Chapter 12: Long Odds

January 1805

Returning to Portsmouth, Tony found his ship almost ready for sailing. Lt. Fortescue had done a splendid job, and Tony told him so. The sailing orders had arrived, too, and Tony knew now that they had five more days in port. He gave his First Lieutenant leave for those five days and took over himself.

The orders called for Clyde to escort five Navy transports destined for Lord Nelson’s Mediterranean Fleet off Toulon. The ships carried much needed provisions, ammunition, and other supplies hard to come by in the Mediterranean. The orders stressed the need for steady vigilance since the Spanish had used the peace period to restore their fleet to its old strength. Cadiz and Algeciras harboured considerable naval forces, and Tony guessed that this was the reason for sending his big frigate as cover for the small convoy. He was quite happy with the orders; firstly, because those transports were commanded by Navy officers, less likely to do stupid things, and secondly because he saw a chance to meet Lord Nelson in person.

In the next days, Tony became immersed in the usual bustle of a ship making ready for sea. Fresh water came aboard in the very last days. So did his private stores. Since he had become affluent, he undertook to have good quality cabin stores and a selection of ales, wines and spirits. Personally, he drank sparingly, but there was always a chance to play host for other officers. He also paid another visit to Elizabeth’s shop, to pick up his new everyday uniforms and to settle his debt.

He slept ashore under the care of Mrs. Blacket who had taken charge of his house. So far, he was highly satisfied. The house was fit to live in, there were fresh linens on the beds, urgent repairs would be done in the next weeks, and, most importantly, the meals prepared by the Frenchwoman were a delight. After the first day, he ordered his steward, Giles, to come to his house and learn from Mrs. Blacket.

Their sailing was postponed for another three days when one of the transports, whilst taking cargo, crashed against a quay and sprung a leak, necessitating repairs. On one of the last days in port, their new surgeon reported for duty. Tony disliked the man immediately. He had unsteady, bloodshot eyes, and his once respectable coat looked as if the man had slept in it. He reeked of spirits, too.

“Mr. Sykes, isn’t it?” he began.

“Yes,” came a mumbled reply.

“That would be ‘yes, Sir Anthony’!” Tony snapped, his dislike for the man growing.

“Aye aye, Sir Anthony!”

“Let us be open, Mr. Sykes. I can see that you report for duty drunk. I shall not tolerate such behaviour. I expect you to spruce up your appearance. I don’t want wardroom members who look like they were just thrown out of a brothel. As for ardent spirits, you will abstain from them whilst you serve in my ship.”

Dr. Sykes made a face as if he had bitten into a lemon.

“That’s an order, doctor, and you’ll disobey it at your peril. I’ll have no drunk surgeon in my ship.”

“I’m not drunk,” Sykes protested. Under Tony’s glare, he hastily added a “Sir Anthony”.

“Yet you give a really good impression of a drunk. Perhaps you have a calling as an actor in the comedy. The medicinal spirits will be placed under the responsibility of the First Lieutenant.”

“That is insulting, Sir!”

“Maybe,” Tony answered coolly, “but my duty is to the ship and its crew. Personal sensibilities rank only low in my thinking. This is all. Get yourself in proper shape, and I may reconsider those measures. In the meantime, make sure that the sickbay is stocked with what you need. I’ll have your report by four bells in the afternoon watch. Dismissed!”

Tony shook his head. There were all kinds of people serving in the Navy, many of them fleeing from their own inner demons. Dr. Sykes would bear close watching.

Three days later, Clyde and the small convoy of Navy transports, three barks and two brigs, weighed anchor. Sailing close-hauled on a west-southwestern course in a north-western wind, they sighted Quessant after two days. Keeping the course for another three days saw them off the Galician coast. They sighted Cape Finisterre on the sixth day and changed course to south-southeast, sailing along the Portuguese coast. On the tenth day, they sighted Cape Sagres and the small convoy sailed on easterly course for the Straits of Gibraltar. The prevailing westerly wind saw them easily through the Straits. Skirting around Cartagena, where Tony suspected superior Spanish naval forces, they sailed closely past the island of Ibiza and then into the Golfe du Lion.

After seventeen days, they sighted the fleet and made their way to the flagship. The Victory lay hove-to in the light breeze, and Tony brought the Clyde to within two pistol shots before the helmsman turned her neatly into the wind. While the sails were shortened, the gig was already lying alongside. Tony, with his secretary and two mail bags, was rowed across to the flagship. The boatswain’s mates’ pipes twittered a salute and Tony was met at the port by Captain Hardy himself.

“Welcome, Sir Anthony! His Lordship asks you to report to him immediately. If you will follow me...”

The main cabin of the Victory was huge, and the little man in his admiral’s uniform looked almost lost. He rose politely from his desk, though, and approached his visitor who saluted.

“Captain Sir Anthony Carter, milord, at your service!”

“Thank you, Sir Anthony, and welcome. We have been awaiting those transports for weeks.”

“We had a fast passage, milord, just seventeen days. There was a delay in Portsmouth, though. The Wrexham brig sprung a leak that had to be patched.”

“Oh, I’m sure you did what you could, Captain. Your reputation is not of one who would waste time. I was merely referring to our dire need of provisions.”

“Of course, milord.”

“Did you see any signs of the Dons?”

“Not a single sail since Quessant, milord. With the transports under my care, I thought it best not to sail too close to Cartagena.”

“Certainly, captain. I take it that you will escort those transports back?”

“Those are my orders, milord.”

“Pity, that! I would give my other arm to have a frigate like yours in my squadron. Those old thirty-twos are no match for the French frigates.”

Hope surged through Tony.

“Perhaps the transports could be escorted back by one of those frigates which needs a refitting, and I could fill in?”

“You flatter me, Captain, and I am tempted. I’m afraid, however, that I would be relieved of my command if I undertook to shanghai a frigate under Admiralty orders. I shall make a suggestion to this effect in my report nevertheless.”

“My crew and I would feel honoured to serve under your command, milord.”

“Did you bring extra crews by any chance?”

“Three lieutenants, six midshipmen, eighteen able seamen, and twenty-two recruits, milord. And a company of marines. They are all berthed in the Badger transport.”

“Better than nothing. I just hope those French will come out and give battle. Blockading this harbour has to be the worst duty for an active officer. Now, Captain, I thank you for your services, but there are some documents for me to read. Perhaps I can entice to join us for dinner? I am sure my officers will be delighted to hear the latest news and gossip from England.”

“Certainly, and with pleasure, milord,” Tony answered delightedly.

He then spent a few more minutes with Captain Hardy on the quarterdeck to discuss the distribution of the provisions and the mail before his gig took him back to the Clyde.

For the remainder of the day, the Clyde stayed in the vicinity of the Victory. The transports distributed their cargo among the ships of the squadron and in return took wounded and disabled sailors and soldiers on board.

Later that afternoon, Tony received an invitation by flag signal to dinner in the flagship, together with several other captains. At the beginning of the first dog watch, the gigs of the captains assembled around the Victory. Tony was introduced to the other captains, and he realised that he was the most junior captain present with his scarcely more than two years seniority. During dinner, Tony was bombarded with questions about the politics and society gossip. Tony scored with his recount of the premiere night at the Drury Lane Theatre, and when he confessed his personal friendship with Anita, he was looked upon with awe. He also mentioned the fatal duel of Rupert Palmer, not so much because anyone might know him, but because his younger brother, Cmdr. James Palmer R.N., was now the heir to his father’s title.

Lord Nelson spoke little during the evening, and when he did, he did not raise his voice. Nevertheless, when he opened his mouth, his officers listened with attention. It was clear that the small man commanded the unconditional loyalty of his officers.

There was no heavy drinking during that dinner as Tony noted with satisfaction, and he returned to his ship at the end of the second dog watch with a clear head.

Four days later, the Clyde and the five transports saluted Lord Nelson’s flag with the prescribed number of guns and began to beat against the westerly wind. Tony had conferred with some of the captains who knew the waters better than he did, and he had decided to sail due south, past the island of Minorca, to make the best use of the wind.

They sailed, in fact, all the way to the African coast near Algiers. The second tack to north-northwest, brought them close to Formentera, where they tacked again. That third leg took them to Oran. From here, they had to claw their way to westward and to the Straits. They had some good luck at this point, as the wind shifted briefly to south-southwest, allowing the convoy to pass the Straits with close-hauled sails on the starboard bow.

That southerly three-knots breeze prevailed for another four days, allowing them to clear Cape Sagres, the south-western tip of Portugal. For another four days, they sailed northward before the light wind, until a western wind took over. With the wind abeam, they made slow progress until they rounded Cape Finisterre. From there, they raced across the Bay of Biscay, with a half wind and under full sail.

They sighted Quessant thirty days after sailing from Toulon. Coming across the Channel Fleet under Vice-admiral Sir William Cornwallis, who kept the French fleet in Brest in a veritable stranglehold, Tony briefly visited Sir William in the Elephant to learn the latest news and to relay Lord Nelson’s compliments. Another 18 hours later saw them rounding the Devil’s Head, eleven weeks after they had sailed from Portsmouth. Tony delivered the dispatches from Lord Nelson to the Port Admiral’s office and Sir Charles “Dreadnought” Foster received Tony’s personal report.

In turn, Tony received order to sail to London and await orders there. This was strange. The Clyde would sail three days to London whilst a post chaise could bring orders to Portsmouth within a day. Nevertheless, the Clyde weighed anchor and raced before a westerly wind all along the Channel coast. Past Dover, they turned north, with the wind abeam. Sailing upriver into the Thames estuary was an entirely different matter, though. They anchored near Southend for two days until the wind shifted to north. This allowed them, supported by an incoming tide, to sail upriver and into the Pool of London where the Clyde cast anchor.

Tony reported to the Admiralty but was told to wait for his orders. It was not decided yet where the Clyde would be posted next. Tony shrugged inwardly. They could do worse things to him than let him wait in London.

He called upon Anita at the first chance, and they met on several occasions during the following week. He slept on board mostly, however, as Anita did not seem to be all that comfortable with Tony sleeping in her rooms. She joked that with a horny sailor in her bed, she did not get enough sleep. When they had sex, it was in the afternoons. They still had a good accord, but Tony felt that their relationship was more and more moving into the direction of friendship with benefits.

He was having breakfast in the cabin of the Clyde when a letter was delivered by boat. Tony looked at the handwriting on the envelope and he felt uneasy when he recognised it. He opened it briskly, like someone who wants to finish an unpleasant duty.

My dear Sir Anthony, he read,

I have learned with great pleasure that your ship is at anchor in the Pool. We did not have a chance to talk to each other since your departure for New South Wales, two years ago. It would give me and my dear husband great pleasure if you could find it possible to visit us whilst you are in London. Perhaps you may care to join us for a breakfast tomorrow at 9 o’clock? If this would inconvenience you, feel free to suggest another time.

Your friend

Eleanor Lambert

Tony sighed. It would be an uncomfortable meeting. He held no small grudge against Harriet’s mother for keeping him uninformed of the reasons for Harriet’s marriage. On the other hand, he owed Sir Richard and his wife a lot for their help in his early career. Mostly, however, he knew that there was no valid excuse for turning down the invitation. Sir Richard must know that he was sitting around waiting for orders. He therefore wrote a brief billet acknowledging and accepting the invitation.

He was apprehensive when he arrived at the Lamberts’ town house the next morning. He half expected Harriet to be there. But Lady Lambert was far too sophisticated for such a ham-handed manoeuvre. Instead, he was received by the elder Lamberts in a cordial atmosphere.

No mention was made of Harriet in the first hour, and when Lady Lambert approached the subject, she simply apologised for her poor handling of the situation. She claimed convincingly that the whole affair had distraught her so much as to impair her good judgement. Sir Richard changed the subject again by asking Tony about the state of the Mediterranean Fleet and the health of Lord Nelson. They were still discussing this topic when the butler entered and announced visitors.

“Lord and Lady Brougham, Commander James Palmer, and Mrs. Palmer are asking for a brief interview.”

While Sir Richard lifted his eyebrow to indicate his surprise, Lady Lambert blushed.

“Oh, I am sorry, Captain, I assure you that I did not plan this. I don’t know the purpose of the visit.”

“Lady Lambert, there is no need for excuse nor explanation,” Tony answered politely. “Unless you would rather I left, I have no reason to avoid your daughter.”

Sir Richard had already risen to receive his visitor. Lady Lambert looked at Tony and spoke in low tone.

“You know everything?”

“I know the gist of what happened. But I know enough not to hold your daughter at fault for that sordid affair.”

Looking over her shoulder, Eleanor Lambert ascertained they were alone and then gave the flustered Tony an affectionate hug.

“You are a good man, Anthony Carter. May I entertain just a little hope that you and Harriet can be reconciled with each other?”

“There is always hope, but this is something Harriet and I must work out between ourselves.”

“Of course, of course,” Lady Lambert agreed hastily. “Now let us meet our visitors.”

They joined Sir Richard and his guests in the large living room. Harriet almost jolted back when she saw Tony; it was good that her face was behind her black widow’s veil lest she might have given away her feelings.

“Eleanor, Commander Palmer has asked for my permission to marry young Miss McTaggart. Personally, I cannot find any reason to object. What do you think, my dear?”

“Why, Richard, this has to be the best news in months. Of course, she is in mourning, and they will have to wait until next year. I take it that Miss McTaggart is in agreement, Harriet?”

“Very much so, Mother. She is positively delighted and she cares for James. I have rarely seen a better match.”

“Then it is agreed,” Sir Richard announced. “Miss McTaggart has inherited her father’s possessions, and I keep those in trust. When the time is right, Commander Palmer and I shall settle these questions. May I offer you some refreshments?”

Lord and Lady Brougham declined, and left soon after. Their state of mourning did not allow any forms of celebration. James Palmer accompanied his parents, of course. Only Harriet said that she would stay for lunch with her parents. They all went back to the breakfast table. Lady Lambert did not stay long, though. She left to organise their lunch. After a few minutes, she called for her husband to join her. Sir Richard sighed and shook his head before he left. Harriet and Tony were left alone.

“She is doing it again,” Harriet sighed. “Please believe me that I did not plan this. I had no idea that you were in London. You don’t have to stay if I make you uncomfortable.”

That last sentence came out with a little sob at the end.

“Harriet,” Tony answered, “I am uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable because I judged you wrongly and caused you additional pain. Also, because I was not there when you needed me.”

“Tony, you mustn’t blame yourself. Anita told me how you felt, and I can understand you. It must have been terrible for you, too.”

“Not as bad as for you, Harriet. At least I could find some solace.”

“With Anita?”

“Yes, with Anita. I did not know she was your friend. We met quite by chance. It was through her that I opened up again. Well, her and Maria.”

He had decided to be completely open. Whatever the future might hold for them, he was not about to start over with lies.

“Maria?”

“Doña Maria Christina Arabella Ruiz de Costa y Ledesma. The wife of His Most Catholic Majesty’s governor of Cartagena, Don Alonso Christobal Ruiz de Costa y Torquena. I had rescued her from captivity. She had been a prisoner for three years. She was a guest on my ship. I found her to be a fascinating person and endearing.”

“Do you love her?”

“I could have, Harriet. But she is married. It was only one night that we had, but I feel that it changed me. I would rather see her as a friend and soul mate than as a paramour. She told me to keep looking for the woman destined to be my wife.”

“So you had an affair with this Spanish woman whilst you had a relationship with Anita?”

There was accusation in Harriet’s voice.

“I had only met Anita for one evening before I sailed,” Tony answered reasonably, “I did not know whether she would want to see me again.”

He decided not to mention Elizabeth.

“It appears that your chagrin about losing me did not keep you from enjoying yourself,” Harriet stated with bitterness in her voice.

“Don’t you think that you might be just a bit unfair? For all I knew, you were happily married. What was I supposed to do? Seek death in battle?”

Harriet checked herself.

“No, of course not. I’m sorry, Tony. It is not easy for me to hear that not one but two women won your heart. It was bad enough with Anita, and Anita is my dearest friend. But your affair with this other woman makes me wonder whether you can be true to one woman at all.”

She half expected him to jump up and leave. To her surprise, he considered her accusation.

“I have asked that question myself, Harriet. I believe I would be true to my wife.”

Harriet pulled back her veil and looked into his eyes, studying him.

“I want to believe you,” she said in the end. “It is in fact very tempting to believe you.”

“Harriet, I have stayed true to you for over a year after we declared ourselves. Your image before my eyes and the prospect of returning to you was all I needed to resist the temptations.”

“There were temptations?”

“Well there was Lucy Gutteridge and her consort, Clarissa Durning, and a shipload of other women who would have done anything to escape deportation. I did not even think of them in that way.”

“You would not have succeeded with Miss Durning anyway,” Harriet answered dryly, “I know for a fact that she prefers female company.”

Tony looked at her, surprised. That was almost the old Harriet, witty and indiscreet. A moment later, Harriet realised it, too, and she managed a smile.

“There is still something about you that makes me behave improperly,” she stated. “I shouldn’t have said this.”

“My my, Lucy is full of surprises,” Tony marvelled, “but she is indomitable. One has to admire her for that.”

He looked at Harriet candidly.

“The fact that you know this tells me that you have found her friendship, too?”

Harriet blushed deeply.

“It just happened. I swear I did not mean to,” she whispered.

“Harriet, loneliness is terrible. You were lonely, and you needed the comfort of another human. I do not judge you. Far from that. I can appreciate that Lucy would be hard to resist, even for a woman. We have both made a clean slate. I would like for us to start over, let bygones be bygones. Don’t answer me now! Think about it. There is no rush after all. I’ll be sailing soon, but I would like to write to you regularly. Will you answer me?”

“Of course,” she smiled, her inbred optimism claiming the upper hand. “We shall work things out and be the stronger for it.”

Tony took her gloved hand and kissed it lightly. Suddenly, Harriet jerked her hand back.

“Oh, dear god, what about Anita? We cannot pretend that she is not in your life.”

Tony smiled grimly.

“Anita is following her own agenda. She already told me that she would be my paramour only.”

“But she loves you! She was so nervous about you showing at her premiere.”

“Yes, Harriet, Anita loves me in her way. But she will not allow that love to compromise what is her real fulfilment. Haven’t you seen her during the curtains after the last act? When I saw her, how she bathed in her success and the applause, I knew she would never give that up to be a housewife. Anita has made her choice, and I for one respect her wishes.”

“Will you tell her about us?”

Tony nodded solemnly. “I have to. Don’t worry, she will still be your friend.”

“I hope that. I could not stand to lose her friendship.”

Just then, Lady Lambert entered.

“Would you care to join us for lunch?” she asked sweetly. “Or would you rather be alone.”

Harriet looked at Tony and then at her mother. “No, mother, we are fine. Let us eat.”

After lunch, Tony bade farewell to his hosts and to Harriet and returned to the Clyde. Lt. Fortescue met him at the port.

“A messenger from the Admiralty delivered an envelope an hour ago, Sir. I sent a messenger to Sir Richard Lambert’s house.”

“And the envelope?”

“On your desk, Sir.”

“Thank you, Mr. Fortescue,” Tony answered and went into his cabin.

On his desk, in a heavy linen envelope weighted with musket balls, were the new orders. Breaking the seal, Tony found just two pages with a short order to join Sir Robert Calder’s squadron which blockaded Rochefort and Ferrol, two minor French and Spanish ports. This was a disappointment. Blockade service was dull and left little room to excel. At least, it was Calder’s squadron. Calder sent his ships to port from time to time. The Channel Fleet, by contrast, had not come to port for more than a year; they received provisions and fresh water by special ships. Still, he would have to stock his cabin with as many provisions as possible for a long blockade service.

He called for the purser and instructed him to take special care to obtain fresh provisions of good quality. His own steward was instructed to purchase live animals, chicken, a hog and rabbits, to break the monotony of preserved food. Together with his 1st lieutenant, Tony then discussed the spare parts needed during a protracted service in the stormy Bay of Biscay.

When he had satisfied himself that all the necessary preparations had been set into effect, he sat down at his desk to write a letter to Harriet, telling her of his new destination. She would know how to address letters to him, no doubt. Another letter informed Mrs. Blacket of the fact that he would be absent for a prolonged period.

In the evening, he went to visit Anita. She opened the door herself to his knocking and hugged him affectionately. They went to her living room.

“Anita, I have just received my orders. We’ll sail day after tomorrow at the latest.”

Anita reacted calmly.

“Can you tell me your destination?”

Tony smiled wryly.

“Blockade service in the Bay of Biscay.”

“That’s bad, isn’t it?”

“Yes and no. It’s relatively close to home, but it’s a hard service. Thank God, it is spring already.”

“Poor man! Is there time for us tonight so I can console you?”

Tony was surprised. Anita had been withdrawn, recently. He smiled in response.

“I should tell you a few things before.”

“And what is it that you have to tell me?”

“I met Harriet today. I was at her parents’, and she showed up surprisingly. She was with James Palmer and his parents. He asked for permission to marry McTaggart’s daughter.”

“He proposed to Moira?” Anita asked delightedly.

“Yes, he did. His father looked like he had to eat a live frog, but James Palmer has his own head. I like the man as much as I despised his brother.”

“So you talked to Harriet?” Anita asked, bringing the conversation back to the topic.

“Yes. After the Palmers left, Harriet stayed for lunch and we had a chance to talk.”

“Are you reconciled now?”

“Not yet, not completely at least. You see, I made a clean slate myself and told her of my life during the past two years.”

“Oh, you told her about the mysterious Spanish beauty?”

Tony nodded. “I guess it piqued Harriet that I enjoyed myself whilst she was stuck with that horrible man. She will need time to come to terms with the facts.”

Anita gave him a wry smile.

“I take it that you both aim for a complete reconciliation?”

Tony held Anita by her arms and looked into her hazel eyes.

“Anita, I love to be with you, I feel a rare harmony between us. For a while, I hoped that you could be my promise for the future. Yet, you said it yourself, and I have accepted it, that your future is on the stage. Harriet, by contrast, needs somebody to heal her wounds, just like I need somebody to start a family. I am twenty-seven years old, but if I died tomorrow, there would be nothing left of me in this world.”

“This bothers you, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. But there is more. I still feel love when I look at Harriet. She has been in my head for nine years, and the feeling is still strong. Anita, can you understand that?”

Anita nodded, her eyes suddenly moist.

“Tony, for the last two months I have worked to this end. I have encouraged Harriet to talk to you. I have tricked you into seeing her. I am happy for Harriet and for you. But this also means that I shall lose you to her. I cannot help feeling jealousy.”

“I can understand that. I have mixed feelings, too. You mean a lot to me, Anita. I cannot help it if we have different perspectives on life.”

Anita nodded. “I think you had better say farewell now,” she said softly.

“Yes. Anita, I do not want to lose your friendship.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t, but I need to be alone now. Take good care of yourself.”

“I shall. Farewell, dear.”

He kissed the cheek she offered and left. Anita was a riddle to him. She had explicitly told him that he was her paramour and nothing more. She had manoeuvred him into seeing Harriet again. And yet, she was disappointed now that her plot had worked. Maybe it was the fact that their affair had ended when she was not yet ready for it, Tony mused.

Harriet returned home more than three hours after leaving with the Broughams, only to be bombarded with questions from Moira and Lucy.

“Easy, you two,” she smiled, “nothing is amiss. I had to talk to somebody at my parent’s home. Moira, do not fret! Of course my father consented.”

Moira exhaled deeply. Lucy, on the other hand, felt that something had been left unsaid.

“Harriet, who have you been talking to?”

Harriet cast her eyes on the floor before she looked into Lucy’s.

“Captain Carter was at my parents’. Mother claims she did not expect me which is probably true. So, when James left, she left us alone.”

“And?” Lucy asked hopefully.

“Lucy, what do you expect? That we fell into each other’s arms? No, but we had a long talk. We also made a clean slate, both of us. There are a few things he told me that I have to come to grips with.”

Those things, of course, were Tony’s open admission that he’d had affairs with two other women over the last year. She knew that her jealousy was stupid. She had been married happily for all Tony knew, but she was bothered. It took her some reflection to realise that she felt envy. He had obviously enjoyed himself while she had been stuck in a loveless marriage. She resented that he had felt happiness while she suffered.