Chapter 6

After fainting on her date with the doctor, which was definitely going to be her last date with him, Chelly had a day off and called in sick the following day. With what was going on in her head, she was not safe around patients.

The emotional drain from finally admitting that her whole sexual life had been spent seeking the wrong kind of man was devastating. She could not get the restaurant manager's words out of her mind when she came to in his office. He had assumed she was a hooker. Laying there in her barely existing dress with her pantiless crotch uncovered, that was exactly what she felt like. Being on a date with a man she cared not a whit for verified her status. She was with him for the glamour, a few baubles, some sex, and yes, the degradation.

Known truths about oneself that are long suppressed and denied are usually painful when they are inevitably confronted. Chelly was suffering huge doses of remorse, regret, and anger at herself.

Her mother, having long prayed for the revelation to happen, did everything she could to help. She took care of the kids and treated Chelly like the invalid she was. Most of all, she said absolutely nothing about what had happened, unless Chelly brought it up.

The afternoon of her regular off day, the doctor called to tell her he had a suite reserved for the next weekend in a nearby resort community. She was not at all ready for a confrontation, but she found the strength somewhere, and told him she would not be going with him, ever again. He did not take the news well. Though he said nothing overtly threatening, she could hear the undertone in his voice.

After two days of rest, Chelly went back to work. Though still upset, she got through her day without any mistakes. As she was about to leave, she was called into the supervisor's office. The supervisor, looking extremely uncomfortable, told her that she was dismissed effective immediately. The reason given was too many missed shifts.

Chelly knew instantly what had happened. Nobody broke up with the surgeon. That was his prerogative. She had missed exactly two shifts in the last six months, and one was from exhaustion caused by overwork. There had not been a single week in that time with less than six hours of overtime.

Once more her mother had to try to boost her spirits. Chelly viewed the firing as deserved punishment for the choices she had made. Still, as a single mother, there was inevitable panic over how she would support her family. Thoughts of being blacklisted in town ran through her mind.

She picked at supper and moped through a couple hours of the evening. Ever since that disastrous date, her mind had been constantly on Ryan. She dwelt on unrealistic images of him as her savior, her way out of the mess she had made of her life. Blowing him off for the surgeon she now saw as the single stupidest move of her life. There still was not the physical attraction that she had always sought for. But for once, the kindness, the gentleness, and the respect loomed as things she wanted and needed. She would call him. Maybe they could pick up where she broke it off.

Chelly was startled when a female voice answered at Ryan's phone number. The voice sounded like a teenager. Puzzled, she stuttered out her query. "I... I was t... trying to reach Ryan Herwalt."

"This is Ryan's residence," the girl answered politely.

"Wh... who..." Chelly felt like an absolute dunce.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jessica said. "My mother is Ryan's fiance."

Chelly felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Since it had only been a few months, she had just assumed Ryan would still be available. Fiance! How could that happen so fast? She had thought he was interested in her! And a woman with a teenaged daughter! How could that be?

Well, what did she expect? she asked herself. She was the one who broke it off with him before it even got going. And she did it for what they both knew was just a fling. Why would he ever think she had any real interest in him? At the time, she did not. He was just a nurse.

"Ma'am?" Jessica asked with some concern, "are you still there?"

"Y... yes. Sorry. I... I'm just... uh..."

"Would you like to speak to Ryan," Jessica asked, making a quick decision. Her first instinct was to protect them from intrusion. From the sound of the woman, though, and knowing Ryan's penchant for helping people, she thought he would want to talk to her. She just hoped she would not be interrupting anything in the other room. It sounded like they were just in the aftermath, now.

It could be very hard on a teenaged girl, knowing her mother was having sex in the next room. For Jessica, though, it was a true source of joy. She loved her mother, and had suffered through so much with her. Any happiness Carol could find was fine with Jessica. Of course, it made her want that kind of sex for herself, too, but that would come. She doubted there were any more guys like Ryan out there, but... Eric wouldn't be a bad second choice at all, if..."

"Who should I say is calling?" Jessica asked, shaking herself from her short reverie.

"Ch... Chelly. Chelly Harden."

Ryan's heart sank. This was an impossible situation - there was no right way to handle it. For Carol's sake, it would seem that he should refuse to talk to Chelly. But that would just leave the suspicion that he would contact her later.

He had been disappointed when Chelly had turned him down for the surgeon, but certainly not heartbroken. It was not like he was in love with her, or even infatuated. After watching Fran and Carson, he had felt the need for a relationship with a woman. Chelly was very attractive, highly professional, and friendly, an obvious choice for entering the dating scene.

Since meeting Carol, he had honestly felt not a single regret over his failure to connect with Chelly. He was more than happy with Carol. Ecstatic. The problem was, he knew Carol would feel threatened. He had told her all about Chelly, and he suspected Fran had talked about her, as well.

The Ranger way was to tackle problems head on, and Ryan decided that was the only way. Chelly was no threat to Carol's happiness, and he just had to make her believe that. Ignoring Chelly and refusing to help her if she needed it was not the right way, either. Helping people was part of him. Carol knew that, and would have to accept his helping Chelly.

Taking the handset from Jessica and leaving it on Hold, he told her to bring him another phone. He handed the second set to Carol, who was looking like a whipped puppy. He wanted in the worst way to cuddle her and reassure her, but decided that was not the best approach. There was absolutely no threat to his lover, and he would act that way, never even hinting at a problem. Though it would be hard, he did not even acknowledge her obvious reaction.

Once both handsets were on, and Carol was listening, he spoke "Hello, Chelly. I haven't heard from you in quite a while."

"H... hi Ryan. I... I'm sorry about the way things ended between us."

"Oh, no hard feelings. I have since found the love of my life. I hope things have gone well for you?"

"The g... girl who answered said you were engaged. C... congratulations."

"Thank you. How about yourself?" Ryan knew very well she would not have called if everything was fine.

"I, uh... I broke up with the doctor. No surprise, I'll bet. He didn't, uh, take it well. I got fired today."

"Chelly, do you have Fran's phone number. You call her right away. You are about to become a rich lady. I can't believe the hospital administrator would be stupid enough to go along with that jerk on this."

"Oh. Oh. I... I never thought of that. Will Fran do it for me?"

"Either that, or she will steer you to the best there is at sexual harassment cases. I'm glad you called, Chelly. Be sure to let me know what happens."

When the call ended, Ryan looked at Carol, as if challenging her to make an issue of the call. She knew what his eyes were saying, and whispered "I'm sorry," burying her face against his shoulder.

He cast about in his mind for ways to reassure her, and came up empty. Then, acting on pure inspiration, he asked her "Honey, are you set on a big wedding, or would you rather just go to the JOP?"

His question may not have reassured her, but it certainly startled her. And distracted her. It was a subject they had not yet addressed directly. She just stared at him, open-mouth, the blanket slipping down to her waist. Jessica, risking being impolite, had stayed in the room. She understood exactly what Ryan was doing, and she could hardly contain the love she felt for him.

When Carol did not say anything, Ryan went on as if continuing the same thought "... and would you like to get married right away, or would you rather wait a few months?"

It was then that Carol figured out what he was doing. She forgot all about the blanket covering her, all about the soggy panties between her legs - all about anything but her wonderful lover. She straddled his lap and hugged him as if trying to break his neck. She broke into huge sobs that lasted for several minutes. Jessica came and sat beside them, and both she and Ryan stroked Carol's naked back.

When she got control of herself, Carol managed to pull her own surprise on Ryan. She pulled back to smile at him, then said "I'd like to meet Chelly. Do you think she'd have lunch with me?" This almost made Ryan cry. Her fears were probably still there, and would be for a long time. At least she was acknowledging that they were unfounded. She was willing to face the perceived threat face to face.

"I'm sure she would," he replied. "She can use all the friends she can get, right now." Taking her face in both hands, he gave her a quick kiss, then an intense look. "You haven't answered my questions."

"Sweetheart, you don't have to rush into a wedding to make me believe you love me."

"Maybe not. But it's just a matter of time, anyway. I think it would be best for both of us to do it quickly. Now, do you want..."

Julia was pushing herself much too hard. It seemed like she always had a full calendar of patients, and she was trying to devote more time to the residents at Transformations. She had decreased the number of time slots that could be scheduled each day, but she always seemed to be making exceptions. She had no time for Mary Hall, but it was for Lindsey, and she could not say no.

Mary wanted to have her sessions on consecutive days to get them out of the way, and almost broke into tears when Julia said they would have to be at least three days apart. Mary would not have agreed to any sessions if it had not been a condition for a meeting with Lindsey. Julia's initial remote diagnosis of obsessive/compulsive disorder was easily verified.

The first session, Julia had to establish communication. Within five minutes, she was wishing for many more chances to talk to the woman. Hopefully, those chances would come once she was at Transformations. "Mary," Julia started, "I'm glad you decided to talk with me. You seem to be under a great deal of stress."

"Well, of course I am," Mary shot back. "Not only has my daughter left me, but she is making me choose between a trial and that awful place. And all for trying to keep her from sinning."

Julia was tempted to defend Transformations, but decided that was not the best avenue of discussion right then. "Now, I don't understand why you are so upset with Lindsey leaving. From talking to her, it sounds like you don't like her very well." With the short timeframe, Julia had decided to take the provocative, combative approach.

"What!!" Mary almost screamed. "How can you say that!? Why would she think that!? I love my daughter."

"Oh," Julia said, now in full play-acting mode. "I've talked to Lindsey and listened to some of those recordings. All I heard was criticism, scolding, and trying to lay down rules."

"Well, that was after she had already moved out once."

"So, what kinds of things did you compliment and encourage her about before she moved out?" Mary just stared at Julia, without answering. Julia went on. "Why do you think she moved out?"

"I suppose it was because of the misunderstanding about that rumor," Mary replied.

"Looking back, do you think you should have handled that differently?"

"I don't know what else we could have done. We heard it from the principal, after all."

"Didn't you have any doubt that Lindsey could have done that?" When Mary gave her another blank look, Julia went on. "Have you ever apologized to Lindsey for not trusting her."

"Apologize? She's the child. Parents don't apologize to children." That pretty much set the tone for the session. It went on from there, with Mary never once hinting at any culpability on her part, or on her husband's. Julia was able to prescribe something to calm Mary's anxiety, which she promised to take.

At the second appointment, Julia was justifiably proud of her success. She got Mary to talk about the roots of her obsession with Lindsey's purity.

It was no surprise that Mary's obsession was passed down from her mother. What was surprising was that she had adopted her mother's beliefs and parenting style almost intact. Everyone tends to revert to the patterns they are familiar with, but most parents end up doing at least some things in a very different way than their own parents did to them. It can be because they detested their parents' actions so much or because of normal generational or cultural changes.

Mary did a surprising number of things exactly as her mother did to her, particularly concerning raising her daughter. Her mother had been an ultra-prude, reacting violently to anything relating to sex.

Some of Mary's earliest childhood memories were of getting spanked for being caught with a hand in her crotch. As she grew old enough to take her own baths and showers, her mother would strictly limit the time, trying to eliminate any chance for touching herself.

When Mary hit puberty, the strictness turned into domestic terrorism. The most important part of her day was making sure nothing was uncovered, or covered too snugly, before she left her room. Even around the house, she could not leave her room in less than a floor-sweeping nightgown and a heavy robe.

Physical education classes at school were times of dread for Mary, largely because of the underwear she was forced to wear. The general fear of exposure instilled in her made it hard for her also, school locker rooms being notoriously short on privacy.

Her mother seemed to be unaware of the non-sexual reasons for distended nipples, and some of Mary's worst scoldings came when her erect nubs were noticed. In frustration, she took to putting cotton balls in her bras, not that her breasts needed any augmentation. The most terrifying of all to Mary was the inspection of her soiled panties. Her mother had a nose like a bloodhound. If she detected a whiff of lubricant smell at the end of the day, Mary was doomed to an inquisition.

A huge portion of Mary's social activity was at church, where her mother could keep a good eye on her. The slightest hint of flirting was cause for grounding. The few times she indulged in normal teenaged horseplay with a mixed group cost her dearly. There seemed to be no end of people willing to report her every move back to her mother.

"How were you able to attract Floyd, then?" Julia asked after listening to Mary's recitation.

"He came to school in our city, and started going to our church. Apparently, my folks did some checking up on him and decided he was a good catch. It's funny, you know. All the things I had been forbidden to do, I was suddenly expected to be good at. I mean flirting and interacting with Floyd. I guess I managed. We were married the week after he graduaated."

"Do your folks live here in town?"

"Oh, no. I insisted Floyd take a job somewhere else. I didn't want to be that close," Mary protested.

"Why not?" Julia asked, hardly believing the wide open door left for her.

"Can you imagine what it was like living at home?" Mary answered with some bitterness.

"What about Floyd's parents. Didn't he want to live near them?"

"No. There is something big between he and his mother. Something he will never tell about."

"So, Mary, you wanted to be away from your parents as soon as you could. Isn't that what Lindsey is doing, too?"

"But, why should she. I'm not like my mother," Mary said in a strained voice.

"OK," Julia said, "let's go through some things here. You tell me where you are like your mother, and where you are different. She proceeded to list about twenty behaviors, either from Mary's own recitation or from discussions with Lindsey. It took most of the rest of the hour.

During the last third of the list, Mary started to catch on, and it was a highly unpleasant revelation. Her eyes were moist and her voice was shakey when Julia wrapped things up.

"Mary, it is frightening how many bad things are passed down from parent to child. We have just seen how many things you do just like your mother. I think you are starting to realize that they affect Lindsey the same way they did you."

"Both you and your husband want nothing to do with your parents. That is being passed down to Lindsey, too, unfortunately. I cannot tell you that there is any way to build a close relationship with your daughter at this late stage. Too much hurt has been caused already."

"I want to encourage you to go into Transformations," Julia paused to let the fear reaction pass from Mary's face. "I have a good idea how you feel about it, but there are other things you need to consider."

"Please don't think I am putting down your religious beliefs. But the things you have learned from your own upbringing have caused nothing but pain for you and now for your daughter. Transformations is a wonderful place to start over, to peacefully evaluate what is important and what is not, what is good and what is bad. If you can get your health in order, you have half or more of your life left. Wouldn't you like it to be happier than the first half?"

"But... but the nudity! I could never..."

"Believe me, after a few days, it won't mean a thing. Tell you what. After your meeting with Lindsey, let me take you to see the place. You can talk to the women there and let them tell you how they feel. You can meet the men and see what..."

"Ahhhh!" Mary let out a near scream. "You mean... you mean... talk to the men who would see me? Oh, that's... that's..."

"Mary," Julia said in a gentle voice. "Would you rather stand trial and risk going to jail? Or would you rather spend a few months with some very nice people and come out looking better than your graduation picture?"

The meeting in Marty's office began in a very tense atmosphere. Mark did what he could to keep things light and cordial, but he was just a bystander, not one of the 'combatants'. In fact, his presence was no small problem in and of itself.

"Lindsey, I thought we were going to meet with just you," Mary said before they even got into the room.

"I'm sorry, Mary," Lindsey said, and waited for the shock of being addressed by her first name to pass from her mother's face. "I just can't face the two of you alone. Mark is like part of me, now. I believe we will be together forever, so where I go, he goes." She had not discussed that with Mark, but she certainly felt that way, and the squeeze of her hand told her Mark agreed.

By that time, they had all taken seats, and Mary spoke again. "You make it sound like we're always after you about something."

"You listened to the recordings. Was there anything else on there?" Lindsey asked with barely-restrained bitterness. Glancing at her father, she saw his expression and blurted out "Floyd, I see you finally realize it."

"Floyd!" Mary said sternly. "What does she mean?"

"She... she's right about the recordings," Floyd admitted.

"But she had left us! I was just trying to get her to see how wrong she was," Mary protested.

"And you thought that would convince me that I should move back?" Lindsey asked sarcastically. Silence reigned for several seconds, then Lindsey asked "Why did you want to meet with me?" She had come in determined to be civil, and was having to restrain sarcasm and bitterness. It disturbed her to realize she was very close to hating these people.

"We wanted to ask you to drop the charges and forget about going to that place," Floyd responded.

"And why do you think I should do that?"