Chapter 9

It takes more than an hour to buy a suit, usually at least two days if the place has any volume at all. When it’s necessary to get clothes for a funeral in a hurry, the only option is to purchase dress pants and a sports coat. Add a tie and a new shirt, and it’s possible to show up at a funeral and look halfway decent.

Wandering alone and lost in a shopping mall, Ed had no clue as to what he was doing or where to go. There were so many stores here carrying all different kinds of things, that he was clueless. The stores closed at nine and wouldn’t open until it was too late to buy anything in time for the funeral.

Frustrated, Ed spotted an elderly woman dressed in sweat pants, sweat shirt, and sneakers walking through the mall. He approached her and said, “Excuse me, Ma’am. I’m hoping that you can help me.”

Expecting this to be some kind of con, the woman asked, “What do you need?”

Breathing a sigh of relief, Ed answered, “I have a funeral to attend tomorrow morning, and I need to buy appropriate clothes. Can you tell me where I should go, and what I should ask for?”

The request was far from anything the woman had expected. She stepped back trying to figure out how he was going to rip her off with that kind of come-on line. She pointed to a department store and said, “Go in there and ask for directions to the men’s department. They’ll have a sales staff that will help you.”

“Thank you,” replied Ed overjoyed at having found a direction to head. Turning without waiting for a ‘you’re welcome,’ he headed towards the store. When he hit the entrance, he came to a screeching halt as a chaotic scene of women’s perfumes, cosmetics, and clothes overwhelmed him. Open mouthed, he stared into the store.

A tugging upon his shirt sleeve caught his attention. The elderly woman stood next to him and asked, “Is this your first time in a mall?”

“Yes,” replied Ed. He looked around and answered, “I’ve never seen anything like this.”

Smiling, she said, “Follow me young man and I’ll take you to where you need to go.”

Obedient as a loyal hound dog, Ed followed the woman through the maze of counters, aisles, and displays. Every twist and turn opened up more sights than Ed had never seen in a single store.

He kept saying, “This is amazing. It’s so big.”

It didn’t take long before they were standing in front of the men’s department. Rows of suit coats, pants, and displays of shirts overwhelmed him. Looking around for a salesman, he didn’t spot one. The woman watched Ed, enjoying the reaction of the man as he tried to make sense of the scene in front of him. She said, “We’ll have to get you some dress pants and a sports coat. If you want a suit, they’ll have to go to a tailor to be adjusted and that will take too long.”

“Tailor?” asked Ed. His face all scrunched up, he asked, “Aren’t the clothes finished here?”

The old woman laughed and pulled him down an isle. Pulling out a pair of dark blue pants from the rack, she held them up to him. She asked, “Do you know what size you are?”

“Is it the same as jeans?”

“Yes, it is,” replied the woman.

He thought about it for a second and said, “34, 34.”

She flipped through the pants on the rack until she found a pair the right size. She handed it to him and said, “Go try it on.”

He looked at her for a second and then asked, “Right here in the store?”

Laughing, she pointed to the corner and said, “There’s a dressing room over there.”

Ed went to where she pointed out and found a couple of rooms. Entering, he sat on the little chair and pulled off his boots and jeans. Putting on the pants, he found that they fit pretty well. Trying to put on his boots, he found that they didn’t fit under the pants legs. He took them off and put his jeans and boots back on.

When he came out of the dressing room, the woman was waiting for him with a coat. She asked, “Well, let me see them.”

He frowned and said, “They’re too narrow at the bottoms.”

“Turn around.”

Puzzled, Ed turned around slowly. He asked, “What am I doing?”

Confused, the woman said, “I don’t see why they should be too narrow around your bottom. You don’t have a big butt.”

Ed laughed aloud before he answered her unspoken question, “I mean at the bottom of the pants. I can’t put my boots on.”

Realizing the mistake she had made, she laughed and clapped her hands. She said, “I feel so foolish, but you really shouldn’t wear boots to a funeral.”

Thinking about it, Ed realized that he had no idea what was appropriate. He said, “I leave myself in your hands.”

With nothing better to do that evening, the woman smile and replied, “Okay. We’ll do what we can in the time we have. What is your budget?”

Ed thought about it for a minute trying to figure out how much the clothes should cost. After totaling it up in his head, he said, “Let’s say no more than four hundred.”

Knowing now that he had money, she relaxed satisfied that he wouldn’t be asking for a handout. She said, “We won’t spend that much. It’s a waste of money to buy things that you’ll only use once.”

Relaxing, Ed said, “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“Now get back in there and put on those pants. Don’t put on your boots. I want to see how they fit.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” replied Ed. He said, “By the way, I’m Ed Biggers. I really appreciate you helping me.”

The woman replied, “I’m Marge Anderson. I’m pleased to meet you Ed.”

In the changing room, Ed undressed again and put on the pants. He stepped out and stood in front of Marge. Looking over the pants very carefully, she pursed her lips and said, “We could do better on the fit, but the color is what you need.”

Ed asked, “What’s wrong with the fit?”

“The pockets stick out a bit,” she relied. After making some humming noises, she held up sports coat. She said, “Try this on.”

He tried it on, amazed at how well it fit. Going over to the mirror, he looked at himself rather pleased with the effect. The pants’ pockets weren’t that noticeable and he’d only wear them once. He said, “I like it. What else do I need?”

She said, “Get dressed in your regular clothes. We’ll pick out a nice simple shirt, tie, belt, and shoes.”

Changing clothes in the dressing room, Ed paused to consider what he was doing. There had to be some way to thank this lady for all of her trouble. Fully dressed, he exited the changing room and followed her to the shirts. Holding up a light blue shirt, she asked, “Do you like the color?”

“It’s fine. Shouldn’t I be wearing a white shirt, though?”

Marge shook her head and said, “Not always. It would make you look like a waiter. I think you’ll look better in a blue shirt.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Ed accepted her assessment not having any experience to argue. She went over to the tie rack and started looking through the ties. Just looking at the ties filled Ed with dread as he thought about having to tie them. Hands flicking through the ties, she rejected thirty before finding one that she liked. She held it up to the blue shirt and the sport coat comparing the colors. It went back on the rack as her fingers worked through another dozen. She looked at that one, held it up to the shirt and the sports coat. Smiling, she held it up for him to examine. She asked, “What do you think of this one?”

Slightly embarrassed at his ignorance in dressing up, he remembered the clip on tie that he had as a kid. Ed asked, “Do they have it in a clip on?”

Laughing, Marge replied, “I’m sure that a handsome young man like yourself will have no trouble finding a young lady that would be willing to tie it for you.”

That was a possibility that he hadn’t considered. It was more than likely that Kelly would know how to tie it for him. He blushed and said, “Maybe my girlfriend can do that.”

The woman looked at him sharply, suspicions aroused. She asked, “Why isn’t she helping you shop?”

The pity on Ed’s face was hard to miss. He answered, “She’s watching over a friend of ours that is very upset about the funeral tomorrow. She was very close to John’s girlfriend and is basically inconsolable.”

For a second she stared at him as the hairs rose on her neck. She wondered, discounted the possibility, and then asked, “What is John’s last name?”

“John Carter.”

The color slowly drained from her face as she looked at Ed. This was news that she had not heard. She asked, “Betsy died?”

The look on her face and the fact that she knew Betsy’s name told Ed everything that he needed to know. This was not the way for a friend to find out. Leading her over to a chair, he let her sit down. Kneeling next to her, he said, “Yes, Ma’am. I’m afraid so.”

“Poor John. Betsy was so young and they really loved each other.”

Ed said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that you knew John, or I would have found a better way to let you know.”

Patting him on the arm, she replied, “Don’t be sorry. There was no way for you to know that. John saved my life one time and I got to know them both.”

Feeling awkward about the situation, Ed said, “He saved my life too.”

Summoning a weak smile, Marge said, “Enough of this depressing talk. Let’s pay for this stuff and get you over to the shoes.”

A very bored young man stood behind the register, glancing frequently at his watch wishing for closing time. Setting his purchases on the counter, the man went through them one at a time with perfunctory motions. Ed stood there nearly boiling over as he watched the time approach closing and he still had to buy shoes. Even Marge was getting irritated at the lackadaisical manner in which the clerk was ringing up the purchases. Finally, she said, “Young man, you may have a lifetime ahead of you, but I sure as hell don’t. Get the lead out.”

The unexpected nature of her comment caused Ed to break out in a great big grin. He winked at her and watched as the young man started moving a little faster. Ed whipped his wallet out and handed over the cash as soon as a total showed up on the register. Rather than wait for the guy to make change, Ed swept his purchases into a bag and said, “Keep the change.”

The two of them walked away joking about the kid behind the counter. The shoe department was not far and they managed to catch a salesman. Based on the recommendation to go with a basic black shoe, it didn’t take them long to find a pair that fit Ed. Marge went over and looked at the some of the gifts for men while Ed paid.

Leaning over, he quietly asked the man if it was possible to buy a gift for the woman without her knowing it. He suggested that Ed purchase a gift certificate from the store and at a nod from Ed added a fifty dollar gift certificate to the price of the shoes.

Marge led him back out of the store to where they had met. Handing her an envelope, Ed said, “Thank you so much Mrs. Anderson for all of the help. I really appreciate it.”

Marge said, “Any friend of John’s is a friend of mine.”

Nodding, Ed said, “That makes you a very rich woman.”

She smiled and said, “Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ed asked, “You will?”

“I’m going to the funeral.” After they had exchanged parting good wishes, Ed walked down the mall in search of the entrance he had used to get in the mall. Marge opened the envelope and saw the gift certificate. To no one in particular, she said, “Such a nice boy.”

Sleeping alone in his hotel room, Ed woke to the incessant ringing of the telephone. Despite the fact that it was right next to his bed, it took him several additional rings to locate it. He picked it up and mumbled, “Hello.”

The sexy voice on the other end said, “Time to get up, cowboy.”

Ed mumbled back, “If the body is half as sexy as the voice, I think my girlfriend is going to get angry with me because I couldn’t resist the temptation to do all kinds of nasty things to the owner of that body.”

Laughing, Kelly said, “Get up and get over here. I’ve got coffee and breakfast for you.”

After hanging up, Ed stumbled over to the bathroom and washed his face hoping that it would allow him to wake up faster. Out of habit, he dressed in his normal jeans and work shirt before heading to the room occupied by the women. Initially he had been upset that they couldn’t get a connecting room, but after the long trip here and the night of shopping he was happy to crawl into bed for a good nights sleep.

Kelly answered his knock on the door and let him into the room. Both women were wearing nothing except their black undergarments. Under better circumstances, Ed would have screamed for joy and chased them both around the room. As it was, his cock was the only thing that reacted to the sight. He looked at Beth and could see that her condition had not improved; she was still sitting there staring off into space.

Kelly looked at him and frowned. She asked, “Didn’t you get clothes last night?”

“Yes, I did. I thought I would get dressed after breakfast,” replied Ed. He added, “I may need some help, though.”

Exhausted from dealing with an emotional basket case, she didn’t want to hear either statement. She had hoped that Ed would take care of Beth once she had gotten her dressed. The last thing she wanted to hear was a demand for more of her time. She swore, “Damn, I need a little help here.”

The reaction was a lot different than Ed had expected. He replied, “Kelly, I’ll help all that I can. What can I do for you?”

Kelly answered, “You can take her off my hands for an hour while I get dressed.”

In as affable of a manner as he could muster, Ed said, “No problem. We’ll get her dressed and I’ll watch over her while I’m dressing. I have to put on pants and shirt. I don’t have to worry about makeup or anything. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No, you’re doing all you can,” replied Kelly. The poor guy was way out of his league in dealing with emotional women. She knew it and he knew it, but he was doing the best that he could. There were times when she wanted to wrap herself around him and never let go. This was one of those times.

She said, “I do appreciate everything you’re doing.”