Chapter 4

I was standing in front of the mirror shifting my weight from one foot to the other and debating whether to lift the hem of my thin, white cotton skirt with my trembling hands. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to check what I looked like. I just knew it would only make me feel worse. My hands froze and I looked up into my face. My sunglasses were perched on my head, holding my hair behind my ears and I was blushing madly. It suddenly struck me that I was so excited I could hardly stand it.

An hour ago, when I was mindlessly sliding my fingers up my ass and pinching my nipples, Johan had denied me an orgasm. Though I would much preferred to have cum, I had to admit that my excitement level had gone through the roof because I was denied.

Finding myself in front of my mirror, thinking about what I looked like and where we were going, had me creaming myself. My skin was so hot I couldn't believe it, and the tingling and wetness of my pussy was utterly unbearable. You see, I'd never been in this position. I'd always thought that my fantasies were my own business. I enjoyed indulging them. I loved bringing myself off to them. I never thought I'd have to admit them to anyone, let alone my husband! However, thanks to his curiosity, and my inability to lie to him, Johan now knew exactly what I thought about when I masturbated. Exactly.

God!

It was a turn on and a nightmare at the same time. Johan is the kind of guy who loves to do new things. To him, it's a challenge to 'keep it interesting'. At the same time, in his own way, he's kind of conservative too. I mean, he ties me up and spanks me, and he has me stick my fingers up my ass for his enjoyment for God's sake. But we've never taken our fun outside the house. Usually it's just him and me, indoors, playing and having fun. Together. Alone.

Now, I don't know about you, but I've always wondered if I'm enough. Like, you know, enough to keep his interest. Enough to keep him turned on and excited. I've wondered if I could do more. Or be more. Like maybe I'm not crazy enough, or sexy enough or hot enough or whatever. I mean, I know he loves me and I love him, and he and I both know I'd do just about anything to please him. So I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe it's the small town girl in me coming back to bite my ass. I wiped up an errant trickle making its way down the inside of my thigh and sucked my finger.

Is this what turns him on? I wondered as I stood in front of the mirror. Making me cover my body with cunt juice and oil so I smell like a hot slut? Making me slide Ben Wah balls into my pussy so I simmer, close to the boil? Dressing me in a bikini that we both know will be see-through when it's wet? Having me parade around the front yard with sex toys in my hands and waving at the neighbours?

I could hear him chuckle and despite myself, I smiled. 'You are such a hot little slut, ' he would say. I thought about those words as I looked into the mirror. The blush flared in my cheeks. Usually I rubbed my clit harder when he said things like that. God, I'm so bad. I couldn't stop myself. I watched as I lifted the hem of my white cotton skirt. I was worried and excited by what I might see. I could feel how wet I was without even looking.

"Jesus," I muttered when it was high enough to see. I was so wet the bottom half of my bikini thong was utterly transparent. "I can't go out like this," I whispered self-consciously. I glanced out the window. At least it wasn't windy and my skirt wouldn't flip up. Turning sideways, I straightened it and smoothed it over my ass, looking at myself in the mirror again. With my skirt in place, I looked like a classy beach-girl. Sighing, I realised I was ready but I kept putting it off. I knew Johan would come and get me eventually.

Besides, something kept me staring at the mirror with my eyes glued to the image of myself. My nipples were pretty hard and I could see how they pressed against my tank top. I looked down. They weren't too prominent. Apart from that, I didn't think I'd attract too much attention. Turning back to the mirror, I reached up and weighed a breast in each hand. I lifted them a little and let go, seeing how much jiggle there was.

Like I was in a trance, I could barely tear my eyes from the reflection of my hands. They seemed to be moving of their own accord. Like I was a puppet, and a puppeteer controlled them. I kneaded inwards toward the centre, squeezing my breasts till they bulged between my fingers, my nipples pushing further forward. "Mmmmm..." My breasts ached so much they hurt. One touch and the tips would be really hard. Then they'd stick right out. Then everyone would notice. I fluttered my eyes closed and my fantasy tore me from reality. My thumbs brushed over my nipples. "Ohhhh..." Everyone would see. Everyone would be looking at me. I pinched them between thumb and forefinger. Seeing my nipples, hard and poking through my tank top. My fingers tightened. Maybe Johan would lift my skirt. Lift my skirt and show my cunt to someone. They tightened further and I gritted my teeth. Maybe a stranger. Maybe a neighbour. Maybe he'll make me take my clothes off in the car park and walk down to the beach, showing off my wet cunt in my transparent bikini to anyone who happened to look.

"What is wrong with me?" I cried aloud, releasing my nipples, my eyes springing open. I looked at my chest. "Oh no!" My nipples were now exactly how I hoped they wouldn't be. "Damn it," I said, annoyed with myself. Suddenly I thought I could take someone's eye out! I covered my mouth with my hand as I giggled and my face flushed all over again. Johan stepped up behind me and I almost jumped out of my skin. I thought it was a robber! "Don't do that!" I whined.

He chuckled as his hands found my hips and he smiled at me in the reflection of the mirror. "Enjoying yourself?" he asked.

"No!" I replied, pouting. His eyes broke from mine, trailing down my body and back up again. Hot streaks of desire raced across my skin and I swallowed nervously. I could smell the scent of my juices all over me and my pussy was pulsing. His lips brushed against my ear. His breath was cool and goose bumps rose on my arms.

"You look so fucking hot... look at your nipples!" he teased.

We both did and my skin tingled, my pussy clenching around the Ben Wah balls. "I hope I don't get arrested," I whispered. I watched mesmerized as one of Johan's large hands slid up my stomach. He used his forefinger to trace over the big letters printed in white on my pink tank top.

TOY.

My nipples throbbed and looked obscene. I loved this top, but I rarely wore it in company, let alone outside. It was so tight and pink and girly. When it's washed and folded in my drawer and I pick it up, for some reason I always think of how distorted and stretched the word 'TOY' looks after I pull it down over my breasts. So different from when it's folded and flat. I always loved prancing around the house in it, teasing Johan and rubbing up against him.

But now he was teasing me. "My little toy," he whispered. My knees almost collapsed as his fingertip circled my nipple. It was like a movie. Watching myself. "You're ready. Get your toys." Johan picked up my beach bag and I grabbed the two toys from my dresser. Smiling, he took my elbow in his hand. There was no turning back now.

He led me through the house and down the stairs into the lobby by the front door. He opened it and ushered me onto the landing. I was facing the street in the shadow of our house, and I was suddenly aware of the heat of the day, so much warmer than the coolness of the air-conditioning inside. I kept the toys behind my back as I looked around at our neighbours' houses. There was a very light breeze but the sun would definitely tan us. The sky was blue and the crickets were singing.

Johan was standing right behind me and I turned around to face him, bringing the toys in front of me hide them from prying eyes. He stood in the frame of the door, holding it open and leaning against the doorjamb. He was blocking the way and one thing was clear. I was not going back inside. "Go on, you can do it," he said, chuckling.

I nodded woodenly and turned back to face the street. Swallowing, I somehow let my arms go limp. I bit my lip and I looked around again to see if the coast was clear. It was just after eight on Monday morning, and I was afraid someone might be leaving for work and see. God, I was so fucking nervous. There was a tight ball of fear in my stomach. And I was hot! I could feel how juiced up I was. Every nervous move I made caused the Ben Wah balls to shift and click. Breath caught in my chest as a tremble ran through me.

I'd cultivated a rather obscure and aloof persona amongst our neighbours. I'd say hi but that was about it. Everyone around here was so rich that I never knew what to say anyway. What would they say if they saw me carrying a sex toy in each hand to the car? The idea of flaunting the toys I use in my cunt and ass, of a neighbour seeing me and knowing how much of a slut I was, gave me butterflies the size of pterodactyls. I mean, what would they think! I'd be the talk of the street!

And yet, I had the strange, psychotic desire to do it. To show the world the toys I put in my cunt and ass. The idea had me literally dripping. I mean, what was wrong with me? The thought of actually being caught made my pussy clench. My face was hot and my nipples were aching. I looked down and swallowed again, trying to wet my dry mouth with my tongue. I must be mad, I thought to myself, nervously looking around again. It was so bright I was squinting.

"Go on, there's no one watching," Johan urged. I looked around once more and was pleased to see he was right. I was about to make a dash for it when he said, "Wait!"

I twisted my head around. "Baby, I was just about to do it!" I complained.

Johan chuckled. "I know. I just wanted to remind you to walk slowly and confidently. You may not run."

"You want me to walk slowly to the car with a dildo in one hand and a butt plug in the other?"

"Yep."

"And lean over the door and put them in the glove box."

"Exactly." My lip was getting a work over. "Baby, you'll do it right or you'll do it over," he said.

"You'd make me do it again?"

"And you'll keep doing it until you do it right."

I looked at him like he was insane. He just chuckled his exasperating chuckle and grinned at me. "I can't believe I'm gonna do this."

"Come here. Stand in front of me." I sighed and moved toward him, my legs shaky, and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes. At the edge of my vision I could see his hands reaching for my breasts. "Keep looking into my eyes. Listen to my voice." His hands curved around my breasts and my nipples felt fit to burst. His fingers centred on them and began twisting as they throbbed. "I love you baby," he breathed, staring into my eyes. Once more my knees felt weak. A shudder ran through me.

"Ohhh... babyyy... nooo..." I whispered, pressing forward into his hands. God, I'm really going to do it. I'm really going to make a spectacle of myself.

"You are so beautiful like this." The pressure on my nipples was unbearable. I gasped, my eyes pleading with his. My hands were clasped in front of me, my fingers tight around the toys, my knuckles white. Johan whispered as he leaned down and kissed me. "Don't look around, baby. Just go. Or perhaps you'd prefer I bent you over and shoved that butt plug up your ass right here in front of the house. Hmmm? You'd probably like that, wouldn't you, my dirty little slut?" His fingers clamped tighter around my inflamed nipples. He was lifting my breasts. Lifting them by the nipples, right through my tank top and bikini. My skin was burning up and my pussy was dripping down my thighs.

"Ohhhh..." I moaned. My vision was strange, like in a dream world. There was a static hiss in my ears that I recognized. I hear it when I'm pre-orgasmic. A fire of ecstasy rippled through my clit as Johan turned me around and pushed me toward the steps down to the driveway. I'd have a total of six steps and maybe ten paces to the car. It took a lifetime.

I wasn't thinking about how many paces it was anymore. I was just glad it wasn't far. I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes and started down the steps. I was moving slowly and hoped I wouldn't cum. I didn't swing my arms. My moist hands gripped the toys tightly and they felt hot. My teeth were gritted, eyes half closed, trying to block out the world. Watching where I placed each foot, I hoped not to stumble. Hoped to do well. Hoped Johan would let me cum soon. God, I needed to cum. I was gripping the Ben Wahs with the bizarre thought that I was so wet they might fall out of my pussy despite my bikini bottoms. They clicked with every step and shot fiery bolts of erotic tingles through my clit. While I was watching my feet, I couldn't help but notice my nipples, standing so erect and stretching the fabric of my top.

A gentle breeze swirled around my legs and felt like tongues. Birds sang and it sounded like laughter. The gravel crunched under my sandals and it sounded like applause. I smiled and held my head high. The car loomed in front of me. I was nearly there. The hiss in my ears was almost deafening and the insides of my thighs were slick. I felt like I was floating. Floating on a tide of new sensations. My skin prickled and my nipples throbbed even harder.

My hips swung and my feet followed one another up to the door of the car. I bent over, unaware of how far my little white skirt rode up as I leaned in and opened the glove compartment. Dutifully placing the toys in the glove box, I stood tall and looked back towards Johan at the front door, adjusting my skirt. He waved and pointed toward the street. I turned in the direction he was pointing and watched as a school bus drove by. Rooted to the spot, I shivered. "Fuck, that was close," I breathed aloud. I turned back to Johan and he was smiling as he shook his head. No one had seen. I'd done it! I almost ran back to him, up the steps and into his arms.