Chapter 6: Shock

I went through the rest of the day at school without really paying too much attention. Luckily most of the other students were the same way. It was three more days until Winter break. And almost all the students had checked out mentally by then. So I didn't stand out too much.

Lunch was pretty much the same with me staying away from my usual lunch area. I missed my friends, but I wasn't about to deal with that mess there. I was again dreading fifth period and this time I actually was close to ditching the class. I think I would have done it too if Ms. Calkins didn't make attendance mandatory. The one class that I needed to be perfect in was the one class that I didn't want to be in right now. Life's a bitch.

So I trudged into AP Art History and sat in my new seat. I knew that Cynthia had to have figured I was avoiding her. But I just kept my eyes staring straight at the board in front of us. That is until I felt someone nudge me. I turned and saw Kathy holding a folded up piece of paper towards me. I looked at it and then looked at her and pointed to myself, mouthing the word "me?" She replied with a nod of her head and so I took the paper from her. I saw on it written "Chris". I immediately knew who this was from. Cynthia. It was her handwriting. She was the only person I knew that puts little hearts as the dots to her "I's". It was just habit for her to do so.

I looked up from the note and turned to Cynthia. She had this pleading look on her face as if she was willing me to read her note. The look on her face really broke my heart. I didn't want to read the note because I didn't want to deal with this. But how could I resist her look? I flipped my eyes up to the ceiling to collect myself for a minute. I sighed and looked back at her. She was still staring at me with those pleading eyes. So I mouthed "Later" to her. When I did that, I saw her face fell and she was on the verge of tears. But she regained her composure just as quickly and mouthed back an "ok" for me.

So I stuffed the note in my pocket and focused my eyes back to the front of the class. But I couldn't concentrate. Sure, I wanted to know what was in the note. But what stuck in my mind the most was Cynthia's reactions. Why did she look so disappointed when I didn't want to read the note? What could be in the note that she would want me to read right then and there? Why did she care so much? I was confused. But all I could tell myself is three more days. Just three more days until break.

I was so caught up in telling myself three more days, that the bell really caught me by surprise. I got my stuff together as quickly as I could, trying to run out there before Cynthia came to me. But I was too late. She had already had her stuff ready. I guess she was ready for my quick escape and was going to chase me no matter what.

"Chris, I know you don't want to associate with me ever again..." Her eyes were clearly starting to form tears.

"No, wait... it's not that..." I interrupted her.

"Chris, please let me finish." I sighed and I nodded ok. "I cherish our friendship. I don't want to lose you as a friend. So please read the note. Please think about it." She paused here sniffling a little. I was about to say something, but she looked like she wasn't done yet, so I wisely kept my mouth shut. After a few seconds, she continued, "I don't have a lot of friends. Yeah, I have a lot of people who act like my friends. But I really don't have a lot of true friends. And I have always considered you a true friend. You've never once looked at me like a piece of meat."

I gulped at that one. Thank God it wasn't too noticeable a reaction. If she only knew those countless nights that I dreamt about her. Especially that dream of us having oral sex. But I quickly pushed away those thoughts as I continued to listen to her.

"And you've treated me with respect. I love the talks we have. I hardly talk to anyone like I talk to you. Not even my girlfriends. You're the only person I hang around with that I can share my innermost thoughts with. You've seen my soul. Not many people have. Not even Rick..."

Why was she telling me this? Dammit! I wanted this to just all disappear. I didn't want to deal with all of this. And she was saying things that I've wanted to hear from her ever since I've known her. But I didn't know how to deal with this all right now. After all she was with Rick now. So what did it matter?

But I made a decision to try to make this better for her. I owed her that at least. "Listen, Cynth, I am not trying to end our friendship. I just need to be alone for a while. Without you, without Rick, without anything. It's not you. It's just that I'm... well I'm sorta dealing with a lot of shit right now. And I just gotta sort it all out by myself. Can you understand that?"

"I can understand that. But that's not the real reason you're avoiding me. Look, just please read the letter. Then you can make a decision if you want to avoid me. That's all I'm asking for. Just read the letter. Please..."

That last please was filled with an air of desperation. Finally resigned, I said, "Ok Cynth. I'll read it tonight when I get home."

"Thanks Chris." And with that she gave me a kiss on the cheek and left the class.

I sat there stunned. I've just been kissed by Cynthia. Sure, it was just a kiss on the cheek. But it was a kiss nonetheless. I stopped breathing for a minute. My head was in a daze. I couldn't focus my eyes. So I just sat there for a little bit.

I snapped to when people were coming in for the next class. I mentally slapped myself as I quickly got my stuff and left, hoping that I wouldn't be late for my last class. Luckily I got there just as the bell rung.

After school I walked to my car. Usually I only drive myself home because all my friends had other things to do. Rick (who at this point, I was glad didn't get a ride home with me) usually had basketball practice or some meeting with either student council, his service club, or his YMCA sponsored social club. Gil and Ernie were at practice for track. Gil was a long distance runner and Ernie did the 100 meters. Dyl worked at a deli a few blocks from school. The only person who sometimes I took home with me was Danny. That was seldom though because he was always off doing who knows what getting into trouble.