Chapter 2

"He used to just put a belt, a stick and a wrench on the kitchen table and say 'choose'," the blond man on the screen said.

The kids were in bed. And for one Friday night, rather than retreat to his office, he sat next to his wife on the couch to watch the DVD that she had rented.

When the movie started Ray wondered why she got it. It was interesting but seemed geared for college kids. As it progressed he couldn't help but like it.

"Gotta go with the belt there... ," the well known actor said as his usual comic antics were contained by a beard and mustache.

Ray could feel his body tense. Dana sat next to him on the loveseat. Their shoulders brushed together on occasion. But that was as far as the contact went. She was a good wife. She had dinner waiting for him. She had laundry done. She even gave him sex when he wanted it. But something as intimate as a gentle touch, a gentle leaning of her body into his, and she was as rigid as an I-beam.

"I used to go with the wrench," the blond actor replied.

Ray chuckled. He knew why. It made sense to him. There really wasn't any other choice.

Dana looked at him. He could feel her glance in the periphery.

"The wrench, why?" the comic asked.

He felt Dana nod next to him. Their lack of understanding confused him. Isn't it obvious? Why wouldn't it be obvious to everyone? Dana and Robin Williams were the only ones who didn't seem to get it.

"Cause fuck him, that's why," Matt Damon said with a false nonchalance that spoke volumes of anger.

And Ray laughed. It was a deep laugh. It hit him just right. It hit that funny bone that was truly funny. It was the perfect response to a silly question. Maybe it was simple enough that Dana and Robin couldn't understand.

She seemed shocked by his laughter. The look on her face showed her confusion He smiled and nodded.

"Good movie choice Dana," he said after the movie ended.

"I'm glad you liked it. It's been out for almost 10 years."

"Really?"

"I think we may have seen it together once before," Dana said.

"Wow, I guess I forgot."

"You find the strangest scenes funny."

"Oh, the wrench scene? It was funny because it was perfect. That would have been what I would have said if I was as smart and funny," Ray chuckled.

"You would? I know why he said it. But I can't imagine it ever being funny."

"It's odd what you can find funny in weird situations. So what are we doing tomorrow?" Ray asked quickly.

"You're not working?" Dana responded.

"Nope. I think I am going to start taking it easier on Saturdays. Let's take the kids somewhere."

"Okay."

"Unless you have plans?"

"Plans, no nothing, nothing," she answered quickly.

"How about the zoo? Have they been to the zoo in a while?"

"Judy had a class trip there but that was last year. I think they would enjoy it. Especially Tim."

"Great. Sounds like a plan. Are you ready for bed?"

"Yes, I'm going to grab a quick shower."

Need help, he wanted to say. I can scrub your back, he wanted to tease. But this was like wooing her again. This was a stranger that he had to find a way to make fall in love with him. It just so happened this stranger was his wife.

"While you're doing that I'll take care of a little bit of work and I'll meet you in bed."

He walked over to his office. He looked at the computer and shook the mouse. She had turned it off. He re-booted and thought to himself.

After the screen came to life Ray signed on to internet and accessed a free email provider. He opened an anonymous account. He could remember the email account she had created. He could picture the words in his head. It was etched in stone like a grave marker.

He put her name in the subject line. Ray then typed his text and did not sign it.

Have you got a brook in your little heart,
Where bashful flowers blow,
And blushing birds go down to drink,
And shadows tremble so?

And nobody, knows, so still it flows,
That any brook is there;
And yet your little draught of life
Is daily drunken there. 1

He clicked send.

He changed for bed and slid between the sheets. She came in from the bathroom. Her hair was damp and moist curls framed her face.

She got into the bed, said good night, and rolled onto her side crowding her edge.

Ray wanted to touch her. He wanted to just fast forward to when they could be open and honest with each other. But life doesn't work that way. And he couldn't handle pushing himself onto her. Pushing himself at her and knowing that she was just performing her wifely duty. He didn't like the way it left him feeling. Empty; not from losing himself in her. But empty from losing himself in her, and never gaining any part of her in return.

He made a decision. If she wanted to sleep in the far off corner of the bed and leave all that available room he was going to take it.

Ray said a good bye to his side and moved to the middle. He slid and twisted until he was right next to her. He moved until her back was brushing against his shoulder.

She raised her head, "What are you doing," she asked.

"Nothing, just getting comfortable," he responded with a smile.

"In the middle of the bed?" Dana asked irritated.

"Oh, were you using it?"

"Just suit yourself," she replied curtly.

Ray woke to Dana's back. She was a little tighter against him. But her back was still a barrier against facing him and waking with him.

She woke as he started to move. Maybe she felt the cold of his absence. She stretched and headed to the bathroom.

He waited a couple minutes and walked into the bathroom. Was he was pushing his luck?

"What are you doing?" she nearly shrieked.

"I am turning on the shower," Ray said innocently.

"But I'm using the bathroom," Dana replied.

"Were you planning to shower again?"

"No, but..."

"Okay then."

Dana hurried through her morning routine as Luke stripped. She eyed him warily as she quickly washed her face.

"Where did you get that scar on the back of your shoulder?" Dana asked.

He turned to look over his left shoulder.

"No, the other side."

He looked over his right not seeing anything. He walked over to the mirror and saw the line about 3 inches long.

"Had that for years. Since I was 10 or 12. Somewhere around there."

"How did you get that? I can't believe I haven't seen it."

"Probably was an accident. I use to get into a lot of accidents. I was just clumsy I guess," Ray said grimly.

"Okay. Well I am going to get dressed," Dana said.

He climbed into the shower. He turned the water from hot to scalding. He was going to burn away any thoughts that came up. He would exorcise the memories and cauterize the past.

He was done showering. He quickly dried off and stuck his head out of the bedroom door. Someone was in his office. He could hear the faint click of the keys on the keyboard.

He got dressed. And went to wake the kids. He knocked on Judy's door.

"Judy, Judy, it's time to get up," Ray said.

His daughter stretched and opened her eyes, "It's Saturday. We don't have to go to school."

"I know but I was wondering if you wanted to go to the zoo?"

"With you? You're not working today?" Judy asked.

"Not today. With me, and Mom and Timmy once we wake him up."

"Wow. Yes Dad. I want to go to the zoo."

"Well get dressed and we can have breakfast and then go."

Tim was even more excited. He jumped up and down.

"Tim, go use the bathroom, then get jeans and a T-shirt on. The zoo isn't going anywhere and you need to have breakfast."

Ray walked proudly into the kitchen. There was nothing to this fatherhood stuff. He met Dana at the breakfast table. She clutched a few sheets of paper in her hand.