Chapter 9

Ray was whistling. He was pulling a suit from his closet. He was trying to change into jeans and a button down shirt. He was getting together his toiletry bag. He was packing his garment bag.

Dana had a travel bag already set to the side of the doorway. It was odd to realize that she was packing lighter than he would. But Ray knew that he would have to drop her home before heading into the office tomorrow. He couldn't take the day off without providing notice to his clients and staff. Then a thought struck him. It pinged through his brain like a water drop falling into a tin can. What if Dana was packing light because everything she was planning to wear was silken and see-through? Or there wasn't anything in the bag but clothes for tomorrow and a bottle of massage oil?

The tune he was whistling subconsciously changed to a wolf whistle. He adjusted his boxers with a tug and started whistling even more enthusiastically. He even hopped around on one foot in his rendition of a jig.

Dana stuck her head in the door.

"What is all the racket? What are you doing? Did you stub your toe?" she asked.

Ray spun around. A blush peppered his face.

"Sorry just getting ready. Didn't stub my toe."

"What was it that you were doing?"

"A jig?" Ray replied.

"A jig," her laugh was short and definitely not sweet. "No wonder we don't dance. A jig? What prompted that?"

"Nothing." The blush that had sprinkled across his cheeks became a deluge of colour.

"Tell me, or else."

"Or else what?" Ray challenged.

"Or else I'll tell my mother that you were up here dancing and would like her to critique your style."

"You wouldn't."

Her only response was a grin of such amorality that Ray could only bite his lip before responding.

"I was a little excited about what could transpire tonight," he confessed.

She smiled. It was a smile that caused her eyes to half shut. Her lips were red with lipstick. She looked intense and predatory. Ray was unsure if the look was natural or affected. But neither explanation could reduce the effect on him.

Dana walked to him. She walked in a way that made her hips sway. She tiptoed and kissed him lightly and took a firm hand to grab at his crotch trying to hold his balls and his dick.

"Oh some very good things will happen tonight. And some very bad things will happen. And you will have trouble deciding which you enjoyed more."

She didn't need to make her voice soft and seductive. The power of her words and the feel of her hand were enough to make him want to take her on the floor right then and there.

"You better stop," Ray said as his cock pushed against her palm.

"Soon enough," she replied. "Come on down when you are presentable."

She grabbed her shoulder bag and sauntered out the room. Swinging hips and a lilting laugh marked her escape.

After 10 minutes Ray walked downstairs and headed over to the kids. He kissed Judy on her forehead.

"Goodnight sweetie. We'll see you tomorrow. Listen to your Grandma."

"I will Dad," the little girl replied.

"Why can't we come with you?" Timmy asked. His chin wiggled a little as he fought to hold back tears.

"Hey kiddo. We're going to be back tomorrow. I promise. And we'll do something special this week. Mommy and Daddy just need a little time with each other. Plus you get to play with Grandma tonight. Isn't that great?"

"Yes. And Grandma brought over a new boxcar for my train set," Timmy replied. His mood changed like quicksilver.

"Great. Well give me a hug. Sleep tight. Let me go see what's keeping your mother."

He left the kids to watch the latest Disney movie that Mommy rented for their special night with Grandma.

Ray walked into the kitchen. The two women seemed to be engaged in a light hearted discussion about nothing that Ray could follow. They sat at the kitchen table lost in the exchange.

"I am so happy to be doing this for you two," Janet said in her first comprehensible words.

"We know how much you love the kids. We appreciate it Janet," Ray answered.

"I do. But this time I am thrilled for you two. It's nice to see you two so happy with each other. It makes me happy."

"Thank you Janet."

"Thanks Mom." Dana said simultaneously.

"It was something your father and I would do. When we had the money for it. We would leave you with your aunt."

"Too much information Mom. I guess the times with Dad weren't all bad," Dana said.

"No they were mostly good. But they were all the best times of my life," the older woman said with a sigh.

"Mostly good? That wasn't what I saw," Dana said abruptly.

"It wasn't?" Janet asked.

"Mom, who are you trying to kid? Please don't sugar-coat what you and my father had. And please don't compare it to me and Ray."

Ray didn't like where this was heading. It was the brewing of the perfect storm. Cold fronts and highs and lows all colliding.

"Dana, I am not sugar-coating anything. You father and I had a very good relationship."

"Mom, he left us." The 'us' was a sharp bark. It was honed with years of teeth grinding and hands clenching.

Ray walked behind Dana. He laid a hand on her shoulder. He willed the calm of his body to seep into her and encapsulate her.

"No Dana. He didn't leave us. He was taken from us," Janet said defensively.

"What? It's just words. I don't know what you needed to convince yourself of. But I know what really happened. I was there, remember?" Although she didn't shout, Dana's words were no less powerful.

"I know and I am sorry for that. It was such a hard time. You try to shield your child from everything that can go wrong. And sometimes there isn't a shield big enough for everything."

Janet looked at him. Her eyes were imploring for someone to understand. Ray smiled. He knew what she meant. Some shields were never big enough. But he wouldn't nod. He would not agree with her if it meant disagreeing with Dana. He wanted to support them both. But he felt clumsy. He felt awkward. What did he know about dealing with families?

'What would Liz say?' the thought floated in.

"Dana, Janet. Maybe this is a discussion that needs to happen another day. Just the two of you," Ray interjected.

"No," Dana said surprising them both. "Ray I want you to hear about it. I want the story to be real. Mom is whitewashing my father's behaviour. For your benefit or mine. I don't know."

"What is this whitewashing that you are talking about?" Janet fired back.

"My father abandoned us. He walked away. He went looking for a job and never came back. He was taken? By whom? Aliens?"

"It hurt him to leave us. It hurt him to walk away. I know it did. I thought you would know that."

"Why would I know that?" Dana responded.

"Because you know how much he loved you."

"He didn't love me. He wasn't responsible enough to love anyone."

Ray was worried that he was going to have to physically restrain Janet. The older woman looked ready to attack her daughter.

"How dare you? That isn't true. Your father loved us both with everything he had in him. Everything that he could give." The kitchen cabinets nearly shook with the vibration of Janet's voice.

Judy and Timmy ran into the kitchen.

Before they could say a word Dana forced a smile on her face and said, "Hey guys. Mommy and Grandma are just talking. We'll try to be quiet. But you go back to your movie and don't worry about us."

The 2 kids didn't appear to buy her story but left nonetheless.

"Sorry," Janet uttered.

"I don't know how you can claim that he loved us. He was so irrational. He was so unstable. He wasn't trustworthy. Yet you can still fight me about this." The angry Dana was gone. The wounded and betrayed one was here in her staid. "Me, the one who stayed. And rile at me that he was the victim. That he loved us. We were the victims."

Ray pressed his hand to her back. He was trying to help her hold back the tide of misery.

"Dana, we were all victims. And your father did love us. When he could. He was irrational. He was unstable. He was everything you said. But that was not from the lack of loving us."

"Then what was it?"

"He had demons that he couldn't get past..."

"What demons can explain this away Mom?"

"He was troubled. One minute he was fine. He was happy. So very very happy. And the next he wasn't."

"That's part of being an adult. You can't have good happy days all the time," Dana said.

"But when they weren't, they were very unhappy. They were so dark."

"He was a little depressed!" Dana was outraged.

"It was a dark depression. And the dr... drinking. I learned that he hurt so bad that he needed to hurt even more."

Ray stood there quietly listening. He wasn't sure what else to do.

"So he was a lush on top of it all?"

"When did you become perfect? He had the darkest depression that I have ever seen anyone have," Janet said sharply.

"I can't understand Mom. I am trying to understand. It sounds like excuses."

"Dana just listen. Stop interrupting and listen. Stop judging and please listen. I don't know if the drinking was the cause of his problems or if his problems caused his drinking. But he was so low. He would lose his job and he would be so depressed. Insanely depressed. And then he would drink. And when I thought he couldn't hate himself even more, he did. And he would move away from me. And from you. And he would wallow. For weeks. Until finally he would dry out and climb back. And then he would be happier and more positive. I loved him. He cared about me with a passion and a depth. I think that is why he hated himself so much. He hated the thought that he had failed us." Janet was crying. "Do you know how much a person can hurt, when all they can do is find comfort in hurting themselves even more?"

Dana was crying.

"He never meant to leave us. He just hated himself. He was at the point when he was drunk all the time. He couldn't stand the shame. He was selfish in that aspect. He cared too much about what we thought of him. He left. I knew he was going."

"You did?"

"He couldn't hide much from me. Not the way I knew him. I tried to get him help. But that kind of help was not something that was respectable even twenty years ago. And he was so old fashioned in many aspects. I could feel him drifting. I could see him trying to save money. Selling things. The times he spent with you. They were a little desperate. I'm convinced he was trying to fill himself with you. With a long enough drink that it would be a while before he was thirsty again. I think that was why you took it so hard. He was always there with you for that period. Then he was gone. And I have my own shame. I should have filled that void in you. I may have known down deep he was leaving but I still wasn't prepared for it. I fell apart. I'm not proud. And you grew up faster than I wanted. And harder than I wanted. But you seemed happy."