Chapter 4: Prentending

Jenny nodded and Maria showed her where the phone was. Jenny decided to make two calls, her mother, and a friend who would worry. Marie told her one of the men she would meet in two weeks had a sideline business doing radiator repairs. He would pickup her car, clean her radiator and put in new coolant. She could tell her folks that she lost all her coolant, and that the car wouldn't be ready until Sunday. She wouldn't even have to lie if she spoke carefully

Jenny was shaking when she got off the phone with her mother. Talking to her friend hadn't been bad, but her mother gave her the fourth degree. She'd felt like a teen again, coming in late from a date, except she'd never come in from a date after having sex. As she talked, a mental image flashed of her mother seeing her, sitting on a towel leaking from two places. Shaved, and prepared to 'entertain' a man whose name she didn't know. She could imagine the loathing of her parents if they knew what their little princess was doing, and she struggled to keep her self-contempt out of her voice.

For one petrifying moment, she thought her mother was going to send her father up to get her. It was only the fact that her parents lived almost five hours away that saved her. She knew she could never hide what she'd been doing if she had to face them. She could almost see the mortified expression on her father's face, knew neither parent might never speak to her again. She lied so easily, and assured them that she'd call them in the morning when she was leaving.

As Jenny got herself cleaned-up, she tried to figure out just how much of what she was feeling was real, and how much was chemical. Her anus was burning, her vagina hurt, and her mouth was sore because she'd 'entertained' three men.

'Men who could protect Jerry!' she told herself forcefully.

Then she sat on the toilet and cried. She had just given herself a douche and an enema so that the next man she 'entertained' wouldn't be bothered by the evidence that the others had left behind inside her. She heard the clock chime, pulled herself together, and she went to her room.

As she entered she saw a man reclined under the sheet. He looked naked, and as she moved into the room she wondered what he would do to her. He scooted over, lifted the covers and patted the bed for her to get in next to him. The cold hollowness in her guts she'd felt as she first saw the man was now attacked by a flurry of rabid butterflies. Using more willpower than she knew she had, she crawled on the bed and lay down beside him. Tears tried to form, this man was going to fuck her and she didn't have any say in the matter.

He leaned over, she felt his hand on her knee. As it moved slowly up towards her crotch, she couldn't restrain a cringe. It was awful; the slowness forcing her to endure the whole horror of her violation. Still, she forced her body to remain motionless, trying not to let her stiffness show.

'I've been through this before and it wasn't that bad... right?'

She couldn't do it! She couldn't just lie there and let him do IT to her. She wasn't a prostitute, she was willing to let him, but she couldn't just do it this way.

She grabbed his hand forcefully, moved it from her leg and said, "Wait a second, I just can't. Not this way, I have to have a more!"

She tried, but couldn't look at his face, as the muscles on his arm flinched.

Thinking he was getting angry, she turned a little towards him, still unable to meet his eye and continued, "I'm going to do this, but I'm not a whore. If you want me to pretend to be one, I'll try, but you're going to have to tell me what we're going to do, or give me a little time. I am grateful for what you are doing for me, and my husband, but not this way. Please, I just can't do it that way!"

Some loosening of his body gave her the courage to finally look at his face.

"Please!" then seeing unexpected pain there, she continued, "What's your name?"

The tears formed, but never quite fell.

Propping himself up on his elbow and looking down at her he said, "My name is Mike, I'm not married, my wife was killed by a drunk driver twenty-nine months ago. I've got a boy five and a girl almost two and a half. She was three weeks old when we lost Sally. I don't want a whore either, I'm just starting to date again and I like not having to worry about being so horny I scare a nice girl off. But, that's not the main reason I'm here. I mean I like to play sex games like everyone else; I just don't have that many fantasies that I haven't already done. You might not understand this but I'm probably as nervous about this as you are. It's easier with the girls I've been with several times, but what I like to do is pretend that I'm with my wife again. Her name was Sally, and if you don't mind, I'll call you that. I enjoy telling my wife that I love her and I like to hear that back. Sally and I had a great sex life, she enjoyed everything, I'm ashamed to say I strayed once, but that's just because I think all men like variety. Isn't it funny that now that I can have all the variety I ever dreamed about, all I really want each time is the one woman I cheated on?"

Jenny was overwhelmed. Relieved that this wasn't going to be what she'd feared, but she felt more than a bit apprehensive about making love to a stranger while acting like a wife... especially when she didn't want to make love at all. Compressing her lips, reproving herself, she tried to accept that she was going to do it. Here, she was a sure thing. The romantic element appealed to her, of course, but she didn't know if she could be intimate in such a profoundly personal act while pretending that she was someone else. She wondered if she could do what he was doing, pretend that he was Jerry. Probably not, it sounded like he was going to do things to her that Jerry had never done... the thought made her feel guilty, and she did her best to banish it.

He had been studying her face, and Jenny felt exposed, which he confirmed by saying, "Look, I know this is your first day, all this is probably too much for you. There'll be other days and other times. Maybe we could make it easier for you. For obvious reasons it wouldn't bother me in the least to pretend to be your husband, for example. Or, we could just be a couple on the big date where we end up in bed. You're a damn good looking woman and I have to tell you I'm looking forward to what we're going to do, but I do understand it's hard on you. What can I do to help you?"

Jenny thought about it, was there anything he could do that would make it easier for her? The only things that came to mind involved not doing IT at all. She understood that that wasn't an option.

"Could you go kind of slow, I think I'd like that."

"How slow do you want to go?"

At first, Jenny thought that his look implied that he was scared she might not go through with it. Jenny wanted to say, "You'll get what you want", but realized that it was just possible that he might be willing to wait until next month since he'd have another woman tomorrow and two each weekend until he had another turn with her. She thought about it but there didn't seem to be any point, seven men or eight what difference did it make after the second or third?

"Slower than you started, I mean I'm already in bed with you, and I don't have any panties on that you need to get into, but if you could start someplace else that might be nice."

She'd tried for a light tone and had smiled, but she now understood that she would wanted to be kissed, to be felt up before a man began to gouge her bottom.

Looking so sincere that Jenny relaxed marginally, he said, "Do you have any fantasies, or do you just want to play this straight."

Jenny thought about it again, of course she had fantasies, but if she ever acted on those she wanted it to be with Jerry, not some stranger who she had to... to fuck or let fuck her.

"I think playing it straight is easier, I know that I'm going to be role playing, but I think that would be easier for me later..." but would it really, if she was going to have to pretend to be a man's dead wife would it ever be easy? Pretending might be easier than... she leaned up and kissed his cheek, "I never really thought about any of this. I don't know if it would be easier to play your role later or now. Tell me a little about what you would want me to do."

He looked into her eyes for an eternity, then with a sad smile he said, "Like I said, Sally and I had a great sex life. We both liked doing 69, I think we even tried a few position that aren't in the Kama Sutra. We did it all sorts of semi-public places; we loved to be a little daring like that. The only thing we hadn't done was anal. I had never done it either, but the woman that I had an affair had asked me if I'd like to do that to her. The idea turned me on, and I was pressuring Sally to do it. She didn't like the idea, but she never turned me down, she said she might, once she recovered from having Kristin. I thought that meant if she got tipsy, but... one of the women told me that she probably had. Uh... physical changes back there because of childbirth. We were talking about maybe making a 'special night' where we booked a hotel room, and all the trimmings to start our sex life again. I like to believe that it also would have been a time when she could give me her last virginity and make a big deal about doing it. We were just talking, I wasn't in that big a hurry, I didn't know that I was pressuring her, until after she was killed. To be honest, I don't get all that much more out of doing anal, but I love to imagine what that night would have been like. That's why I like to do it with here with you girls."

Jenny couldn't miss the pain as he had told the story. If it weren't her bottom he wanted to stick it in; she would have felt even more sympathy. However, she'd done anal twice and if she never did it again that would be too soon... except she'd had orgasms each time. At least he wanted her to pretend to be reluctant about letting him put it in her there... an image of a big hairy man making Jerry bend over flashed through her mind.

Her head shuddered, and she clenched her jaw, as she spoke mentally to her little voice, 'As if I needed the reminder of why I'm doing this.' Aloud she said, "Okay, I'll do it, or at least I'll try. What do you want me to do?"

"We can make out for a bit, if you want to give me head first you can, of course I like that. I'd like to do 69, then I'll enter you to get my dick good and wet. I'll tell you I love you and I want you to do the same thing. At some point I'll pull out and ask you to turn over. If you remember the first time you did it, you can just act that way..." he was studying her and she felt her face flare, "... that was this morning wasn't it?" When Jenny nodded he continued, "Well then you could try to act like you would if you'd agreed to do this for your Jerry. It might even help you if you ever decide to do anal with him when he gets out."

Jenny tried to think about that. She hated the idea. The concept seemed unnatural, to have a man put it in her there. Being honest though, the feeling of it inside her wasn't that bad. If she did anal as much as it looked like she was going to be doing it, it might be something she might want to give to Jerry. Doing this way might actually help her to remember, so she could act like it was the first time when she did it with him.

"Could I call you Jerry?"

He gave her another of his sad smiles, shook his head gently and said, "Not if you're going to be doing my fantasy, I don't want to mess that up. I don't mind doing a different one... but this one is too important to me."

His tone was firm there wasn't any point in arguing. The quote from some Shakespeare it were best done quickly flashed through her mind. She wanted to get this over with.

"Mike, kiss me, get me ready for what you want to do to me; don't make me think about it, don't talk about it. I think that'll make it easier for me; I'm doing this because I love you and the kids."

The words sounded stilted and hollow but Mike leaned down and began to kiss her, fondling her right breast. Jenny tried to kiss him as she had Jerry when she was feeling especially loving. His kiss became more tender, it did feel loving and the more Jenny tried to respond, the more tender the whole process became.

A part of her mind understood that this was a stranger who was taking advantage of her. but she didn't want to listen to that, she wanted the affection he was giving her. She wanted it more than she would have thought possible. She refused to listen to that voice that said it wasn't for her, it was for a dead woman. She screamed at the voice that it was her body that he was touching and her lips that were being kissed. He slipped the nightgown off her shoulder and uncovering her right breast. He broke their kiss and tenderly began to suckle her. Jenny responded by clutching him to her; eyes closed, it was almost possible to believe that this was Jerry. He was so different from the other men who had done this to her today.

"I love you, and I love to have your breast in my mouth Sally."

Jenny had expected the name to be jarring, but instead it was comforting. She'd been trying to rationalize this all day as if she, the real Jenny wasn't here. That the person doing these things was someone else. Having someone call her by a different name made it easier. He was making love to her and if she was using an assumed name it didn't matter somehow.

"I love you too Mike, and I love what you're doing."

She felt his hand move down to her sex and she opened her legs for him, not even thinking about what she was doing. His finger found her entrance and pushed into her and she shifted to make it easier for him. Again, he was tender and because he only left it in her long enough to get it wet, she was able to hold her illusions when he began to search for her clit. His mouth on her breast felt good, very good. His finger was arousing her in a very different manner from what had happened earlier. Keeping her eyes closed helped, but she worried as his head moved lower, to kiss her stomach. When he reached the area she'd shaved, he showered it with kisses. He used his tongue to run the length of her gash circling her clit. It was a sensuous feeling, but she wasn't ready to be touched there. She wanted his tongue lower and opened her legs to make it easy for him. Sensitive to her, he moved his tongue lower, slowly pushing it into her, then circling her opening as Jenny took a deep satisfying breath. At just the right time, his tongue returned to her clit and Jenny felt her passion soar. She tighten the muscles in her bottom, her crotch rising to his tongue. With her gluteus squeezed hard, she felt her anus contract. It reminded her of the purpose of all this preparation. She couldn't restrain a little mental cringe.

Almost as if he'd sensed it, Mike pulled back his mouth and said, "Don't worry Sally I'll be very gentle, I think it might help if I use a finger to get it ready... okay?"

Jenny knew she'd done this twice. That it had been her own free will, but it had been different. She was giving a different kind of permission now. She'd done what she had been told to do. Now, she realized how much the sedative had affected her earlier. This wasn't like that at all. This is how it would have been if Jerry had asked her to do anal and if she'd agreed. She didn't want to say anything. Incredibly she was embarrassed at what he was about to do to her. To cover than embarrassment, she lifted her hips off the bed allowing him to put his finger where he wanted to put it. With her eye clenched tightly, she relaxed her bottom and tried not to quiver as she waited for him.

When she felt his finger move between her cheeks she realized that she had to relax even more or he couldn't get his finger back there, and she tried. With all she had done, it shouldn't have surprised her to feel his finger enter her, but it did. It was intrusive, very unnaturally intrusive. As his finger entered her, his tongue began to work on her again, allowing Jenny to concentrate on that rather than the other. The tongue felt good, but the finger continued to feel foreign, unwanted. She wanted to push it out but restrained herself by thinking that if he wanted this so badly she could stand it.