Chapter 1

... to be drawn and quartered, with arms and legs bound in chains of obligation, and pulled by love.

Even as we scream our pain and anguish into the empty cavern, we hear our cries echo back at us in a voice that sounds angry rather than anguished. “I want, and I don’t want this!”

When opportunities for growth arise for one member of a family, how can we support them while remaining true to ourselves? It’s not exactly a new problem, it’s more of a widespread dilemma of modern times. Should one person move across the country so that a spouse can have a better life and lose theirs in the process? Or should they ask that the spouse stay in their current situation to enable their growth? Is there a better solution to the problem that remains to be discovered?

‘Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend.’ So says the great playwright. Trite advice for facing the difficult challenges of life. Change often throws choices at the living that forces one partner into accepting a debt of love or dissolving the partnership. This can not be avoided. People have no control over the chaos of opportunities and misfortune that life throws their way. The belief that we have control is an illusion.

As opportunities come and go, each brings with it the risk of terminating a loving relationship. The fear that arises from knowing that a loving relationship is at risk at all times is tremendous. Jealousy and control are expressions of inept attempts to reduce that risk, yet they only increase the risk by throwing the debt of love in the face of the other. Love becomes obligation and obligation kills love.

“Compromise!” shouts someone from the sidelines. Yet how do you compromise when the choice is an either/or? The choice may be to move across the country for a dream job for one member of the relationship or to stay where family surrounds the other member in loving support. It isn’t possible to move the job to where you already live or move everyone to where the job exists. To leave one spouse behind to live with their family while the other moves to follow the job is a short-term solution that in the long-term can kill the relationship. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

The situations that can arise are numberless, thereby making each opportunity unique. With no fixed answers, we cry into the empty cavern in anguish and hear our voices echo in anger. At night, someone will lie in bed saddened by the change that life has imposed on him or her. The other lies in bed torn at the unhappiness their choice caused in the other. Anguish, anger, jealously, and loneliness are emotions produced by choices made or unmade.

It was the first session of the forth year of classes. Ed looked at the student in surprise that such a question would be asked the very first day. It was his first time to teach in the Druid College and he had just covered the basic kinds of rocks. The student had just asked, “So what kind of rock will the dirt outside this building turn into?”

John had suggested that he use such questions to allow the students to explore the topic when he didn’t have a quick or direct answer at hand. The case here was that he hadn’t covered enough material to give an answer that would be understandable. The idea that the students might learn that not all answers were simple appealed to him. Ed looked around the class and asked, “So would anyone like to take a guess?”

Another student, looking about like she was nervous, raised their hand. After Ed pointed at her, she replied, “It would have to be a sedimentary rock.”

Nodding, Ed said, “True enough as a first pass.”

The first student raised his hand. After Ed acknowledged him, the student said, “There’s a lot of organic material in the soil. Wouldn’t it turn into oil?”

The discussion raged for the last ten minutes of the class. Each student added a small piece to generating an answer to the question. Many of the pieces were contradictory and Ed watched as they tried to reason out how soil would change to rock. They were not coming up with a single answer and it was easy to see that there was a certain amount of frustration building.

A few minutes before the class was scheduled to end, Ed interrupted the discussion and said, “The actual answer is quite complex. It depends on the geological forces that are applied to the soil. At every phase of its evolution, different factors can enter that will change the outcome. It may start out undergoing a sedimentary process. Once buried, it may undergo a metamorphic process. I think the complexity of the answer is part of the attraction of this area of study. Hopefully, by the end of the semester you will understand the complexity and we can return to this discussion.”

Class time was nearly over and Ed had one more major task to complete before class ended. After a quick glance around the room, he said, “Read the first chapter of your book for tomorrow.”

His announcement was not greeted with the kind of groans that would normally occur in a college class after receiving such an assignment. Most of the students came to class expecting that and many had already read the chapter in anticipation of the assignment.

When the clock showed that the class was over, the class filed out of room in the disorganized manner common to Druids. No one pushed or shoved as people walked at a pace of his or her choosing, adjusting it to the pace of the people around them. They weren’t exactly quiet, as pairs or threesomes discussed the material covered in class in muted voices.

When the students had finally left the room, John came up to the front desk where Ed was collecting his material. With a grin, John said, “They threw you a curve on that question.”

“You can say that again. I’ve never had a student ask that question before,” replied Ed. The closest he had come to that question usually arose when he discussed the formation of sandstone. Shaking his head, he said, “It’s only the first day of class.”

“So how do you like teaching here?”

Still recovering from the question and the insights exhibited during the conversation that followed, Ed answered, “I like it. This is definitely going to be a challenge. Of course, they just gave me a good question for the final exam.”

Laughing, John replied, “Has anyone told you that you are evil?”

“Not lately,” remarked Ed with a grin. With a wink, he added, “Usually I’m much better at hiding it.”

The two men laughed as they left the classroom. Ed would be returning in half an hour to teach the next section of the class. This was the introductory class to geology and he would teach two sections of it this quarter. Another instructor was teaching two sections, as all students were required to study this material. Next quarter, he would have only a single class covering the next material. The third and fourth quarters were going to be easy since he wouldn’t have a class. The next year of teaching would add a class to each quarter. When the first set of students reached their final year, he would be teaching three classes a quarter, but the odds were good that there would be very few students in any particular class.

In the dining room of the fourth year students, Ed looked around at the students gathered there. They had changed in significant ways compared to how they had been the first day they had entered college. Only three students had dropped out so far and one of those was because of health problems. It was an amazing retention rate considering how it compared with other universities. The environment of mutual support, study groups, and focus on learning was having a beneficial effect. Reasoning skills that had been neglected until entering the college were now honed to a sharp edge. Ed remarked, “These kids are so sharp, I doubt that I’ll be able to challenge them the last year of their education.”

“You have experience on your side,” remarked John, understanding exactly how Ed felt. There were times when these kids really pushed him to his limits. Taking individuals with the highest potential and developing them to the highest level possible had produced some very exceptional individuals. In a few years, they would become powerful leaders in any activity that they might pursue. Seeing the doubt on Ed’s face, he added, “Don’t worry. They may be able to reason, but they still need facts with which to reason about. You have those facts locked up in your head and that is what they need.”

Smiling, Ed shrugged his shoulders as if to signify that he would see when the time came. The waitress showed up at the table to take their orders. Middle aged with too many years spent on her feet waiting tables, she viewed everyone and everything with the kind of jaded eye that sought out the worst. In a bored tone of voice, she said, “What ‘cha want?”

Glancing at his watch, Ed saw that he had only twenty minutes before the next class. He said, “I’ll take a cup of coffee.”

The waitress, on the job for less than a week, looked down at him with a frown trying to remember where she had encountered Ed previously. Giving up, she asked, “Do you want me to bring a carafe?”

“No, I’m only going to be here for fifteen minutes,” answered Ed. It took him a minute to realize that this was the waitress that used to work at the Possum in town. He said, “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you. You used to work at the Possum, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did. The pay here is better though,” replied the waitress indifferent to his observation. She turned to face John and asked, “What can I get you?”

“I’ll have the Egg’s Benedict and some coffee,” answered John amused at her indifference to Ed. He considered teasing Ed about losing his thing for Damsels. It would be interesting to see how long she was able to maintain her distance.

She walked off to take care of the order. Ed watched her go and asked, “What is her name?”

“Sasha Zyzelewski,” replied John. He had sat in on hiring her and knew that she had a troubled past. They had hired her despite the objections of the personnel director who had objected to her deeply ingrained negative attitude.

Ed nodded as he committed her name to memory. He would be spending most of his breaks between classes here and didn’t want to be rude. After a moment of silence, he said, “I’m curious how the next class will go.”

“Probably the same but completely different.”

Laughing, Ed sat back in his chair and relaxed. He said, “I need such reassurance.”

John grinned and looked around the room at the students that had descended on the dining room. The waitress was busy taking orders, most of which were for coffee, juices, and quick breakfasts. The waitress, tired of running around, returned to the table at the first opportunity and set the coffees for John and Ed on it. She snarled, “We ought to put up a self serve breakfast buffet. I can’t run all over the room like this.”

“Good idea, Sasha,” replied Ed as John said, “Do it.”

The waitress stood there staring at the two men in shock, not having expected that response. Puzzled, she asked, “You want me to do it?”

“Sure,” replied John. He looked across the room and noticed that one of the students had taken it upon himself to serve coffee to a number of the other students. This was nothing unusual, particularly since the students often overwhelmed the waitresses during the half-hour breaks between classes. He wondered how Sasha was going to take it.

She looked at the pair of men, noticing their smiles before she went back to her duties. When she saw a couple of the students walking around with coffeepots filling cups at various tables, she didn’t know how to react. She glanced back at John and Ed for guidance, but they were just smiling as though nothing was wrong. She returned to the table and asked, “They are helping themselves. Is that allowed?”

John looked over at the students and asked, “Are they harming anyone?”

“No,” replied the waitress confused by the question.

“Then it’s okay,” asserted Ed watching her reaction.

Squinting out of one eye in a facial expression that reminded Ed of Popeye, she said, “Explain that to me.”

“If it harms no one, then do it. That is one of the rules of this campus.”

“What has that got to do with them helping themselves?”

Grinning, Ed asked, “They can do it because it harms no one. In fact, I’d say that it helps you out.”

The waitress walked away and returned to her work. As fast as she moved from table to table, the students were quicker. They took care of themselves and the other students around them. After about ten minutes, the waitress stood in the center of the room and just watched the activity around her.

Ed drank his coffee and watched the student dynamics. They were excited about their new classes and were already sharing stories about their instructors. More than a few glances in his direction suggested that his teaching style was already a matter of discussion. John noticed and said, “Word is getting out about you already.”

“Yeah, it would be interesting to find out what they are saying about me.”

“Don’t worry. They’ll like you, they’ll hate you, and they’ll curse you at times if you do your job correctly. After they leave here and experience the real world is when their opinion counts.”

Ed was silent as he thought about it. In Arizona he had never really given it any thought. Most of the time was spent just trying to get the students through the program. He gave them the best that he could and hoped that it helped them in their careers. Nodding, he said, “That’s true.”

Taking another sip of his coffee, John shook his head and said, “It’s been so long since I taught basic physics, that I was terrified going into the classroom. Still, it has been a very rewarding experience teaching these young people. They are smart.”

“Yeah, I can see that they are smart.”

Curious, John asked, “Did you select an intern yet?”

“Not yet,” answered Ed. It had been decided that each Druid would work with one or two fourth year students to introduce them to the kind of activities that Druids performed when serving in official situations. This would help them adopt their responsibilities without the kind of surprises that other Druids had felt on their first exposure to service.