Chapter 5

It has often been said that Christmas amplifies emotions like no other event in the year. It was hard to imagine how the emotional level for the Halls could get any higher. Mary had been a complete basket case since the kidnapping, and the supposed joy of the season had hardly dented her anguish and depression. Officially losing her daughter through manumission was a far more cruel blow than Lindsey realized.

Despite all her hangups, motherhood was still the cornerstone of Mary's existence. Because of her constant fear of Lindsey sinning, mother and daughter had never achieved an open, sharing relationship. It was always about control and prevention.

The very topics that were most pressing for the teenager were the ones her mother would react in horror at the mention of. In a sense, it was generation gap squared. The things Lindsey most needed guidance and reassurance about were the things Mary considered most evil.

Mary was completely unable to put herself in her daughter's place and provide her any realistic counsel. Lindsey, on the other hand, was afraid to ask advice or offer an opinion for fear of the lecture and the tightened restrictions that were sure to follow. It was an example of how a relationship could be totally dysfunctional despite the most laudable of intentions.

Floyd saw his wife's steady deterioration, and he reacted with concern for her well-being and anger at his daughter. He wanted to talk to her, try to reason with her, but neither he nor Mary knew exactly where she was staying. It finally occurred to him to work through the lawyers, and Marty got word to Lindsey.

Marty got Julia on a three-way with Lindsey, and relayed what she had heard about her mother's condition. Clinging tightly to Mark's hand, Lindsey said "I really don't want to talk to them. I thought I would actually be helping them by getting them into Transformations. They are in such terrible physical shape, they need something. Apparently, it's too much. Just tell the DA to forget about the charges. I need to get on with my life."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Marty asked.

"No, I'm not sure of anything about them. I did have the feeling I could help them, but it's just taking too much out of me. Besides, I don't think I should use the Tee for punishment, anyway."

"Don't you think you should at least talk to them?" Julia asked her. "I'm guessing that Christmas means a lot to your mother."

"If I thought there was even the slightest change, I would talk to them," Lindsey said. "But now, they would just try to dump a load of guilt on me."

"But you don't have to accept the load," Julia counseled her.

"Someday, I hope I can shrug it off," Lindsey replied, "but I can't, yet. Please, just drop the charges and give me some more time, OK?"

"Lindsey, try to remember the things we talked about," Julia said gently. "I honestly believe you should stick with the plan. I appreciate you not wanting to use Transformations as a punishment, but I don't mind that. It would mainly be for healing, both for your parents and for you."

"But it won't do any good," Lindsey said, almost in tears.

"Lindsey," Julia replied, "you were correct and you were acting as a loving daughter when you wanted them admitted to get in shape. They both are candidates for terrible health problems in later life, even early death."

"But what if Mother doesn't even make it into the Tee? That seems like a possibility right now."

"Hmmm. Marty did say she looked awful," Julia mused. "Tell you what. I'll do some sessions with her, see if I can get her calmed down. I can even prescribe something."

"Okay," Lindsey answered. "Tell her it's free, and I'll pay. I can afford it." Neither Julia nor Marty were able to speak for a few moments after that.

"You see," Julia said when she had full control of her voice, "you do care. A lot. I certainly cannot promise you will ever have a relationship with your mother like you do with Norma. But wouldn't it be worth a few more months of stress to be able to at least let your mother enjoy her grandkids? You've seen Jeanine and Carol and Jessica together, right? Well, Jeanine certainly has some hangups, but they're at least a functioning family, Grandmother, mother, and daughter."

"It... it's hard to believe that could ever happen for me," Lindsey said in a halting voice. "No one can change that much, can they?"

"Well, you know Shannon," Julia answered. "And you've met Kathy. Ask Janie and Caitlin and Jordan what their mothers were like before. Lindsey, those kinds of changes can happen. That's why we started this, you know. Even if you never get to have a close relationship with her, you will have the personal satisfaction that you did more to give her a good life than she did for you."

"It sounds like you really want her in the Tee," Lindsey commented.

"Well, it's not that we don't have enough challenges already," Julia responded with a chuckle, "but, yes, I do want a chance to work with her - and your Dad, too. First of all, I want it for you. Just walking away from your parents is a pretty severe thing. I agree that it's necessary right now, but it will always trouble you later in life, believe me."

"Yeah, Sonja and I have talked about that. We both believe what the Bible says about 'honor thy father and thy mother.' It has troubled me a lot, but I had to do something."

"Right," Julia commented. "I think it will definitely help you. And I believe we can change your mother a lot. She has been isolated to a very small group of people who believe just as her parents did. She has never had to examine her beliefs against those of others. Our environment is perfect for re-examining and re-affirming beliefs. We are already seeing some amazing interaction between the women. Just imagine the effect Norma and Barbara could have on your mother."

"I may be crossing the line on disclosure of privileged patient information here, but your mother is not actually my patient yet. I see her as a classic case of focused OCD, that's Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder. It is focused on your purity and your holiness. OCD is a very common psychological problem with proven treatment approaches."

There was silence on the line for quite a while, then Lindsey let out a big sigh and said, "OK. I'll stick with it. They, uh, want to talk to me, huh? I know it shouldn't bother me, but I still feel like I'm on trial whenever I'm with them."

Marty entered in at that point. "Why don't you meet them in my conference room? That's more neutral ground."

"Excellent idea," Julia said. "I have another suggestion. Marty, you set up the meeting. Give them the recordings of all the conversations when Lindsey last stayed there. Be very firm that they must listen to all of them before the meeting."

"What good will that do?" Lindsey asked.

Julia told her "We want to see if they detect or admit to anything wrong in the way they treated you."

"Does that mean you will be listening?" Lindsey asked.

"Listening and recording," Julia told her.

"Is that legal?"

"Actually, you will be recording. Neither Marty or I will be directly involved."

There was another long pause, then from Lindsey "I can't do this without Mark."

"Nor should you have to," Julia told her. "Actually, I think it would be good for him to be there. It will hammer home to your parents how things have changed." The discussion went on for several more minutes. When they all hung up, Lindsey collapsed in Mark's arms from the prolonged stress.

Floyd was relieved to hear that they could talk to Lindsey. Both he and Mary were saddened that she would not come to their home, but at least it was contact. When told about the recordings, he got quite angry, and almost told the lawyer to forget the meeting. Mary was listening, though, and just the look on her face told him he dared not refuse.

When Marty told them they would be quizzed about specific things on the recordings beforehand, he got even more angry. She actually lectured them about how the meeting would be conducted, what kinds of things would and would not be discussed, and what Lindsey wanted out of the meeting. This was not at all what they had sought. The woman left no room for argument, though.

For a while, Floyd's anger built, but then it subsided and he noticed his penis had swelled a bit. That familiar old reaction bothered him. He thought it was all in his past, but he had noticed it few times recently.

His boss, the VP of Investments at the bank, was a woman about ten years older than him. In general, she was a good boss, but occasionally, she had lectured him sternly. One time recently she had become very commanding, ordering him to do some things he had rebelled at.

That time, he had to stay seated in front of her desk for a few extra minutes. A full-scale erection had pushed out the front of his trousers alarmingly. When he calmed down, he tried to write the problem off to fear of losing his job. But he knew better.

In the meeting with Lindsey, the one with Frank Schermer present, he had had a similar problem. When Lindsey started her accusations and ignored all the objections, the blood had coursed to his penis. The lady DA giving them the ultimatum did not help, either.

Even Mary had caused the reaction a few times. She had strong opinions and expressed them openly, but she seldom took an openly controlling role with Floyd. On the infrequent occasion when she treated him like a child and became domineering, he had to hide his partial hardon. He could not let her see the effect she had on him.

As a matter of fact, he never completely softened after the lawyer hung up from telling them about the meeting. Mary wanted to start listening to the recordings immediately, terrified that they might miss some of the questions and the meeting might be canceled. Floyd wanted to put off listening, just as a meager rebellion against the 'orders' from the strong woman. He made the mistake of telling her he wanted to wait, and she snapped.

Mary gave him a righteous tongue-lashing and figuratively dragged him over to the CD player. By the time he sat down, he was almost hard. Despite his best efforts, she noticed. That set off an even more strident verbal assault.

Within the first two days, they listened to the CD three times. To his surprise, Floyd began to notice a pattern. Practically everything said to Lindsey was either punitive, corrective, or at least cautionary. For Brett, there were numerous compliments, no rebuffs, and a lot of jocular 'guy talk.' There was almost no neutral, light conversation with Lindsey, although he noticed her trying to initiate some.

Floyd thought at first that the recordings had been edited to make Lindsey's point. But thinking back, he could not recall any positive things toward Lindsey that had been left out. Nor could he think of any scoldings or discipline for Brett. It hit him hard. They really were that biased and discriminatory. How could it have happened?

Even as he asked himself, he knew how it happened. It was the way Mary felt about her children, and he had not intervened to try to change anything. She had driven her daughter away, and he had blindly watched it happen.

Well, how was he to know? It was how he was raised, after all. It seemed normal and natural, and Lindsey did not openly rebel. He had just chalked up her complaints as normal for a teenager. She would get over them. Right!

Now, there was nothing he could do about it. Mary was fixated on that meeting with Lindsey as if it was a lifeline. She must assume that they were going to convince Lindsey to drop the charges and forget the whole thing. Maybe even move back home.

He watched as Mary listened to the recording for the third time. He saw her nodding at sections where she was scolding or lecturing Lindsey. His wife was absolutely certain she had done the right things. Nothing he could say now would cause anything but trouble.

With a wave of nausea, he realized that Mary needed to be in that institution - that Transformations place. The problem was, he would have to go in, too. What about his job? How would he earn a living if he lost it? He tried to make himself believe that was his main concern, but deep down he knew the real terror came from exposing himself to women. Women who would be in control of him...

It is amazing how perversion can sneak up on people who have every sincere intention of being righteous.

Floyd Hall's father was a long-time ruling elder in their church, which belonged to a very fundamentalist denomination. His mother, Ellen, was equally devout. Floyd's only sibling was a sister, Sally, five years older.

When Floyd was an infant, a friend of Ellen's had a little boy with a frightening medical problem. The boy developed a fungus on his penis that lingered for many weeks. Living through the problem with her friend had a huge impact on Ellen. She became fixated on her own infant son's genitals.

At first, Ellen was driven by an understandable fear that her little boy might develop the same fungus. She spent an inordinate amount of time moving the loose skin on his penis to make sure every square millimeter was sterile. Since the scrotum also had lots of folds and wrinkles, she made the logical assumption that it was also in danger of infection, and cleaned it with excruciating care, too.

As Floyd progressed through the toddler stage to being toilet trained, the fear never left Ellen. It became her habit to thoroughly inspect and wash his whole crotch area after every use of the toilet. From the earliest times he began to wipe himself, she would unload the sternest scoldings on him if she found a speck of feces that he had missed. Concern had already morphed into obsession.

The sexual revolution was a howling success, but the Halls' sect and their house were isolated backwaters. Ellen provided minimum information to her daughter, who was still short of puberty. Sally was excused from any classes that included any level of sex education. Little Floyd's genitals, however, were a matter of hygiene, not sex.

Having a daughter several years older than her son was a bonus for Ellen, especially since Sally liked playing mother for her little brother. Ellen instilled her paranoia of penile fungus into her daughter, and taught her the proper way to examine him and clean him. Inadvertently, she gave Sally the gift of much better sex education than her peers.

Ellen learned ways to stimulate her son's little member so it became hard. That made it much easier to be sure it was clean. It was such a luxury to have Sally to do some of the work, and she wanted to make sure the girl did it right. She taught Sally the tricks, too.

For as long as she could, Ellen put off an explanation to her daughter of the significance of the boy's erection, but by the time she was nine, Sally began to hear things at school. The was a major blowup when Sally asked if it was 'hardons' or 'boners' they were giving Floyd. It just had not occurred to Ellen that the girl was getting an inadvertent advanced sex ed class from tending to her brother.

After a good deal of screaming and shouting, Ellen had to answer the questions. That would have been the perfect time to end Sally's involvement, but it did not happen. Sally bullied her way into continuing the privilege by threatening to talk. Ellen was aware enough to know that she could lose her son if the wrong message got out. It was the first time it occurred to her that she was doing something seriously wrong. Unfortunately, she neither saw nor sought a way out.

Through his pre-school years, Floyd had no way of knowing there was anything unusual about his treatment. In every other way, his life was normal; extremely strict, but normal. And besides, the attention felt good, often producing giggles.

As he reached seven and eight, Floyd let a few things slip to his friends, and their reaction alerted him to the fact that what was going on might not be right. He quickly clammed up on the subject, and stopped bringing any friends home. Ellen was puzzled that he always went elsewhere to play, but never connected it to her inspections.

Once he found out it was abnormal, Floyd no longer took it willingly or passively. He started to complain and object, but that just threw Ellen into dominant mode. There was no question who ruled that household. hEr husband was a strong person, but besides being busy, he was purposely uninvolved in anything domestic. The exception was sports, which he played and helped Floyd with at every opportunity.

When Floyd threatened to tell his father, Ellen threatened to tell all his friends and little league teammates. Young as he was, he was not sophisticated enough to win at the blackmail game. He could not have known how truly vulnerable his mother was. He complained and resisted every time, and she shouted and threatened and basically bullied him.

It was a strange dichotomy. To all outward appearances, Ellen was an ideal mother. In everything but that one area, she actually was. But when it came to Floyd and his 'inspections' she was a tyrant.

At about that time, Ellen took a part time job. That left Sally alone with Floyd for a few hours in the afternoon. The daily afternoon 'inspections' fell to her. It had progressed to where either Ellen or Sally would do it morning, after school, and at bedtime if the father was not around.

With both mother and daughter, perversion had definitely set in. Ellen was heading toward her sexual peak. Her husband, never an ardent lover, was becoming less and less interested. She got a little sexual thrill from handling her son, and more from dominating him.

Things had gone well past any justified inspections. The obvious goal was to get Floyd erect and to fondle and humiliate him. Ellen still went through the formality of if the inspection. But handling his hardness was what she really wanted.

Through guile, good instincts, or blind luck, Ellen and Sally managed to keep their antics from Floyd's father, and Floyd could not stomach the risk of telling him. The thought of all his friends being told was more than he could bear. Of course, there was also the problem that the end result felt good to him. Things went on through his elementary years.

Because of Floyd's futile objections, Ellen's dominance, and the inevitable hardon, some of the steps became unnecessary. By merely commanding him to get into the bathroom and drop his pants, El could make him get hard.

It was Ellen who witnessed the onset of puberty. First came dry orgasms, and then she milked the first ejaculation from her son. In the kind of twisted justification used by true perverts, she decided she had to continue jacking him off on a regular basis. If she did not, he might experience wet dreams. If the semen dried on him in the night, it could lead to the dreaded fungus.

As his penis grew toward manly size, hair sprouted on his pubis, and he could ejaculate regularly, Floyd became far more interesting to Sally, then nearing eighteen and in her Senior year. She, too, dropped the pretense of hygiene and just enjoyed her toy. She tended to be more cruel and dominant than Ellen, lacking the basic motherly instinct that kept Ellen from getting even more out of hand.

Quite often, she would order Floyd to drop his pants as soon as he came home and make him stay bare-assed until just before their parents arrived. She became adept at getting him hard, just by dominating him. It might just be berating him about homework or the condition of his room, but she could get him erect almost at will. She also discovered mean little tricks to make him go soft, such as snapping his glans.

By now, Floyd was physically strong enough to resist either his mother or his sister. His problem was always the fear of disclosure. Naturally, the feeling of someone else masturbating him was wonderful. But as he matured, and as his contemporaries became more and more macho, the humiliation and the damage to his ego outweighed the pleasure.

One day at school, there was a huge buzz about a girl whose father had been arrested for fondling her. That was the first time Floyd had made the connection that his mother and sister had as much to lose from discovery as he did. One of his teachers, realizing the commotion the incident had caused, gave her class a little lecture. She made it clear that any such activity by anyone, mother, father, other relative, or stranger, was a crime and should be reported. That gave Floyd the assurance that he had leverage. Now all he needed was the courage to use his advantage.