Chapter 2: The Road to Redemption

Ellen too had a hard time falling asleep. The shock she felt was sitting deep. She had always been open and friendly to other people and she had mostly experienced friendliness in return. She had liked the son of the squire at first sight and had found his shyness appealing. When he came into the stable she had smiled at him. And then he had knelt between her legs while his friends held her down, aiming his angry, swollen member at her. Why had he done this? With friendly words and a little patience, he might have come a long way with her and without troubles. She realised that he had been egged on by his companions, but it still was he who tried to rape her.

The reaction of his family had thoroughly stunned her. The squire had been beside himself in his fury. She had heard the cries of the boys when they were caned. The beautiful Lady Carter had wept openly when she tended the scratches and bruises Ellen had suffered, and her daughter Eleanor had hugged her repeatedly and asked her forgiveness. Ellen knew that most families would have blamed everything on her, would perhaps have given her a small amount of money to hush her up. Yet the Carters had not blamed her at all. They were good people and Ellen decided to ease their anguish by forgiving the attack. She had been saved in time and she had suffered no real harm. She did not want them to be upset any more. With that thought, she finally fell asleep.

She awoke to a knock on her door. It was almost dark in her room, but the faint light of the approaching dawn filtered through the curtains.

“Yes,” she answered.

The door opened and a battered Richard Carter limped in. Ellen’s eyes narrowed in fear and she bolted up, ready to jump from the bed. The boy lifted his hands and stood back against the far wall, trying to keep as much distance to her as possible.

“Please,” he whispered, “don’t be afraid. I promise I shan’t come near you.”

“What do you want?” she hissed with panic in her voice.

“I came to apologise. And I want to beg your forgiveness. Please, hear me out!”

She heard anguish in his voice, and sighed heavily.

“Speak then! But stay away from me!”

“Don’t worry. Even if I wanted I could not hurt you. My back is blue and I cannot move without pain.”

“So you came to complain? Was it all my fault?”

“No, no! I had it all coming as I realise now. Listen, I saw you when you arrived, and I thought that I had never seen a more beautiful girl. I dreamt of you the whole night. When Joyce and Patrick came to visit, I told them how beautiful you were. We saw you from my window. Then they said that I should just take you, they said you would like it in the end. They seem to have done such things before. I let them talk me into it, but believe me, I did not think they would just grab you like they did.”

“But you were ready enough to step between my legs!” Ellen accused.

In the darkness she saw that he put his face into his hands.

“That is my guilt,” she heard his muffled voice. “I have no excuse or explanation. I only feel mortified over the shame I brought over my family and over the hurt I must have caused you.”

“Do you really mean that? Or is this just some ruse to get on the good side of your parents again?”

“My parents have no idea that I am here. This is between you and me. I ask your forgiveness so that I may cope with my guilt.”

“I believe you are sincere and I forgive you,” she said after a long piercing look into his face.

“Thank you, Ellen,” he exhaled. “I promise, you will never regret this generosity. I will leave you alone now. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!”

He opened the door to let himself out but he was stopped in his tracks.

“Richard, what have you done to her again?”

It was Eleanor. She pushed him aside and rushed into Ellen’s room and to her bed.

“Are you all right? What did he do to you?”

“Nothing, Miss Eleanor. Please calm down. He came to ask my forgiveness. He was very honest and I think he means what he said. I forgave him.”

“You did?”

“Yes, and so should you. He did something terrible, or tried to do it. But he seems to be truly sorry and he learned from it. Give your brother a chance to redeem himself.”

Eleanor nodded and pressed Ellen’s hand briefly. She left the room and went straight to Richard’s. He answered to her knock and she entered.

“Richard, I just accused you wrongly. I am sorry for that. I am still angry at you for what you did yesterday, but I will give you a chance.”

She left without a further word and did not hear her brother’s deep sigh of relief.

True to her word, Ellen told her hosts that she had forgiven their son. Nevertheless, Lady Carter still asked her son about his decisions. He had thought long about how to answer.

“I will never make you ashamed of me again. That I promise. And I accept responsibility for my acts whichever way you see fit.”

“First of all, you should offer a formal apology to her,” his father started.

“I did that this morning, Father. She accepted, and I thanked her.”

“Good. There will be other consequences. I do not feel that your stay in Eton had positive effects on you. We will have a private tutor and you will continue your studies at home where I can take part in your education. The tutor can teach Eleanor as well.”

“That is no punishment, father. I never liked being at Eton.”

Sir Anthony shook his head.

“You received your punishment yesterday. What we need to do now is to correct our ways where we erred in your upbringing. What you did yesterday cast a doubt on us as well because we failed to provide you with sound morals.”

Richard felt bad again that his parents blamed themselves for something he had done.

“You have been good parents to me. Believe me, I heard enough at Eton to know this. It was I who did wrong yesterday and I will have to correct my ways. I want to do penance, too. I have a generous allowance. I would like half of this year’s allowance to be given to Ellen. She can buy more sheep, maybe even a small farm for herself, I don’t care.”

“No!” Lady Lambert interjected sharply. “Never try to buy your way out of your responsibility. You hurt the girl. To give her money would add insult to injury. She may accept it, but it would make her feel bad. Sit down and think of a way to do something for her personally.”

“Mother, she will not allow me to get near to her. She is afraid of me.”

“Then you will have to work hard to earn her trust. Believe me, you will only feel free of guilt if you can regain the trust of the women in your life. Eleanor is very disturbed too. You have many fences to mend, Richard.”

“Listen to your mother, Richard. The girl will be on our lands for a while. Don’t rush things. It will teach you a lot for your future.”

Richard was at loss what to do during the next days. He had a partial success with his sister Eleanor who could not be mad at her brother for more than a few days. When Richard asked her to accompany him to the market in Maidenhead, she relented. Richard wanted to have his sister with him because he wanted her opinion on things that he might purchase for Ellen. Things that were personal, that showed he saw her as a person.

The weather had cleared up and Ellen had left High Matcham with her flock to graze them in the disused meadows along the River Thames. Richard was worried because he had not found an opportunity to speak to her again.

They arrived at the market and strolled along the stands. Richard was solicitous to his sister and insisted on paying for the few items she wanted to purchase. More out of desperation than anything else he purchased a pair of well-crafted boots for Ellen, as well as an oilskin cloak. But he felt that these items were not really better than giving her money. They were coming close to the tent where life stock was auctioned. Out of indecision he walked in. He only heard the last words of the auctioneer, but he knew immediately that this was it.

“ ... fathered by Barry of High Tor, champion sheep dog. Look at them! They are brave and smart. We start with this male pup, strongest of the litter. Do I hear an opening bid? All right, it’s a sovereign from Mr. Barrow. Do I hear more? Yes, two sovereigns from Master Carter!”

The auction lasted over fifteen minutes, and in the end Richard paid £2 3s to the breeder. He left the tent with the black and white pup under his arm to meet an astonished Eleanor.

“Why did you buy a dog?” she asked before understanding showed in her face. “A sheep dog! That is so thoughtful, Richard! She’ll love it! When will you give it to her?”

“How about this afternoon? I’ll have to be very careful, though.”

“You be just that, Richard. Do not sneak up on her, call for her openly and get off the horse first. Then just stand in an open space and wait for her to approach you.”

Richard nodded. “That is exactly how I thought I should do this.”

That afternoon Richard had a horse drawn cart readied and he set off in the direction of the river bend. It was a sunny afternoon, and he enjoyed the rays of sunlight on his skin. He could see the sheep at a distance and he slowed the horse from a trot to a walk. There was no way that she did not hear him with the creaking springs of the cart. Nevertheless, he hailed her when he approached the herd.

“Ellen, it’s me, Richard Carter. I mean no harm, I promise. I have a few things for you that you may find useful. I will place them on this tree stump. Then I will go back to the cart. You can have a look and tell me whether you want them.”

He walked forward with the bundle of clothes and the boots and placed them on a tree stump some twenty paces from the cart. Then he walked back to the cart and waited.

Ellen appeared from behind a boulder from where she had watched his approach. She was not completely convinced of his intentions yet, but she had seen his limp, and she knew that she could outrun him with a head start of twenty paces. Slowly, she advanced to the stump and looked at the heap of clothing. Still watching the young man from the corners of her eyes, she looked at the items. The boots were wonderful, she decided. Made from strong leather and well-greased, they would be watertight. And the oilskin coat made her heart leap. Never again would she suffer in the cold with wet clothes. She looked at the young man who was watching her intently.

“Why would you bring me these things?” she asked warily.

Richard took a deep breath. This was a crucial moment.

“I noticed how poorly you were clothed for the rainy weather when you arrived at High Matcham,” he said. “I was hoping that you would find those items useful. I was also hoping that you would be less fearful of me in the future.”

“There is no scheme behind this generosity?” she asked, her blue eyes locked into the boy’s.

“It would lessen my feeling of guilt to know that I did something good for you. That is my scheme.”

Ellen decided. He seemed genuine in his desire to make good for his bad behaviour. She saw him shift uncomfortably on the seat of the cart. Riding a cart with his hurting backside was a sacrifice by itself she thought with an inward grin.

“I thank you for the boots and the coat. If there are no conditions attached, I accept them.”

She could see the tentative smile on his face. He lifted another bundle from the bottom of the cart. He looked at her.

“I would like to give you this, too. But I cannot just put it on the ground. You will know why when you see what’s in it. Will you please trust me and take this bundle from me?”

Ellen swallowed. This was unexpected. To go within his reach, miles away from anybody else, required a lot of faith. She tried to read his eyes and she could only detect fear of rejection. She gulped and looked down. She saw the hard stubble from last year’s crop, and an idea formed.

“This is difficult for me,” she said. “Would you take off your boots? I would feel safer that way.”

Immediately, he tore off his boots and threw them away from the cart. Breathing deeply, she approached the cart. When she was close, he held the bundle towards her and she noticed movement. Carefully, she took it from his hands. It was inevitable that their hands touched and she held her breath for a moment. But then the bundle was in her arms and she saw the snout of a pup between the cloth. She looked up.

“A dog?”

Richard nodded.

“Its father is the best sheep dog in the county,” he said proudly. “If you teach it properly, it can do a lot of your work for you. It’ll also warn you of anything that may threaten you.”

“It was expensive, wasn’t it?” she asked with her eyes squinting at him.

“Never mind,” Richard said. “I wanted the best dog for you.”

“Does it have a name yet?”

“No, it’s barely weaned.”

“I’ll call it Ricky then, to remind me of you. Thank you. You know, had it not been for last week, I would give you a kiss now. But I’m not over my fears yet.”

Richard made a grimace.

“I ruined everything, didn’t I?”

“Perhaps we can repair it with time,” she suggested. “Just don’t do anything like that again!”

To her own surprise, she offered her hand to him. He gripped her hand so tightly that she felt a little fearful again, but it was just his emotion.

“I will never hurt you again. May I come and see you from time to time?”

“I guess,” she sighed. “Make sure to announce your coming, and don’t bring more presents.” She picked up his discarded boots and handed them up to him. “Don’t forget these,” she added with a small grin.

Over the next three weeks, Richard rode over to the riverbank at least twice a week. In spite of her demand, he always brought things for Ellen. The pup was growing fast and already circling the sheep, annoying them greatly. Ellen would laugh exuberantly over his antics and Richard looked at her open mouthed when she did. She was a lovely creature and her laughter made him happy. Soon, they would sit side by side when they ate the food he brought along. And they talked. Or rather he talked and she listened. She did not reveal anything of her past and when he tried to learn more about her, she quickly became silent. Rather than suffering her silence, he stopped pressing her.

Chapter 3 »