Chapter 6

I was outside McCowall's garage at nine o'clock sharp. By unspoken agreement I'd spent the night in my 'own' bed. By the time I was up and about the girls had left for school. Mary gave me breakfast and hurried off on some urgent business. It was for the best, I suppose. The previous night was, indeed, one we would all remember for a long time to come and teary farewells and possible recriminations were best avoided. I ate hurriedly. Mary had not left a bill so I wrote a cheque for a generous amount with a brief note saying, 'for room and board, use of phone and refreshments.' I hoped she would cash it: that she would not be too proud: that she would not think I was trying to pay for the sex. If truth be told, even fifty times more than I'd left would not have been enough for that.

Jack, sensing my mood, was even more taciturn than usual. I paid him and added a fiver.

"What's that for?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Nothing, Jack. It's just for... thanks."

He took the note and nodded sympathetically. "Take care, laddie."

"You, too, Jack."

I drove off. A glint of sun blinded me temporarily - at least it had to be something like that to make my eyes water the way they did.

Colin had been stalwart in filling in for me. He briefed me on the story so far and took me to meet the other team. They were duly sympathetic about my plight and commiserated with me about being stuck in some god-forsaken village all this time. I said little, merely smiling and nodding acquiescence. Negotiations were quite far advanced and Colin was doing fine. Nobody thought it odd that I contributed little. In truth it all seemed a little unreal. It was an important contract and one that would secure our financial security for quite some time. Last week I would have been - I was - all fired up about it, driving everyone insane with my insistence that every detail be checked again and again. But, now, I found I couldn't care less. All the wheeling and dealing that I'd thrived on in the past now seemed like a meaningless game.

Colin noticed, though. "What's wrong, Paul? You've hardly said a word all day. You seem a bit out of sorts."

I pasted a smile on my face and clapped him on the shoulder. "Nothing's wrong, Colin. You're doing a fine job. I don't want to queer your pitch, that's all. Come on, I'll take you to dinner."

It took another day to wrap up the details then it was back to the office to celebrate and organise the next phase. Everyone was euphoric. We had done it! There were congratulations all round. Much of the praise was directed at me. I deflected most of it and made much of Colin stepping in to fill the breach in my absence. This was only partly true. Certainly he finished it off but it had been my efforts that had got us there in the first place. Somehow it didn't seem important.

Colin wouldn't leave it alone. "You've been acting very oddly since your breakdown."

I sighed. "I suppose its because I was forced to do absolutely nothing for three days. You know me, Colin, never happy unless I'm a hundred per cent occupied."

He grinned. "Aye, that's true enough."

"Enforced idleness is not my style. I just need to get back up to speed again."

I tried my best. I threw myself into my job with renewed zeal. I worked hard and late. But it didn't work. My heart wasn't in it any more. It was a faÁade and I knew, one day, I'd come unstuck. I found myself stopping for no apparent reason as visions of Mary and Heather and Isobel flashed through my mind. I told myself I was being silly. I had a great job and better prospects. I was well off and destined to earn more. The world was my oyster. I was on the way up. What future was there with the landlady of a pub in a run-down mining village who was the best part of a decade older than I with two teenage daughters? I was fine where I was - popular, successful, ambitious.

I'm on the road again. This time no misfortune will stop me; no breakdown, no accident, no malfunction. I'm heading back to a place where travellers never stop, a town people only pass through. But I am going to stop. And I hope never to leave again. I'm heading for my mining village and there I am going to persuade Mrs Mary Jamieson to become Mrs Mary MacInnes.