Chapter 30

After Christie's pronouncement, there was silence in the room. I stood there openmouthed. At first I was stunned. Then, I began to do a slow burn. I was sick and tired of being jerked around by Christie and her gangster friends. And now what was she doing? Trying to play me for some sort of fucking fool? I got my anger more or less under control and with as much control as I could muster.

"Christie, what the fuck are you talking about? You say that you're in love with me. You barely know me. And I know almost nothing about you. What I do know about you confuses and frightens me. Yes, it frightens me. It's as though you deliberately keep me off balance. Let me tell you what you remind me of. I did some fencing in university. Fencing is a lot like chess, only a hell of a lot faster. There was one guy that I could never beat. What I've seen of you reminds me of that guy. His strategy was to keep his opponent continually off balance, literally and figuratively. When he appeared vulnerable, that was not the time to attack. It was the time to defend yourself as best you could. You never knew where his attack would come from, but you knew it was coming. So please, put me out of my misery. Just what sort of shit are you trying to pull?"

Christie looked down at her hands. Then she looked at me. Were those real tears in her eyes? I doubted it. I was beginning to realize what a consummate actress she was. I kept quiet and waited. At last, she broke the silence.

"I can't say that I blame you for doubting what I just said. But it's true. I'm not trying to 'pull' anything, as you put it. I certainly didn't mean for this to happen. I've never wanted to love anyone. Anyone except my dad, that is. And that's a completely different matter."

"OK, I'm listening," I said, "And I'll play the game. Let's pretend that I believe you. When did you realize that you were in love with me?"

Christie sighed. A tear ran down her cheek. She didn't bother to brush it away. "It sort of came on," she said, "When I first met you, I thought that you were cute and sweet. Yes, I was rather a brat that day. But you were so nice. If you'd have come on to me like most guys have, I'd have written you off immediately."

At last she wiped the tears from her cheeks. She continued. "Of course, I'd watched your show ever since I'd been in the country. In my business, one must understand politics, and you have the best political digest available. Watching you on television after meeting you was different. I felt that I could interpret your little gestures and mannerisms to get the true meaning of what you were saying. Looking back, I'd say that I was beginning to feel some affection for you. Then there was the affair with Singh and my friend Linda."

She sighed again. "Would you mind if we sat down? I think that today's workout tired me more than I realized."

We went to the sitting area facing the huge window looking over the lake. Christie sat on the chesterfield and curled her legs under her. I sat facing her in an overstuffed chair.

"OK," I said, "go on."

"As you know, I arranged to run into you in the Eternity," Christie said. "Of course, I thought that I had everything under control, as I usually do. But I didn't. I didn't at all. First of all, I made a bit of a fool of myself coming on to you like that. Then when you introduced me to Shauna, it was as though I'd been struck in the solar plexus. Oh, she was pleasant enough. A lovely person, actually. But I almost hated her at first sight. That had never happened to me. I'm not prone to emotions of that kind. In fact, I try to avoid strong feelings of any sort. I try to remain as neutral as possible. It's much easier to assess someone that way. So my reaction bothered me. I couldn't sleep that night. In the wee hours, I realized why I'd reacted in such a catty way. I was falling in love with you."

"If that's true," I said, "then why all this bullshit today? For instance, what was that display in the bedroom all about?"

Tears were in her eyes once again. She said, "To be honest, I thought that if I could get you to come on to me like any other man I could treat you like any other man. I'd have happily screwed you just to prove to my self that was all that you wanted from me. I guess that I hoped that could be the end of it." She paused for a few moments and then continued quietly.

"You see, I never had what you'd call a normal childhood. I certainly never had anything like a normal adolescence. I never even had a boyfriend before Charlie. I don't mean that I was a virgin. Far from it. But I never had an ongoing relationship. And this relationship, Charlie's and mine, is not a romantic boy-girl sort of thing. Oh, I'm fond of Charlie. Terribly fond. But there's at least as much business as personal content in our relationship. What I feel for you is entirely different. And I don't know how to deal with it." She paused again. Then she looked directly at me for the first time in several moments. She continued.

"You talk about being frightened. I'm terrified. I've never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. I've always tried to be better than everyone else at everything -- more intelligent, better educated, more athletic, and yes, better looking. As they say, I've been 'figuring all the angles.' Just like one of those snooker players. And I've been able to keep everyone else, as you said, off-balance. Until now. Now, you have to come along. I don't know how to deal with you, and I know that I'm a terrible fool for telling you that. My entire live has been spent in assuring that no one had an advantage over me. And now there's you, and, Oh Christ!"

Christie burst into tears. She grabbed some tissues from the end table and buried her face in them. I sat in silence while Christie sobbed. This went on for what seemed a very long time, although it couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes. Finally, I broke my silence.

"Christie," I said, "please forgive me if I don't entirely trust you. There's too much here that doesn't seem to ring true. So far, I've seen you in two roles: the cold-hearted bitch and the love-sick adolescent. I'm not sure which of these, if either, is really you. And frankly, I'm not sure which one I prefer. You see, I'm in love, too. I love Shauna deeply and completely. I don't love you. I don't even feel much affection for you at the moment. It's possible that we may become friends. I'd much rather be your friend than your enemy." I smiled. "Especially," I said, "after that thing you pulled a few minutes ago, practically strangling me. I suspect that you could easily kill me with your bare hands."

At last, Christie stopped crying. She lifted her face from the tissues. She looked at me and gave a wan smile. "Kill you? I suppose it's theoretically possible, although I've never assaulted anyone. Master Lee's teaching stresses conditioning and speed, not aggression. Oh, I've had to defend myself a couple of times. What girl hasn't? But I've never injured anyone seriously. And I certainly have no reason to attack you. Quite the opposite."

I smiled back at her. "You seemed to think that there was a reason to attack me a little while ago. And for the life of me, I'm not sure what I said to provoke that."

"It wasn't your fault at all. I was so much on edge. You have to understand that just talking to you is a strain for me, even now. I just snapped for a moment. I promise not to do anything like that to you again."

"Please don't," I said, "my throat is still sore. Now, if I accept what you've been telling me, what will you do about the situation? What will we, you and I, do about it? Any suggestions?"

"No," she said, "no I haven't. As I told you, this is terra incognita for me. I've never been here before -- never even knew that this emotional state existed. Perhaps the best thing is simply to take it, as they say, one day at a time. However, now that you know, what will you do?"

I sighed, "I'll try to continue much as before. I suppose, however, that I'll be even more reluctant to talk to you than in the past. You still frighten me. Perhaps more than ever."

Christie stood and walked over to me. She stroked my cheek. "Dear, sweet Pat," she said, "please don't be afraid of me. I'll never hurt you."

I stood and held both her hands in mine. I said quietly, "And how about Shauna?"

"Would I hurt Shauna?" I nodded. "No," Christie said, "no I would not. I know how irrational my dislike of her was. I've come to terms with it. It's not her fault that she has the guy I want. She's a very lucky girl."

I heard the elevator coming. In a moment, the door opened, and out stepped Christie's "assistant," Fiona.

"Ah, Fiona," Christie said, "I'm glad you've returned. We have things to discuss, don't we?"

"Yes, Ms. Lau," the girl replied.

"You see," Chistie said to me, "Fiona's leaving. She's been a brick, and I'm sad to see her go, but I'm happy about the reasons for her departure. She's getting married. I've met the chap, and he seems quite lovely."

Fiona blushed prettily. She was an attractive girl and would no doubt have seemed even more so if she'd not been standing next to Christie.

"So Fiona, dear," Christie said, "please wait for me in the office while I say good-bye to my dear friend Mr. Connolly." Fiona left, and Christie turned to me once again. "Pat," she said quietly, "please hold me. Just for a moment."

Against my better judgment, I took her in my arms. Her head was on my shoulder. I could hear her sobbing softly and feel the moisture of her tears on my cheek. Suddenly, she broke the embrace and smiled at me through teary eyes.

"I promise to be good," she said. "Let's be friends." She held out her hand. I took it in mine and shook hands with her.

"Let's," I said.

Christie sighed. "Now I'll show you out." I picked up my coat, and we entered the elevator.

On the way down, Christie said, "As I said, I'll really miss Fiona. She's been with me quite a while. In fact, I brought her here from London."

I said, "Oh really? She doesn't sound English."

"Her parents are Scottish, and she was born in Glasgow. But Fiona was raised in the States. I'm afraid that she got in a bit of a scrape there and was sent back to the U. K." Christie frowned a bit. "When I first met her, she was living on the street and selling her favours to survive."

"I don't understand," I said, "are you telling me that she's a reclamation project?"

Christie said, "I wouldn't use that terminology. She was a kid who needed a chance to prove herself. Now, she has a degree in business and some money in the bank. And, I might add, a very sweet bloke who's head over heels for her."

"Good for her," I said, "and good for you, as well."

Christie sighed. "She'll leave a big hole in my life when she goes," she said, "She's been my right hand. It will be very difficult to replace her. If you run across any likely candidates, let me know."

We arrived at the lobby and stepped out of the elevator. Christie put her hands on my shoulders. Darling Pat, please be well. And don't be a stranger." She hugged me fiercely. Then she turned and got into the elevator. She didn't look back. The door closed, and she was gone.

I exhaled with relief. After this emotionally charged afternoon, I badly needed a drink. The concierge called a taxi for me, and I headed back to the hotel.

On the way, I rang Shauna's cell phone. She obviously recognized my number on her call display. She answered with "Hi, Pat!" She sounded excited.

"Hello, sweetheart. I'm on my way back to the hotel."

Shauna asked, "Did everything go all right?"

"In a manner of speaking. I'll tell you more later."

"OK. By the way, I've invited Robbie and Frank, that's her boyfriend, to have supper with us at Barootes. Do you mind?"

I sighed. I did mind, but it seemed important to Shauna. "No," I said, "of course not. Would you like me to call for a reservation? What time?"

Shauna said, "Just a minute." I could hear her talking to Robin. She got back on the phone. "Can we say seven o'clock? It's four now, so that'll give us plenty of time. I'd like to come back to the hotel and freshen up first."

"Sure, baby. I'll make the reservation. And when you get back, if I'm not in the room, I'll be in the bar."

"Tough day?" Shauna sounded concerned.

"You could say that. We'll talk about it later."

I'd just finished making the dinner reservation when the cab arrived at the hotel. I paid the driver and went up to the room. I dropped my briefcase and coat and headed for the bar. I sat at the long bar and stared into the mirror. Staring at my reflection while sitting in a bar was becoming a habit.

It was a pleasant surprise to see Adrienne approaching. Of course. I should have remembered that she was in charge of the bar on weekends. This was Saturday. Adrienne came around the bar and gave me a big hug. "Pat, it's wonderful to see you. Are you here on business?"

"Yes," I said, "and it's been quite a day. Please get me a gin and tonic. The large economy size."

Adrienne gave me a peck on the cheek and went after my drink.

I sat back down at the bar. A blowsy-looking blonde sitting about six stools away got up and came over to sit beside me. "Hi," she said, "are you with the convention?"

"No, I'm not. I'm afraid that I don't know about any convention. What sort of convention is it?"

"Some sort of salesmen. Insurance or something. Most of them look like hicks and are deadly dull. You don't really look like one of them. Are you staying in the hotel?

"Yes I am," I answered.

"How about we go up to your room and party? I can show you a real good time."

I looked at her. She was younger than I'd first thought. She looked a bit shopworn and had bags under her eyes, but she was probably no more than in her early twenties. She was also far from sober. The drink in front of her clearly wasn't her first. I said, "I don't think so. I'm here with my fiancée, and she'll be back soon."