Chapter 4

There was a soft tap on the bedroom door, which opened slowly, Theresa poked her head around and said,

"Are you two finished?"

I shot a quick glance at Carla and grinned,

"For the moment."

Carla's hand found mine and squeezed it gently.

"So how do you feel about doing some more posing Carla?"

"Now?" she asked.

Theresa giggled,

"No, it's getting quite late, Alan will be back soon too. We will have to carry on some other time. I'd like to take some of you and Jayne together sometime too."

Carla looked a little alarmed and Theresa laughed again,

"Not that sort of photo."

Carla's expression was relieved, with just a hint of disappointment, at least I hoped it was disappointment, that was certainly what I was feeling. She got off the bed and went through to the other room to find her clothes, I sat up and began dressing myself.

"You were watching weren't you?" I asked.

Theresa nodded,

"Yes, I didn't record it though."

"Did you like it?"

She laughed,

"I loved it, tonight it will be me leaping on Alan as soon as he gets in."

That reminds me," she continued, "I have a couple of things for you in the other room."

I finished putting my blouse on and followed her out of the bedroom. In the other room Carla was fully dressed and sitting on the sofa,

"Jayne will give you a lift home in a minute Carla, I've just got to find a couple of things for her."

Theresa went over to the computer desk and searched around for a moment,

"Ah, here it is."

She picked something up then turned away and reached down behind the sofa, standing back up she handed me a large flat package,

"This is from me," she handed me another much smaller package, "and this is from Alan, don't look at them until you get home."

Turning to Carla she started discussing times and dates for more photo shoots. I stood holding the two parcels, the one from Alan was CD sized and I had a feeling I knew what that would be. The other was about three foot by two and quite heavy, I couldn't imagine what it might be but knowing Theresa I was sure it would be a surprise. Since meeting her a few days ago I had found out a lot about myself but very little about her, except that she always managed to keep me guessing. They had finished their arrangements and we said goodbye, Carla got a quick kiss on the cheek from Theresa, I got a much more passionate kiss, Theresa's tongue thrusting into my mouth as she kissed me passionately, I had a feeling that Alan was in for a busy evening when he got home.

Carla was very quiet in the car, only speaking to direct me towards the student block where she lived. I guessed she was having a little difficulty coming to terms with the events of the afternoon. When I pulled up in the car park she went to get out of the car, I put a hand on her arm to stop her,

"You're very quiet, are you ok?" I asked.

"I'm fine." she said quite abruptly.

I didn't want us to part with her in this sort of mood so I started the car again and drove us to a nearby park.

"What are you doing? Take me back to the college."

"I think we should have a little talk first, come with me for a moment."

I had chosen the park because I knew that at this time of day it would be quite busy, I wanted her to feel safe and having lots of people nearby should reassure her. I led her to a bench near a busy playground and sat her down. I sat next to her being careful to leave a space between us.

"Don't say anything for a moment, just listen. Ok?"

She nodded.

"I expect you are feeling a bit confused right now," I began, "asking yourself things like, 'Am I gay?' and 'Will anyone find out?' I know that was how I felt the first time Theresa and I made love. The second question is easy, no-one will find out anything about this afternoon unless you choose to tell them All anyone ever needs to know is that you posed for a photographer and some of the pictures were of you topless. That's not so terrible is it?"

"I suppose not," she said quietly.

"I'm sure the photographs will be great, you are a beautiful girl, and Theresa is a very talented artist, when you see the results I think you will be pleased and quite proud of them."

"Do you really think so?"

"As for the first question, I don't know, only you can answer that one. I know you enjoyed this afternoon and I also know that's part of the confusion you are feeling. Let me tell you how it was for me and see if anything sounds familiar."

I thought for a moment,

"I'm a lot older than you, and married, so I expect I have had much more experience with men. So I already knew I wasn't gay. What threw me was that I had never thought I might be bisexual, or that I would find another woman attractive in 'that' way. Then I met Theresa and it happened, in much the same way as it did to you today, things just seemed to happen almost as if I had no control over them. Afterwards I felt confused, I went home wondering how I would feel when I saw my husband, would I still find him attractive, would he be able to tell, all the things I suspect you are wondering right now. I thought about it a lot, I had enjoyed being with Theresa, and I wanted to be with her again, but I still loved my husband and wanted him."

I was watching Carla's face as I spoke, several times she nodded as if agreeing with me, I hoped I was getting through to her.

"The conclusion I arrived at," I continued, "was that nothing had changed I still had my 'normal' life, but suddenly a whole new extra world was opening up for me and I had to decide if I wanted to explore it or if I wanted to close it off again, forget about what had happened and carry on with life as before."

I reached out and took her hand,

"I think you know what my decision was."

She smiled at last,

"Yes, I did rather work that out for myself."

"That doesn't mean it's the right decision for you though, only you can decide."

The two of us sat in silence for a few minutes, I had said what I wanted to say although I was sure I could have put it better. Carla was deep in thought. Eventually she looked up,

"Can we go for a drink, I feel like I need one."

"Of course."

We got up and strolled slowly across the park towards the entrance, there was a pub across the road and I took her in. We found a table in a corner and I went to get us some drinks, looking back at Carla I thought how beautiful she looked. I came back with two lagers and sat opposite her. She looked up and her eyes met mine,

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," I said, making her giggle.

"I didn't mean for the drink. What you were saying just now was so right, I was confused and upset. I've always thought of lesbians as 'failed' women, ones who couldn't get a man, who were settling for second best."

I nodded, encouraging her to continue,

"Then this afternoon happened, when you made love to me it felt so good, so right, and afterwards when I made love to you it felt just as good."

"It was."

She flashed me a quick smile.

"You were right when you said I hadn't had much experience with men, I'm not a virgin but it has never been like you read about."