Chapter 5

I'd been back home for only a day from Uncle Sonny's when my mother in law called and asked if she could come by to get some things that Ellen wanted. I told her to come by whenever, and even offered to be gone so that Ellen could come over with her. I was surprised when she asked me to stay there, saying she might need help finding some of Ellen's things, and that Ellen was busy doing something else at that time. She set up a time and I told her I'd be there. The one thing I wasn't going to miss was Ellen's mom. She and I had never hit it off. A lot of it was my fault, for screwing Ellen practically in front of her face, but a lot of it was just that she thought I was too unrefined and uncouth to be a member of her family. I didn't go out of my way to annoy her, but I didn't make any attempt to put myself on her good side either. Maybe Ellen's new man would come closer to meeting her high standards, but somehow I doubted that too. When I heard a car drive up, I went to the front door and let Ellen's mom in. Her name was Florence, but her husband and some other people called her "Flo". I called her Mrs. DePaul.

"Thank you for letting me come over Jackie, and for staying here to assist me. I've got a list of things here that Ellen would like to take. If that's all right with you?" She handed me a list which I looked over. It was mostly knick knacks and pictures of her family, Ellen's grandmother's vases, and our wedding album. The only thing that I had any problem with was the wedding album, but I knew that it was more important to her than to me. I took the list and went and gathered everything up and brought it out to the living room. When I was finished I gave her back the list and had her check everything over. Once she was satisfied that she had it all, I offered to help her take it out to her car.

"Jackie, I'm truly sorry about what has happened between Ellen and you. I guess I've never made any secret of the fact that I thought you were unsuitable for my daughter. And still do, come to that. I find you blameless in this particular instance however. Ellen places too high a premium on having children. I had five, and it was no picnic, believe me. Children bring joy, but they also occasion great sorrow. I lost a child, I think you know about that? Ellen places herself above other people, she wants it all, whatever it all might be. She never listened to me about anything, from the time she was ten years old. I told Ellen last night that she was making a terrible mistake in letting you go. Once again, she didn't listen. I feel a terrible conflict right now, Jackie. I'm torn between my duty as a mother who has shared a confidence with her daughter, and my other duty, to do my very best to protect the interests of my child. If I do the one, I can't do the other. Ellen has told me that she loves you with all her heart. She wants you to be a father. She has taken certain steps, including sleeping with another man herself, in order to insure that you will turn from her and find another to marry and begin a family with. I'm telling you this now, and in doing so, I break a mother's oath. Ellen cares nothing for this other man, nothing. She is willing to ruin her whole life just to see you be a parent. I've said what I came here to say to you. Goodbye, Jackie." She actually gave me a little hug before climbing into her car and leaving.

The next morning I went and loaded up at Billy's and then drove over to New Haven to make my delivery. I finished up before noon and then went over to see my grandfather. We visited together for an hour or so, and then I went out and took care of a couple things I needed to do. I spent the night on my grandfather's couch and drove home early the next afternoon. Billy was so excited about all the orders my father had brought in that he was worried he'd run out of wood before he could fill them all. I told him that we wouldn't have to worry about that for quite some time because we could afford to bid a couple larger jobs now that we had a built in market for the incoming wood. The biggest problem we'd faced before was how to dispose of the wood at a profit. Getting wood to dispose of had never been a problem. Once Billy took a moment to think over what I had said, he was all smiles again.

"Jackie, you should see your old man in action now. Yesterday he had a lunch with four guys from four different wood shops, that he had drive in to meet with us from out of town. We went over to that restaurant that your pop's friend opened, on the road to the Sub base. Chief Sample I think his name is. Lunch and drinks and lots of bullshitting back and forth while we ate, not one word about fucking wood either. The bill for drinks and everything was forty six bucks, fifty five with the tip he leaves for the girl. After lunch, while we're drinking, your dad makes his pitch and then, writes up seven thousand dollars worth of orders for raw wood. Every single guy signs up for a delivery. Nobody even tried to negotiate for a better deal. It was unbelievable. Plus, he writes up the orders on a little notebook he bought, and then has each of them sign for their order. Half the shit he wrote down didn't make any sense, but I was right there and I remember each order and how they want the wood sized. Of course, he was half in the bag while he was writing things up, but still, it was beautiful to watch. He loves that damn new car of his too. He offered to give the waitress a ride home in it after she got off work. I bet she wasn't even twenty one years old. I'm glad she turned him down though, because he spent an hour at my place after, on the phone making appointments for other meetings. That man is going to make us rich if we're not careful."

Two days later was a Saturday. I got in my car and drove over to Ellen's parent's house. I'd called ahead to Tom and told him I'd be coming over and to make sure Ellen was there when I got there, but to not tell her I was coming. I parked in front of her house and just went right in the door and surprised her sitting in the living room. I grabbed her around the waist when she tried to run away and lifted her up and carried her out to my car. I put her in on the driver's side, and got in right behind her, shoving her across to the passenger's side as I got in behind the wheel. I held her left arm tight, so I knew she wasn't getting away before I had a chance to have my say. I started the car up and drove away, heading North on Fort Hill Road. She was screaming and yelling and slapping at my arm, but I used my hold on her to keep her from doing any damage. After a short time, she settled down and stopped resisting me. I drove us out to the old Sunoco quarry and parked my car. There was nobody else within two miles of us out there. I took my key out of the ignition and got out of the car, pulling her along with me as I went.

I half dragged her over to the quarry's edge and sat her down on a slate outcropping. I told her to stay right where she was, that I had some things I needed to say to her, and that she could do whatever she wanted to after I was done with saying them. I asked her if she was going to sit still and let me have my say and she nodded that she would.

"Ok then, the first thing I need to tell you is that I went up to New Haven this past week and I got myself a vasectomy. Now, neither one of us can make babies, you understand that? No matter what, whoever we're with, there aren't going to be any kids from either one of us. I don't care, because you're the only woman I'd have been willing to have kids with anyway. Second, I don't care how many guys you've slept with, fucked, given blow jobs to or whatever, since you left. Maybe that's what I deserved for the way I acted with Gloria, I don't know. What I do know is I want you to come back home. I need you to come back. The third and last thing I want to tell you is that you're wrong about us not having kids together. I love you Ellen, but you're dead wrong about that. I don't want you to say a word to me now, just get up and get back in the car and we'll get out of here and I'll take you back to your folks."

It took ten minutes to get her back to her folks house. When we got there, the whole front yard was full of blankets and strollers. There were more than twenty blankets, and on each blanket, there had to be at least two or three kids laying there. All my cousins, and all their children, plus Megan's kid. My parent's had also rounded up every stray kid they could find from the neighborhood too. Little Tony and April were there. When Ellen got out of the car, Theresa walked over to her and handed her little baby daughter to her and just walked away, not saying anything as she did so. I stayed in my car and started it back up and drove away. I'd said all that I could say to her. She was a smart woman, she could make her decision on her own from there. After another hour or so my phone rang.

"Did you really get a vasectomy?"

"Yes, I really did. It hurt too."

"That makes me so sad, Jackie. You'll never know how sad it makes me."

"You wouldn't believe me any other way, Babe. I tried every way I could think of to let you know, but you'd never listen. There are a lot of kids out there Ellen, just in my immediate family. You just have to quit thinking they have to come out of you or from me. You think Theresa would say no to you if you offered to take her baby for a few days? Hell, any of my cousins or their wives. You worrying about where to get a baby to hold on to is the same to me as Billy worrying about where he'll get a piece of firewood."

"Did you mean what you said about not caring who I slept with or what I did with him?"

"Yes."

"Can I come home Jackie? I'm not sure that I can ever get over wanting my own baby, but it's a little easier knowing that I'm not the one holding you back from having some of your own."

"Ellen, I want more than anything for you to come home again. I don't want you coming back though, until and unless, you are certain that you can live with this reality about us not making or adopting any babies. I'm not willing to go through all this again with you. When you're certain, one way or the other, call me and let me know. If you can live with it, I'll come get you wherever you're at."

"Ok Jackie, I love you, goodbye."

We talked on the phone every day for the next month. Ellen insisted that I know what she did with that other guy. Everything they did. When she was done I told her that I'd done all of that to her plus a lot more, and that I'd done it all with Gloria too. I told her I didn't care about it and that it wouldn't make me lose any sleep or think any less of her for having done it. She talked to me about adopting a baby, just one. I told her that I wouldn't do it. I also told her that if something happened to Megan or one of her other sisters, they could leave her their children and I'd raise them as well as I knew how. When we were finished with our talking at the end of that month, neither of us had changed much from where we had been at before it all had begun.