine asked.

"I'm sure."

"Okay, shoot," she typed, her hands still shaking as she picked up the pen.

Gary recited Nica's number and needlessly explained why he would ring her first thing in the morning. "Otherwise she might think you are some crazy person," Gary typed, following his message with a wink.

"Do you get many of those?" Elaine asked.

"Crazy people?"

"Yes."

"Not lately. Over the years it's mostly been subs that weren't right for me. They come in all shapes and sizes, and some are quite pushy."

Where did he meet them? Elaine wondered. "Something just occurred to me."

"Fire away."

"Well, I hope this doesn't sound rude, but I remember you saying that you weren't looking for anyone on the 'net... that you didn't think you'd find anyone."

"Yes."

"But you also said that originally you hooked up with people in the lifestyle through the 'net, and just a moment ago you said there have been subs after you." Remembering more of the advice she had been given, she opened up the question. "Can you explain that?" Elaine wondered if she'd crossed a line.

"Sure. But first I'd like to mention that you are asking all the right questions. Ten out of ten." He sent a smile before continuing. "At first I was quite enthusiastic about the Internet. It seemed to answer most of my prayers. Admittedly I romanticised the lifestyle in my head for two years after Anita moved on, but the 'net provided me with a way into it, and I guess as a result I was overly fond of it for a while. Anyway, back then, finding someone on the Internet seemed to simply be a matter of time."

"What happened?"

"I met my ex-fiancé."

"Oh." That explains it.

"Yeah. Her name was Leah, and the best, or worst, thing about meeting her was that we both went about it the right way. She was an experienced sub. We chatted for months before we actually met. She wanted to 'make sure that the potential I had was real', or something like that. Everything seemed perfect and when we finally did meet, we hit it off straight away. She taught me a great deal. We were a model couple and others on the 'net would refer to Leah and I as examples of how things could work. We were living proof that the Internet could lead to a successful relationship, and everyone loved us."

"And the failure of that relationship put you off the 'net?"

"Not exactly. We were into each other from the start, spending time alone, together like you and I are now, on Messenger. Once we hooked up in real life and moved in together, we occasionally went online, just to touch base, but mostly we had been doing our own thing. Apart from emailing our real life friends, we had little time for the Internet. Six years later, when it all collapsed on our wedding day, well... It was pretty traumatic and for a long time I didn't want to face the whole 'what happened?' scenario in the chat room. That was over a year ago. Since I returned I've promised myself I'll just be an advice giver."

"It must have been surreal. I can certainly understand why you'd have no faith in the 'net."

"As far as I was concerned, the chances of meeting someone were nil."

Elaine bit her lip. "What changed? Why me?"

"Well, let's see. I could say almost anything here. I could say it was your sparkling personality. I could say it was your manner and your obvious effort to be respectful and pleasant. I could say it was your honesty and your innocence. I could say it's because I want to teach you. Or, I could say it was because I want to corrupt you... I could even say it was your picture." Gary shot off a smile with its tongue poking out. "All of which is true. But none of it really explains what is happening in my head. I think the biggest reason was... you had the ability to change my mind."

"I'm not sure if I understand."

"What I mean is, until you came along, I wasn't interested. You had the capacity to change my mind and become interested again. That's a very powerful thing... Look, logically I knew someone special could do it. I didn't know how, and I certainly wasn't expecting it. But it was instinct that told me you were right for me. Over the years, if there's anything I've learned, it's to listen to my instincts. And anyway, how does one describe the phenomenon of 'connecting' with another person? Or of attraction? And um... I better stop talking like this..."

"Gary?"

"Yes, Elaine?"

She started typing. "The good thing about connecting with someone is that there are some things you don't have to explain. Please don't worry, Sir. I feel the same way. Or at least I feel like we definitely connect. And um, I think if you look anything like your picture, I can confidently say I will find you very attractive. There are no hurdles in front of me at this point. Apart from unmitigated terror, of course."

"Chuckles. Thank you. It's comforting to know I'm not making a complete fool of myself... I think..." Another wink popped up. After a moment, he continued. "When you type something, I can hear your voice in my head... Okay, now I sound either needy or psycho. I'm neither. I'm just excited."

"I get excited every time I see you. I find that a bit scary."

"I didn't mean sexually excited, Elaine. Though I can't say I'm not pleased to hear it."

"Blushes!"

"It's all right." He grinned again. "If you weren't excited, I'd be worried. But what I meant was, I just have a good feeling about this. I don't want it to stop, and I want to do it right. And somehow, I want to know that you are right for me too."

Elaine's breath caught in her throat. Prising her thighs apart from their clenched position, she sat up straight, reading his words a second time. She wanted to ask, 'How?' but she recognised the answer would be too hypothetical. Finally she took a deep breath and amazed herself by typing, "We are going to meet each other, aren't we?"

Barely a second of hesitation passed before Gary typed, "Yes."

"I'm really scared."

"So am I."

That halted Elaine's spiralling imagination. She swallowed. "You are?"

"Yes. Because I'm afraid I'll fuck this up. And at the same time, I hope I'm not making a huge mistake."

"Me too."

"Nods softly. Being nervous is normal. You will be meeting someone you haven't met before, just as I am. If I had my way, we would expect little from our first meeting. It would be kept short, perhaps one hour. Somewhere public. Somewhere accessible and well lit where you can park close by. These would be my plans. I have no need for you to accept them, I'm just telling you how I would do it."

"I get that. And I appreciate it. I'm interested in what you are saying. Please go on."

"Okay. I understand the fear of the unknown, and I understand the fear of failure. Rest assured that I would take your fears into consideration with every choice I made. Know that I would NOT ask you to submit to me when we first met. I would like us to meet as equals, two, maybe three times; each time confirming our continued desire to move forward. We would develop a friendship first, before we became anything more. And there's something else you should know..."

"Yes, Sir?"

"Your submission to me must be by your own free will. You will offer it to me. I will never request nor expect it. Ever. Your submission will always be contingent on how I act. Outside of a 'scene', I will never demand your submission. I don't want a doormat, Elaine, and I don't want someone who feels obligated. I want someone who submits because she wants to."

Elaine realised she'd been holding her breath and she sucked in air. "Thank you, Sir."

"If I screw up again, let me know."

"I will."

"We are going to take our time, Elaine. That's my decision, and it is final."

Why the fuck am I crying? Elaine wondered. "Yes," she typed. "I want that too." Elaine could hardly believe the conversation they'd been having. She resolved to copy it before it disappeared into the ether. Later she'd read it over. Maybe even twice. Somewhat reassured, she smiled softly to herself.

Is it possible he just 'knows what to say'?

Almost right on time, he changed the subject, while not changing it at all. "Have you completed your BDSM checklist?"

"Yes. As much as I can."

"I imagine you have a few items you'd like me to explain."

"Um... about twenty? Maybe twenty-five?"

"Chuckles. That's okay. Can you send me the list of queries?"

"I will. And I want to say I'm sorry in advance. I'm completely inexperienced in most of this, Sir."

"Never apologise for who you are, Elaine."

His words stopped her and she thought them over. "You're right. I won't. I'm proud of who I am."

"Good."

As another thought occurred to her, her heart fell. I am going to have to face telling him things about me before I meet him. He should know I'm a 'virgin'. "Sir, I've..." She paused, not quite believing what she was about to tell him. "I've never been with a man."

Seconds passed. Elaine stared at the screen, willing Gary to respond.

Please, please, please...

At last he did. "You are full of surprises, Elaine."

She wanted to apologise but didn't. "I still have a few up my sleeve." She thought her response was so clever, she almost giggled.

"I'm glad," he typed, sending a grin too. "If you are trying to make me less excited, it's not working. Wait a minute. Don't answer that." Then he winked.

"A girl's gotta keep some mystery."

"Absolutely!"

Sweet relief flooded her veins, intoxicating her. "Thank you for being patient with me, Sir," she typed, drying her eyes. "I really do appreciate it."

"There is no other way."

"Nods a little and looks up at you."

"Smiles down on you. It's getting late. Time for bed, I think."

"Yes, Sir," Elaine replied, glancing at the clock. "I really enjoyed our conversation." There was still so much she hadn't told him!

"So did I."

"Smiles softly. Good night, Sir."

"Good night, Elaine."

She watched as he disappeared. Momentarily, she felt drained. Without warning, a surge of adrenalin swamped her exhaustion, leaving her shaking, fingers trembling as she directed the mouse to close down the computer. For a moment she had to sit back in her chair, just to get her bearings. Her heart was beating wildly, and she was almost gasping for breath again. She wasn't certain whether her legs would carry her to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

My God. He knows I'm a virgin!

Panting quietly, she leaned her elbows on her knees and hung her head.

She was absolutely soaked.

This is getting ridiculous. I better take an Ambien.

For the second night in a row Elaine slept naked. It felt nice. Kind of free and decadent at the same time. The pleasure she felt at the discovery didn't last long. Getting ready for class, pulling her ridiculous skirt up her bare legs made her feel self-conscious. Two simple buttons at the front kept it clinging to her hips. The light cotton garment hugged her for a couple of inches, then the skirt part had extra material that flounced outward. Swallowing, Elaine opened her window to check the 'breeze situation' and was pleased to see it was windless. She turned on her radio, hoping to catch the weather report.