Chapter 5

"Liz, I think part of the change is that I think Dana is cheating on me," Ray admitted to the attractive doctor.

"Why do you think that?" Liz asked still writing in her journal.

Ray figured he was probably going to win her a Nobel Prize with the case study on his neurosis.

"It was something that I never would have noticed before. Her hair changed. It was long at one time. Now it's trendy. It's flashy and it looks great on her. With light blonde highlights."

"Women change their hair style and colour quite often."

"And she started going out to lunch with friends more often."

"Okay," Liz's tone was neutral. He felt the skepticism more than he heard it.

"And one day her friend Elaine called. The Elaine that Dana claims to have lunch with almost daily. And I casually ask her, 'Dana says you guys pretty much have your own table at the Olive Garden now. You could be regulars.' "

"Okay," Liz said again.

"And Elaine responded, 'Yes, almost everyday.' And her response was quick and it sounded desperate. Dana hates Olive Garden. She may go there once in a blue moon to appease others, but everyday? So then later in the week, I suggest getting takeout from the Olive Garden."

"And?"

"And she responds, 'Yuck. You've probably forgotten again. But I hate that place.' And I responded, 'You do. When did you last eat there, maybe their menu has changed?' "

"And?" Liz patiently asked again.

"And she said, I haven't eaten there in months, and it will be months before I am ready to go back."

"That doesn't mean anything. That doesn't mean that she is having an affair. Why don't you ask her?"

"And then she is sneaking off to write emails and make phone calls. And I hear her whispering to someone one night. Maybe she thought I was so lost in my own oblivion that I wouldn't notice. But there was something daring about her whispering. The tone was hushed yet excited."

"Okay Ray, why haven't you asked her?"

"And then I saw the email. Let me quote it for you.

'Dana,

I look forward to lunch.

Miss you,

Phillip'

And the phone call that I interrupted. With the sexy laugh when she didn't know I was behind her. I didn't know she could even laugh that way. What else don't I know?"

"Ray, focus. Answer my question. Why haven't you spoken to Dana regarding your doubts of her fidelity?"

"Liz, because until I ask, there is a chance that I am wrong. I don't want to know. I hate the thought. It sours my stomach. It makes this anger that I am struggling to contain just rage. I want to unleash it. But right now she is denying her need for more of a life with me, yet thrilled by the attention, teased by the possibility of what she could have. Because if I know, I think I will hate her. She doesn't have to use her fists or a club to hurt me. Just confirming; that is enough. Just ending any chance that I am wrong is enough."

"Ray, No matter what you find out from her, you will be all right. And no matter what she tells you, you will remain in control of your anger. Remember each and every day. Just don't let the anger win. Walk away. Back away. Take a minute to catch your breath. Try those breathing exercises we spoke about. And then those visualization techniques."

"I don't know if it is the anger that scares me now. It's probably the Humpty Dumpty affect," Ray admitted.

"Humpty Dumpty?" Liz asked.

"Yeah, all the king's horses and all the king's men."

He read her email and stopped what he was doing. He paused and calmly counted to 10. One was certainly not as calm as ten was. He visualized a calm tranquil place and fought to not have Godzilla demolish it like Tokyo.

He scrolled the mouse fighting the want to throw it against the wall.

She responded:

Phillip is this you? What game are you playing? I am so confused right now. I need someone to talk to.

And Ray grimaced. It was a frown of harsh lines that pulled the muscles of his face taut.

He started to write, "Leave." He deleted it. He started to write, "Go to Hell." He deleted it. He started to write "Why him?" and deleted it with wobbly hands.

Instead he wrote, "Dana is happiness an elusive dream?"

O Mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
That can sing both high and low:
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Journeys end in lovers meeting, 4

Luke called just as he sent the email.

"Jessie and I have worked it out. It was all a misunderstanding. She doesn't want anyone but me," Luke practically crowed.

"That's great," Ray responded, struggling to keep the envy from his voice.

"We are happier than pigs in poop."

That was one of Luke's favourite catch phrases.

"That's great," Ray said again.

"How are you doing and Dana? And the kids of course?"

"The kids are fine," Ray answered.

"Okay my question is half answered."

"Dana and I are working on some things."

"Oh oh. I hope nothing is wrong," Luke said, the honest concern discernible through the phone line.

"Have you told Jessie about our childhoods? About your childhood?"

"Not yet. I will. I don't know if she'll understand. Her family is not like any family we know, except maybe Chuck's. I've been thinking about trying to explain it to her. How mean and hurtful they were. Growing up in solitary confinement like a serial killer."

"Oh. Tell me how that discussion goes when it happens."

"I will. How did it go when you finally told Dana?" Luke asked.

"I will let you know when I do."

"You are tying to tell me you never told your wife about your life?"

"No, not really. It was behind me. It is not who I am now. It was something in the past."

"Bullshit. It has so much to do with who you are now. The way you are now. If you deny that then you forget who you are talking to. I know you better than almost anyone. Ray, Dana is your wife for God's sake."

"She has her own issues. Stuff she is trying to tell me."

"What have you guys been doing for all these years? Just having sex every night and never talking?" Luke tried to lighten the mood.

"I wish. No just avoiding each other these last couple years. Trying to stay out of each other's way. Probably too scared to bump into each other in the hall."

"It was Chuck, wasn't it? It was learning about him that made you realize that you were just totally wrong with every thought and idea you had about the man you were," Luke queried.

"Yes."

"That's what happened to me. Ray you need to talk to her. And you need to convince her to talk to you. You don't want to loose her."

"I think I may have."

"Then fight to convince her. Fight to win her back."

"I'm trying."

"Walk in there and tell her. That's what I'd do."

"Then I would lose her. She is half ready to fly now. Gung Ho is not going to work here."

"Oh," Luke sounded disbelieving.

"I am going to a shrink," Ray said quietly. His ears pink.

"You are? What do you think?"

"You'd hate her. She is a brunette."

"I've changed my mind on brunettes." Luke said in a light tone.

"Well she is very good. I am learning stuff. I don't need my parents' anger to become my anger. And I am learning new ways to deal with things. Swallowing it, and lashing out, are the 2 options that are off the table."

"Wow. Maybe I need this shrink's number when you are done."

"May not hurt."

"So what are you going to do to win Dana?"

"Simple. I am going to woo her into falling in love with me."

Ray walked into the house. He called out her name until he heard her response.

He walked into the bedroom and whistled. Dana looked very pretty with a soft pink blouse and a tan coloured skirt. She even had earrings on. It made her earlobes look positively suckable.

"Wow you look great," Ray said.

"Thank you. Uh, what are you doing home?" she asked.