Chapter 1

First Appointment Wednesday, October 13th 4:00 PM

"Name?"

"Barry Fox."

"Current address?"

"1542 Baker Road, Paducah, Kentucky."

"Zip code?"

"42001."

"Home phone?"

I was beginning to get annoyed. How much more information would they need before I would be allowed to see the doctor? My world was collapsing around me and all they cared about was getting my personal and insurance information.

"Okay Mr. Fox. All I need now is your insurance card and then you can have a seat over there. Dr. Haverty will be with you shortly," the receptionist said.

Luckily, I was the only patient in the reception room. I felt uncomfortable enough just being there without having an audience. I had never talked to a shrink before so I was a little nervous. Dr. Haverty had been recommended to me by our company doctor but I wouldn't have been there at all if my boss hadn't insisted that I get psychiatric help. I admit that I needed help but the idea of having to talk about myself to some old man who couldn't possibly understand or appreciate my life bothered me.

I hadn't met Dr. Haverty yet but I had developed a mental picture of him. I saw him as a short old man, bald on top with a horseshoe of long gray hair around the sides of his head. Sometimes I pictured him with a goatee and other times with a full beard. I usually pictured him smoking a pipe as he asked questions like, "How did you feel about that," or "How did that make you feel?"

When I called to make an appointment the receptionist told me that I was very lucky. She said that it usually takes a month or more to get into see Dr. Haverty but one of the doctor's patients had committed suicide over the weekend, which had left an open time slot on the doctor's calendar.

"Good luck?" I get in to see the doctor because some guy killed himself. Is that really good luck or a bad omen?

The receptionist's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Mr. Fox, you can go in now."

The receptionist was quite attractive and I had given her my best smile when I came in but I got no response from her. I tried to make eye contact with her again as I walked across the room to the door that led into Dr. Haverty's office. The receptionist looked at me, pointed to the door and then looked back down at the papers on her desk. That was part of my problem. I was losing the touch.

I stepped through the door into the doctor's office but the room appeared to be empty. I stood for a moment and looked around. The room was cozy without feeling small. To my left against the wall was an oak roll top desk with a large red leather chair pulled up in front. The wall adjacent to the desk and across the room from where I was standing was made up entirely of bookshelves filled with books and journals. To my right, at the far end of the room was a window covered with heavy draperies. The room was dark except for the light given off by two lamps. One on the oak desk and the other a floor lamp next to the stereotypical patient's couch that was positioned in the middle of the room facing away from the desk. The low lighting of the room added to the feeling of coziness.

The room had a definite smell. I noticed the slight scent of a woman's perfume but there was another smell and it was more overwhelming than the perfume. The only way I could describe it was that it smelled like despair or was that just my imagination.

I was still contemplating the scent of the room when the chair at the desk began to turn and I found myself facing a young woman. She looked no older than thirty. I was shocked because I had thought that I was alone in the room. I was initially confused. What was this woman doing in the doctor's office?

"Hello Mr. Fox, I am Dr. Haverty," she said as she stood to shake my hand.

Dr. Haverty was about five feet five inches tall with long dark hair. Her eyes were brown and warm. Even the professional looking pants suit she was wearing couldn't hide the sensual shape of her body. She was hot.

"What is the matter Mr. Fox?" She said. "You looked confused."

"I was expecting a... I mean someone much... I was expecting something different," I said.

I wanted to punch myself for sounding so stupid. I had never had trouble talking to a beautiful woman before. I couldn't understand why was I so tongue-tied?

Dr. Haverty smiled at me, which didn't make me feel any better.

"You were expecting someone much older? A man?" She asked.

"Well, yes. I just thought that... I guess it doesn't matter."

"Can I call you Barry?" She asked.

"Sure," I said. "What should I call you?"

"Dr. Haverty," she said. "Why don't you sit down Barry and make yourself comfortable?"

Dr. Haverty moved back to her chair and I sat on the couch.

"Why don't you put your legs up and relax?" She said.

I swung my legs up and sat back against the end of the couch. It was quite comfortable but I wasn't relaxed.

"Now Barry, why don't you tell me what you think your problem is?"

"I thought you were supposed to tell me what my problem is," I said.

"Okay, let me rephrase that. Why don't you tell me why you are here?"

"My boss told me I had to come."

"So you don't think you have a problem?" She said.

"I guess I have a problem but I didn't think I needed a shrink," I said.

"You know of course that if you don't want to be here I probably won't be able to help you."

I thought about that for a minute and realized that I did want to be there. I wanted to get help with my problem but it took my boss to insist and now that I had met Dr. Haverty and saw how hot she was I really wanted to be there. I just wished that the couch was turned so that I was facing her.

"Dr. Haverty, I do want to be here."

"Then why don't you tell me why it is that you think you need help," Dr. Haverty said.

This was the part I didn't like. I had been dreading talking about my problems when I thought the doctor was an old man. It was going to be even harder to open up to this sexy woman. I was still hesitant but I was beginning to think that maybe by opening up to this woman and telling her about myself I could get her to like me. Maybe even make her want me. One way or another I was going to have to talk to her so I might as well try to make the best of the situation.

"The problem is that lately I have been very depressed. I haven't been eating or sleeping very well and it has been interfering with my work."

"What kind of work do you do Barry?" Dr. Haverty asked.

"I am the assistant warehouse manager at Sharon Manufacturing in Paducah," I said.

"Is there a lot of stress in your job?"

"No. I don't think so. Don't tell anyone but I think my job is quite easy."

"So you don't think it's your job that is causing you to feel depressed?" She asked.

"No. It's not the job."

"Then why don't you tell me what you think is causing your depression," Dr. Haverty said.

"Women."

"A woman is causing your depression?"

"Not a woman. Women. Lately I have been having trouble with women."

"Trouble? What kind of trouble?" The doctor asked.

"I have always been good with the ladies, if you know what I mean," I said.

"Actually, I don't know what you mean so why don't you tell me?"

"Well, you saw me when I came in," I said. "I don't think I am bragging when I say that I am a handsome man. Women have always been attracted to me. There have been very few times since I had my first girlfriend that I haven't had more than one girlfriend at a time including when I was married."

"Why did you feel the need to always have more than one girlfriend?" Dr. Haverty asked.

"I never thought of it as a need. I just liked having more than one girl to have sex with. I liked the variety I guess," I said.

"Can you tell me what has happened or what has changed that has you feeling depressed?" She asked.

"Women don't like me anymore."

"They don't? How do you know?" The doctor asked.

"I haven't had sex with a woman in five months. I can't even get a date with a woman. I used to go to bars at night and the women would come on to me. Now they avoid me."

"Why do you think that that is happening to you?"

"I have been cursed."

"You think someone placed a curse on you?" She asked.

"Not a real curse. I don't believe in that shit. Sorry for my language."

"That's okay. I want you to feel comfortable to express yourself in whatever way is easiest for you," she said.

"The curse is that the women in my life got together and are plotting against me."

"Why would they plot against you?"

"Because they are women. Who the fuck knows why they do things? I was good to all of them. I always told them what they wanted to hear and I kept them happy in bed. What more could they want? Hell most of these women were married so it wasn't like they should be expecting more out of the relationship. It wasn't like I promised to marry any of them."

I heard Dr. Haverty sigh and then she was quiet for a minute.

"Barry, why don't you tell me about your childhood."

"What the fuck does my childhood have to do with anything?"

"Humor me Barry."

"Okay. I was born in Knoxville and my parents moved to Paducah when I was seven. I've been here ever since. My mom and dad got divorced when I was fifteen."

"Why did they get divorced?"

"My dad was always out fucking some broad he picked up in a bar. One night my mom caught him in their bed with another woman. She threw him out of the house."

"How did that make you feel?"

I knew that question was coming.

"Pissed off. I liked having my dad around. We used to do shit together. After the divorce he would come around and take me places but by the time I was sixteen he wasn't coming around anymore."

"So, do you blame your dad for that?"

"No. I blame my mom. I love her but she made him go away. Maybe if she had loved him more he wouldn't have cheated on her."

"Where were you the night your mother caught your father with the other woman?" She asked.

"I was at home watching them."

"You watched your father having sex with this other woman?"

"Yes. I was supposed to be spending the night at a friend's house but he got sick so his dad took me home. My mother was working the second shift at the hospital that night and was supposed to stay until one o'clock in the morning to cover part of a shift for another nurse.

"I walked into the house around nine o'clock and when I saw that no one was home I went up to my room. About 10:30 I heard my father come in. I started to go downstairs to tell him I was home when I noticed that he had a woman with him. They both seemed to be drunk and dad led her straight into his bedroom."

"Did you know what they were going to do in the bedroom?" Dr. Haverty asked.

"Yes. I already knew about sex but I had never seen anyone doing it. My dad hadn't turned on any lights when they came into house but he did turn on the light in the bedroom. I noticed right away that he didn't close the door all of the way so I snuck downstairs and stood outside the bedroom and spied on them. When I looked in, my dad was standing behind the woman and was kissing her on the neck while he reached around and started to unbutton her dress."

"How did you feel as you watched this?" She asked.

"Horny. I had a hard on before I even got to the door. I wanted to see them have sex."

"Okay, continue."

"When my dad had the dress unbuttoned he pulled it off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Then he unhooked her bra and removed it. That was the first time I had ever seen a woman's breasts other than in a picture. I was so excited that I almost climaxed in my pants. Next, my dad pulled her slip and her panties down completely exposing this woman to me. I quickly pulled my cock out and climaxed in my hand without even stroking it once."

"So you already knew what an orgasm was?"

"Of course. I was fifteen years old. I had been masturbating since I was thirteen. It was what my dad did next that really fascinated me. He pushed the woman down on the bed and he climbed between her legs and started to eat her pussy. I had never even dreamed about doing that but there was my dad sucking away on her puss."

"Did that disturb you?" Dr. Haverty asked.

"Hell no. It gave me another hard on. The idea appealed to me right away and then when he got on the bed and she started to suck on his cock while he ate her I had a second orgasm. I had managed to catch both loads in my hand. They weren't very big after all, I was only fifteen.

"My dad had just started to push his cock into the woman when I heard the door open behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was. My problem was to get my cock back into my pants before my mom saw me. I managed to hide my dick but not before my mom saw me standing at her bedroom door. She came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder and started to say something to me when she looked into the bedroom and saw my dad with his friend."

"What happened then?"

"My mom sent me to my room and she waited until I closed my bedroom door before she went into her bedroom and started screaming at my dad."

"Did you hear the whole fight?"

"No. I could her my mom shouting but I couldn't make out more than a few words. My dad left that night."

"How did you feel about what you saw that night?" Dr. Haverty asked.

"I found the whole thing exciting. Even the part where my mom caught my dad fucking that other woman."

"So you weren't angry with your father for what he did?"

"No. I just thought that it was natural for a guy to want as many women as he could get. I guess it was a mistake for him to bring his lady friend to our house but my mom wasn't supposed to come home that early."

"Do you think your mother was right to divorce your father?"

"I don't know. She was pretty mad at him so I guess from her point of view it was the right thing to do."

"What about from your point of view?"

"She made my dad go away. I think she should have given him another chance."

Dr. Haverty was silent for a minute but I could hear her writing on her note pad.

"Okay, let's move on from the divorce. Was there anything else in your childhood that was as upsetting to you as your father leaving?"

"Like I said, he didn't leave my mom kicked his ass out. Other than that I had a pretty good childhood. I don't remember anything all that upsetting happening to me."

"Okay then, why don't you tell me about your relationships with women starting with your first girlfriend."

"All of them? There are an awful lot of them."

"How many?" She asked.

"You know I never really counted but there were more than a fifty over the last eighteen years. Some lasted more than a year, others only a night or two. You want me to talk about all of them?"

"No, I guess not. Why don't you just tell me about those that you think were the most significant or important to you."

"I thought you were supposed to ask me questions," I said. "Why don't you just ask me what you want to know?"

"I want to hear you tell your story without interruptions," she said. "That will give me a better feel for who you are than if I lead the conversation. Don't worry, I will have questions when you are done talking."

"I am not real comfortable talking about this," I said. "I have never talked to a woman about my sexual exploits with other women before."

"I take it you have talked to other men about your 'exploits' haven't you?"

"Well, yeah. I guess I have bragged a few times when I was out drinking with friends," I said.

"Just pretend you are talking to one of your friends now," Dr. Haverty said. "Once you start you will find that the more you talk the easier it gets."

I thought I would tease her a little.

"How detailed should I be when talking about my sexual relations with these women?" I asked. "I don't want to offend you."

"Don't worry, I am not easily offended. I have heard it all before," she said. Just tell the story as if you were bragging to a friend only don't exaggerate. Try to be truthful."

It was funny. I had always wanted to brag about my sexual exploits to a woman and now I was going to get the chance. For the next forty-five minutes I talked nonstop. What follows, as best as I can remember, is the story I told Dr. Haverty that day.

My first real girlfriend was Tracy Fowler. We started dating toward the end of our senior year in high school and by May we thought we were in love. We had been dating for just over two months when I took Tracy's virginity at her parent's house.

Tracy's parents were going out of town for the weekend and they were leaving Tracy at home alone. Earlier in the week Tracy and I were sitting in my car necking when she told me about her parents going away for the weekend. We began discussing what we could do while they were away but I was afraid to suggest having sex so I suggested that we have a party. Tracy nixed that idea. She said she would never be able to get away with that. The neighbors would tell her parents. I had Tracy pretty hot that night so I asked her if we could have sex when her parents were away. I was surprised when she agreed. I guess she was as eager to try it as I was.